


You're Late

by cosima_phine



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-03-26 08:51:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 106,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3844753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosima_phine/pseuds/cosima_phine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cosima has been given the new responsibility of bringing her niece to school every morning. Failing on her first day, she interrupts a school meeting being hosted by Ms. Delphine Cormier, the kindergarten teacher. Fears of commitment and self- identity are put to the test as Cosima fights to the end to win Delphine over, proving that she is so much more than a tardy, cheeky American.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They were late.

Though not a surprise to much anybody, Cosima was almost never on time to anything. 

With the clatter of her heels echoing through the long corridors, Cosima mentally kicked herself as the intrusive ticking of every clock sounded in her hears, reminding her of her tardiness. She wondered how on earth Kira ever navigated through here, but then realized she was indeed in kindergarten and was more than likely escorted everywhere by an adult.

“Auntie Cosima, wait!” the little tike yelped, her small legs tripping over themselves in a feeble attempt to keep pace with her aunt. At a mere five years old, the tendrils of curls atop of Kira’s head were just passing Cosima’s waist, snuggly covered with a knit beanie to keep her warm from the bitter winter. 

Shooting her an apologetic glance, the petite dreadlocked woman scooped the child up into her arms, settling her onto her hip and picking up speed with every step. “Sorry, monkey.” She cooed with a heavy breath, pressing a chaste kiss to the apple of her niece’s cheeks.

The heels of her ankle boots clicked through tiled halls, continuing their obnoxious echoes off the walls and clearly announcing her tardy presence to everybody in neighboring classrooms. Her promise to Cal and Sarah to make it to Kira’s Musical parent meeting was faltering, the sudden notion that Alison should have been put on this job instead making her grumble. They were close to being on time, for what its worth, even leaving Cosima’s apartment early. But an impulsive detour to the ice cream shop for Eskimo pies put a damper on their tight schedule.

She had reasoned with herself that the Kindergarten Christmas Show was still about a month away, and that her niece was the brightest of the whole class and already knew the songs just fine. Although sound of reason wasn’t quite on her side today. She knew she’d hear it from Sarah once she got Kira home later, knowing the mother would be nothing less than pleased with Kira having ice cream on a day that it was snowing.

“Holy watershed, monkey. Where is this place?” she huffed, completely lost. Cosima reasoned that the façade of the brick building illusioned it to be small and quaint, much to her distaste of it actually being a damn cornfield maze of a building. 

Kira giggled, pointing straight ahead to the large double doors nestled at the far end of the hallway. “Right there, auntie Cosima.” She said, smiling cheek to cheek. 

Cosima rolled her eyes at herself, embarrassment flushing her already frostibitten cheeks. Sharing a quick giggle with her niece, the brunette woman meandered forward towards the doors, silently praying that she wouldn’t fall with her growing speed. Kira was a mess of smiles and flushed cheeks in her arms by the time they got to the grand double oaks, hand clapped over her chest as she gathered her breathing.

On her toes, Cosima peered into the small glass window of the door, seeing a crowd of parents and students already clustered into the stadium seats, looking ahead towards the stage. Cosima gulped, her heart fluttering with nerves embarrassment. Kira and Cosima both looked at each other, nodding with determined eyes. 

Cosima adored her niece; Kira was practically the daughter she never had. She never envied Sarah, for her fertility, not once, but when she first held Kira in her arms when she was born, Cosima couldn’t help but feel a pang of emptiness in her heart that she knew would never be filled. Kira equally loved her as well, and that was enough Cosima. She was proud to be the crazy aunt of the bunch, it meant never having to pull a façade in front of her niece. There was no contest that Kira was closest to Cosima out of all her aunts, and she prided herself on that note. 

“Sorry, monkey. Ya ready?” she whispered. 

Kira nodded, scrunching her face up into determination as Cosima pulled the heavy oak door open as quietly as possible. To her utter dismay, the door made an obnoxiously loud creek, Cosima rolled her eyes in sheer mortification as about forty sets of eyes all turned to her and Kira. She felt the heat rising in her cheeks as she turned a bright red. 

“Uh, hi.” She mumbled nervously, her voice echoing in the now-silent auditorium. Her fingers fluttered in a meek wave, her lips pulling to one side in a lopsided grin. As her eyes cast across the sea of unamused parents. “Kinda always late, kinda always sorry.” 

Kira caught eye of her teacher down at the very front of the room, standing quietly waiting for them to take their seats. Her stance was poised, rigid but still elegant. The brunette looked down as well, her eyes settling on the gentle-faced, but still irritated blonde woman. Her arms folded politely across her chest, her frame square and unrelenting, but still the smallest hint of welcome.

“Ms. C!” She gasped, smiling wide and waving to her dear teacher, who all but shook her head and smirked, smiling back.

“Thank you for joining us.” The blonde teacher spoke, her voice carrying easily. 

Cosima heard that strong French accent flowing through, her breath catching in her throat as she suddenly locked eyes with the teacher.  
‘Whoah.’ She thought, a small smile playing on her lips. ‘French’ 

“If you’d have a seat, we can continue.” She added. 

Cosima dropped Kira down, her face a beat red as she pulled the small child into the back row. She looked at her niece, who had both her pudgy hands clasped over her mouth, suppressing a giggle.

“You got in trouble, auntie Cosima.” She whispered, smiling wide. Cosima scrunched up her face, feigning shock as she brought a finger to her lips to silence Kira. 

“We gotta pay attention, Monkey.” She whispered. 

They both diverted their attention back to Kira’s teacher, who was busying away giving parents an update of their student’s progression with practices so far. Cosima though, didn’t hear a single word for the remainder of the hour that they were sitting there. She had all eyes on the blonde teacher, completely lost in the sight in front of her. She barely noticed the way she tilted her head to the side every time the teacher did, even mimicking the moments she’d lick her lips mid sentence. Cosima’s heart quickened when she put her hand on her hip, accentuating the natural curve of her body and making her mouth go dry. 

She was lost, her attention completely fixated on the woman like a magnet. She couldn’t help herself, wanting nothing more than to just run her fingers through every ringlet of golden curls, craving to feel the ivory skin under her fingers. It wasn’t until she felt Kira poking at her ribcage did her mind rattle back to reality. 

“Aunti Cosima! Can we leave now?” the tiny girl pleaded, swinging her feet in anticipation. 

With a glance around the large space, Cosima noticed families gathering their belongings and filing out of their seats and into the aisle.

‘Shit.’ Cosima grumbled to herself. ‘Really hope Sarah doesn’t plan on asking me if there was anything important.”

“Sure, kiddo.” She smiled. “Let’s go.” 

The two filed out of the row, Cosima squatting to Kira’s level and helping her with her coat. Even though it was nearly December, the day was particularly cold, so Cosima bundled her niece up to the nine’s in winter wear- much to her dismay as she waddled around in the mass layers of fabric.

“All ready?” she asked, Kira nodding. 

Cosima hoisted herself up from her squatting position with full force, underestimated the strength of her legs as she moved far too quickly and dizzied herself. The dreadlocked woman staggered backwards, preparing for a rough fall but instead feeling a warm hand catch her elbow, steadying her wobbly knees. She leaned into the embrace, gathering her feet under her while feeling a quick gasp and soft hair brush against the neck.

“Faites attention.” A low, gentle voice tickled her ear. Cosima’s eyes went wide, spinning around to be face to face with Kira’s teacher. ‘Definitely French.’ She thought as she gulped.

“Whoah. You’re taller than I thought you’d be.” Cosima sputtered, thinking out loud, sizing up the woman in front of her. Her eyes went wide then, dropping her head to stare at the floor. ‘Idiot’ she cursed to herself. ‘THAT’S the first thing you’re going to stay…stupid stupid stupid.’ 

The blonde woman shot her an unimpressed glance, folding her arms across her chest and fighting the smirk toying at the corner of her lips. 

“I-em… you’re late.” She responded as collectively as possible. Cosima could see through it though, clearly spotting the smile she was desperately trying to bite back. 

With a wide grin and an unannounced bravery, she extended her hand towards the French woman. 

“Cosima.” 

She watched the teacher stare at her hand for a moment, contemplating whether or not she should accept the gesture. Hesitating, not once- but twice, (much to Cosima’s consternation), she wrapped her hand around Cosima’s, shaking it gingerly. The simple touch send a wave of shocks right down to Cosima’s toes, amazed at how soft she felt. 

“Delphine.” She said sweetly, her tone catching a different string as she finally offered a warm smile to Cosima, her entire body language changing at the subtle touch. 

The brunette’s hands were warm, contrasting against the cool metal rings snugged over them. A familiar, yet frighteningly foreign warmth wrapped Delphine’s own fingers, trailing up her arms and across her body- just by the simple embrace. The blonde woman barely noticed Cosima’s eyes fluttering closed, her grip tightening the slightest bit as her own eyes did the same, relishing in the sensations. 

“Or just Ms. Cormier to me!” a small voice piped in. 

Both women pulled their hands away with a jump, staring down to the tiny girl who was poking her way between their legs. Cosima couldn’t help but gasp when their hands lost contact, the addictive comfort suddenly gone. Delphine laughed, trying to mask her similar feelings and instead crouching down to hug her student who was waiting with open arms. “Bonsoir, Ms. C!” she exclaimed, tossing her arms around her teacher’s neck.

“Bonsoir, Kira. I’m so happy you were able to make it.” She responded, her eyes pointed more towards Cosima than her student, who was blushing. 

“Ms. C, this is my auntie Cosima! Mommy said she’s going to drop me off and pick me up from school now!” 

“Is that so?” Delphine asked, standing up as Kira retreated back to her aunt’s legs. “I thought you looked familiar.”

“Yeah, ha. We’re identicals.” Cosima laughed, bringing her hand to back of her own neck, rubbing it nervously. 

“Ah-ha, that explains it then.” Delphine smiled, poking the brunette lightly in the hip. Cosima sucked in a breath, trying her best to remain composed as Delphine’s fingers lingered a fraction a moment longer than they should have. “I was trying to figure it out since you walked through the door.”

“Can’t stop thinking about me, huh?” Cosima teased, her voice hoarse. Delphine scoffing at the comment, her jaw dropping and throwing her hands to her hips. 

“You, Cosima. You…” 

Cosima couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at the woman’s loss of words. 

“What? Do I take your breath away, too?” she pressed on, trying her luck. Kira was giggling beneath them, used to her aunt’s flirtatious antics- but was more interested in seeing her teacher turn a beet red. 

“You are cheeky.” Delphine settled with, eyes narrow and a thin smile pointed in Cosima’s direction. 

The smaller woman all but shrugged, maintaining her cool, calm, and collected façade despite her whole insides morphing into butterflies. 

Something about this woman had completely knocked her off her feet. It wasn’t any of the obvious; the accent, the hair, the body. Cosima couldn’t figure out what it was, but something was drawing her this Delphine Cormier. Maybe it was the chase, because this woman was clearly unimpressed by her. And what a great impression she had made so far what with being late and interrupting her meeting, bumping into her, making her uncomfortable with her impulsive comments. She’d kick herself for it later, but now- she didn’t really care. 

“Auntie Cosima, are you ready?” Kira peered in again, tugging at Cosima’s pant leg. She looked down, breaking her long gaze with Delphine and rubbing Kira’s back. 

“Yeah, monkey. Of course.” Cosima said, smiling and taking Kira’s small hand. “Again, really sorry about the whole late thing.” She added, feeling Kira pull her towards the door. 

Delphine smiled, shaking her head slowly. “Don’t let it happen again, please. It is vital that Kira attends class on time. Meetings included.”

Cosima nodded, her free hand flying through the air in an assortment of patterns. Kira was tugging her towards the door now, but always like a gravitational pull, Cosima wasn’t ready to leave the blonde just yet. She was desperate to hear more of that accent, to see her face and feel her hands again. It was just something. 

“Yeah, ha. Obvs. Let me make it up to you?” She offered, trying to mask the desperation in her voice. Much better than the ‘I need to see you again before I explode’ that she almost went with.

“Make it up to me?” 

“Y-yeah!” she huffed, fighting against Kira’s oddly strong pull on her hand. “Just to show you that I’m not a tardy, cheeky American.” She joked, laughing awkwardly. 

Delphine shook her head, laughing. Her hands moved from her hips and back to being folded across her chest, her walls rising around her once more. Everything was screaming at Delphine to say yes, to agree to see with woman once more and let her correct her name, her hands still buzzing from their brief encounter. Delphine’s heart was thumping with a speed questionable by normalcy, Cosima’s wide and desperate eyes not helping. But fear overrides temptation for the French woman, who shoo her head and looked away. “Non. I do not think so Cosima.” 

“Aww come on-“

“Auntie Cosima, come on!” Kira cried, struggling as hard as she could to get her aunt through the door. Delphine laughed aloud at the sight in front of her. 

“Okay, monkey. I’m coming, I’m coming. Just two seconds, Kira.” She debated, a loud groan coming from the child. She smiled, reverting her attention back to the less than impressed teacher staring back at her. Cosima cleared her throat, desperate to make a good impression. “So, you’ll let me make it up to you?” 

“Non.” She said flatly, nearly flooring Cosima right then and there. Delphine stifled a laugh at the sudden change in facial expression from the woman. “Cosima! You did not even ask, you did not even say pl-“

“Please?!” she jumped, cutting the woman off. Delphine gawked at the American woman. Cosima chomped down on her own bottom lip, mocking the identical fashion the Frenchwoman was sporting before her. The desperation in her own voice already haunting her conscience. 

“See you Monday morning, Kira. Have a good evening.” She settled on, grinning wide at her student and ignoring the comical please of the girl’s aunt. 

Cosima pursed her lips, simpering. “Okay, I see what you’re doing.” She said with a tinge of laughter. “See you Monday… Ms. Cormier.” Cosima called as she was hauled through the door by the pint-sized five year old, cutting Delphine off before she had the moment to register Cosima’s insinuation. 

“Don’t be late!” she managed to call after the pair. Delphine huffed, bringing the back of her hands to her cheeks, feeling the warmth of her blushing. 

The moment Cosima was through the door, she glared at her niece, who was all giggles in response. 

“Why so eager, monkey? I was having a conversation!” she whined jokingly, twirling Kira by the hand down the hallway, making the girl erupt in a deep belly laugh that resembled her father’s to a tee. 

“Do you like Ms. C?” Kira asked, catching Cosima off-guard by her youthful curiosity and blatant questioning. 

“Uh. Do you like her?” she asked. 

Kira nodded, throwing her hands in the air as best she good with her large winter coat restricting her range of motion. “Of course! Ms. C is nice, and funny, and smart. And gives the best hugs!” she raved excitedly. 

Cosima smirked, her mind wandering again and she swears she could still feel her elbow tingling from Delphine’s gentle grasp. She couldn’t help but feel a minute pang of jealousy towards the five year old for being able to have Delphine’s hugs at her beckon. 

“The best hugs, huh?”

“Mhmm! She can be strict sometimes, too. But she tells us all the time that she loves us, and I love her, too. Mom and dad really like her.” Kira added, practically skipping at this point as she led Cosima out of the school building and into the cold, outside air. 

Cosima shivered, but couldn’t promise that it was entirely due to the temperature. She peered down at the small child beside her, a goofy smile creeping on her lips as she watched Kira tilt her head back and try to catch snowflakes on her tongue. 

“Do uh, do you think she’d like me?” Cosima asked tentatively. She rolled her eyes at herself, unable to believe she was holding onto the ledge of a five year-old’s answer. 

Kira shrugged, and Cosima exhaled loudly. She couldn’t seem to get the woman’s face out of her mind, smiling at the face she gave her that clearly read “annoyed”. 

“Maybe!” Kira determined. “I like you, auntie Cosima.” She added, surprising her aunt as she wrapped her arms around her waist the best she could. Cosima’s shoulders sunk, her heart fluttering at the spontaneous act of affection. 

“Ohh, monkey. You know I love ya, no need to flatter me” She cooed, bending over to hug her quickly. “You’re the only girl I’ll ever need in my life.” Cosima sighed, pouting to nobody in particular. 

“Love you too, auntie Cosima.”


	2. Chapter 2

There are two things Cosima hates: being cold… and running. 

By her luck, both of these things seem to be a prominent aspect in her life lately.

She swears it wasn’t her fault, and was grateful that her apartment wasn’t far from Kira’s school. Cosima had stayed awake for the half the night, tossing and turning with scandalous dreams about the kindergarten teacher, ones far too inappropriate to dwell on. By the time she felt sleep weighing down her eyes, it was nearing 5:30 in the morning. 

She managed to sleep through her alarm for about ten minutes, only being woken by her clearly annoyed neighbors banging on her wall. Exhausted, her entire morning routine was delayed, making her late to drop Kira off yet again. 

By the time they had gotten to school that morning, Delphine’s entire class was already lined up in front of their teacher. Kira and Cosima turned the corner sheepishly, a thwarted stare directed at both of them from the French woman. Cosima hugged her niece, mouthing an “I’m so sorry” to Delphine as she nudged Kira to line up. Delphine only stared, her face full of disappointment that made Cosima’s heart drop to the pit of her stomach. There was no teasing smile or soft laugh, and Cosima realized that Kira was right when she said her teacher could be strict. 

Delphine huffed, ushering her students into the classroom before closing her door abruptly, making Cosima flinch at the sharp sound. She couldn’t remember the last time somebody made her feel this way, and she hated the feeling of letting somebody down. She left the building silently, making her way to the bus to go to campus and start her school day. 

She made it a point to aspire being not only on time, but extra early to pick up her niece at the end of the day.

Unfortunately, the bus and weather were not sharing her aspiration. 

Cosima bounced in place at the bus stop, checking her watch every few seconds and eagerly waiting for her already late bus to get there. By the time it arrived, plowing through the snow as best it could, it was already ten minutes late. She boarded, finding a seat in the very front and claiming it instantly. Her heart was pounding, and she was sure that she was sweating clear through her coat in nerves. 

“Come on…” she groaned under her breath. “This is not happening right now.”

At this point, Cosima wasn’t actually sure what scared her more, another disappointing glare from Delphine…or the wrath of her sister when she finds out about Kira’s tardy pick-ups.

The bus ride to school was quiet for the most part, Cosima popping in her ear-buds and letting her head recline against the cool glass window behind her seat. This had been her routine for years, the silent 20 minute ride from campus, sitting across from the same middle-aged man who read the paper with a coffee in his hand, and the kindhearted bus driver who probably knew her name by now- her only change of pace was picking up Kira instead of walking home. 

What she didn’t expect to happen was the new individual clamber onto the bus only three stops from her school stop. 

The girl looked at her, eyes dark and lips licked into a indignant frown. Cosima offered an apologetic smile, but it did no justice as the woman decided to sit herself right next to the brunette.

“Hey. Remember me?” The iciness in her voice chilled Cosima down to the bone. Her eyes drifted to the healing mouth-shaped blemishes across the girl’s neck, peaking out from under her scarf and forcing memories from that night to come flooding back.

“Hey…uhm…Nat-“ Cosima rubbed at the back of her neck, wracking her mind for the right name. 

“Nope.” She hissed. “Try again.” Cosima blankly stared at her, her mouth moving silently as she tried to work through a list of names. “Ugh. It’s Jeniffer.”

“Oh. That’s right.” Cosima nodded, lying through her teeth. 

The night she was reminiscing on was now a blur of smoke machines and laser lights, too drunk and high to recall any worthy details. To be honest, Cosima could care less about what her name was. She never remembered names, she never kept her promise to call back, and she never made it a point to show an inkling of interest ever again- much to many women’s irritation. 

“Look,” Cosima sighed. “I didn’t remember your name, okay? My fault.” She mumbled quietly, desperate not to cause a scene.

“Y-your fault?” the woman scoffed, rolling her eyes. “What they is true then, I guess.” She muttered, turning her head away from Cosima.

Cosima sucked her teeth at the childish game this woman was playing. ‘And this is why I don’t do relationships’ she thought to herself. “And what’s that?”

Pursing her lips, Jeniffer turned back to cheeky brunette, tongue tucked neatly in the cheek of her mouth. “That you’re the asshole.” She stated simply.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re. The. Asshole.” She reiterated. “You charm girls at all the parties, make it seem like you’re really interested, get them with you for the night, and then drop them like they never even existed. You’re the asshole, Cosima Niehaus.”

She couldn’t deny it, not if she even wanted to. She’s heard the same lines time and time again, and was beginning to care even less. Commitments weren’t her thing, and she was in school to get her degree and have a good time. 

“Maybe, maybe you should have listened to your friends, then.” She said quietly, the coldhearted tinge not going over the Jeniffer’s head. 

She stared at Cosima for a moment or two, trying to read her blank face since Cosima refused to make eye contact. “Here I was thinking I was different. I’m so stupid.” She said quietly. 

A chill slide down her spine as she felt cold fingertips brush across the exposed skin of her own neck, tracing her own yellowing hickies. Cosima turned to face the hurt woman next to her, finally seeing the distain for her in those blue eyes. 

“Please stop.” She gently craned her neck away, breaking their eye contact. 

“That’s not what you were saying last time I was touching you.” Her voice was thick as she husked the choice words low enough for only Cosima’s ears to hear. She gulped, the devil on her shoulder encouraging her to pull Jeniffer off the bus and coax her back into bed. The memories from that night are starting to filter back with more clarity But the angel, the beautiful blonde, French angel perched on her other shoulder whispered nothing but self-control into her ear instead. 

With whatever strength she was able to muster up, Cosima jerked her head in her direction, eyes behind her glasses filled with a faux carelessness. “Desperation isn’t a good color on you, dude. Nobody likes clingy.” She whispered, lips pursed in a thin smirk. Jeniffer sighed, pulling her fingers away and into her own lap. 

 

She grimaced at the words, standing up as the bus slowed to a stop. “You know, you should think about dropping the act and getting over yourself before you really break somebody’s heart.” She said before making her exit. Cosima just shook her head, watching her silhouette out the window become shadows in the downing snow. 

The swell of her throat was undeniable, meekly trying to swallow it down, her chest heaving at the echo of those final words. She shocked herself, erupting in goose-bumps, as the first person who came to cloud her thoughts was a particular teacher. Cosima shook her head quickly, shaking the charming woman’s face out of her mind. The moment she reached her stop, she was bolting through the snow and into the school.

Cosima was jogging at this point towards Kira’s classroom, praying that the weather somehow delayed other parents from picking up their students on time. Snow was sticking to the fabric of practically everything she was wearing, from her hat to her boots, and her glasses were fogged with condensation. To say she looked like a mess was being polite in the least, perhaps more of snowman.

Her cheeks were flushed red with exasperation, Cosima could feel them burning from the rapid temperature change inside the building from being outside. Walking as fast as she could now, she slowed herself in front of the classroom door, her heart racing with anxiety from the impending reaction of the teacher inside. 

Gulping, Cosima took her pale, bottom lip between her teeth, pushing herself up onto her toes to peer through the small door window. What she saw inside make her light up like the mid-day sun, smiling wide. 

Kira was like her mother in a number of ways, including manipulative. There was no room for argument at the fact that Kira could get people thrice her age to do, give, and say what she wanted. Cosima blamed it on genetics, but everybody else blamed her youthful charm.

Her heart skipped a beat at the sight in front of her. Kira was standing in the middle of the activity rug, clad in a dress-up lab coat and goggles whilst Delphine was cross-legged on the floor not too far from her, helping her build a makeshift lab desk with foam Leggos from a nearby bin. The five year old had her hair tied back in a braid that Cosima was sure wasn’t there this morning, partly because she doesn’t know how to braid hair. Delphine was admiring her impromptu building work as Kira clapped for her, erupting into her infectious giggles that made her teacher follow suit. The smile plastered across Kira’s face melted Cosima into a puddle; she was so grateful that her niece was able to have such a dedicated and loving teacher. She wanted to stay in the hallway and continue to watch the scene unfolding in front of her, but time was ticking, and letting it pass by was only making the situation worse.

The way Delphine looked up at her student made butterflies erupt by the hundreds in Cosima’s stomach. There was such a sense of pride and love in the teacher’s eyes as Kira began some sort of pseudo experiment. Still, Cosima started to frown. She knew she was late, and was just being later the longer she stood in the hallway. As genuinely happy as Delphine looked, Cosima knew she probably had other things to tend to- what with being a teacher and all. Glancing down at her watch, already…33 minutes late, Cosima grasped the doorknob, pushing it open.

“Hey.” She cowered giving the door a few knocks as she entered. Delphine looked up, her smile fading and turning into a thin line, grimacing at the brunette as she walked in. Cosima glanced around the classroom, never actually seeing it before. It was warm, welcoming even- the obvious theme being France, which made Cosima smile. 

“Do I even need to say it?” Delphine asked sharply, standing up to go and gather Kira’s bookbag and coat. Cosima withheld from wincing at her “teacher-voice”. 

“I’m seriously sorry. The bus, and the snow, and-“

“I do not want Kira thinking that being late is something acceptable, Cosima.” Delphine cuts off, handing Kira’s things over to her aunt. 

“She’s only five..” Cosima sulked, shrugging like a small child. She wasn’t sure what was coming over her or why she valued the opinion of this woman so much- but she just did. Cosima took the child’s belongings, and nodded quietly. 

“Auntie Cosima, look! I’m a scientist!” she exclaimed, running over and lunging herself into Cosima’s arm. “Whoah, you looked like a snowman!” she laughed, rubbing off the snow from Cosima’s red coat. Cosima hugged her back tight, kissing her forehead. “Look, Ms. C braided my hair for me. Do you like it?” 

“Hey monkey. You look great.” She replied, an obvious sadness in her voice that struck a wave on guilt into Delphine. “Definitely lab ready.”

“Ms. C, auntie Cosima is a real scientist!” she boasted, making her teacher plaster a smile. “She has a real lab and stuff that she brings me to when she does important stuff.”

“A real scientist?” Delphine asks, her eyes flicking between the two girls as she crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back onto a student’s desk. 

Cosima blushed, a lopsided smile on her face. “Uh, yeah you could say that.” she wasn’t sure where the bashfulness was coming from. 99% of the time she prided herself on her education, but Cosima knew that Delphine wouldn’t be so impressed. “I’m a year into my PhD in evolutionary development.”

“So we have a biologist on our hands?” Delphine asked lowly, staring the woman down, a subtle glint in her eye Cosima nodded sheepishly, pulling off her gloves to help Kira change into her winter coat. 

“Y-you know about evo-devo?”

She couldn’t help but notice the smallest pull in the corner of Delphine’s mouth, the ghost of smile that she fought off before it could even make its appearance. With a raised eyebrow, she tightened the fold of arms across her chest, shaking her head. “My range of knowledge goes beyond kindergarten academics, actually.” She smirked.

Cosima’s head popped up, eyes wide in blatant fear that she insulted her. “N-no! I didn’t mean like that, I just- you know, not many people are into evo-devo, it was a surprise that you, like, uhm… wow okay hold-“

“I’m going to be a scientist one day, too!” the tiny girl butted in gleefully, knocking both women out of their stare-down. Cosima blew out of a heavy breath that she didn’t realize she was holding, dropping her gaze back towards Kira with a toothy smile.

“Well, Kira,” Delphine resumed, looking down and smiling warmly at her tiny student. “Even important scientists have to come to school on time.” She noted passively, Cosima rolling her eyes at the comment. 

“Listen,” Cosima voiced bravely, swallowing her hard. Delphine’s eyes were wide, cocking an eyebrow in her direction. As much as she wanted to get on this teacher’s good side, she wouldn’t allow herself to be trampled over persistently. “I’m sorry, okay. Really. Please don’t penalize my niece for my actions, though. She’s just a kid.”

“Cosima, I can assure you that I would never do such a thing, the fact that you would make such an assumption is a little…pretentious.” She bit back sourly. 

Delphine could see this conversation was going nowhere, and her heart broke at the look of guilt washing over Cosima’s frost-bitten face. She went to apologize, but stopped herself- too proud to do such a thing. 

“Kira, why don’t you go play for a few more moments? I just want to talk to your aunt.” 

The small child looked at Cosima who was turning paler by the moment. Her glance turned towards Delphine, who’s eyes still haven’t left their lock with Cosima’s, and she simply shrugged- pushing off her jacket to a heap on the floor and bouncing off to the activity rug once more. Cosima, breathing heavy, watched Kira go- suddenly nervous to be alone with the teacher, bracing herself for a scolding. 

“Her hair’s braided.” Cosima noted aloud, licking her drying lips. 

“It is. Necessary precautions must be taken when working on super science stuff, including one’s hair being tied back. I assume you’d agree, non?” 

“Yeah, totally.” Cosima mumbled, pursing her lips. “Is it a French braid?” she laughed, trying to break the tension. Delphine snorted, nodding her head and rolling her eyes, leaning further against the small desk behind her. 

“You think you’re so clever.”

“I believe you called me cheeky last time we spoke.” She reminded, earning herself another stifled laugh from the blonde. Cosima let out a breath of relief, finally being able to get under the woman’s shell somewhat. 

“You are right. My mistake.” Delphine admitted. “This still doesn’t excuse you from being late. Kira seems to be close to you. It really bothers her when she sees her classmates get picked up, but nobody there for her. It takes a toll on her, Cosima.”

If her heart wasn’t already halfway down her stomach, it surely was now. Cosima didn’t think of it that way, maybe because Kira never mentioned it to her or Sarah. But why would she? The girl never complained about a single thing. She reverted her eyes over to the small child, the lab coat back on and goggles placed securely over her eyes. She knew that Kira admired her, but never realized to what extent. She was five, how much could she know. 

“I’m really, really sorry. It’s not going to happen again.” She promises, sure of herself this time. Cosima wasn’t exactly sure how she was going to pull it off, but now she had to. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“It is not me, Cosima! It is Kira, she is my priority in this situation. I care about my students quite a bit if you cannot already tell.” Delphine corrected firmly. 

“No no, yeah. I totally get that. But obvs, I’ve annoyed you, too.” Cosima nodded her head, her hands flying everywhere. 

“Well spotted, scientist.” Delphine teased sarcastically, a glint of amusement in her eyes that encouraged Cosima further. 

She ran a hand through her curls, flipping them over to the opposite side seemingly effortlessly. Cosima did all she could not to gawk at how such a simple move nearly floored her. She hated to admit it herself, but she had an obvious attraction to the woman. 

“Soo….. let me make it up to you!” she tried again, eager as a puppy. Delphine licked her lips slowly, deep in thought as she stared right into Cosima’s eyes, desperate to read her motives. Her heart skipped a beat at the wide grin the brunette was flashing her, all teeth and cheeks. 

There was something about the quick-witted woman that had her building walls up as high as she could, desperate to keep the foreign emotions far from her- unsure what they were or how to handle them. 

She took a breath, throwing caution to the wind and shaking her head. Fine she told herself. But on my terms. Delphine was determined to remain in control of this whole scheme. 

“How would you suppose making it up to me?” she asked coyly, summoning all the strength she had to remain as cool, calm, and collected as possible. Cosima stood there for a moment, mouth agape and that realization of what was happening. 

Is she actually flirting with me? Flirting back at me?! Cosima thought, gulping. 

“Uhm, maybe like… totally platonic lunch? Or drinks?” she offered weakly, her hands still twisting at the air while she shifted weight on her feet. 

Delphine thought about it for a moment, toying with the idea. She wasn’t sure if it was even worth it and to be honest, she wasn’t even sure what she was doing! Any other parent or guardian, she would have simply handed their child off and wished them a good evening. Cosima, though, was different- too different. She just didn’t know how. 

Delphine began to open her mouth to speak, but quickly snapped it shut when her eyes caught a glimpse of purple-yellow skin protruding out from beneath Cosima’s collar. ‘Suçon..’ she thought to herself, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes narrowed in on the blemish, her heart racing for no identifiable reason. An unnecessary anger boiled low in Delphine’s chest, transitioning more to dull ache as she realized the possibility of herself being played by the American in front of her. She didn’t allow her eyes to dwell for too long, not wanting to give away her discovery. Instead she looked to the wide-eyed woman in front of her, forcing a devious smile and running a hand through her hair.

“Fine.” She stated simply, willing to play the game. 

“Really?!” Cosima jumped, spooking Delphine who hobbled back onto the desk she was leaning on.. “Oh God, oh God, I’m so sorry. I just ruined- oh god my bad, dude. Wow, okay.” She rambled quickly, the words running off her mouth before her brain could process them. 

Cosima was reaching out, grabbing Delphine’s arm and hand and pulling her back to her feet. Her fingers tingled with the sensation of Delphine’s smooth skin under them, moving down the length of her body and resting at her wobbly knee. These weren’t sensations that she was used to ever feeling, this was all untouched territory. “Did I just like, totally ruin any chance I had at showing you I’m not a terrible human being?”

Delphine, after regaining her composure, shook her head, actually laughing. “Non, Cosima. But I have one condition for you to abide by.”

“Yeah!” the smaller woman clapped. “Try me.”

“Have our Miss. Manning here dropped off and picked up every day for the rest of week on time. Not even a minute late.”

“And if I do…?”

“Then I will consider your… platonic offer.” She agreed, extending her hand. Cosima smiled wide again, making Delphine gulp as she tried to remain as composed and unfazed as possible. Cosima took her hand, shaking it determinedly.

“It’s a deal.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So after that episode on Saturday, I thought we could use some cophine in our lives. This isn't as revised as I'd like it to be, so I apologize for the mistakes. We'll be back to our regular Wednesday updates after this!

“You’re acting like a child.”

“You’re acting like mom!”

Alison stared Cosima down, who was throwing her an equally intense look right back. She wasn’t sure why she let her sister drag her out of bed and food shopping, but there was something about Alison’s “mom” face that completely unnerved her… even though they were identical. 

“Honestly, Cosima. Please act our age.” She groaned in hushed tones. 

“It’s not like you had to bring me with you, Ali.”

Alison whipped around, toe to toe with her sister, leaving the bespectacled woman shaking in her boots. “Must I remind you that it was me that you called last night, higher than a balloon, to pick you up from your little… little rendezvous downtown.” she said I hushed tones. “I didn’t think that having you help me food shop was that much of a favor.”

Cosima rolled her eyes, sidestepped around Alison and walking to the other end of the shopping cart. “So I like to party, big deal.” She hummed quietly, reminiscing on the night. There wasn’t much she could remember except the fact that she prowled on every tall blonde she could find, subconsciously looking for the one blonde she knew wouldn’t be there.

“It is a big deal!”

Cosima ignored her and Alison turned a beat red. The dreadlocked woman had decided that if she was going to be forced to sit through an evening of food shopping with Alison, she’d make the best of it… by being an absolute irritation to her sister’s life. 

Cosima had stepped up onto the ledge at the front of the shopping cart Alison was using, steadying herself by holding onto either side. Alison was nothing short of embarrassed at the sight, but she knew her sister was unrelenting and wouldn’t get down. So instead, she swallowed her pride and pushed her cart around to continue shopping, Cosima cart surfing in tow.

“You are worse than Oscar and Gemma right now, honestly Cosima.” 

“Look at it this way, the faster you’re done shopping, the faster- holy watershed! What the fuck, Alison?!” Cosima yelped, clinging for dear life to the shopping cart as Alison stopped it short, pulling the cart to an abrupt stop jolting Cosima slightly forward. She smiled coyly at her bespectacled sister.

“Whoops, sorry.” She shrugged, bringing Cosima to a boil.

Alison smiled, reaching for her shopping list in her bag as she hummed to herself. Cosima took the moment to swing a leg over, climbing into the cart and pressing her back against the front of so she was facing Alison by the time she turned around. 

“Cosima! Oh for the love of Pete.” Alison droned, pinching the bridge of her nose and suddenly regretting every choice she made this evening as she stared down at the adult-child sitting in her shopping card. “You’re going to get me kicked out.” She chucked the vegetables she just bagged at Cosima, which hit her stomach with a soft ‘oof’

“Whose Pete?” she joked cheekily, moving the vegetables to the side.

“Oh shut up.” Alison warned, making Cosima erupt in giggles. Alison sighed, grasping the cart as pushing it through the aisle, grabbing foods on her list as they went. 

“So, Cos… how’s things?” Alison asked as nonchalantly as she could, desperate to talk about anything that wouldn’t lead to an argument. Cosima eyed her, the high pitch of her voice setting off a series of alarms in her mind. 

“What kind of things, Ali?” she asked warningly. Alison strummed her fingers on the handle bar, not making eye contact with her sister as she tried to find the right words. 

“Oh uhm. Just you know, things. Life. School. Kira’s school…”

“Oh God….” Cosima drawled, throwing her head back in exaggerated agony. “What did Sarah tell you?” 

“Nothing! She didn’t tell me a thing.” Alison squeaked, making Cosima snap her head forward and glare at her. Alison stuttered at the face, trying her best to remain composed and not sell out their other sister. “It was more like… reiterating what Kira told her. So technically, be mad at Monkey!” 

‘Like anybody could be mad at Kira.’ Cosima thought to herself, scoffing. She bit her lip, trying to figure out what to say. “How much did you and Sarah cover?”

“Uhm, well. From Kira’s narration, and Sarah and I interpreting. You two have a date?” she noted quietly. Cosima rolled her eyes throwing her head back once more and covering her face with her hands, muffling a groan. “Or not a date! Whichever! You know, we are here to support- not interrogate.”

“Funny because this sounds a lot like a passive interrogation.” Cosima mumbled through her hands. She sighed, breathing heavily. “And it’s not a date.”

“Fine, fine! Not a date.” Alison said, throwing her hands up in defense. “But if I know you, Cosima, you’re going to work your butt off trying to get Kira to school on time this week.” 

“…I am.” Cosima admitted, creeping her hands down to smile at her sister, who was beaming back at her. Cosima adored Alison, but she always had the awkward-mother air to her. For as long as she could remember, Cosima was always closest to Sarah, but still had a special bond with Alison. She was always the one that Cosima went to for advice of any kind, whilst Sarah was the sister she could count on to always tell her what she needed to hear. 

“Tell me everything!” Alison rejoiced, practically skipping by this point. Cosima sighed, shaking her head at her sister. 

“Her names Delphine, and dude she’s French. Like some total French goddess or something. She has a killer body and hair and is just like… like…”

“Wow. This teacher left the infamous lady-killer Cosima speechless. Hold onto her, Cos.” Alison smirked, making her sister blush. 

“Yeah but Ali it’s not just that. I don’t want to be lady-killer, player, Cosima. I want to be ‘Cosima- the genuinely good, usually timely person who really really likes her.” Cosima whimpered, sulking in the cart. 

“Sweetie, maybe the first step in doing that is not going out to party and em… pursuing other women.” Alison looked at her sister’s somber face, a pang of sympathy hitting her right in the heart. 

Cosima shrugged, knocking the idea back and forth in her head. “Yeah, but she doesn’t know what I’m doing. So what’s the point of stopping if I’m just having fun?”

“Because your type of fun gets you and your heart into a lot of trouble.” Alison explained, thrumming her fingers on the handle bar as she wheeled them down the aisle. “I know after everything with…with her, that your trust and commitment-“

“Alison…Can we please not talk about her.” Cosima groaned, throwing her head back to rest against the back wall of the cart. “Fucking she-Satan…” she mumbled under her breath.

 

“Cosima, you like her, like her, don’t you? This teacher.” She nodded her head, looking up at Alison from above her glasses, the glassiness glazing over her eyes. Alison reached into her cart to rub at Cosima’s knee soothingly before pulling back and continuing down the aisle. “So this is different. This isn’t just a fun chase, this is like…you like her.”

“Pretty much.” Cosima sighed. “And I’m like, scared shit.”

“Oh Cos…” she soothed. “You have every right to be. That girl… all those years ago… she left some pretty heavy emotional scars on you. Nobody blames you for your commitment issues-“

“I get it, Ali.”

“No to mention you still kind of have those, uhm, love bites on your neck from that other girl. Jeniffer? But those are practically gone now-“

“I get it, Ali.”

“And what about that one that you’ve been…hooking up with since undergraduate studies. What was her name? The healing, spiritual gi-“

“Alison!” Cosima yelled, finally grabbing her sisters attention, frightening her and making her stagger backwards. “Please, stop reminding me about how shitty my life is leading.”

“I didn’t mean… I didn’t uhm, dickens…” She knew, just by looking at her sister, that this was somebody different. It wasn’t another girl she was bringing home from a bar or a party. It wasn’t some girl who she was rated on a 10 point scale or a PH scale (as Cosima liked to joke). The Cosima she knew didn’t make bets for dates, she never had to try that hard. Alison was used to girls throwing themselves at Cosima and her witty charm, and Cosima wasn’t a “date” person, instead partial to the one-night stand, no plans on calling you back, person.. The love-bug had definitely bit her. 

“Tell me more about her.” She said, offering Cosima to let her get everything off her chest.

“Okay, yeah.” Cosima smiled, grateful for the time she had with Alison while she shopped now. “So Kira really likes her, and for being a five year old, I really trust Kira’s intuition!”

“Oh heavens-“

“Anyway. Like I said, I trust Kira’s intuition. But you can tell that she really likes Kira’s, too. On Monday, when I was late, she was playing Scientist-something with Kira in the classroom, even making her a lab table with building blocks and braiding her hair, Ali. You can’t tell me that Kira isn’t her favorite, come on.” Cosima raved. “But it’s not just that. It’s the way she holds herself, like she’s playing hard to get. But sometimes, Ali, I… I don’t think she’s playing.” She sighs, breaking Alison’s heart the slightest bit. “And to make things worse, every time I’ve been in her presence, I’ve made a complete fool of myself. I doubt she likes me in the way that I think I like her. But I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even like me as a person…”

“Oh, Cos. Don’t think that!” Alison tried, offering one of her best smiles as she swiped her bangs. “She has to be interested, at least to some extend, she did offer a wager to see you. That has to mean something right? And Kira said you were practically skipping out the door!

‘Kira…..’ Cosima grumbled in her mind, shaking her head. She wasn’t lying, Cosima had been practically skipping like a school child down the hall that day, fighting the urge to do a happy-dance. “You could say that…” she muttered. “It’s just.. it’s weird. She grabbed my arm once, to stop me from totally falling into her, and I seriously thought my arm was going to fall off, there was like, hella shocks going on.” Cosima remembered, wide-eyed, hands slicing the air as she tried to explain to her unconvinced sister. 

“She touched your arm, Cosima. She didn’t set you aflame.” Alison brushed off, trying to keep her sister grounded a bit. 

“Maybe she did. Ali, she’s different. She’s somebody I want to sit and have a conversation about life with, not just bring to my bed. I really want to impress her. ” 

It was then that Alison took a long, good stare at her sister. There was a dullness to her eyes, the light extinguished by a French flame. “Well, you will!” she assured. “But…Cos. Are you sure she’s not straight? We don’t need another situation like that again.”

Cosima scoffed, nodding her head in agreement. How could anybody forget that morning only a few months ago? The whole house was woken up from a mortified scream by the woman Cosima had drunkenly brought home. Said woman was apparently very straight and very drunk the night before, of which a massive argument ensued, followed by the slamming of the front door and the woman never to be heard from again.

“Yeah… that was a bit of a shit show.” Cosima reminisced, pressing her fingers to her temples. “I don’t know… but at this point I don’t even care. I just want to get on her good side. Whatever it takes.”

“You have to what, make sure Kira is on time for the rest of the week right? How’s that going?”

“It’s kicking my ass, but so far so good.” Cosima noted, feeling a little bit of relief come over her after hearing her accomplishment out loud. 

“See! And it’s already Wednesday night. You’ll be fine, Cos. You can do this.” She said proudly. Alison leaned over the cart some, smiling so wide her eyes crinkled just the slightest. “I believe in you.”

Cosima smiled weakly, but warmly at her sister. “Thank, Ali.” She tried. It was still blatant to Alison that nothing was lifting her sprits, and she hated seeing her sister so beat down, especially when she couldn’t do anything to stop it. 

Alison looked around, trying to find something to distract her sister. She settled on her multi-page long shopping list. She flipped through it, ripping a page out and leaning to hand it to her sister.

“Here.” She said calmly. “Go shop. Distract yourself before you’re big ol’ science brain combusts.” 

Cosima scoffed, smiling as she snatched the paper from her sister’s hand and crawled out of the shopping cart in the most un-elegant way possible, making Alison want to hide in shame at the people gawking at them in the aisle. Cosima smiled, smoothing out her harem parents before quickly hugging her sister and bouncing off down the aisle. 

Her eyes scanned the list, trying to figure out what the hell half the things on it were. “Seriously, Alison.” She laughed, turning down an aisle that had a plethora of seasonings for Cosima to sift through. She sighed, grabbing a hand basket and starting her pursuit.

“Berbere seasoning… how the hell do you even pronounce that?” Cosima grumbled. 

She squinted behind her glasses, looking for the seasoning. It was only when she noticed it on the very top shelf did Cosima question throwing a fit. With a heavy sigh, she dropped her hand basket to the floor, flipping it upside down and creating a makeshift stepstool. With a hop and a prayer, she hoisted herself up onto the basket, lifting onto her toes and holding tight the top shelf for balance. 

“Shit shit shit.” She muttered, suddenly regretting every decision she just made in the past minute. With a quick ‘fuck it’ mumbled under her breath, Cosima strained, reaching and grasping for the small bottle of the seasoning, wrapping her hand around it and pulling it back down. 

“Yes!” she rejoiced, tossing her hands upward in air impulsively. Just her luck, the celebratory act knocked Cosima’s balance off, making her tumble off the basket backwards. She gasped, her heart stopping at the sudden sensation of no grounding beneath her feet. As Cosima braced herself for impact, she felt sturdy hands wrap around her waist instead, breaking her fall easing her back to the floor on her feet. 

“Phew. Thanks, Ali.” Cosima sighed, panting slightly as she turned on her heal, extending her hand out to give her the bottle. “I owe you-Delphine!” 

Hands folded across her chest in her signature pose, the blonde Frenchwoman was staring down at Cosima, an unimpressed expression on her face with a single eyebrow raised upward. Cosima gulped, becoming lightheaded at the hard expression being stared down at her. She wasn’t sure if her eyes were deceiving her, but Cosima was sure there was a ghost a smile pulling at the furthest corner of Delphine’s lips. 

“Bonsoir, Cosima.” Her speech was fluid, making the brunette unable to catch what kind of tone she had. Cosima could all but laugh awkwardly, fluttering fingers in a wave. Delphine’s eyes flicked down to Cosima’s still-extended hand, holding out the Berbere seasoning. She scoffed, taking it from her grasp and looking it over before replacing it- sending tingles going through Cosima’s whole body at the touch. “One day, I’d like to run into you without you practically falling on top of me. This is twice already.” She reminded.

“Well, I must have something going for me- you just said you’d like to run into me. I’m taking that as a sign you like seeing me and don’t totally hate me.” Cosima noted, offering her signature toothy grin, making Delphine smile. “A-ha, you smiled! It’s a sign.” She pressed, making the blonde woman laugh quietly. 

“You are twisting my words, Cosima.” She scolded, resting a hand on her hip. 

Cosima finally took the time to note what is was that the taller woman was wearing. Delphine had already seen Cosima sporting a variety of outfits; from loungewear to professional to casual whilst picking up and dropping of Kira- but she had only ever seen Delphine in her professional clothing at the school. So seeing her now, clad in baggy sweatpants, a pair of winter boots, and a short winter coat was a completely alien look, and Cosima found herself more attracted than ever. Her mouth went dry when she caught eyes with Delphine who was clearly aware of the shorter woman checking her out. 

“So….Cosima. Dare I ask what you are doing here?” she asked, her voice changing to a completely different manner, one that was warm and comforting and made Cosima literally speechless.Delphine cocked her head, watching Cosima’s mouth move with no words, waiting for her to say anything. Instead, the brunette shakily presented Alison’s shopping list to her, which Delphine tentatively took. “Cooking, oui? 

“Uhm. Sure.” Cosima stuttered, which Delphine replied with a coy smile. 

“What is it that you’re cooking, Cosima?”

“Uh…” She couldn’t respond, to wrapped up in the sound of her name rolling off the French woman’s tongue. 

Delphine chuckled now, fully enjoying Cosima’s inferior pose. “You do know, do you?”

Before Cosima could even register what was said, she felt Delphine’s hand on hers, long fingers wrapped around her palm and grasping her. Cosima was seeing stars, her whole body going numb and a series of synaptic misfires going off in her brain, sending slow warmth to fill her body. She had zero control of her body; it flew on autopilot as Delphine gently pulled her down the aisle, all sense of direction gone to shit. By some means of intuition, Cosima dared to also wrap her fingers around Delphine’s hand, which was originally just limp in the Frenchwoman’s grasp. Her breathing was heavy, and then suddenly almost gone all together as she felt Delphine ever so slightly tighten her grasp.

“I suggest my favorite. It is a soup.” She informed the woman, pulling her over to the way array of vegetables. “It is called Soupe à l’Oignon Gratinée. Very easy to prepare.” 

Delphine let go of Cosima’s hand there, are the brunette was pretty sure she nearly whimpered as the suddenly emptiness in her grasp. Delphine handed her a plastic bag, instructing her to get about eight or so yellow onions. 

“Fait?” she asked quietly. 

Cosima nodded, still lost in her silence, handing the onions over to Delphine to place in her hand basket. “Bien! Next we need butter, a cheese called Emmentel. It is amazing, you will love it.” She said, walking away and towards the specific aisle that Cosima was half-aware of. She watched Delphine pick and pull random ingredients off the shelves, placing it into her weighing basket. It wasn’t until she slid the long loaf of a bread into the basket did Cosima finally utter some sound, a quite chuckle.

“Ah! The mute American speaks!” Delphine joked, gently pinching Cosima’s hip. “What is so funny?” 

Cosima waved her hand nervously, smiling. “No, nothing. It’s just, really stereotypical for you to be buying a baguette.” She laughed, crinkling her eyes in the way that made Delphine bite down on her bottom lip to suppress a burning emotion. 

“You are mocking me, cheeky girl. Now I see where Miss. Kira gets her wittiness from.” 

“I’m- I’m sorry.” She continued to giggle, pressing the back of her palm across her mouth. Instinctively, Delphine grabbed her hand, pulling it down and away from her face. The tips of her fingers had grazed Cosima’s lips, and the poor American felt her knees buckle violently. 

“Do not put your fingers near your mouth.” She scolded firmly, her voice suddenly changing. Cosima stared at her, wide eyed and shocked. Delphine caught herself, immediately dropping Cosima’s hand and nervously pushing her hair to the other side. “I- desole, Cosima. It is the teacher in me, force of habit.”

“No no, don’t apologize!” Cosima jumped. “You’re, you’re totally fine.”

Delphine curled her lips into a smile, extending her hand to gently rub Cosima’s forearm, making the Cosima lightheaded at the touch. “Merci.” She thanked softly. “Now, where were we? Ah, I was just finishing getting the ingredients for the soup I will cook for you.” She remembered, snapping her fingers. 

“Cook for me? Ms. Cormier, I’m shocked- you didn’t even say please.” Cosima mocked from two days ago, finding an unsung bravery in heart. “And the week isn’t even over yet, so you cooking for me is probably breaking the rules.” For the first time all evening, Delphine was the one left silent. She licked her lips, deep in thought as the two women locked eyes. 

“You are right, my mistake.” Delphine admitted, a trace of teasing in her voice. “I would hate to break the rules. Another time then, Cosima.”

Before Cosima could respond, Delphine was leaning closer and closer. Her breath was stuck in her throat, and she simply couldn’t breathe as she was now able to smell the faint trace of lip gloss on Delphine’s lips. Cosima was both shocked and relieved at the same time when she felt the French woman’s lips press onto her cheeks, instead of [but dangerously close to] her mouth. 

Cosima wasn’t sure, because her sense of time had come to a dead hault, but she truly thought that Delphine was lingering far longer than a typical cheek kiss should last- not that she was complaining. 

She didn’t realize her eyes were closed until she felt Delphine’s thumb brush against her eyelashes, hearing her name in the distance.

“Cosima?” Delphine called again. She snapped her eyes open, staring a clearly bemused Delphine who was smirking at her. 

“Huh, sorry sorry. My bad.” She stumbled, making Delphine click her tongue.

“I said, see you tomorrow.” She repeated. “And don’t be late.” 

On that note, Delphine left, walking past Cosima and leaving the petite woman to stand alone in the aisle, dumbfounded. Her fingers touching the place on her cheeks Delphine had kissed

“Oh. My. Jeezum!” a voice squeaked behind her, making Cosima spin around to see an overly excited Alison pushing a very filled cart towards her. She shot Cosima a thumbs up, slapping her arm gently and bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Was that her? Oh that was so her! Tell me everything- I mean, okay I kind of saw everything but tell me everything!”

Cosima stared, dumbfounded at her sister, shaking her head painfully slow. 

“What?” Alison asked shrilly. “What, Cos?”

“I opened my big mouth.” Cosima finally said hoarsely. “She was going to cook for me, an I opened my stupid, big mouth and reminded her that we had to wait until the end of the week.” 

Alison gasped, her hands coming to her mouth and sheer sadness for her sister coming onto her face. What did surprised Cosima, slightly offending her, was when Alison began to giggle uncontrollably- failing to keep her composure. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she laughed, trying to calm herself down. “It’s just… yeah. You did open your stupid, big mouth, Cos! You totally blew that one.” she giggled. Cosima rolled her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest and stomping off, making Alison just laugh even louder.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

The speakers blared, thumping into her ears drums and causing her whole body to vibrate. Her limbs flowed like liquid, suspended in the air in tune with the electric beat that filled the nightclub. Cosima’s hips girated with a practiced, yet drunken, ease against the one pressed behind her, sweaty palms splayed across the bare skin of her hip bones, a heady mouth latching to the back of her neck.

“Mmph.” She mumbled through an alcohol- soaked tongue, her head dipping back onto her dance partner’s shoulder. She thrust her hips backwards, desperate to create more friction, her body aflame as it rode its high. A yelp slipped through her lips as gentle teeth nipped and sunk down on the sensitive skin at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Cosima breathed inhaled sharply, suppressing a moan and instead breathing in the distinct stale cigarettes and flowery perfume that had been haunting her mind. 

Bloodshot eyes shot open from behind dark rims, Cosima doing her best to pull away from the individual behind her and spin around to face them.

“Co-si-ma.” She smiled, reaching out for her again, Cosima narrowly dodging her grazing fingers. “What is wrong? Don’t you want me?” Unable to form words, Cosima felt her feet cement into the ground, trying her hardest to maneuver out and away from the blonde’s advances. Delphine’s eyes were dark, colored with the hunger of a predator ready to pounce on its meek prey. A coy, unsettling smile rested on her lips as her unbearably slow gate progressed towards Cosima. Only an echo of the woman’s words were left in her ears, the music and voices in the club drowning out.

“Don’t you want me?  
Don’t you want me?”

-THUD-

A sharp pain resonating from her hip was more than enough to wake the petite brunette. Her hands immediately clutched at her side, cradling her aching hip bone and groaning.

“Shit.” She mumbled, eyes screwed shut in biting pain. “Not again.”

It was the third time that week that Cosima had endured another Delphine dream, each one lathered in pure fear and an overwhelming sensation of suffocating whenever she appeared. She knew they came about only because of her one, deep-rooted fear. Everybody knew. 

With a heady groan, Cosima pushed herself up off the floor, one hand still cradling her bruising joint, the other gripping the mattress and hauling herself back up, burying her tiny body in her duvet once more. “Mother fucking….fuck.” she winced, feeling the tender area begin to catch a temperature. 

With high hopes that she could fall back asleep and simply cast the shitty events of her morning away, Cosima plopped her curled her body around her pillow, gripping the blanket and fastening it over her head, cacooning herself in a sea of silk and cotton. 

She didn’t want to think about Delphine, didn’t want to think about partying, she honestly didn’t want to think about anything. But the onward dream of Delphine appearing at a night club with her drunk and high while she was dancing with a potential night suitor scared the absolute shit out of her, literally haunting her conscious and dreamland. She had better things to do, like get ready to face the music on Friday and make amends with the particular French teacher. A slow, lazy smile spread across tired lips, Cosima’s body sinking back into dreamscape just as-

-beep beep beep beep-

Her alarm was blared in her ear, making her groan out loud and slam her hand atop of the silence button. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” She whimpered, fingers fishing around for her glasses, grasping them and shoving them onto her face with a yawn. “Already off to a shitty morning.”

It was early, she knew that much, and was pretty sure she could spare the five minutes she lost while on the floor.

 

“Auntie Cosima.” A gentle voice whispered in her ear. After no response, Kira clamored up onto the large bed, kneeling on the mattress beside Cosima’s head and gently twirling and tugging a dread in her hair. “Wake up! It’s time for school. It’s Friday!”

“Huh?” she yelped, quickly sitting up in the bed, rubbing her tired eyes underneath her glasses. 

“Friday!” Kira rejoiced again, sending Cosima’s stomach lurching. Of course it was Friday! She had spent the whole night preparing everything for the morning so they would leave the apartment on time. ‘Of course it’s Friday!’ she thought again, licking her lips at the faint remnants of red wine, still stained on them, fond memories of nursing the bottle to calm her nerves once Kira was asleep trickling forward. 

Cosima purposely droned exaggeratingly, making Kira laugh as she wiggled her way up to Cosima’s chest, pushing her small palms on either side of Cosima’s cheeks, squishing them. 

“You look like a fish!” Kira squealed. Cosima yawned, her eyes finally fluttering open to see a very alert, very awake five year old on top of her. 

“And you look like a monkey. “ Laughing tiredly, Cosima tugged Kira’s ear gently outward. 

This simple charade made the child burst into a fit of giggles, Cosima couldn’t stop herself from laughing, too- her giggles being so infectious. She wrapped her arms around the small body, sitting up and slinging Kira onto her back.

“See, told you you’re a monkey!” Cosima yawned, still half asleep as she pushed herself up off the bed, carrying Kira to the living room where her morning clothes where packed away.

Asking Sarah to let Kira sleep over was easy, she trusted Cosima with Kira’s life. Having to explain why, with the reason being to impress Kira’s teacher, was a totally different ballgame. Sarah was hesitant to let Cosima use her daughter as a pawn, in her game, but let it slide as long as Kira was getting dropped off and picked up on time. 

Kira giggled as Cosima swooped her through the air, mimicking the sound of a rocket ship as she tossed her onto the couch. 

“Okay. Your mom packed you these clothes, can you get dressed on your own?” Cosima asked, holding up the denim pants and long sleeved shirt. Kira eyed them, licking her lips in a way that Cosima couldn’t help but see Sarah doing. She nodded hesitantly, reaching to take the outfit. “Perfect, okay. I’ll get your cereal ready and you come eat when you’re done. Your toothbrush is on the sink all ready for ya, monkey.”

Cosima was playing no games. She prepared everything that night to make sure there would be absolutely no delays in being out the door on time in the morning. With a swift hi-five, she slide into her small kitchenette area, pouring a small bowl or Cheerios and milk for Kira, laying it out on the table with a spoon while she bounced back to her own room to get dressed. She couldn’t believe it was already Thursday and that she had exactly one day left to prove her timeliness to the French kindergarten teacher. Cosima’s mind wandered as she began to strip of her night clothes, shamelessly imagining Delphine’s long fingers caressing the span of her hips and neck, envisioning the way she warm, smooth hands would palm her cheeks. She gulped, swallowing the temptations and quickly bulling on the thick, wool tights, patterned a skirt following suit and a her favorite long-sleeved red shirt to top it all off. 

Giving herself a check-through in the mirror, she skipped to her bathroom to wash up, passing Kira on the way out from brushing her teeth with a double thumbs-up.

“On time, auntie Cosima!” she rejoiced, Cosima grinning wide at her niece, ruffling her curls. 

She brushed her teeth twice, ‘You never know’ she thought, convincing herself for the best. It was her eyeliner that took up the most of her time, paying exclusive attention to it because she knew Delphine had a knack for making constant eye contact. With a steady hand, she winged her eyeliner perfectly, smirking at herself for a job well-done as she managed to start the next eye.

Cosima always prided herself on her eyeliner, it was definitely a signature look that she held onto since high school, besides the dreads of course. Sure, her sister’s all had their own styles- Alison went for the bangs look, Sarah kept it natural with their curls, Rachel and Helena were more partial to the blonde color. But it was Cosima who gave their parents the run-around when she came home one day with a tattoo, a nose piercing, and dreadlocks. 

She always knew she was different, they all were from each other, but Cosima knew she was the furthest one out. She didn’t mind though, she grew to fond of herself as years went on. It wasn’t really until college did she truly find her niche and a sense of belonging. She threw herself into her biology studies, gleeful to have found something she was truly good at and accepted for. 

She was finally admired for her brain, not gawked at for her looks… though she didn’t mind the gawking. Cosima used it to her advantage, her strong sense of high self esteem was a turn-on for women in her school, and Cosima was always looking for a no strings attached good time. She was young, unattached, and carefree- what could be better?

‘Delphine’ Cosima thought, sulking in the mirror as she screwed the cap to her eyeliner back on. ‘Delphine could make me better.’ 

With a sigh, Cosima pushed herself away from the sink and back into her living area, watching Kira finish off the last of her cereal. She would have time to eat her own breakfast on campus after dropping Kira off, they had a schedule to stay on. 

“How’s it going over there, Monkey?” she called, shrugging on her favorite red peacoat and fastening her scarf around her neck.

“I’m all done! Can I put it in the sink?” Kira smiled back, holding up her empty bowl. Cosima nodded, watching Kira hop off the chair and bounce over to the sink, standing on her tiptoes to gently place the bowl and spoon inside. 

“Alrighty, Kira. Boots, coats, and gloves then we are ready to jet.” 

Kira was a fast dresser, much like her mother. She was able to get up and go in a matter of seconds, always prepared to be on the move- even at a whopping five years of life. Sarah was a floater for the most part, never liking to stay in one place for too long ever since she was eighteen and not forced to live at home. She glanced over to Kira, who was struggling to tie her shoes. With a laugh, Cosima made her way over, plopping down onto her knees in front of the girl and lacing them up for her.

“I just can’t do it.” Kira grumbled, crossing her arms and pouting. 

“You will one day. Patience is a virtue!” Cosima noted, double knotting the shoes so they wouldn’t untie later. 

Kira just stared, an unwavering expression on her tiny face. “What’s a virtue?”

“It’s kind of like…. A really good quality in people.” Cosima tried to explain. She could practically see the gears grinding in Kira’s head as she committed the definition to memory. “Ready to go?” 

“Yup! Just need to my backpack!” she squealed, Cosima handing it to her while she slipped into her own boots and headed out the door. 

Cosima was glad they both wore gloves, feeling the cold nip at her face the moment the walked out the door. Kira held onto Cosima’s hand tightly, pulling her scarf around her face with her free hand to block the wind from frosting her face. 

“Is it going to snow for Christmas?” Kira asked, trying to raise her voice above the wind

Cosima nodded the best she could. “At this rate Kir’, probably.” 

Cosima was grateful that Kira’s school wasn’t far from her apartment, but she’d have to figure later how to get from her campus to back to the elementary school later in the afternoon. She’d worry about it when she had to. 

“Go melt off, Monkey.” Cosima shooed as they bustled through the doors of the large building together. Almost immediately, Kira was stripping of her hat, scarf, and gloves, shoving them into the pocket of her bookbag as she peeled off her coat and pushed it into Cosima’s hands. “Better?” she laughed.

“Mhmm!” Kira agreed, reaching up to hold her aunts hand as they walked through the halls. “Auntie Cosima, why are we here so early?”

“Oh uhm, because it’s important to be early for school.” Cosima blew off, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. 

“Oh.” Kira thought aloud. “Is it because Ms. Cormier told you to be early?”

Cosima stopped short, looking down at Kira with quizzical eyes, only to have a broad smile in return. She shook her head, sending her snowflake-coated dreads whipping across her back. Sometimes Cosima forgot how much of an attentive listener Kira was, and her questions usually come from left field. There was no point in sugarcoating anything to Kira, despite her young age. Cosima wanted her mind to flourish as much as possible, she didn’t like to hold back anything from her that she knew Kira could handle. 

“Yeah, yes it is.” She admitted sheepishly, a lopsided grin pulling at her mouth as Kira shrugged, pulling her aunt to continue their walk.

“She asked me about you in Free Time yesterday.” The little five year old added nonchalantly. Cosima gasped impulsively, her breath catching right in her throat. 

“Y-yeah? What she ask, then?” Trying her damn best to remain composed, she cleared her throat as peered down to Kira once more.

“Funny questions!” Kira giggled, slapping her free hand over her mouth as she laughed at the memory.

Cosima laughed as well, unable to stop herself after hearing Kria’s laughter. “Funny questions like what?”

Kira thought for a moment, trying her hardest to remember. Cosima couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at Kira’s screwed up face- deep in thought. 

“Ms. C asked if I sleep over sometimes, and I told her ‘of course!’ and that I loved our sleepovers!”

“Aww, monkey!” Cosima prided, beaming from cheek to cheek.

“She asked if anybody else sleeps over, too. But I said nope! Because you live all alone, auntie Cosima.” Kira noted.

Cosima rolled her eyes and laughed. “Yeah, thanks for that reminder.” She joked aloud. 

‘Why would she want to know if I live with anybody?’ Cosima thought ‘Does she want to see my apartment? Does she want to see me?’ Her eyes were wide with thought as questioned herself.

“Any- any other questions she ask ya?” Cosima asked, trying her best to keep her voice as normal as possible even though her heart was screaming. 

“She asked if I thought you were nice.” Kira remembered. “And I told her you were the best! And- and that you make the best spaghetti for dinner, and give the best hugs and kisses.” Kira squealed, adding a little jump to her excitement. “Ms. Cormier started to laugh and cough when I told her that she should ask for your hugs and kisses. But I think she’s just getting a cold.”

Cosima was beaming. Practically a glow as they walked through the hall and towards Kira’s door. She swung her nieces hand gently as they walked the final leg, a smile plastered across her face. ‘She asks about me’ Cosima prided. 

It wasn’t until they walked through the door did Cosima’s grin dissipate. On the other side of the classroom was Delphine, one hand on her hip, her eyes flicking between her watch and the door that Cosima just came through. Students were about the room, playing freely before class started. 

The two woman locked eyes, Delphine sporting her signature unimpressed look with Cosima as she walked over.

“Bonjour, Ms. Cormier!” Kira greeted as their teacher came over, waving to her with her free hand. Delphine’s face lit up, crouching down and offering a hug to her student, who took it with a mouth full of giggles and returned it with equal enthusiasm. 

“Bonjour, Kira.” Delphine cooed as she let go. “Ah, ma cherie. You give the best morning hugs.” She praised, watching Kira smile wide and retract back to Cosima’s waiting hand. She glanced up, Cosima’s face red with worry. “Is it okay if I speak to your auntie Cosima for a moment? Why don’t you go play?” Kira nodded, immediately released Cosima’s hand, hugging her hip quickly and running off to put her things away and play. Cosima restrained herself from taking a step forward and joining Kira, anything to get out of Delphine’s rising glare. She decided to diffuse the moment the only way she knew how, humorlessly. 

“I’ve heard you give good hugs.” Cosima noted, chucking nervously. If there was any hint of a smile on Delphine’s face, it vanished as fast as it came, Cosima’s following suit.

“I’ve heard similar remarks.” She said quietly, her voice plain and unwavering. “It is good to build a trusting relationship with your students. Especially at such a young, impressionable age.” 

“Is that why you ask such… particular questions during play time?” Cosima noted slyly. She watched the color drain from Delphine’s face, then suddenly rush a beat red as she cleared her throat loudly, her long fingers strumming against her hip nervously. 

“I did not-“

“It’s cool.” Cosima waved off, trying to ease the tension. “And, for the record, you asked a five year old if her favorite aunt in the whole world was nice? Really? But save the 20 questions game for when I treat you to… whatever it is that we’ll be doing after tomorrow is over.” 

Delphine laughed at the comment hotly, shaking her head, sending curls flying. “What makes you think that you will make it until then?” She said above the noise of her students. “You literally had a minute to spare, Cosima.”

Cosima’s eyes were wide with confusion behind her glasses, her hands jolting into the air. 

“Wuh-how?!” she complained, stomping her foot. “We left hella early, I was so sure!” she pouted, rolling her eyes. 

Delphine simply shrugged, briefly giving Cosima’s bicep a gentle squeeze. 

“Do not worry, you were still technically on time.” Delphine assured, retracting her hand almost as quickly as she placed it, a soft gasp slipping from her lips as Cosima watched her flutter her fingertips against her palm. 

‘Did she… did she just feel what I felt?’ the brunette wondered, watching a slight blush creep onto the teacher’s cheeks. 

“Ya know,” Cosima bit her lip, studying Delphine’s flushed face for any sign of amusement. “I’m really looking forward to my second- first impression on you.” 

Delphine smiled then, a wide grin that could floor Cosima in a heartbeat. “I’m sure you are.” She laughed sweetly. “Don’t get cocky, you still have this afternoon to get through. And last time I checked, those weren’t your strong suits.”

“Pfft. Don’t underestimate the determination of Cosima Niehaus.” The brunette scoffed, making Delphine smile again. ‘Aha. Cockiness equals smiles. Got it’ she checked off mentally.

“Niehaus…” Delphine repeated aloud, letting the word roll in her mouth to familiarity. “That’s German, oui? I assumed Manning…”

“Oh, yeah! But no.” Cosima exclaimed, her hands cutting through the air with precision moves as she began to explain. “We all have different last names.”

“All? And you’re all… identical…” Delphine was squinted, swiping her tongue over her lips in the way that made Cosima forget she was even standing. 

“Uh, uhm. Yeah. Long story. Even longer explanation.” She stuttered, eager to get off the topic. Delphine shrugged, getting Cosima’s drift of not wanting to talk about it. It’s not her place.

A loud squeal erupted from behind Delphine, making her spin around to see what Cosima had just started to stare at. One of Delphine’s students, young Peter, was trying to give Kira a toy from the play-bin as some sort of gift. Kira was sporting a face of sheer disgust as she denied him, making Peter’s eyes well up with tears as he insisted. 

Delphine smiled softly, reaching backwards for Cosima’s hand and pulling her up next to her. Cosima’s hand was set ablaze immediately, the flames igniting a line through her whole body. She really had to talk to her about the whole platonic hand holding thing at some point. 

“Look.” Delphine whispered, letting the interaction drag on for a few moments before intervening. “That’s Peter. Apparently he has had a bit of a crush on Kira for a while now.”

“Huh.” Cosima scoffed, watching Kira hesitantly take the offered today, holding it out like it was ravished in disease. “She never mentioned him before.” There was a tinge of hurt in her voice. Cosima was sure that Kira shared everything with her, and this was something pretty big in a five year old’s life. 

“Mm, oui. She does not like him back though, at least I do not think. I’m pretty sure that she would rather be just friends.” Delphine explained, unable to stop the giggle from poking through her lips at the last bit. “Peter though, tries insistently to get on Kira’s good side, but always comes up short.”

“Poor Peter.” Cosima scoffed, shaking her head. She glanced up at the taller woman next to her, whose eyes were locked on the two student’s little interaction. “I feel for him big time.” Cosima hints, waiting to see if there’d be a reaction from Delphine. 

There wasn’t. Cosima sighed, tugging her hand away from the oblivious woman beside her and stuffing them into her pockets. Cosima rolled her eyes at the thought that Delphine was so oblivious to the parallel in front of them, pouting her bottom lip out just the slightest bit as she looked around the room. 

Delphine stole a glance this time at Cosima, whose eyes were elsewhere and face was scrunched up in agitation. What had changed so quickly, she wasn’t sure- but still felt slightly guilty. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but class was already having a late start, so she left it alone. 

“I- I have to teach now.” She strutted, shaking herself from her train of thought. 

Cosima nodded curtly, turning to leave. “See you at 2:30.” She said quietly, her back already to Delphine.

The blonde woman swallowed her voice back, impulsively reaching out as if to grab Cosima, but falling short as the woman was already out the door. She wasn’t exactly sure of what had just happened, but something in her wanted to chase after the brunette, to make sure she was okay.

‘It is not your place.’ she reminded herself, a small voice of conscience. ‘You owe her nothing, you did nothing.’ Delphine nodded to her own thoughts.

“Good morning, class!” she spoke loudly, clapping her hands twice to gain their attention. Twenty sets of eyes all pulled into her direction, the falling silent. It was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I may or may not have mentioned before, this story is actually completely finished! All the chapters are written, I just proofread them before they get posted. Bear with me, some chapters (like this one) will not be proofread as much as it should, but working two jobs and being a full-time student has it's downfalls. I'm going to keep up with a Wednesday update schedule, but might post twice a week if I see that things should be sped along. Hope you're all enjoying, and thank you so much for the wonderful reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

The hours had ticked by at an agonizingly slow place throughout the day. Cosima found herself often ogling the clock in her lecture halls, blunt fingernails strumming her desks with the ticking of the second hand, wondering if her own heartbeat was matching the bravado. There wasn’t going to be a single moment that she’d let time slip away from her, jeopardizing her chances of being on time to pick up Kira that afternoon. 

A last minute decision to blow off her mid-day study group to get to the bus stop extra early- nearly two hour’s time- helped to ensure she wouldn’t be late for picking up Kira, practically running out of her last class and jetting full speed towards the bus stop. Cosima thanked the powers that be that the bus decided to be on time today, her commute an easy one as she hurried off her stop, speeding up her gate as she approached Kira’s school- not with stopping first at her usual corner store to pick up two hot chocolates.

Just the thought of Delphine’s surprised face at seeing her bright and early sent a massive hoard of butterflies to flutter about in her stomach, the sensation not sitting with her properly. 

“Pull it together, Niehaus.” She mumbled to herself. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

It was all she could hope. The kindergarten teacher had sent the biologist on a rollercoaster of emotions this past week, an infuriating journey that only made her more determined for the chase… if that’s what this was.

It was obvious to a blind man that Cosima had evolving feelings for the Frenchwoman, harboring them deep in her gut, a crush bubbling up towards her heart, mimicking that of a bumbling teenager. 

Her cheeks flushed at the memory of her stumbling over her words when they spoke, her hands clamming up when they were held, even how her heart raced with every kiss on the cheek that was dangerously close to her mouth…

Having memorized the route at this point, Cosima embarked on her journey towards the auditorium, slowing her pace to take a breather and observe the quiet hallways. She was so accustomed boisterous echoes of school children filling the corridors, teachers shuffling their students into classrooms, laughter and gossip filtering through the students. She shakes her head with a smile, reminiscing on the years that seem to have flown passed her.

The auditorium is oddly quiet, the click of her shoes echoing off the massive walls as she settles into back row, eyes glued to the large clock once more and hands firmly holding two steaming cups of hot chocolate. She sips one slowly, reveling in the warmth as it takes its course through her body while she sets the other down on the seat beside her with careful balance. She hoped Delphine liked hot chocolate, but settled with the fact that most everybody likes chocolate with a smile.   
There was really nowhere else for her to go while she waited for the school day to end. She was hoping that maybe… just perhaps… she might have run into the teacher while she meandered through the hallways. 

“Fat chance that was.” She mumbled to herself, rolling her eyes behind her glasses.

Her phone buzzed, making her jump in her seat as she fished around for her phone tucked into her bra. 

“H-hello?”

“Oi! Cos, where are ya?” Sarah asked, Cosima clearly hearing panting on the receiving end. 

“I’m uhm… at Kira’s school.” She mumbled, scratching at her chin nervously. 

“Cos, Kira doesn’t get out of school for another like… 45 minutes. And it’s Friday, she has practice today until 3:30. Why are you- oh shite. Cosima don’t tell me you’re bloody shagging the teacher.” Sarah scolded loudly, making Cosima groan.

“Wuh- no! No, Sarah God no. I just didn’t want to be late.” Cosima defended herself, choking over her words. Not yet at least…. Cosima thought. “I’m-“

“Holy hell, Cos! I’m at your campus right now because you asked me to bring your laptop. And where are you? Kissing ass to a bloody fucking Kinder teacher!”

Her eyes were wide. Shit shit shit! How could she forget Sarah was meeting her today to drop off her laptop. She even reminded her early that morning not to forget to bring it. Her stomach dropped, guilty for snapping at her sister but too prideful to allow Sarah to hold it over her. With a heavy exhale, she chewed the right words out from her bottom lip.

“Shit, Sarah. Relax, okay?! I’m sorry I forgot about meeting you, it’s an honest mistake.” Cosima mumbled. She was straining to keep her voice down but, like all sisters, they both got on each other’s nerves to the bitter end. 

“It’s 14 fucking degrees out, Cosima. I’m freezing my bloody arse off out here.” Sarah yelled over the wind and snow. 

“Just uhm, go to my apartment. You know where the key is. You can drop it off there and just chill there.” She offered meakly, trying to resolute the conflict as best as she could. Sarah groaned a string of curses in response, a hoarse cough following suit. 

“Fine.” She grumbled angrily. “Just get my daughter and bring her home. I’ll be here til then. Seriously, Cos, get your shit together.”

“Just chill, okay. I said I’m sorry already. Holy watershed-“

There was a click and a dial tone, cutting Cosima off. Her blood was growing to a slow boil now as she stared at her phone screen, clearly seeing that Sarah had hung up on her. 

“Bitch.” Cosima growled under her breath, shoving her phone away with a heady roll of her eyes. She snatched at her hot chocolate angrily, talking a large gulp- completely forgetting its scalding temperature. 

In all of two seconds, Cosima was doubling over in her chair, coughing and sputtering as the hot drink burned its way down her throat. Her free hand was clasped across her chest, her eyes watering as she let out a series of pungent coughs.

“Fuck!” she cursed hoarsely, rubbing at her throat as she attempted to sit up straight again. 

“Excusez-moi?”

The all too familiar voice turned Cosima’s burning body frigid in a matter of seconds, a long, languid chill running down her spine. She shivered, gulping hard as she slowly craned her neck around.

Delphine was there, standing tall in that same crossed-arm, cocked eyebrow pose Cosima had grown accustomed during the past week. It was that signature “I’m so unimpressed with you” sham that Cosima grew a despising taste towards. She took in the sight in front of her slowly, drinking it all in. 

The typical downy, blonde hair was up today in a loose, curly bun tucked at the nape, accentuating the dips and curves of her neck that made Cosima sweat at just its bare sight. Her outfit was simple today, one that Cosima hadn’t seen yet; a pair of high-waist coral slacks with a black and white striped, long-sleeve shirt tucked into them. Cosima laughed internally at how stereotypically French she had looked. But the smile was completely wiped away at the pointed glare Delphine was still shooting in her direction. 

“I uh….hi. Sorry.” Cosima jumbled, standing up quickly and fumbling out of the aisle. 

Delphine didn’t move, her arms still crossed with her patterned lunch bag dangling from her fingers, as only her eyes followed the tiny brunette woman. She fought back the peculiar urge to lick her lips at the blushing woman, her heart fluttering for a reason unknown to herself-driving her mad. There was something undeniably gravitating that Delphine was feeling towards the college student, but the alien emotions only scared her, forcing her to push them aside. 

“What are you doing here, Cosima?” Delphine asked plainly.  
“Pick…up?

Cosima leaned against the back of the seat she was originally sitting in. A distance, Cosima thought, was far enough away that Delphine wouldn’t be able to hear her heartbeat beating straight out of her chest. 

“You are very early.” She noted curtly. “Do I have any reason to raise suspicion?” 

Cosima shook her head vigorously, sending her dreads flying as she took a quick step forward, her hands shooting out in front and slicing the air in explanation.

“No no no no!” she rambled eagerly, making Delphine jump slightly. “Sorry, oh god I’m fucking everything up-“

“Cosima!-“ Delphine hushed again, her eyes wide as Cosima winced and cowered back. “Please. Your language.”

Cosima took a deep breath and stepped backwards, wrapping her hands around the back of her neck and sulked. 

“I’m really sorry.” She said, breathing slowly. Delphine opened her mouth to scold her further, but the look of pain across Cosima’s face tore her heart to shreds. She didn’t mean to yell, it wasn’t her place to reprimand her like a kindergartener, she was an adult- a peer. Not a child.

“I’m sorry, too.” Delphine answered, stepping forward to gently squeeze Cosima’s arm like she always did, sending shivers down the tiny woman’s spine once more. “The students are practicing today with Ms. Fournier in her classroom.” Cosima mustered ever ounce of strength she had not to lean into Delphine’s touch, instead just sucking her lip between her teeth biting down. 

“Explains why it’s so empty in here.” Cosima laughed awkwardly, a smirk pulling on the corner of her mouth, making Delphine smile in suit. 

“Oui. I thought I’d have my lunch in here where it’s quiet. If you care to join me…”

“Yeah, totes!” Cosima grinned, spinning around and bending over the chairs to gather her belongings. 

As she leaned, her shirt rode up the slightest bit from the waistband of her skirt, exposing a thin line of pale skin on her lower back. Delphine’s eyes caught it immediately, a sharp gasp pulling through her mouth as she felt her stomach flip. She couldn’t stop herself from staring, fighting the primal urge to just run her finger across the ivory plane, her eyes glazing over at the sight. 

But before she could even finish the thought, Cosima was up again, turned towards her with two cups in her hands, a broad, toothy grin across her face.

“Pour vous.” She attempted, earning a quiet giggle from blonde. Cosima couldn’t help but see the slightest blush as she took it from her. “Er…. Le chocolat chaud.” 

Delphine couldn’t help but laugh loudly then. “You French needs work.” She giggled, sipping at the steaming drink. “By the way, this is a slow sipping drink, Cosima. Not a chug.”

“Ha ha.” She responded, poking her tongue out as the conversation eased. 

She was just fine until Delphine clasped their hands together, leading them down the aisles to the bottom of the stage in the auditorium. She couldn’t breathe, not with the world’s softest hand holding her own. Her breath was caught in her throat as Delphine guided her down to the stage in the same fashion as the supermarket. 

The stage was nothing short of large, to Cosima’s pleasure. He eye immediately caught hold of the grand piano tucked away in the corner, her fingers already itching to play. She watched Delphine climb her way up to the top of the stage, her long legs carrying her with an ease and grace that Cosima knew she would never be able to match. 

“Come on, then!” Delphine laughed, hands on her hips as she stared down at Cosima. She shook her head nervously, making Delphine laugh more.

“Dude. Short person conquering a tall stage is not going to be a graceful. I’ll take the side steps.” Cosima cowered, walking in their direction.

“Nonsense!” Delphine boomed, squatting down and extending her hands. “Come on, Cosima. Up you go.”

Cosima looked up, locking eyes with the blonde and gulping down the lump nestled in her throat. Her heart was thumping hard against her ribcage, damn near sure it could be seen clear through her shirt. Her hands were already clamming up as the overwhelming high school crush jitters began to kick in once more. With a mental ‘Fuck it!’, the two joined hands again, one of Cosima’s feet hesitantly braced on the side of the stage as Delphine hoisted her up with a single tug. 

Cosima stumbled forward a bit, not prepared for such strength. She found her body  
flush against Delphine’s, whose long arms were wrapped stiffly around her slender waist, holding her close. Cosima was sure that Delphine could feel her heart now, she was panting from the fast movement, wind knocked right out of her. Their bodies aligned perfectly, every dip and swell of their forms slotted into one another, aligned as if they were always meant to-  
She breathed heavily, trying her best not to pass out with being in such close proximity to the Frenchwoman. Cosima was consumed with Delphine; her smell, her arms, her heartbeat, she was drowning in the woman. 

It took her a moment to catch her breath, ever so slowly raising her head to lock eyes with an equally flustered Delphine. They caught each other’s glances, both doe-eyed and flushed in their cheeks. Cosima blinked all but twice before jumping out of Delphine’s grasp, stumbling backwards with her hands jutted out in front of her. Whatever had just happened sent Cosima into a mess of stutters and tongue twist. 

“I uhm- wow. Uhm okay-“ she sputtered, continuing to walk backwards and laugh ineptly. The small of her back hit the grand piano, making her jump at least four feet into the air and yelp. “Oh! Look a piano, haha how’d that uhm… how’d that get there. Oh boy wow, alrighty..”

“Cosima!” Delphine interrupted, a smirk toying on her bright red face. There was no denying the slight discomfiture seeping from Delphine’s pores as well. “Forgive me. Are you alright? You were much lighter than I presumed you would be, and to be quite honest I believe I might have overestimated my strength.” She explained sheepishly. 

“Yeah, totally. Totally fine. Obvs.” Cosima tried, cursing her mind for speaking faster than her tongue could manage.

She ran her hands over the piano behind her, strumming her fingers against the black fixture delicately. Delphine noticed this, the way Cosima’s fingers tapped as if they had a purpose, a pattern almost.

“Do you play?” she asked, folding her arms again and slowly walking towards Cosima. 

The brunette gulped, all but nodding her held. She felt trapped, the walls of her crush closing in on her with nowhere to run. She could all but stare shamelessly at Delphine’s tongue poking out of her mouth to lick her lips. “Play me something, non?”

The thick accent made her shudder, striking a flame that boiled down to her very core. How could she say no? How could deny this woman anything that would help get her onto the good list? With a shaky nod, Cosima scrambled to the other side, sitting down and lifting the lid off the keyboard. What the hell was she going to play?

“Mind if I sit?” Delphine asked playfully, nudging her chin in the direction of the piano.

“Help yourself!” Cosima smiled, cracking her fingers as she watched Delphine hoist her long body up onto the top-board, bringing her lunch bag along with her and sitting cross legged. Cosima’s throat was as dry as the desert, she was thrilled Delphine didn’t ask her to sing as well. 

Delphine popped open a small plastic container, picking at a mixed salad whilst watching Cosima’s skilled fingers dance across the ivory keys. Her movements were so fluid, so natural. The quiet melody echoed in the grand room, Cosima’s eyes fluttering closed and letting the music soothe her nerves, losing herself. 

It was Delphine who was transfixed this time, unable to look away from Cosima. The quiet melody strummed through her ears with ease, soothing her nerves and pressing a sweet smile across her lips. She made it a point to count every ring on her fingers, every bangle on wrist, every crinkle by her eyes whenever she smiled. Her heartbeat skyrocketed when Cosima suddenly smiled wide, her eyes still closed as she rode her high from the music. 

“That was… beautiful, Cosima. “ Delphine breathed, shifting her gaze away before Cosima noticed.

The brunette smiled sheepishly, waving her off.

“Thanks, D-Delphine. It’s really old. Well… as old as Kira. Her and I call it ‘Kira’s Song.’”

“Oh.” Delphine thought aloud. “Oui. I see that. It does remind me of her.” She was right at that point. Cosima had written the piece about five years ago when she was babysitting three month-old Kira. The baby was delightful, smiling and cooing at everything, warming everybody’s day who held her. Cosima felt that the song did the same, just put you in a happy place. “It is very much so, Kira’s song.”

“We thought so to, my sisters and I.” Cosima said with a yawn, grabbing her now warm chocolate and taking a long sip. “Much better.” She grinned. 

“You know. For such a young age, Kira is very bright.” Delphine noted.

“No surprise there. She’s a real genius in my book.” Cosima boasted, her chin held high. “She’s always been a fast learner. She learns by doing as she goes. Show her once, and she’s got it down. She’ll be the next Einstein one day.” 

Delphine giggled with a sigh, entertaining the proud aunt. “Maybe she’ll be on the cover of Scientific American one day.” 

“Scientific American doesn’t put scientists on the cover.” Cosima noted coyly, Delphine nodding in agreement. “But anyway, yeah. Kira is definitely special. Out of all the sisters, Sarah’s the only one to bear children. So our Monkey is definitely a family protégée.”

Delphine’s heart sunk at the simple words. Cosima seemed unfazed, probably having dealt with it her whole life but to Delphine, the thought of never even having the option of bearing her own child one day was heartbreaking. She took a long gaze at Cosima, suddenly realizing how youthful and happy she always looked; she couldn’t help but wonder what other demons she hid behind her smile.

“Yes, I agree. She is definitely a special individual. Do you think she’d ever go into science? It seems to be her favorite activity during class.” Delphine noted, trying to lift Cosima’s spirits a bit. 

“Really? Awesome! That’d definitely be cool, but she has decades to find her path. Though I wouldn’t be opposed to sharing my “geek monkey” title with her.”

“Geek… monkey?”

“Ha, yeah. My sisters have called me that since I was….pfft, maybe Kira’s age! I learned to embrace it by now.”

‘Geek monkey’, Delphine thought, curling her lips inward to try and hide her smile. “It’s cute.” She settled on, watching the brunette blush.

“Thanks, I guess.” Cosima said, unsure how to take the compliment since Delphine was stifling her laugh.

“Geek monkey.” Delphine repeated, a little louder than she wanted. Her voice echoed on the stage, making them both jump. “Sorry.” She squeaked, clapping her hand over her mouth to quiet her giggles. 

“Nah, it’s totally fine. I like when you say it. It sounds important. You know, with the accent and all.” Cosima said. ‘But I like when you say my whole name instead. But you can call me anything you want, really.’ Cosima said to herself, feeling her eyes start to burn. 

“While on the subject. French, huh? Kira likes to tell me all the different colors and numbers in French whenever you teach them. I think that’s pretty cool. I’m all for like, multilingual kids.”

“Oh, oui. Merci. My students really enjoy it. They all have this sense of wonder and amazement at new discoveries. It is very fulfilling as a teacher to experience this.” She displayed proudly, shaking her head just the slightest to accentuate her words. 

“Yeah I bet.” Cosima agreed. She glanced at her watch. They had five minutes until Delphine should head back for pick-up. Cosima was immensely proud of herself; she had made it every day on time, a true feat for her in life. 

“Kira is so excited for the Christmas show. She hasn’t stopped singing for weeks!” Cosima added, laughing at the thought. 

“I could only imagine, she’s very enthusiastic during practices. I am not surprised to hear this.” It was true. Kira was always one of the only students who knew the lyrics to every song by the next day or so. She was very fervent on making sure she did everything she was supposed to and then some. “I’m very glad I have the opportunity to have such a bright student in my class. I must say, I will miss her when she leaves to 1st grade. 

“Hey Delphine…” Cosima grinned coyly, standing up and leaning forward across the keys towards Delphine. The blonde woman raised an eyebrow, cleaning off the last of her lunch. “Kira’s your favorite, isn’t she?”

“Teachers do not have favorites, Ms. Niehaus!” Delphine blew off, chewing down the last mouthful of food. 

Cosima’s eyes were narrow, desperate to read the breaking face of the teacher in front of her. “Bullshit.”

The blonde woman coughed, her hand braced across her mouth as she stared amusingly at the dreadlocked woman. “Cosima!” she scolded, watching her sit back down. “I am just saying that… that Kira is a delight in my classroom.”

Cosima licked her lips, still staring with squinting eyes behind her glasses. “Mhmm. Okay. Delight is teacher-speak for favorite. Got it, Ms. Cormier.” 

“You, Cosima…” Delphine stated, pointing her fork towards the woman as she packed her lunch bag. “Are very cheeky today. But, I do enjoy company for lunch. So I thank you for that.” 

“Anytime… Maybe I can meet you for lunch again say…. Sunday?” Cosima pressed hesitantly, the familiar dry feeling in her throat coming back.

“But Cosima. Today, it is Friday.” She stated, confused beyond belief. 

“Exactly. It’s Friday. The end of the day.”

Delphine froze in the midst of snapping closed her lunch bag, slowly looking up from her lap and towards a grinning Cosima. She was right, it was Friday, and Delphine completely forgot. The week was over, and Cosima was actually on time.

“Mon Dieu, Cosima. You are right.” Delphine said, clearly surprised as she flipped her hair to the opposite side. “I will be honest, I was not confidant that you would be able to pull this off.”

“Oh, ouch. Right in the ego!” Cosima joked, clutching at her heart. Delphine clicked her tongue at the young American.

“Cheeky.” She scolded as she looked at her watch as she slid off the piano. Cosima was all grins as they walked out of the auditorium in a brewing silence. 

“All bets are still on.” Cosima reminded her as they reached the door to her classroom, nudging her slightly with her elbow. Delphine smiled, shaking her head and ignoring the woman as she walked into her room to grab her coat.

“Are you ignoring me, Ms. Cormier?” Cosima laughed, her tongue poking out between her teeth. Delphine gave her a mock glare as she crossed the room, shrugging on her coat. “Hey wait- stop.” Cosima said, grabbing Delphine gently by the belt loop of her jacket. “Your uh, hood. It’s stuck in the jacket.” 

Cosima went around to the front of Delphine, her arms snaking around her neck and pulled out the hood of the coat at a painfully slow rate. Her fingers lingered over the exposed skin of her neck, committing the soft, warm plane to memory beneath tht pads of her fingertips. Beauty marks were now visible at this proximity, Cosima biting back the urge to count every one that her fingers glided over, overcome with awe in her beauty. 

Delphine swallowed, soaking in every single part of Cosima’s face that was so close to hers. She peered downwards, noting how long her eyelashes were and the curve of Cosima’s lips. She just wanted to reach forward and touch- 

“There.” Cosima said lowly, her voice hoarse for some reason as they locked eyes. Cosima wasn’t sure when it happened, but she was suddenly on her toes, her arms on Delphine’s neck and shoulders, so close she was able to clearly smell the lipgloss Delphine wore, wanting so direly to know how it tasted.

“Em. Merci.” Delphine practically whispered back, side-stepping and quickly busying herself out the door. Cosima was still for a minute, lost in the moment of what had just happened. Was Delphine nervous? Did she make her nervous?

She shook the thoughts from her head, breaking into a skip to meet up with Delphine. They met with her class halfway to the main entrance. Cosima was utterly shocked at how well they listened to Delphine, falling into lines and buddies as soon as they laid eyes upon her. 

“Good afternoon, class.” She said quietly, settling the kids down. Kira caught eye of her aunt, who cheekily stuck her tongue out at her. Kira went to mimick Cosima, but was caught under the watchful eye of her teacher before she tried anything. Delphine craned her neck behind her to stare at a guilty Cosima, who all but smiled and shrugged. 

“Good afternoon, Ms. Cormier.” They all chanted in unison. 

“Did we have a good practice with Ms. Fournier?” She asked. The class cheered a loud ‘Yes!’, Delphine clearly beaming. “Tres bien! Lets go tell mom and dad how well we did today.” She said, leading the way to the pick-up line. “Cosima, would you mind walking behind the last pair of students. I could use all the eyes I could get.”

“Yeah! No probs.” She gestured, reigning up to her assigned position. They class was picked up quickly, most parents there early to avoid the mess with snow and parking. Kira flew into Cosima’s leg the moment her teacher dismissed them, clinging tight.

“Auntie Cosima, you’re here!” she cheered as Cosima squatted down to wrap her in the warmest hug. Delphine watched them, seeing Cosima’s adoration for her niece in a completely different light now. 

“Of course I’m here, monkey. I’m always going to be here for you!” she said, kissing the top of Kira’s little nose. 

“You promise?” 

“Mhmm. Cross my heart, see?” she assured, drawing an X across her chest. Kira smiled, hugging her aunt once more before she stood up straight again. 

“See, on time.” Cosima noted teasingly towards Delphine. The blonde woman all but nodded stiffly, arms tightening across her chest, still in disbelief. She was sure Cosima wouldn’t be able to pull it off, saving her a night of having to venture out into town with a stranger. The only reason she agreed to the bet was because she never expected Cosima to follow through. 

“Yes Cosima, you are right.” She exhaled loudly, rolling her eyes upward. Cosima laughed aloud, pure joy on her face. 

“So. Where do you want to go, pick anywhere you like.” She offered happily. 

“Hmm. This is your chance at a do-over for a first impression. I believe you are within your rights to pick the location of our… day.” Delphine said slowly, choosing every word as carefully as possible. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and biting down nervously. 

She wasn’t too sure when her hands had started to get so clammy, or why every time she glanced over Cosima was grinning at her, the peak of her pink tongue sending the butterflies in her stomach insane. She felt like running, sprinting down the hall and locking herself in her room. Whatever these feeling were, she didn’t want them. She refused to accept them, whatever they were. Still, she stood tall, reverting to her safe choice of arms across her chest in a guarded, walled fashion. 

Cosima nodded, licking her lips and rubbing her hands together in short. “Okay, okay. That’s fair. There’s this place downtown called Bobby’s. Kind of a place for locals, a little low-key. I think it’s pretty cool… say 8 o’clock, Sunday?” 

Her heart was racing, both of theirs. Neither woman could make eye contact with each other, both for entirely different reasons. Cosima was two breaths away from fainting, eagerly waiting for Delphine to respond. Every second felt like a year she waited.

“Oui. That sounds fine. I am… looking forward to it, I suppose.” Delphine offered meakly, checking her watch for the umpteenth time in during pick-up. Cosima watched her, noting her body language uneasily. 

“Suppose?” she said, frowning. “Okay, yeah. Only if you’re sure. No pressure or anything. Just a drink, right?” 

“Mhmm. Just a drink.” Delphine repeated, feeling a little better. It was just a drink, totally platonic and not at all worth getting sick over. “Don’t be late.” She waved a small goodbye before she changed her mind, walking quickly past Cosima and Kira, her shoes clicking down the hall back to her classroom.

Cosima peered down at her niece, who was smiling toothily up back at her, tugging on the fabric of her pants. 

“You’re going to see Ms. C?” she asked wondrously. Cosima went to tell her yes, but caught her tongue. Telling Kira meant telling Sarah, who was already pissed off with her. And telling Sarah meant telling her sisters, which basically equated to everybody under the sun finding out. 

“I uhm- come on, Kira. Your mom is waiting for us at my apartment.” She reverted, deciding to ignore the question all together. Kira didn’t seem to mind, instead grasping Cosima’s hand and led her out of the building. Meanwhile, the brunette’s mind was reeling with possible scenarios about Sunday. What was she going to wear? What should she drink? Does she drive, or take the bus? Will she even need a car? This was crazy. It’s just drinks, just one drink. It wasn’t like it was a date or anything. 

‘Right?!’


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe this chapter was a bit shorter than the others. If so, apologies. I'll be away for most of Wednesday and wasn't sure if I'd be able to post this chapter, so I decided to go ahead and post it early!

Chapter 6

The cold air was nipping at her nose, coloring it a fruitful red that nearly matched her coat. Cosima wasn’t sure what possessed her not to wear gloves, but she was kicking herself for the decision now as her fingers trembled in the depths of her pocket. By the time she reached Bobby’s, she was running on around ten minutes late. She checked herself out in the reflection of the door, giving herself a one down of her snow-dusted outfit, and opened the door.

“Just a drink, Cos. Just chill.” She mumbled to herself, rubbing her glasses dry. 

It was easy to spot Delphine.

She stuck out like a sore, french thumb from the rest of the inhabits of the bar. Cosima took the moment to indulge in the sight before her, grateful that the blonde woman’s back was to her, curly tresses gently pulled up and out of her face. The curve of her back was bent ever so slightly over the bar counter, a lace print satin top matched with burgundy pants that made Cosima absolutely swoon, her tongue drying. 

Her eyes continued their decent, meeting with the knee high boots that illusioned Delphine’s legs to appear a mile long. Her face though, is what caught Cosima’s breath, watching her turn her head the slightest bit to the side, exposing her side profile to Cosima’s wandering eyes. 

She was clearly upset, her brow furrowed with anxiety as her fingers strummed the counter with quick taps. She knew if she waited by the door any longer, it would probably only piss Delphine off more. So with heavy feet, she walked.

“Hey.” Cosima smiled, taking ownership of the barstool next to Delphine. The blonde woman spun around in her seat, a look that clearly read ‘relieved’ and ‘annoyed’ etched into her face. “Sorry about that. You know, the whole late thing.”

“Figures.” Delphine scoffed, her hands finding comfortable refuge across her chest. “Tell me, Cosima. How do you manage to have a nearly impeccable time for your priorities, but not now?” she asked lowly. 

Cosima could all but shrug, curling her lips tightly inward. “I’m really screwing up this second- first impression aren’t I?” 

Delphine nodded curtly, her head dropping to the side to get a better look at Cosima’s face casted in the shadows of the dingy bar. 

“I’m just trying to understand.” She said quietly. “Why on earth you, an individual who barely knows who I am, wants so badly to be in my good graces. Why did you go through all this trouble?” Delphine asked, her voice sharp but gentle. “Why did you even ask me of this favor?”

Cosima licked her lips, too lost in the movement of Delphine’s wine-stained lips to truly focus on the words she was saying. “I guess… for the same reason you showed up.”

‘Oh.’ Delphine thought, her mouth falling slack opened. The familiar, unwelcomed flutter in stomach was slowly returning as Cosima smiled at her, a hint of tongue protruding between her teeth. Delphine cleared her throat, sitting up straight, not able to come up with a proper response. 

“I suppose that’s…yes. Still not a reason to keep me waiting, Ms. Niehaus.” Delphine responded slowly.

“I know, I know!” she responded quickly, her hands flying through the air. “And I’m really sorry, seriously. I just- ugh I’m fucking this up big time.” 

With that, Cosima rose from her seat, stripping of her coat to reveal a gorgeous wine colored dress that perfectly matched Delphine’s pants. Delphine couldn’t help but stare, clearly confused as she stuck her hand out between them.

“Uhm. Hi. I’m Cosima.” She said simply, a broad, toothy grin plastered across her face. 

Delphine’s eyes flicked between Cosima’s hands and eyes rapidly, clearly confused about what the hell was going on. Obviously she knew who she was, what was she doing? Delphine, despite her demanding conscience, wrapped her hand around Cosima’s, shaking it tentatively.

“Delphine. Enchantee.” She smiled, still a bit puzzled. An odd sensation ripped through the nerve endings in her hands at the contact, making her eager to pull away as Cosima sat down once more.

“Enchantee.” She repeated back, her miserable French accent sending Delphine into a fit of quiet giggles. “I tried!” Cosima pouted, sticking her tongue out towards the blonde fleetingly. 

Bobby, the bartender and Cosima’s good friend, approached them from behind the counter behind Delphine. She gave Cosima a knowing glance, presuming this was probably one of Cosima’s late-evening hookups. Cosima just glared in her direction, calling her over with a shake of her head. 

“Hey Bobby. This is, uhm, Delphine.” She said sweetly, causing Delphine to turn around and face the young woman, fluttering her fingers in a wave. 

“Bonsoir.” Delphine smiled. Bobby all but smirked, licking her teeth as she glanced between the two women. 

“Mm, French. Okay Cos, I see you. Nice catch tonight.”

“Shut it.” Cosima joked back, starting to blush as she mouthed a ‘sorry’ to Delphine. “I’ll have a amaretto sour- on the rocks.”

“Em- catch?” Delphine asked, raising an eyebrow towards Cosima’s direction. The brunette began to stutter, falling over her words.

“So! What can I get you both?” Bobby cut in, swooping into the conversation to rescue Cosima’s stuttering excuse. It didn’t go over Delphine’s head, but she let it pass. 

“Wine please, red if you have.” She ordered. “And put it on this one’s tab.” She added, jutting her thumb teasingly in Cosima’s direction. The bespectacled woman chuckled with a sigh, shaking her head in defeat. “What?” Delphine asked, eyes wide in bemusement. “You did offer to take me for one drink on Friday. I presumed that this is what you meant. And besides, I think you owe me one for your tardiness.”

Cosima could hear Bobby choking back a laugh as she served Delphine, sliding Cosima her usual amaretto sour in suit. She rolled her eyes, watching the woman disappear to other customers. 

“I’m sorry about that. We’ve been friends for years, she likes to pick on me whenever I come in.” Cosima apologized, stirring her drink. 

Delphine smiled at her coyly, bringing the glass to her lips without ever breaking eye contact. “About your catches, I presume.” Delphine’s eyes flicker down in thought, vividly remember the poorly hidden bruises that scattered across Cosima’s neck weeks ago, the memory alone triggering her clenching jaw. She could only imagine if it involved one of Cosima’s catches. 

“Yeah- about that, too. I’m not like-“

“Cosima.” Delphine cut off, placing a hand on the woman’s knee. Cosima swallowed hard, mustering up every bit of self-restraint not to melt into Delphine’s blistering touch. “You do not need to explain your life to me. D’accord?” The petite woman smiled, nodding her head in gratitude. “You’re a very interesting individual, Cosima. I have never met anybody life you before.”

There was no holding back the heart-thumping grin now as Delphine retracted her hand to rest in her lap. “That’s a good thing, right?” Cosima asked. 

“I do not know yet. I don’t really know you. We’ve… just met.” Delphine said, playing along with Cosima’s charade from moments before. 

The brunette leaned back somewhat, giving her space to cross her legs on top of each other, revealing slightly more of her thigh to Delphine’s wandering eyes.

“Right, okay.” Cosima said, sipping her drink and staring off. “I’m a biology major with a concentration in Evolutionary Development. I have four other sisters, all genetically identical but- to be honest- all like, completely polar opposites. I have one pet, a chinchilla named Watson, but he’s been with Felix for a few weeks now so it’s basically his... and I play the piano and ukulele.”

Delphine could all but stare and shift on the barstool, the butterflies swarming in the put of her stomach stopping her from being able to speak. She was far to wrapped up in Cosima’s ramble, finding it cute almost. She watched Cosima’s hands cut and slice through the air, listening intently to the clanking of her rings and bracelets. She had to have had at least one ring on every finger. Delphine couldn’t help but wonder… she had to ask.

“You play the piano very well, Cosima. Do you uhm, do you play for everybody?” she asked sheepishly. 

Cosima shook her head, sipping the last of her drink. “Mm, no. Not everybody.”

“I should feel special then, non?” Delphine asked with what Cosima swore was a wink, making her gulp loudly. 

“Sure yeah, definitely.” Cosima jumped, hearing an obnoxious snort from Bobby who was shamelessly eavesdropping, shooting Cosima a devilish grin. “How uhm, how about you? Spill your secrets.” Cosima teased. 

Delphine cleared her throat, her heart jumping at Cosima’s devilish grin. “Mon Dieu, alright. Well, I was raised in Paris where I worked in the uhm… science field. After a while I moved to America and got a degree in education. I have been teaching Kindergarten for about four years now, and I love it. My students help me learn along with them every day.”

Cosima was awestruck at how much enthusiasm Delphine showed towards her career, she could see the passion in her eyes and the devotion she had for her work; it made her heart swell just listening to it. 

“Anybody can tell how much of an amazing teacher Ms. Cormier is. But how amazing is Delphine?” Cosima pressed as Bobby knowingly slid her another drink down the counter. The alcohol was fueling her bits of bravery, as well as Delphine’s.

The blonde rolled her lips, finishing off the last of her glass and tapping for another. “I would say that is the real me. I’ve dedicated my life to my career, I don’t really do much else.” She revealed, staring intently at anything but Cosima. “I’m not very interesting, unfortunately. Not like you.”

“Interesting isn’t exactly everybody’s first word of choice- but thank you.” Cosima smiled. “So you really don’t get out much around town, then? I find that hard to believe- look at you, you’re beau-uhm yeah, I just find it hard to believe. Not even like… your uhm… your.. your boyfriend takes you around?”

Delphine nearly choked on her wine, clapping a hand over across her mouth to keep from coughing up her wine. Cosima couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of Delphine suddenly so disheveled. 

“Non, non!” she laughed, trying to regain control of her sudden coughing fit. The thought to her was incredulous, a boyfriend?! She didn’t know anybody besides her co-workers, and even they were distant acquaintances. “No boyfriend!”

Cosima couldn’t help but stare at sight in front of her. “Why is that so funny?” 

“It’s just something I never thought about. So it was a little off guard to be asked.” She explained, her face flushed a strawberry red. Delphine reached up into her hair, pulling at the elastic bound in it and letting her curls tumble to her shoulders. 

An all too familiar sensation began to rocket through Cosima’s body, heading straight to her core and making her legs jelly. She couldn’t help but put a vice grip on the bar counter as Delphine gave her a head a proper shaking, letting her golden tendrils fall freely around her face. 

“Cosima?” Delphine asked, bringing the dreadlocked woman back to earth.

She shook her head, clapping her hand down on the counter and waking herself up.“Huh-what?”

Delphine laughed, tapping Cosima’s knee with her fingers. “I asked if you had a boyfriend.”

“Oh no, uhm. Not in a relationship. Definitely no boyfriend.” She pressed, leaning forward slightly. Delphine nodded her head, waving her hand in agreement. Their second drinks were definitely kicking in by now, and Cosima was mustering all the strength she had not to tuck a stray curl behind Cosima’s ear. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Men are just…ugh. D’accord?” she muttered, taking a deep slurp of her wine. 

Cosima shrugged, letting it slide and decided to enjoy the kick from her drinks. “Something like that, yeah.” She attested, blatantly grinning wide at the blonde.

“You know, I also have a large interest in the biological sciences. Particular immunology.” Delphine noted, turning on her barstool to learn her back against the counter while her head still faced Cosima, revealing the curve of her neck that Cosima shamelessly wanted nothing more than to taste. 

“Really? That like, hella wicked. What made you change your mind?”

Delphine shrugged, furrowing her brow to find the right words. She wasn’t ready to reveal all her secrets just yet.

“Change my mind is a pretty broad notion…” she teased. “Oh, finances. Job security.” She lolled off, keeping the notation at bay. “And I love children. I’m not complaining, I’m very happy with my career. I can tell, Cosima, you will be a fantastic biologist one day.”

Cosima wasn’t entirely sure if it was Delphine’s kind words or the drink that was warming her body, but she didn’t care- not in the slightest. “That means a lot, Delphine. Thank you.”

“De rien, mon ami.” She slurred, grinning almost stupidly now. 

“Ami? Friend?” Cosima repeated, spinning around to face Delphine’s relaxed body. The blonde looked to her, her doe-eyes bringing Cosima’s body to a boil. 

“Oui. I would like to consider you a friend, no Cosima? Is that not why you invited me out today?” she asked innocently, a sense of worry stringing in her words. 

Cosima pursed her lips, realizing suddenly what was happening. ‘She’s obvs straight, Cos’ she thought to herself, her heart sinking. Slowly she nodded her head, but her normally giddy expression had drastically changed to a somber one. 

“Yeah. Friends.” She mumbled. Cosima shrugged, accepting Delphine’s choice. It wouldn’t be the first time she caught feeling for a straight woman, she was sure it wouldn’t be the last. “So I guess my first impression worked this time around?” she joked, trying to lighten the suddenly sullen mood. 

Cosima grinning, reaching for Cosima’s hand and holding it sweetly in her own. “Oui. Third time is a charm for you, cheeky girl.” She added, stroking her thumb comfortingly across Cosima’s hand. 

The brunette swallowed loudly, too scared to move a muscle, clearly because she was unaware of how her body would respond. 

“It’s nice to make a friend in the brave new world.” Delphine added, glancing at Cosima’s watch on the hand she was holding. “Is it that late in the evening already? I have to finish my lesson plans for the week, I should really call my cab.” 

Cosima couldn’t speak back, too isolated in fear of Delphine’s close proximity. She could only nod her head, closing her eyes as she felt familiar lips press soft, wine-stained kisses on her cheeks. Cosima could almost swear on science that she felt her lips on the corner of her mouth, but simply blamed it on the alcohol. 

“Bonne nuit, Cosima. This was fun.” She whispered, her gentle breath tickling the brunette’s ear, sending jolts through her body.

Cosima could barely whisper a goodbye back. She turned on the barstool to face the counter, not bearing to watch Delphine leave. She propped her elbows onto the counter, letting her forehead fall into her palms.

“Holy shit, dude. You’re so fucked!” Bobby cackled, wiping down the bar counter and taking their glasses. 

Cosima’s head whipped up, ready to curse right back at her dear friend. Instead she just shrugged, nodding her head. 

“I know, dude. She called me her ‘friend’.” Bobby couldn’t help but laugh even more, rubbing the top of Cosima’s dreads playfully. 

“You’ll live.” She assured boldly, plopping another full glass in front of Cosima. It was going to be a long night. “She’s probably just playing hard to get. You’re really challenging yourself with these catches lately. If you need a load off, the brunette back there has been eyeing you all night. And I know for a fact that she’s down with chicks, I say go get her and blow off Frenchie.”

“She’s not a catch, Bobby.” Cosima bit through her teeth, making the blonde throw her hands up in surrender.

“Relax, dreads. How was I supposed to know?” Bobby grumbled, leaning over the rest against the counter. “You digging her?” Cosima nodded, taking a long sip of her drink. The bartender pursed her lips, tapping Cosima’s hands comfortingly. She studied her friend ‘s (and favorite customer) face hard, reading the emotionally stressed and slightly drunken expression.

“I’m screwed, aren’t I?” Cosima asked, her voice hoarse as the alcohol began to really hit her. “I think I really like her.”

“Nah.” Bobby responded supportively, even though she was lying through her teeth. “You’ll be fine and back to my favorite Cosima in a few days.” 

“Thanks, Bobby.” The two women exchanged a glance, both knowing that they were kidding themselves, but smiled anyway. 

 

Delphine stood by the door, a little wobbly from her drinks, but her ears sobering up to work just fine. She looked on towards Cosima at the bar, listening intently as she vented to the tender. The suspicions that she was trying to hard to protest against were true. The flutter in her stomach as she heard her say it aloud intensified.

It was impossible. She couldn’t feel an attraction to a woman; it couldn’t be attraction, not even affection. This was something Delphine would have discovered about herself years ago. The blonde shook her head, tapping her fingers to her temple as she stormed out the door.

“What was that?” Cosima asked, whirling around just in time to see the door closed. She shrugged, letting the mystery go.

Meanwhile Delphine was halfway down the block already, her mind racing nearly as fast as her feet could take her. She’d flag down a cab at some point, but for now needed to walk the anxiety out. 

Cosima was possibly going to be one of the first friends she’d have here, and in her life in general. It was no secret that Delphine was a bit of loner back home- always aiming to please everybody but herself. There was something about the tiny American that constantly drew her in, wanting to learn everything she could about her. 

And, God, how she just always wanted to touch her- needed to feel her just to make sure she wasn’t some figment of her imagination. Her hands, covered with rings and bracelets, were so warm and inviting to the touch, and just fit so perfectly in her own- much different from any man who held her hand by a long shot. 

She tried, fighting tooth and nail, to keep these feelings at bay by building a strong guard around her, striking intimidation into the tiny American by remaining closed off and judgmental. But it only drew Cosima in more. Nothing she did was working. 

By they were friends, she needed a friend. She needed this mysterious, awkward, intelligent American. They couldn’t be romantic feelings, as much as they strikingly mirrored those of past lovers. No, it had to be something more logical that Delphine hadn’t discovered yet. 

Her drunken reasoning was getting her nowhere but further from home, eventually flagging down a cab and giving her address. She folded herself into the back seat, leaning her head against the window and watching the scenery. Still her stomach flipped and turned. Cosima might actually like her, meanwhile her entire self-identity was turning upside down.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

The only sounds in the room were the scrubbing bristles of a cleaning brush... and the insistent ‘click’ of Cosima’s typing and her fingers rapidly danced across the screen of her phone. A small smile crept on her lips, her tongue poking between them as a meek stifle. Like the small child she was inside, Cosima stared unblinkingly at her phone until she small vibration indicated a reply.

**D- ‘I’m just so bored! I miss u’** it read, making the young brunette chomp down on her lip.

**C- ‘did you have a good time the other night?’** she responded abruptly, holding her breath for a reply.

“Oi, Alison! Lay off will you?” Sarah snapped, watching her sister compulsively scrub down Cosima’s countertop. “Cos is a big girl, she can clean for herself!”

“Apparently not…” Alison mumbled under her breath, not skipping a beat as she continued to clean down the kitchenette area.

Sarah rolled her eyes, stretching her feet out across Cosima’s lap as they laid on her grand bed together. It was rare when the sister’s could all spend time together, even today Rachel and Helena couldn’t stop by- but three was better than two. Cosima just shook her head, grinning to herself as she opened a new message.

**D-** ‘ **Oui! You have made a great third impression, Cosima.’**

She couldn’t help but snort at the comment, rolling her eyes as she typed away on her phone, oblivious to Alison’s grumbling.

**C-** ‘ **hey! Im supposed to be the cheeky one, remember.’** She teased back bravely. Before she could even look up to see what Alison was droning on about, her phone buzzed once more.

**D-** ‘ **Of course I do. I remember a lot of things.. I have a good memory”**

A dizzying-strength of Pine-Sol was sitting heavy in the air of Cosima’s small apartment, as it always did when Alison came to visit. It was particularly potent enough to pull Cosima’s attention away from the small device tucked into her hands within her lap. The suburban sister never failed to stop by without a caddy of yellow gloves and cleaning supplies, a chipper smile daubed across her face as she immediately set to work.

“Honestly, Cosima. How you can you stand the smell of that _marijuana_ all the time? I think it’s seeping into your wallpaper.” She complained, as she did during every visit. “You know, I completely respect everybody’s recreational activities and such, but I just think that-“

“ _Lay off, Alison!”_ Sarah yelled again as her and Cosima shared a sideways glance at each other. Their smirks quickly fell as they heard Alison’s fervent stomping approaching the bedroom.

She popped into the doorway, snapping her gloves off and glaring at her guilty-faced sisters. “I am just trying to help!” she huffed, snapping off her gloves.

She glared down the bed at Cosima, who was once again too consumed with her phone to be paying even half attention.

**C-‘Well I’m good a making memories’** she typed back with a lump in her throat, sending the message before she had time to really think about it.

The conversation between the two women had a knack for fluctuating between flirtatious and platonic constantly **,** neither of them brave enough (or aware enough) to really pursue anything. Cosima was learning to respect boundaries, to be a _friend._ Delphine was oblivious… whether or not it be by choice.

 With a heady groan of annoyance Alison moved to stomp forward, but Sarah was faster. She grabbed at her sister’s arm, laughing maniacally as she dragged her down onto the mattress on top of them.

“Oh Jeezum! _Sarah!_ ” she cried, hands flailing. Cosima jumped gasping slightly as the sudden weight of Alison falling across her lap.

“Relax, Ali. Come on- twisted sister cuddle time.” Sarah smiled, scooching over so they could all relax together. Cosima instinctively falls into Alison’s side; the three women moving like clockwork, molding to each other’s bodies like they had so many times in their youth.

“I’m just trying to help.” Alison side quietly, feeling Sarah rub at her shoulders soothingly.

Sarah smirked, shaking her head softly. “We know, Ali.” She soothed. “So how’s everything going with Donnie?”

Alison nodded with a shrug, humming to herself. “Oh fine, fine.” She fluttered her fingers in the air. “Donnie is just… well he’s busy with rentals.”

**D-** ‘ **You’re so funny!’**

Cosima’s vibrated loudly, notifying her of a text message which she immediately set forth responding to as quickly as possible, biting down on her bottom lip to stop from smiling.

**C- ‘Always glad to make a pretty lady laugh’**

This didn’t go over Sarah’s head, who whipped around quickly to scowl at Cosima.

“Oi, Cos. Trying to be a normal family right now. Put the bloody phone away, yeah?” Sarah glared, lifting her head to stare down the dreadlocked woman. Cosima almost didn’t hear her, just nodding her head and never letting her eyes leave the screen as she suppressed a giggle. “Shite… _Cos!”_

“Yeah?! Yeah, sorry sorry sorry.” She exclaimed, setting the phone face down on the bed.

Alison and Sarah stared at Cosima pointedly, making her tremble beneath their glares.

“You’ve been fiddling away on that telephone all afternoon, Cosima. Who has your attention, hmm?” Alison chimed.

Cosima shook her head, her eyes wide and dilated behind her wide frames. “Oh nobody, just school stuff. Emails you know, always busy and shit. With science.”

Sarah scoffed, sucking her teeth while Alison rolled her eyes. “Bullshit.” The two women sat up, leaning against Cosima’s headboard while she crawled to the foot of the bed, sitting cross legged and facing her sisters.

“Okay. Spill.” Alison demanded, her eyes thin as they stared her down.

Cosima feigned confusion, shrugging. Meanwhile her heart was racing, cracking under the pressure of her sisters pointed stares.

“It’s nothing, really I-“

The vibration of her cell phone in the middle of the bed cut her off, all three women glanced at the phone and, without a second thought, immediately lunged for it. Hands were scrambling, grabbing at the small cell frantically.

“A-ha!” Sarah rejoiced, snatching the phone close to her body. Cosima grumbled, crossing her arms across her chest and pouting. Sarah just shook her head in her direction, clicking her teeth. “Don’t be such a baby, Cos.” She teased, tapping the screen on.

Alison giggled, grabbing the phone from Sarah. “Delphine? Whose Delphine? Why does she have a smiley face emoticon?”

“Nobody! Just a friend!” Cosima defended, her bottom lip jutting out in a grimace.

Alisson sneered, rolling her eyes. “Come on, you put a passcode on your phone? It’s like you don’t trust us!”

“Yeah, Cos. I’m hurt!” Sarah added, the two woman giggling as they tossed Cosima her phone back, which she scrambled to grab and read the text.

**D- ‘You are too kind, Cosima!!’**

“You two are bullies.” She complained, typing away on her phone.

**C- ‘My sisters r driving me crazy…’**

“Oi, we didn’t give it back for you to ignore us.”

“Agreed. Now spill, whose this _Delphine_.” Alison cooed, clapping her hands together and wagging an eyebrow at Cosima. “Is she another one of your, you know, _extracurriculars_.”

“Ughhh, Alison stop! You sound like mom!” Cosima groaned, falling back onto the bed and covering her face with her hands. “ _Just_ like mom when you talk like that.”

Alison huffed, clearly offended as she brushed her fingers through her bangs, adjusting her ponytail. “I’m just trying to make conversation, nothing to get so snippy about.” She retorted. “Honestly, what’s into you lately. You’ve been in another world on that phone all afternoon.”

“Delphine… I know that name.” Sarah thought allowed, wracking her brain. She stiffened suddenly, snapping her fingers. “Delphine _Cormier!_ Cos, are you texting Kira’s teacher?!”

“Oh… _Oh!_ That’s her name? I remember! The blonde lady from the supermarket-“

“The supermarket?” Sarah cut in, Alison putting up a hand to silence her.

“Yes! We, okay well Cosima, ran into while shopping with me a few weeks ago. They are just so cute together! You had to see Cosima, it was like we were in Sheldon High again, she was so lovestruck.”

“Alisoooooon!” Cosima groaned loudly from behind her hands, her face turning a beet red. Sarah on the other hand was quick to move, jumping atop Cosima and straddling her waist, grabbing her hands from her face and pinning them down on either side of her.

“Cosima, are you banging the kinder teacher?” she teased, holding her down as she tried to fight back.

“No!” Cosima yelled. “We’re just friends.” She feigned, struggling against her sisters firm grasp.

Sarah let out a deep laugh, throwing her head back. “Okay, yeah. You two are just friends and Felix is as straight as a bloody ruler. You’re so full of it. “

“Let me go, Sarah!” Cosima yelled, mustering all her strength.

“Not until you spill, ya geek monkey. Come on we’re your sisters. If not us, then who?” she argued back. Cosima let out an exasperated sigh, falling limp under Sarah’s grip.

“Fine. Now let me go, don’t be a bitch.”

“Come on, Sarah. Let the poor thing go, we’re not nine anymore.” Alison mediated. Sarah laughed, pulling herself off, Cosima shoving her in the shoulder as she retreated back to Alison against the headboard.

“Soooo….” Sarah pressed. “The supermarket?”

“It was nothing!” Cosima grumbled, sitting back up. “We were there shopping, and she was there shopping. Total coincidence. We were just talking and stuff. Totally platonic.”

“Mmm, no. No, that’s not what I saw. There was definite _hand-holding_ , I saw it with my own eyes.” Alison pointed out, earning similar gawking stares from her sisters.

“Hand holding, eh? Quit lying, Cos, or I’ll tackle you again.” She threatened. Cos winced, glaring behind her glasses at her un-faltering sister. “Do you like her or not?”

Cosima bit down on her lip, her heart racing under her sisters’ stares. She exhaled loudly, slowly nodding her head.

“Yes! _I knew it!!”_ Alison squealed, bouncing in place on the mattress. “She’s cute, Cosima. Not who I pegged you to try and, you know, scoop up next.”

Cosima rolled her eyes, tossing her head backwards with a groan. “Don’t make a big deal out of it, Alison. She wants to be friends, so I’m leaving it at that. She’s totally straight.”

“Oh, no. Let’s make a big deal out of this. Look at you, huddled over your phone like some middle schooler. Somebody’s been bitten by the love bug.” She chimed in again excitedly. Sarah chuckled, nudging Alison in the ribs. “Platonic hand-holding. That’s such bullshit. Especially for this trickster.”

“No dude, seriously. She does it all the time. I can’t even ask why because whenever she lays a finger on me I just get all tongue-tied like a fucking idiot.” Cosima sighs, throwing caution to the wind.

As much as she wanted to keep Delphine all to herself, there was no point in hiding anything from her two sisters- they’d weasel it out of her like they always did.

“Is it hand holding like- ‘I want to hold your hand because it’s fun’ or more like ‘I want to hold your hand because this is what couples do’?” Alison asked inquisitively.

Cosima just shrugged, her shoulders dropping further.

Sarah catches the somber expression on Cosima’s face, her devilish grin dropping. She hasn’t seen her sister this defensive about somebody in _years_ practically. Cosima was never one to hide anything from her sisters. She swallowed hard, clutching her phone for dear life as she eagerly waited for Delphine to text her back.

“Holy shit…” Sarah mumbled, locking eyes with her bespectacled sister. “You really like her.”

Cosima gulped, shrugging sadly again. Alison’s hands came across her mouth, stifling a gasp and a whispered ‘ _oh sweetie’._ She held her arms open, letting Cosima crawl forward and snuggle between them, wedging herself between the two bodies.

_“_ Yeah but it’s never going to happen.” Cosima sighed, her mouth twisting down in the corners. “I _always_ make a damn fool out of myself whenever I’m around her. She’s not interested in me like that.”

“Don’t think like that, Cos. From what I hear, she asks Kira about you all the time. Maybe there’s hope.” Sarah offered, smoothing the top of Cosima’s dreads.

“I dunno. Sometimes I feel like she might possibly be flirting with me. Like at the supermarket, she was all “I’m going to cook for you” blah blah blah-

“Oh yup, yes. I remember that!” Alison clapped excitedly, earning a death-glare from Cosima.

“ _Anyway_. As I’m sure you conveniently remember, I fucked that up by reminding her of the wager we had going on for the week. But I _think_ possibly she’s still holding the offer out, I dunno.” Cosima explains, clamping her eyes shut tight in frustration. ”And then sometimes she’s treating me like one of her students. _But then_ she calls me her friend!” Cosima confesses, her voice starting to crack as Alison held her tighter. “She’s the queen of mixed signals. But honestly? I’m pretty sure she’s straight.”

Sarah scoffed, trying her best to support her sister. “That’s bollocks. If I know you, Cosima, that’s never stopped you from pursuing a woman before. You can turn them like a dime.” She added encouragingly, Alison nodding her head in agreement.

Cosima shook her head, nuzzling closer into Alison’s shoulder as she grabbed Sarah’s arm, pulling her closer behind her until she was an air-tight sandwich between them.

“Ya bloody cuddle monster.” Sarah smirked, rolling her eyes and succumbing to Cosima’s wants. “Kira’s teacher really did a number on you.”

“Well let’s look at the bright side!” Alison chimed in, her voice far too chipper for anybody’s pleasure. “You succeeded in your little bet, I presume. Which means she let you take her on a date, that must mean something right?”

“I thought it did!” Cosima shrugged, sulking deeper. “I thought ‘Hey, maybe I have a shot here.’ So last week we had some drinks, exchanged some conversation, and then ended the night by calling me her friend. And it was hella short. Like, okay I did show up late or whatever- but we really didn’t have any chill time. A whole Hi-and-bye nonsense.”

Sarah craned her neck over Cosima’s head to look at Alison, mouthing ‘ _friendzoned’_ to her sister. Alison frowned, nodding her head sadly in agreement.

“I saw that.” Cosima grumbled. “Hey. Etslay ixnay on that friendzone bullshit, yeah? We know that’s so not real.”

“Sorry..” they mumbled, Sarah rolling her eyes.

“Does she know how you feel, Cos?” Alison asked softly. Cosima shook her head, sniffling more as Alison swore she felt a trickle of tears move down the arm Cosima was resting on.

“Don’t think so.” She said. “I didn’t like, blatantly tell her or anything. I thought the sideline flirting back and forth was enough.”

“Well maybe you should!” Sarah thought allowed, earning a glare from Alison. “What? Does she have anything to lose?!”

“Sarah!” Alison scowled, trying to shut her up. Neither sisters were used to seeing Cosima in such heartache. Cosima was usually the heartbreaker, not the other way around.

“Come on, guys. Stop arguing.” Cosima mumbled, wiping her nose on her sleeve and sitting up finally.

Her face was blotchy, red, and puffy, tear streaked from finally facing her emotions. Alison reached over immediately, grabbing a Kleenex pack from her vest pocket and wiping at Cosima’s face. She was embarrassed in the least, but was comforted by the thought that it was just the three of them.

Sarah yawned, stretching her bones. “I still think you should at least consider telling her Cossy-Cos. It’s not good to harbor your feelings.”

“Mm. No, no. I disagree.” Alison piped in, wagging her finger. “Delphine wants to be friends. I think you should respect that boundary at just _let it go_.”

Sarah laughed hotly, glowering across Cosima and right towards Alison. “Let it go? Really? That’s shite and you know it, Alison. You’re just going to suffer through this ‘friendship’ if you keep it in and lie to her.”

Cosima shook her head, raising her hands up slowly to respond. “I think that-“

“She’s not _lying,_ Sarah! She’s being a good friend!”

“But what if she has a chance at going out with her?”

“What if she doesn’t and just continues to get her heart broken?”

“ _GUYS!”_ Cosima exploded, her hands flying out across both of their chests. “Please!”

“Sorry…” the both mumbled in unison, patting Cosima’s outstretched legs.

“I appreciate the concern, really. But I have to figure this out on my own.”

Sarah sighed, nodding her head and rolling off the bed to sit on the windowsill, one leg propped up and the other dangling freely. “I don’t like seeing you like this, Cos.” She mumbled, leaning her head against the cold glass. “Christ, is it ever going to stop snowing?”

Cosima’s phone vibrated on the bed. They all stared at it again as she picked it up, staring blankly at the screen.

“That’s her, yeah?” Sarah asked, jutting her chin in Cosima’s direction. The tiny brunette nodded her head, pushing her glasses further up her nose. “Well, what she say?”

“I- I don’t know. I don’t want to read it.” Cosima muttered, unlocking her phone and pressing it into Alison’s hands. “Here. You do damage control.” She pleaded. Alison licked her lips, clearing her throat as her eyes scanned the screen.

“She said. ‘ **Monday morning is too far away, _mon ami._ Miss you dearly’**. “ Alison read, throwing a disgusted look. “Mon ami? What does that even mean? It sounds _wrong_.”

Cosima laughed sadly, scratching at her chin. “It means ‘my friend’, Ali.” She corrected. “See what I mean? Just friends.”

“Maybe you need a break from her for a few. Clear your head, find another lady-friend to occupy you.” Sarah shook her head, clearly annoyed at the teacher. “Give your usual missus a call. God knows she’s always down for a shag.”

“I never liked her…” Alison clicked her teeth at her own comment, rolling her eyes as she remembers having to constantly be on noise-control whenever Cosima brought home the other tiny blonde woman, hating her sisters for it.

Cosima stifled a wince at the thought of talking to another individual. If you would have asked her two weeks ago, before she ever laid eyes on the teacher, she would have been all for it. But _something_ that Cosima just couldn’t put her finger on made her putty in Delphine’s hands. She wasn’t in control of her mind whenever she was around, her heart’s motives completely consumed her. And she hated it.

Cosima was technically the “youngest”, being the last one of the group born, and was always dubbed the baby of the group- despite her protests about how they were all born on the same day to the same parents. But, like sisters, they didn’t listen to her. Sarah though, was the most protective over Cosima- ready to fight for the death for her. Seeing Cosima so dismissive and emotionally exposed brought her blood to a proper boil. “I can drop Kira off on Monday, I don’t need to meet with Mrs. S til the afternoon.”

“No, Sarah.” Cosima head popping up, her hands frantic in the air. “You don’t have to do that.” She needed to see Delphine, especially after that text message. She didn’t want to disappoint the woman by not showing up.

“I want to, she’s my daughter anyway. You need a break from Frenchie.” She pressed, making up her mind.

Cosima shrugged and nodded, knowing there was no winning a battle against Sarah. “Yeah, I guess. If you want.”

Alison sighed, checking her watch. “Not to be the party-pooper, but I have to pick up Donnie from work.” She sighed, clambering out of bed. “You’ll be alright here? Because I can call Chad to get him if you need me, Cos.”

“Nah.” She waved off, hopping off the bed as well to grab Alison’s coat. “I know how much you can’t stand him. I don’t want you owing him any favors.”

Alison hugged her sister tightly, lingering for just a handful of moments until she felt Cosima pull back. “Call me if anything.” She whispered to her, Cosima nodding her head.

Sarah sighed, pulling Cosima into a tight hug. “Sure you’re alright?”

“I will be.” Cosima offered meakly, walking the two women to the door. They said their goodbyes, but as Cosima went to close the door, Sarah stuck her boot in.

“Just say the word,” she warned quietly. “And I’ll beat the living shite out of her.”

Cosima cracked a smile, pinching the bridge of her nose. “She’s Kira’s teacher, Sarah. I don’t think that’ll do any of you very good.”

“Yeah- but you’re my sister.”

The two women shared a knowing look and without another word, Sarah sauntered off with Alison. Cosima closed her door, locking it and leaning up against it.

The sound of her phone vibrated in the distance, pulling her away from even the possibility of a quiet moment. With a heavy sigh, Cosima plopped herself down across her bed once more, grabbing her phone. She could help but smile at the small emoticon grinning back up at her screen. It was pointless, no matter how hard she tried to pull back, Delphine was rearing her right on in with her small gestures and remarks.

“No. Cut the shit already.” She chastised herself, fingers eagerly tapping across the screen.

**C- Not sure I’ll make it on Monday. Ttyl.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, there was such little Cophine interaction in this one, but I really enjoy the sister dynamic between these ladies. Don't worry, the next chapter will be up soon soon. As always, thank you so much for sticking with this story so far! You're all lovely individuals.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 

She was hunched over her desk, basking deep in her thoughts as she attempted to revise her remaining lesson plans for the week. Delphine sincerely felt bad for her teaching in the first half of the day, being so disconnected from her class whilst they were obviously eager to see their teacher that morning. Her mind swarmed with the reverent memories of her Cosima; all her miniscule details surfacing in Delphine’s mind to a full boil, unable to clear her thoughts ad focus.

The morning was hard enough without her, having not received a text back in explanation as to why she wouldn’t be there. To say that Delphine fell asleep in the early morning hours, a vice grip still on her phone, would be a compliment. Anxiety had overrun her body, boasting its presence as Delphine wracked her brain as to what she could have possibly said to Cosima that would make her not want to see her, that would somehow push her away from the only friend she had. It was bad enough that Delphine would catch herself texting slightly suggestive replies during their conversations, or reaching for her when they were together. She couldn’t help it, she could barely even notice it until it was already happening. Cosima simply had the effect on her to dislodge common sense from her mind without skipping a beat.

The guilt didn’t subside once sleep finally captured her. The hands that once occupied Delphine’s mind, soon occupied her bare skin as they roamed across her body in heated, lustrous dreams. Scandalous fantasies came to life behind her eyelids of the two of them twisting about in her bed-sheets, Cosima’s phantom lips straining across her neck, warm, soft breasts pressed against her own in the throws of ecstasy. It was only when she was jolted from her slumber to the blaring of her alarm, finding herself coated in a thin sheen of sweat and a rapid heartbeat, did Delphine find herself remembering that she was indeed _dreaming._  Dreaming of ludicrous acts she performed on the American student, dreaming of the way her arms felt around her body, her lips tasted between her teeth, her moans echoing off the confines of her bedroom walls. It was no surprise that Delphine found herself sick to her stomach in the morning due to this, remorse and embarrassment overriding any other emotion. How could she, as a friend, allow her subconscious to invade the personal and private eyes of Cosima’s body, to fantasize of it in sexual exploitations. What would Cosima think, if she ever knew?

Something was wrong with her.

Clearly something was happening that was making her clouding her judgment; she couldn’t think of her friend in this way, even in her dreams. She couldn’t think of any woman in this way, she was not a _homosexual_.

Even she had to scoff at herself for the comment, pushing her chair away from her desk and tossing her head back, allowing her hands to cover her face. The day was barely halfway over, and all she wanted was to collapse in heap on her bed and sleep the week away.

\--

_Instead of being greeted by her favorite warm smile that morning, Kira was walked in by her mother. Delphine knew this, of course, from Cosima’s late night text, but she still remained hopeful that plans would change again._

_Delphine had to admit, though she was previously accustomed to always seeing Sarah before Cosima started brining Kira, she was shocked upon seeing Cosima’s face in a totally different persona- but this time it wasn’t anywhere near a pleasant surprise. Sarah’s face, though an exact match, was far more intimidating._

_She glowered up towards the teacher, muttering a ‘good morning’ that could strike the fear of God into anybody. A pang of guilt rang through Delphine’s body from the way Sarah stared her down, and she wasn’t even sure why. Regardless, Kira came running to her favorite teacher, wrapping her hips in a warm hug._

_“Bonjour Kira, Ms. Manning.” Delphine smiled tiredly, a blatant expression of sadness marking her face._

_“Yeah, morning.” Sarah muttered, her hands stuffed tight into her back pockets as she stared upwards towards Delphine under dark eyelids._

_Delphine offered her hand for Sarah to shake, but the brunette just stared, her eyes flicking between it and Delphine’s wide eyes. With a sigh, the French woman dropped her offer, the tension between them rising. She wanted to ask if there was an issue, but she had a very funny feeling it had something to do with Cosima. Delphine knew better than to question a sister’s intuition, and instead went a safer route._

_“How is uhm, Cos-“_

_“Fine.” Sarah snarled sarcastically. “ Wonderful, actually. But I ‘sume you know that already.” Sarah responded plainly, her eyes carrying all the attitude that her words were neglecting. Delphine swallowed hard, nodding her head and reverting back to her student. It shut her up quickly, intimidation seeping into her skin that only one other person was able to omit._

_“Will you be picking up Kira today?” she asked quietly, looking anywhere but towards Sarah’s biting gaze._

_“Mhmm, yeah. I will be. And probably tomorrow, too.”_

_Delphine nodded, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she looked down at the small child between them. She forced a smile at her student, who returned it with equal enthusiasm. “Come, Kira. Tell your maman goodbye.” She offered, extending her hand for her little student to grasp._

_Kira grabbed at it quickly, waving goodbye and blowing kisses towards Sarah._

_“Bye, mummy! I love you!” she wailed from the doorframe._

_“Love you more, monkey.” Sarah responded, her face instantly changing to one of pure bliss that knocked the wind out of Delphine. Their smiles were strikingly similar, and the blonde woman could have sworn for a moment that it was Cosima. There was no doubt for a moment the love that these women all shared for Kira Manning. She brightened anybody’s day, even the lonely teacher._

_\--_

Delphine pursed her lips, slamming an open hand on the desk in frustration. She had no reason to be mad at anybody but herself. Sarah had done nothing wrong, all she did was bring her _own_ child to school, like all the other parents. Something had obviously come up that was out of Delphine’s control for Cosima not to be there. Still, her skin itched for the woman. She had grown accustomed to their morning and afternoon chatter, it being one of the only times she spoke to an individual roundabout her age- though she adored her students. Their midday texting was something that brightened her afternoons; exchanges of funny selfies, corny yes endearing science/teaching jokes, venting about their days, sometimes even shameless and dangerous compliments towards each other. It created a sense of normalcy.

Still, Cosima brought her a refuge during the day. One that was Delphine was immensely grateful for and nearly depended on for her sake of sanity.

Her lesson plans were getting nowhere, and her hair was becoming more and more wild the more she tugged on it in frustration. With an exasperated sigh, Delphine dropped her head to her desk, resting it across folded arms. Her hair tumbled around her face, shielding it from any passer-byers.

‘ _Just for a moment’_ she convinced herself as she closed her eyes, a feeble attempt at ceasing her erratic thoughts.

Her resting eyes only made for a restless mind, though. It raced unimaginably fast with images of Cosima. Her mind was completely consumed with her smile, and laugh, and _soft, warm_ hands once again. Delphine couldn’t help but lick her lips at the memory of Cosima’s outfit at the bar, the way her thigh was just the slightest bit exposed from beneath her skirt, how she couldn’t help but just reach for it, needing to know what it felt like…

“ _Non.”_ She muttered, shooting up and leaning back into her chair, eyes clamped shut and palms covering her face. She couldn’t think like that of her friend. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t appropriate. Her stomach lurched; the thought of invading Cosima’s body in her thoughts was overriding her with guilt and embarrassment. She shook her head in her hands, refusing to deal with the attacking questions.

But yet, realization always hit her. It was _Cosima_ who had the crush on _her_. Cosima who had admitted to the bartender her feelings for her that night. Delphine couldn’t help but wonder if the brunette shared the same daydreams of herself as she did, if it really was so bad that she allowed her mind to wander.

 _‘It is’_. She scolded herself. _‘You’re not interested in her like that. You’re straight. You’re just lonely.’_ Delphine convinced her heart, stopping it dead in it’s wandering tracks. She couldn’t allow it to continue any longer. She just couldn’t.

“Is this a bad time?”

 _‘Merde_ ’Even her voice was invading her mind now. Delphine winced at the gentle tone, sliding her hands slowly down her face with a tug, stress driving itself deep into the lines of her cheeks.

She wasn’t prepared to see the tiny brunette standing in her doorway, not in the very least. Her body froze, eyes wide and mouth agape as she just stared at her. It couldn’t be so. One moment she was practically undressing her in her mind, the next she was leaning in her doorframe, a small smile pressed on her chapped lips, mittened hands clutching her large purse while the other waved politely.

“Cosima.” Delphine breathed, her name rolling effortlessly off her tongue, staring at her apologetically [for reasons oblivious to the American], pressing the back of her hands to her blushing cheeks. “Never a bad time. Please, come in.”

Cosima’s heart skipped a beat, grateful for the invitation. She grabbed a chair en route towards Delphine, pulling it up to sit across from her large desk.

“I’ve missed you.” Delphine slips before she could stop herself. Thankfully, Cosima grins, nodding her head in agreement as she sat down, pulling her red coat down her shoulders and tossing it onto a student’s desk.

Sorry about today.” She offered meekly. “Something, uhm. Came up.”

Delphine waved her hand nonchalantly, her smile never faltering. “It is no problem. Kira was on time, it is all that matters.”

Cosima went to respond, but was silenced by her growling stomach. Her face turned red, hands clutching at her abs as she sheepishly looked onto Delphine’s laughing face.

“My bad.” She apologized sheepishly.

“Faim?” Delphine laughed, covering a giggle with her hand in a way that nearly had Cosima sliding out of her seat. She nodded her head, blushing the slightest bit that could easily have been mistaken for frost-bite if Delphine hadn’t been so attentive at studying her face since she laid eyes on her.

“Do you mind? I kinda brought my own lunch, if that’s cool.” she asked, reaching into her bag to pull out her leftovers.

“Of course, Cosima.” Delphine obliged. “I always welcome your company. You did not respond to my text the past night, I was worried.”

Cosima shrugged, pulling off the plastic lid to her steamed dumplings and garlic sauce, licking her lips at the savory smell rising to her nose. “Sorry, I guess I fell asleep.” She lied, unwilling to reveal Sarah’s near death-threats to her not to respond.

Delphine knew this couldn’t be true, it had only been about 9:30 when she had text her; the two women usually were awake through the night, sometimes into the early morning conversing back and forth. She decided not to protest, grateful to have her here now.

“Of course. I understand.” She shrugged, forcing a thin smile. “What brings you here? I presumed you had other engagements today.”

“Oh yeah. My uh- midday was pretty much in the clear, so I thought I’d stop by.” She sighed, shoveling the food in her mouth. “I checked the auditorium first, but you weren’t there. Obvs.” She giggled.

“Oui. The students are at lunch right now, and the older grades are practicing for the Christmas show in the auditorium. I figured now was a good time to catch up on lesson plans.”

“And how’s that going?” Cosima inquired, peering over the desk at the scribbled papers. Delphine blew raspberries through her lips, flipping her hair to the opposite side.

“It’s… going.” She sighed. “Slow as a turtle, but going.”

Cosima laughed, shaking her head and sending her dreads whipping around to the other shoulder. Delphine couldn’t stop herself from biting down on her lip, reveling in the newly exposed area of Cosima’s neck. She had seen it so many times in her dreams, now wanting nothing more that to caress it with her fingers, know what it _really_ feels like.

Cosima caught her glazed stare, coughing slightly and knocking Delphine from her gawking. She looked away quickly, strumming her own chest with her hand to clear her throat. Her own stomach was aching for food as well after smelling Cosima’s, so she reached into her desk drawer to pull out her lunch bag, it’s contents only being a water and her usual salad with fruit. Cosima clicked her tongue in a playful disappointment towards the woman, who cocked her eyebrow back at her.

“Quoi?” she asked, shoving a forkful of the leafy greens into her mouth.

Cosima shook her head, smiling softly. “Nothing! It’s just a boring lunch.”

Delphine gasped playfully, pouting as she took another bite. “It’s not boring, Cosima. It’s healthy. And by far in comparison to your particular lunch.”

“Oh please! Like you’ve never indulged in leftover chinese takeout.” Cosima scoffed through chews. Delphine smirked, cocking an eyebrow up and leans back, shaking her head at Cosima. “You’re serious? Holy watershed.” Cosima mumbled, swallowing her food. “I assumed from the supermarket you’d have a bit more of a… devious pallet.”

“Oui, I do. But I prefer to splurge in body-healthy cusines.” She protested quietly, sipping her water as Cosima rolled her eyes.

“Bullshit.” She groaned, laughing as she slid her tongue across her teeth. “You’re body is perfect. You can eat what you please.”

The comment didn’t go by Delphine as Cosima hoped it did, her ears flushing a bright red.

“I ehm. _Non.”_  She laughed nervously. “It is _you_ who has le _corps parfait._ But you can eat whatever you want. That is what is _bullshit_.” She responded coyly, making Cosima shift in her seat uncomfortably.

This was how their conversations always went. Complimenting each other on a dangerously flirtatious level, neither of them willing to take it any further out of context in complete fear of the unknown.

“Ha. Whatever.” Cosima stuttered, eyes far too focused on the blonde’s amber ones. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that dinner you’re supposed to make me one day, Ms. Cormier. Don’t make live off of Chinese takeout forever.”

“I haven’t forgotten!” Delphine smiled. “But if you keep being bossy I might just let you.”

Cosima feigned hurt, pouting her lips out in a way that suddenly mirrored her niece’s face. Delphine laughed aloud this time, her giggle sounding off walls in the room as she leaned forward to lightly smack her hand. “Aww. Pauvre petite chiot.” She cooed.

“You’re the puppy!” Cosima chuckled, her hands flying about as they wielded her fork.

“Cosima!” Delphine yelped. “You’re dripping that…sauce on my desk!” The blonde woman laughed, scrambling into her drawers for the bundle of disinfectant towelettes she kept stored, immediately rushing to clean the mess off the large oak fixture. Before Cosima could register what was happening, Delphine’s hands were holding her own, cradling them and wiping them down effectively, slowly cleaning finger by finger. Cosima’s eyes were heavy, savoring the moment to it’s fullest.

Delphine had eventually caught herself, dropping Cosima’s hands to the desk with a loud _Thud!_ and throwing herself back into her seat. “Desolee! Force of habit.” She stumbled, tossing the towels into her trash.

“Don’t worry about it.” She blew off. “You’re such a teacher.”

“I, well… yes.” Delphine laughed. “I hope that food was good enough to drip onto my desk.”

Cosima nodded eagerly, a cheekful of garlic sauce-dipped dumpling in suit. “It is. Try it!”

Delphine wasn’t even halfway through considering the offer, her eyes narrow as she stared at Cosima, watching her methodically stab the food and dunk it in the oily condiment. She wasn’t thinking, she couldn’t even if she tried as Cosima was leaning over the desk, the food heading in direct proximity of her mouth- which she opened impulsively, letting the dreadlocked woman practically hand feed her.

“Okay…” Delphine murmured, playing with the new taste in her mouth. “It’s good. Salty, though.”

Cosima’s lips stretched into a toothy grin of victory, rubbing her palms together and laughing. “Win! Two points for me!”

Delphine quirked her eyebrow, licking her lips for the remaining food. “I didn’t know we were basing our friendship on a points-scale. How many do I get for convincing you to try my salad?”

“None.” Cosima scoffed, studying her face. “That’ll drop you to the negatives, big time.”

Delphine rolled her eyes, nodding in surrender.

“Hey wait. You kinda got something….” Cosima noted quietly. Delphine pointed her a confused glance, but Cosima was already over the table again, this time her hand coming towards Delphine’s face.

Her eyes couldn’t help but flutter closed as Cosima’s warm palm enclosed around her cheek. A shiver ran clear through Delphine’s spine, amazed at the smoothness of Cosima’s skin on her own, how close her dream was to its reality. Cosima’s thumb brushed over and over the very corner of the blonde’s mouth, slowly swiping at a drip of garlic sauce. “Got it.” She whispered. Delphine tried to nod, tried to ignore the warm breath tickling her nose, but instead found herself leaning into Cosima’s hand, moving the side of her face into the open palm.

The faintest whimper croaked from Cosima’s throat, too scared and thrilled to move as she curled her fingers the slightest bit to just cup the blonde’s face. It was so _soft_ , so inviting. Their faces were dangerously close, neither brave enough to pull away first, Delphine still feeling the pad of Cosima’s thumb at the apex of her mouth. She sighed, her emotions on overdrive. It was all too real, but not real enough. Cosima watched Delphine’s face, her eyes still closed as she cycled through a year’s worth of emotions. Cosima had no interest in disturbing her, taking extreme pleasure in just being able to be this close, their noses nearly brushing…

Just then, the door flew open behind Cosima, a herd of loud, giggling children stampeding in. The dreadlocked woman gasped, flying back over the desk and landing square on the floor, her hands quickly retracting to her body as Delphine was halfway out of her skin in pure fear.

“Merde.” She whispered under her breath, watching her classroom fill with students finding their seats. “Cosima.” She noted, standing up and whipping around her desk, pulling Cosima up from the floor. The tiny woman pulled away the moment she was on her feet, taking two steps back and rubbing her arm awkwardly.

“I uhm. I..”

“Cosima, I-“

“Auntie Cosima!” Kira squealed, both women turning on their heels to see the bouncing five-year old lunge herself into her aunts arms. Cosima grabbed her, lifting her up immediately and snuggling her close. Delphine couldn’t help but smile after seeing Cosima’s.

“Hey Monkey. I’ve missed you _so much!”_ she exclaimed, showering the tiny tot with a mirage of kisses all across her face. Kira giggled and Delphine sulked, brazenly wondering how close she was to Cosima doing the same to her.

“I missed you, too. But you’re here now!”

Cosima nodded, pulling away to drop Kira back down. “I’m just heading out, Kira. But I will see you tomorrow for dinner, yeah?”

Kira’s bold smile suddenly morphed into that signature pout, her eyes growing three times their normal size. “Do you have to leave?”

Cosima winced at the face, her eyes flicking to steal a glance at the teacher three feet away from her who was pretending not to eavesdrop. “Yeah, but don’t tell mommy you saw me, okay? Let’s keep it our secret.” She whispered, offering her pinky in promise to Kira. She took it with a defeated sigh, making the aunt’s heart break even more. “I’m sorry, Monk-“

“Actually, Kira. Would you mind introducing our special guest to the class today?” Delphine cut in, surprising even herself.

“Huh?” Cosima’s face shot up towards her, confusion coloring her cheeks. Delphine just shook her head, walking to the front of her classroom.

“Bonjour, class.” She announced, a broad smile on her face.

“Bonjour, Ms. Cormier.” They all repeated, the room falling to a deafening silence.

“Students, today Kira has somebody very special she wants to introduce. Kira?”

The small child giggled, grabbing Cosima’s hand and dragging her to the front of the classroom. “This is my auntie Cosima. She’s visiting me today!” she announced proudly, making Cosima smile in tow.

Delphine walked behind Cosima, resting a hand on either shoulder and making the woman shiver beneath her touch, a reaction that didn’t go over Delphine’s head. Instead she gripped her a little more firmly, soothing her tense muscles. “Class. Ms. Cosima is a very special _scientist._ Can we say scientist?” she asked.

The whole class repeated, some stumbling and others yelling- but getting the concept enough to make both women beam. “ _Scientist!_ Very good!” she encouraged. “If we are _very_ good boys and girls, Ms. Cosima will try to stop by during the school year and teach us how fun science can be.”

“I will?!” Cosima whispered frantically through her teeth, Delphine squeezing one of her shoulders in a ‘Quiet!’ gesture. Cosima seemed to take the hint, shutting up and putting on a smile for the students. ‘Oohs’ and ‘Ahhs’ erupted in the room and Cosima’s heart swelled, loving how such young minds were already interested in the sciences.

“Can we all say thank you to Ms. Cosima before she leaves?” Delphine asked, the class conclusively reciting a loud gratitude as Kira took her seat in the front of the room, winking at her aunt and holding her pinky out in reminder of their promise.

Cosima broadcasted a very sincere “You’re Welcome!” before shuffling over to Delphine’s desk and grabbing her things. She met Delphine at the door of the classroom, which she had held open for her departure.

“Good save.” She mumbled, peering up at the still-flushed teacher.

“Cheeky.” She scolded, scrunching her nose and smiling, leaning her head against the open door. “Text me tonight, oui?”

Cosima nodded eagerly, biting on her bottom lip. “Yeah. Delphine, I think we need to talk-“

“Cosima I…”

“No, I know. It’s just that I really need to tell-“

“Ms. Cormier! _Peter hit me!”_ a tiny, shrill voice erupted, cutting Cosima off and grabbing Delphine’s full attention. The blonde glanced her an apologetic look before running off to her student. Cosima watched her go, sulking as she closed the door quietly behind her and walked down the hall.

“What the fuck just happened….” She mumbled under her breath. There was no denying it now. There was _something_. She knew Delphine had to have felt it, at least an inkling of it.

Cosima glanced at the clock on the wall. There was hours before the day would end, even more before it was considered “night” and was socially acceptable to text Delphine. Cosima was lost, not a clue as to what she was going to do in the meantime.

‘ _I better start now trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to say.’_ Cosima thought to herself, nodding her head in agreement. It probably would take her all these hours to figure out how to bring it up the ‘moment’ they just shared. If it even was that- a _moment._

Cosima was tied. At the bar Delphine was clear that she wanted them to be just friends; so was this how Delphine acted with her friends? Cosima toyed with the idea that she had only been reading all Delphine’s signs as flirting because she _wanted_ them to be flirting. It was entirely possible, she reasoned. If Delphine wanted to be just friends, then so they would be. Anything to make Delphine happy.

Almost anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few days, hasn't it? So sorry about that, I completely lost track of time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to read this story! You're all amazing. <3


	9. Chapter 9

Cosima is grateful for Delphine’s friendship. She finally has a confidant that isn’t one of her sisters or a college roommate. Delphine shows her a genuine enthusiasm and empathy that nobody else has shown her before, making her feel special. 

So it comes to no surprise that when Cosima woke up that morning to warm, familiar kisses lining the length of her neck, she was nothing short of disappointed. The cheek that comes flush against her back just isn’t as soft as the one she cradled in her hand just a day before. The hands that are splaying across the ripples of her abs don’t produce nearly as much of a spark through her skin as Delphine’s did. Everything suddenly became a contest and nothing was coming close. 

Her head was pounding with the forthcomings of a hangover, and the bare body pressed against her own wasn’t aiding the rising sense of nausea. 

“Hey, morning.” Cosima grumbled, twisting her body out of reach of the unwelcomed hands, hoisting herself out of bed and wrapping her purple robe around her. “Or afternoon or… whatever.”

She continued to face the wall for a moment, rubbing her open palms down the length of her face, trying to pry open her tired eyes. This isn’t what she wanted. This isn’t the type of morning she desired to have. Not when her mind was consumed by the constant laughter and smiles of a particular Frenchwoman. The rustling of sheets behind her made Cosima turned around, finding a very confused and clearly insulted woman still in her bed, staring straight back at her. The tiny woman rolled her eyes, running her fingers through her long, blonde hair and pushing herself to sit up against the headboard, pulling the wrinkled sheets with her.

“You alright, Cos?” she asked quietly.

Cosima didn’t respond, instead sulking over to her vanity, checking her tired, hung-over face in the mirror. The circles under her eyes were darker than usual, adding to her exhausted persona that definitely required an extra lather of concealer if she was going to brave the outside world today. 

“Uhm. Yeah.” She blew off, not even bearing to look at the woman in her bed again.

“You sure, that was a pretty crazy party last night. Just want to make sure-“

“Shay.” She cut off, spinning on her heels to face the woman. “I’m fine. We don’t have to do the thing…”

“What thing?” she bit back.

Cosima sighed, her hands going from her hips to the air in one swift motion. 

“You know, the thing. Where you ask me how I am, and I ask you. And we pretend to be genuinely concerned with each other when we’re really not. We don’t have to do the thing.” Cosima pursed her lips, fumbling over her words while Shay just laughed hotly in her direction.

“Right. Got it.” Shay stretched, throwing the covers off her bare body and quickly getting dressed. The silence between them was deafening. “It’s like undergrad all over again, ay Niehaus?” she joked, a clear sting of annoyance strung through her words. 

Cosima shrugged, leaning against her vanity and observing her room, paying mind to anything that wasn’t the presence of her newly unwelcomes guest.

Her home was a mess, enough to have sent Alison into a cardiac. Clothes were strung all over the floor and furniture, clearly thrown carelessly in the midst of their drunken rendezvous. Her large duvet was bunched at the foot of the bed, half of it dangling off in a heap along with pillows and throws. The smell of weed, sex, and booze was still hanging in the air, thick and poignant and making Cosima’s stomach churn with every inhale.

“Even though we’re not doing…the thing, it was good to see you again, Cosima.” Shay broke quietly, swaying her hips as she walked towards her counterpart, invading her personal space as she backed her into the vanity, fingers lightly gripping her hips. “It’s been a while. What, like two months?”

Cosima felt sick to her stomach when Shay’s lips chastely brushed her own, not prepared for the sudden contact. She couldn’t do it; she couldn’t bear to be touched by the woman who had invaded her bed for years in wave of casual sex and drunken hookups through their college career. The thought of attempting so was enough to throw her stomach in heaps, an overriding sense of unreasonable guilt replacing it instead. 

“Why don’t you just come back to bed and let me help you… forget.” The woman teased, her fingers already creeping up the brunette’s bare thighs from under the robe. Cosima gulped, her hands finding Shay’s wrists and gently tugging them away, not even bothering to make eye contact.

“What?” the blonde pouted, backing up and staring at Cosima with sincere confusion. “What’s gotten into you?”

“N-nothing, just not feeling good.” Cosima lied, pushing past the blonde girl and making her way into her living room. Shay huffed, hot on her trail.

“I know you, Cos. You don’t need to lie to me.” Cosima knew this. She felt bad for beating around the bush with Shay, but she had no real excuse to give her. “It was you who was drunk and high off your ass last night if I remember clearly.”

“Don’t be a bitch, it was both of us.” Cosima sighed, plopping into her large office chair and massaging her temples. 

“Fine. But you were all up on me. You brought me back to your apartment. So don’t get an attitude with me, Niehaus.” 

She knew Shay was right. The girl had done nothing wrong. Cosima watched her saunter over to her kitchen counter, grabbing her phone and checking her messages. 

“Jesus it’s already 3 in the afternoon.” She exclaimed, setting forth to respond to all her messages. “Can I make some coffee?” 

Cosima watched her intently, ignoring her question. She had used Shay, relieved all her stress and sexual frustrations onto her like they’ve done to each other for so long. Their Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell agreement had always worked for them- neither being women who were even remotely interested in commitments. So the wrench of guilt that was ripping through Cosima’s body was obviously unwelcomed and overwhelming. 

“M-maybe you should go.” Cosima said hoarsely, dropping her eyes to her lap. 

Shay scoffed loudly, slamming her phone of the counter. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding me.” 

Both of them she knew she wasn’t. In a moment’s time, Shay was across from Cosima’s desk, hands planting firmly on the oak whilst she leaning over it, striking clear intimidation right into Cosima’s heart. 

“What’s wrong with you?” 

Cosima sighed, leaning back into her seat and clasping her hands on top of her head. “I just… I shouldn’t have brought you home last night. And I don’t think we should do this anymore…”

Shay laughed hotly, clearly offended by the notion the dreadlocked woman was insinuated. She glared at Cosima, making the woman look her in the eye to try and read her face. “What, are you too old for fuck buddies now? Or am I just not your forte anymore?”

 

“No! Shay, God no.” Cosima groaned, moving her hand atop Shay’s on the table. She twitched under the touch, but didn’t make to move her hand. “It’s just that I…that there’s… I’m just saying.. Jesus Christ.” 

Shay pulled her hand slowly out from Cosima’s grasp, letting it rest on her cheek instead. Cosima leaned into the soothing touch, her heartbeat finally slowing. “Cos. If there’s somebody else that’s totally cool. You’re not going to hurt my feelings by telling me somebody’s finally tied you down. Please don’t cry.” She explained quietly.

Cosima nodded against her palm, tearing away slowly to stand up and saunter over to her bedroom. “Somebody didn’t tie me down… technically.” She explained, dropping the silk robe from her shoulders and pulling on a pair of harem pants and tank-top from her drawers. 

“But there is a someone?” Shay shook her head, smiling coyly as she hopped up onto the desk. She shamelessly watched Cosima dress, fondly remembering how she took no care in ripping her clothes off only hours before. 

“I… yeah. Kinda.” Cosima mumbled, not wanting to have this conversation. She did a once over in her mirror, grimacing at her exhausted body as she pulled her dreads into a high twist on her head.

“Is it Delphine?” 

Cosima froze, her breath catching right in the middle of her throat. How did Shay know that name? They’ve never met, and Cosima was sure she’s never mentioned her to the woman. She turned slowly, seeing Shay propped on her desk while swinging her legs like a small child. 

“How did you…uhm. Who?” she lied pathetically, her one hand finding refuge on her hip. 

Shay laughed, rolling her eyes and she hopped down off the desk and handed Cosima a cup of coffee. “Please.” She winked, making Cosima’s knees tremble. She turned away from her, fiddling with her glasses while ripping the sheets off her bed and putting them away to wash. Shay made her way over, grabbing a new set from Cosima’s closet and helping her make the bed. 

“How did you…never mind.” She muttered under her breath. It was apparently obvious that Shay had spent enough nights here to know where practically everything is. They’ve known each other for years, Cosima remembers. At least since freshman year of undergrad- and now they were both pursuing their PhD’s. The thought gave her an odd sense of comfort, which quickly fused with guilt. 

“Pretty sure you called me Delphine at least twice last night- I’m guessing she’s blonde?” Cosima could all but nod her head, falling back and sitting on the food-end of her bed, leaving space for Shay to plop down next to her. 

She sipped her coffee slow, grateful for the caffeine to wake her up. “And you were mumbling her name in your sleep last night. Or moaning it, I don’t really remember. Sounded hot, though.”

Cosima choked over her coffee, stifling a laugh at Shay’s bluntness. The blonde patted her thigh, checking the time once more before rising and heading out. 

“She’s a lucky girl, Cos.” She called from the doorframe of the bedroom. Cosima couldn’t speak, her mouth running dry. She wasn’t used to have casual conversations with Shay.. . or as casual as this may or may not seem. 

“Call me if.. you know.” She said quietly, allowing Cosima to walk her to the door. 

“Yeah.” Cosima bowed her head, pressing their lips together for the briefest of thank you’s before watching Shay saunter down the stairwell. 

The door closed with ‘click’ and Cosima basked in the solitude of her apartment. She hugged her arms around her body, craning her neck to look at her freshly made bed. She shuddered, vague memories of the night beginning to creep back to her conscious. Cosima couldn’t help, for the first time, feeling dirty, as if she had committed some act of adultery. She knew she had no reason to, but with her heart on Delphine and her hands on Shay- nothing felt right. 

She knows that she used Shay, guilt overriding her at the realization that she probably called Delphine’s name instead of her own during the night. It wouldn’t have been the first time the two women used each other to release some extent of sexual frustration, and Cosima was just glad that Shay was okay with it yet again. 

They always respected each other’s boundaries, that was something she was grateful for. 

With a heady sigh, Cosima washed her empty mug in the sink, setting forward to start cleaning the rest of her bedroom and get the night’s stench out of the air. She turned her music on blast, swaying away to her favorite reggae track while cleaning. 

The music soothed her, relaxing her tired bones as she vacuumed and mopped the floors (finally thankful of Alison’s Christmas gifts. She’d have to remind herself to thank her). She cleaned the apartment of anything Shay-related. She tossed the empty vodka bottles into the garbage, sweeping the broken glasses and tossing the solo cups. Cosima couldn’t help but laugh at herself as she tucked her bowls, lighters, and stash back into her half-opened bedside table. 

 

The small one bedroom was actually beginning to smell much like Alison’s home, a waft of Pine-Sol that Cosima was diffusing with her various incents across the counters. She smiled, feeling her stress begin to melt off. If it wasn’t for her playlist taking a moment to change songs, she would have never heart her phone ringing. 

Cosima spun around, dropping the lighter in her hand and sliding with her socks across the hardwood floor to grab her phone.

“H-hello?” she laughed, stumbling over her own feet.

“Cosima?” 

She froze. Every muscle in her body ceasing to an abrupt halt. The voice she was trying to hard to forget all night, the one that haunted her dreams and misconstrued her heart was floating as beautiful as ever through her phone. 

“Allo? Cosima?” it sounded again. There was no denying the break in the hoarse voice on the line. It rattled straight through the speaker and down Cosima’s body, her palms clamming immediately. 

“Delphine? Yeah hey. I’m here.”

She could hear the Frenchwoman on the other side breathe a sigh of relief, making her own heart flutter. 

“I am so glad to hear you say that. I hope you do not mind, I’m on my way over. I am just having a terrible day and need a friend.”

The urgency in her voice set of a series of synaptic misfires in Cosima’s brain. 

‘She needs me’ Cosima thought.

“Yeah, oh God Delphine of course! You still have my address right?”

“Oui. Thank you so much Cosima. I’ll be there in soon.”

The click and dial tone on the other side had Cosima bubbling over in a fit of childlike giggles and squeals, dancing in place around her living area. She couldn’t help it; the woman had that simple affect on her to drive her absolutely crazy, even if she did sound close to tears. She flew into her bedroom, changing into at least seven different outfits before settling on her favorite harem pants, not the old ones she currently adorned, a black and white fitted crop top with a long, solid black cardigan. She let her hair down somewhat, only tying it back halfway in the fashion she knew Delphine was fond of. 

Before she knew it there was a knock on the door, sending a volt of electricity coursing through every nerve ending. Her hands gained that familiar tremble of when they first met all those weeks ago, only growing more severe as she got closer to the door.

“Delphine, hey-“

Cosima’s greeting was cut short as she opened the door, warm arms gathering her in a gripping clasp. She melted into the embrace immediately, her arms finding home around the blonde’s petite waist and returning it with equal pressure.

“Cosima, merci beaucoup.” She breathed, cradling the bespectacled woman’s face and quickly kissing her cheeks. Without waiting another moment, she sought refuge on Cosima’s couch, her hands spinning and threading the air in a slew of French that Cosima could listen to all day. 

“English!” Cosima laughed, plopping onto the couch beside her. 

Each woman took an end, making sure to keep their distance now. Cosima tucked her knees up, hugging them as she leaned her back against the armrest. Delphine on the other hand, had already kicked off her shoes and was crossing her legs, her hands fumbling in her lap and her face a red, blotchy mess.

“Desolee, mon ami.” She apologized with a heavy breath. “I feel like such a teenager, but there is nobody else I’d rather talk to.”

If Cosima’s heart had the capacity to grow four times in size, it would have in that very moment, a stupid grin plastered across her face. “I’ll always be here.” She promised hoarsely. “So what’s up?”

“Oh, it is my, how do you say, old best friend from university. He is back in town and has practically been harassing me with text- messages and phone calls. We had a very messy ending to our friendship and he will just not let go.”

“Sucks for him. He lost a great woman.” Cosima shrugged sheepishly, seeing the blush rise in Delphine’s cheeks. She bit her lip, driving Cosima absolutely crazy with the little motive. ‘How could he?’ Cosima thought in her mind. ‘I’d never let you go…’ 

“He was too obsessive, always down my neck about everything. Acting like he was my boyfriend… part of me thinks he always wanted to be.” She explained, tugging her curls through her fingers. “And he was leaving to go back to Paris, anyway. We had come to America together, but he was too attached to France. Apparently not enough to me.”

“Oh yeah. Long distance never works.” Cosima joked, waving a hand in the air. Delphine nodded in agreement whole heartedly. “Not that you would have been in a long distance relationship, because you guys were just friends, right?”

“Exactly. If we were meant to be, he would have stayed. But now he’s back and… Cosima I don’t know.”

‘No!’ she screamed in her head, doing her best to remain composed. ‘You can’t go with him! You’re supposed to be mine, Delphine.’ Cosima’s fists clenched and unclenched, restraining herself the best she could not to tackle Delphine right then and there. 

“Delphine,” she croaked, reaching over the hold the blonde’s hand in her own. “I just want you to be happy. Whatever you decide, I’m going to fully support you in.”

“Mon ami.” She coos, turning her hand over to grasp Cosima’s in return. “What would I do without you?”

Cosima laughs, pulling her hand away to stand up and grab them a bottle of wine. She pours to glasses and brings the bottle over- handing a glass to Delphine who sips it liberally. 

“Be sober, probably.” She joked, matching Delphine’s sips. Then blonde nodded, cleaning off about half of her glass with an exasperated sigh. 

“Why, why do I bother with men?” Delphine droned, letting her head fall to the side. She watched Cosima twirl one of her dreads lazily, her toned arms flexing every so often to reveal her trim arms. 

“Beats me.” Cosima hiccupped, refilling her glass. “God knows I never bothered with them!” 

Delphine licked her lips, her mind focused solely on the twitch and pull of Cosima’s lips with every word she mumbled. She barely realized when she had sat up straight, leaning in the slightest bit closer to the American. “Never?” she slurred quietly. Cosima shook her head, wagging a finger side to side for emphasis. 

“Mmmm. Nope. Like- maybe in high school once. But I’m exclusively into women.”

Delphine’s palms clammed up the reveal. Her eyes were everywhere but on Cosima, unable to look at the woman. Cosima was gay and liked her. But Delphine was sure that she herself was straight as a pin and definitely had no romantic feelings towards her whatsoever…at all.

Everything was happening far too fast for her to catch up with, it was all too real suddenly. “You are em, very interesting, Cosima.” She mumbled, taking a large gulp of her drink in hopes that it would calm her down. 

“My sexuality is not the most interesting thing about me.” Cosima winked.

“D’accord.” She hummed, eyes heavy as she took a moment to herself to stare at the woman across from her. 

Cosima caught her gaze, smiling nervously back. “Hey listen, Delphine. I really want to ask you something.”

“Mm?”

“The other day, in your classroom…” Delphine gulped, even in her mildly tipsy state knowing what was going to come. She leaned back, pressing her lumbar further against the armrest of the couch with a sigh as she watched for Cosima to find her words again. “Did you and I almost, kind of- whoaaaah, easy there, Delphine!” Setting her glass down quickly and reaching out to grab Delphine by the shoulders, Cosima gathered the blonde into her arms, saving her from toplling right over the side of the couch. “I gotcha.”

Delphine gasped, grateful for Cosima breaking her fall. They were close enough for Delphine to see the wine stains on Cosima’s lips. She studied them, still heaving from the drunken adrenaline rush. “You always have me.” She whispered, her hands shaking violently as she restrained them from reaching out to tracing Cosima’s lips. The dreadlocked women nodded, and Delphine was pretty she heard her say always. 

The next thing she knew she was on her feet, yawning as she allowed Cosima to pull her into the bedroom.

“Sit.” She heard in whisper, doing as she was told. She watched Cosima pad over to her closet, mumbling as she tossed clothes onto the floor, obviously in search of something. She resurfaced with a set of clothing in her hands, setting them next to Delphine on the mattress. “There’s no way I’m letting you go home like this. You really hit that wine bottle hard. We’ll talk about this shit later.” Cosima laughed. Delphine sucked her teeth, eyes staring intently on the clothes. “My clothes are kinda… not your size. These are the baggiest things I own- so you should be good.”

“Merci, Cosima. But I can call a cab-“

“No way. You’ll stay put. I’m not letting you get in some sleazy cab drivers car. Get changed, I’ll crash on the couch.”

She made to leave, but Delphine’s hands wrapped around her wrist, pulling her back. “Non non. This is your bed, you stay here. I will sleep on the couch.” Delphine protested, already standing and pulling off her shirt to change. Cosima’s eyes were wide at the hint of Delphine’s bare stomach, quickly turning away to give the woman privacy. 

“It’s really no problem. I insist.”

“I will not kick somebody out of their bed.” Delphine slurred. “I am not going to be arguing.” Cosima nodded, laughing at how different Delphine’s voice was when drunk, her accent far thicker than she’d presumed. “These clothes fit well. You can turn around, Cosima.” 

Slowly, Cosima turned. The clothes did fit well, a little too well. Her shirt was snug against Delphine’s body, hugging her torso and revealing the slightest bit of hip bone that had Cosima’s mouth watering. The sweatpants were equally snug, but had just enough wiggle room for comfort. 

“I’m not tired.” Delphine pouted, her hands falling to her hips. Cosima giggled, extending her hand out for Delphine to wake, which she did immediately.

“Come on. I feel like watching a movie. Join me?”

Delphine nodded, blonde curls bouncing as they crawled onto the bed, shoulder to shoulder with their heads against the grand headboard. Cosima reached to her bedside and pulled her laptop, powering it on and settling it on their legs. She scrolled through her stream on Netflix, settling on a random one.

“This okay?” she asked quietly. Delphine nodded, dropping her head to Cosima’s shoulder and looping her arm around Cosima’s, snuggling closer. 

“Cosima?”

She turned her head, meeting large eyes that had the slightest glaze layered on them. “Yeah?” she whispered.

Delphine couldn’t help but steal glances at Cosima’s mouth, fighting the urge to just trace the outline of her lips. They were right there, nearly settled on her forehead in this position. “What, em, what were you saying? Before?”

Cosima swallowed, balancing her thoughts heavily. “Nothing worth talking about with alcohol in our bodies.” She laughed nervously.  
“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Maybe tomorrow.”

They watched the movie peacefully, half of Cosima’s body numb from Delphine’s electrifying touch. She stayed at still as possible, not trusting herself to move. The silence between them was comfortable, both wrapped up in the movie. By the time with was over, Cosima’s eyes were heavy- begging for sleep. 

“Did you like the movie?” she asked quietly, stifling a yawn. When Delphine didn’t answer, she finally trusted herself to peer over. The blonde’s eyes were closed, her chest rising and dropping softly with steady breaths. She transitioned into sleep so slowly that Cosima didn’t even notice. As gently as possible she closed her laptop, reaching to set it down on her nightstand.

Holding her breath the whole time, Cosima pulled her arm through Delphine’s, slowly pulling them both to lay down as she pulled the covers over Delphine. The Frenchwoman shifted, curling up tight under the blanket. Cosima couldn’t help but swoon, as she shifted to the farthest edge of the bed, careful not to touch Delphine and respect her boundaries. 

Sleep was pulling at her aggressively, she succumbed to it with no protest. It’d probably be the first time in weeks that she’d get a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make it home at a decent hour yesterday to update this, but that didn't happen. Sorry, ya'll! But here ya go (:


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

6:00 a.m.  
\--  
The tickle of a warm breath on the nape of her neck finally roused Delphine from sleep. A hand rested lazily below her hip, the ghost of a grip of fingers on her thigh still lingering.

A hand…who’s hand? Who’s- who’s bed?! She yawned, blinking away her blurry vision but still not daring to move. As her vision began to sharpen, she realized she was laying quiet comfortably on her back in the midst of a grand bed…Cosima’s bed. That’s right, she had came to visit and Cosima and-oh, the wine! Delphine couldn’t help but blush as she remembered just staring at Cosima’s wine stained lips the whole time, but no. That is what got her into the mental unsettledness in the first place. Cosima’s lips, and her eyes, and her laugh, and-no. Not the thoughts she should be having first thing in the morning…despite waking up in the same bed as her.

She couldn’t help but smile, her conscious still wading in the cobwebs of sleep. Cosima’s body was just barely grazing her, but where they did touch was enough to rouse Delphine’s senses. With great caution, she turned her neck away from Cosima’s face, finding the woman curled up on her side, facing Delphine. Her arm had probably drifted over the blonde at some point during the night.

“Cosima?” She whispered, getting no response. The heavy breathing was sign enough that she was still fast asleep. Delphine noted the time on the watch still fitted around her wrist; if she didn’t want to be late for work, she’d have to leave now. 

With great caution, Delphine lifted Cosima’s dainty hand off her body, setting it on the bed as she ever so carefully peeled herself away.

“D-Delphine?”

The grogginess still croaked in her voice, Delphine spinning around to see Cosima still balled up under the sheets, eyelids just barely parted open. She smiled, leaning down to pull the blankets further up, hoping to coax her back to sleep.

“Shh. Go back to sleep.” She cooed, barely restraining herself from stroking her thumb down Cosima’s pink cheek. “I have to leave, thank you for last night.”

“Mmm…leaving?”

“Oui. I have to work today.”

“Come back.” She slurred. Cosima’s eyes fluttered closed once more, exhaustion overriding her desire to fully wake up. “We need..talk..” she mumbled, her voice just about a rasp. “Talk ‘bout happen-“

“Sleep, ma cherie.” Delphine cut off quietly, fingers brushing back the baby hairs along Cosima’s hairline. “Sleep.” She stood absolutely still until she was sure the tiny brunette had fallen back into her slumber once more. 

Delphine gathered her clothes, not too fondly remembering changing during the night, and put them back on. She dashed a quick text to Cosima’s phone, just in case she wouldn’t remember any of the morning by the time she woke up again, and was out the door. 

The cold morning air nipped at her exposed skin until she was able to bustle into her car, revving the engine and putting the heat on full blast.

“Merde.” She cursed under her breath, gripping the steering wheel and allowing her head to drop forward onto her knuckles. She yawned, still far too exhausted than she’d want to be.

She knew what Cosima wanted to talk about, as much as she wanted to deny it. It was there, that feeling and God their faces were so close. She could have done it, Delphine pondered. All she had to have down was move her face a fraction of a inch, and she could have kissed a woman-no, she could have kissed Cosima. Cosima, whose hands are far too warm and soft to never be touched and appreciated. Cosima, who opens her home to her, her bed to her, watches out for her, all because she is a wonderful kind soul and there is nothing to not adore. 

“Non. Impossible.” She murmured under her breath. These harbored feelings were nothing more than a misinterpretation. After so long with no true friendship, Delphine was sure her mind was just going haywire once she finally found it. It didn’t help that she knew how Cosima felt about her… almost hoping that she would just tell her once they found time to talk.

Wiping off the tears that were welling in her eyes, Delphine gathered herself, pulling her car out from the street and driving home to get ready for the school day. It was the Christmas Show after all, she needed to be on her best. 

**  
2:00 p.m.  
\--  
The loud pounding on the door scared the absolute crap out of Cosima, jolting up from her slumber and winding up in a heap on the floor. 

With a groan she stretched her bones, slowly rising and wrapping one of her throw blankets around her body. Cosima grabbed her glasses, pushing them on the bridge of her nose as she turned back towards the bed. 

It was empty. 

 

Her heart began to ache at the realization of Delphine being gone, especially without saying goodbye. A small part of her was partially glad she wasn’t roused from her sleep, fondly remembering her dream of the two of them cuddled together soundly. With a defeated sigh, she reached for her phone on the bedside table, seeing a message from none other.

D- sorry, had to leave early for school. TY for everything, mon ami. Ur the best xoxo see u this afternoon

Cosima couldn’t help but smile, retraining herself from bringing the phone to her heart and swooning. 

“School. Duh.” It was Monday, so of course it was a reasonable explanation. Cosima couldn’t help but wonder that had it still been the weekend, would she have stayed in bed with her. She had slept so peacefully for the first time knowing she was there. A copper taste began to settle in her throat as she realized only forty-eight hours prior, it was Shay asleep in her bed for astronomically different reasons. Cosima grimaced, pushing the thought to the furthest part of her memory. 

The banging resumed again, startling the tiny woman who scurried over to her door.

“What the fuck…” she grumbled, unlocking the large door and pulling it open. 

A very pissed-off Sarah was on the other side, Cal standing behind her with an apologetic look across her face. She didn’t even give Cosima a chance, bombarding into the main room after giving her a deathly once-over. 

“Bloody Christ, Cosima. Get dressed!” she blew up, making an exhausted Cosima stumble backwards in fear, right into Cal’s quick catching arms. 

“Thanks.” She whispered.

“No problem, Cos.” he smiled, squeezing her shoulder as he maneuvered his way to sit at her desk. “Had a party?” 

Cosima rubbed her temples, squinting behind her glasses at the empty wine bottle Cal was toying with, not to Sarah’s pleasure.

The English clone took in a breath, rubbing her face tiredly as she tried her best to remain composure. “Cosima. You promised Kira you’d be at her Christmas show tonight. As her favorite aunt, please tell me you’re not too hung over to not go. I’m not prepared to deal with Monkey’s tears tonight.”

‘Shit.’ Cosima thought, pursing her lips. She couldn’t believe she forgot. Of course today was the pageant. Her eyes flicked up towards the clock, they had an hour before show-time. She couldn’t miss this.

“No, I’m good. Give me… give me two seconds.” She promised, shrugging off the blanket and running to her room. Despite her pounding headache, Cosima tore open her closet door, reaching for her red dress. She promised Kira she’d wear it so they could match and besides, it made her legs look great.

Without a second thought, Cosima was pulling the dress over her head, smoothing it out on her thighs to make sure it was halfway decent. There was no time for a shower, she’d have to wind her dreads up into a bun and deal with it. 

“Shit, Cosima. Is all this from Shay?” Sarah called from the kitchen area, peering into the garbage can that was still filled with empty bottles and cups. Cosima watched her lift out another empty wine bottle from the top of the heap, waving it in her direction while she pushed her rings onto her fingers. 

“No that one’s from when Del-yeah! From Shay!” she called, catching her words before they slipped. Sarah and Cal both through her a quizzical glance, but left it alone. “How do you know about that anyway?”

“Felix.” Cal muttered with a hefty laugh, winking at her. 

“Good to see you back out there, though. Gotta admit, I thought you would have given up on Kira’s teacher a long while ago.” Sarah added, plopping onto Cal’s lap as Cosima dropped to her knees beside her bed to grab the shoes underneath it. 

“Uh yeah… kind of…” she mumbled, struggling to get the shoes on.

“What? Your little fuck buddy catching feelings for somebody and leaving ya?” Sarah cracked, earning a ‘Shhh’ from Cal. Cosima rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she clasped her shoes. 

“No, not exactly.” She mustered, not really wanting to get into this conversation. “Just leave it alone.”

“Sounds good to me!” Cal exclaimed, nudging Sarah off and rising to his feet. “Let’s go, I’m parked at a hydrant.”

***

The auditorium, despite its rather grand size, was absolutely packed. Parents and families were all huddled together wielding iPads and large cameras, ready to immortalize their children in a plethora of pictures. 

Cosima, Sarah, and Cal were not the exception. Not by a long shot. Cosima was already taking photos since the minute they walked in the door, not wanting to miss a single angle of the stage craft. Little faces were poking out of the curtains every so often, amazed at the growing crowd. 

“Where the hell are we going to sit?” Sarah grumbled, hand locked tight with Cal’s as the three of them scanned their surroundings. 

Cosima’s height was against her today, dwarfing her amongst the crowd of other families that were also all looking for seats. She spotted a spared seats at the end of one row, grabbing Sarah’s free hand and weaving them through the masses. 

“Good eye, sis.” Cal whispered, clapping her on the shoulder as they filed in. Cosima shrugged off her coat, throwing it on the vacant seat beside her just as the lights ceased. The whole room, sans the stage, was coated in a dark black shadow now, the lit screens from camera phones and other devices being held in the air being the only source of light

“Got the camera, yeah?” Sarah murmured. 

“Already on it.” Cosima replied, shooting her thumbs up and snapping away as the curtain rose. They all saw Kira immediately, clapping their hands, hooting and cheering amongst the silence of the auditorium. There was no questioning that Kira’s family was her biggest fans. No matter what, she always had somebody in attendance for everything she did. Cosima and Sarah projected identical smiles, beaming as they watched Kira and the rest of the kindergarteners begin to recite Christmas songs. 

From the corner of her eye, Cosima could have sworn she had seen a familiar flash of blonde hair. Gulping, she peeled her eyes away from her niece, ever so slowly turning her head around to see Delphine. The blonde smiled tiredly at her, picking up Cosima’s red jacket from the vacant chair beside her and replacing it with herself, laying the coat across her own lap. 

“Bonjour, Cosima.”

It was faint, just a whisper, but Delphine’s breath so close to her ear that it tickled. It sent an icy jolt down the length of her spine, making her arch her back. The shadow cast from the light on stage produced just enough contour to accentuate Delphine’s cheekbones, making Cosima swoon.

“Hey.” She spoke quietly, keeping her voice hushed and she grinned at the teacher. She leaned towards Delphine the slightest bit, thoroughly enjoying the sweet perfume the woman was wearing. “Shouldn’t you be up front?”

“Oui. I just wanted to say thank you for last night. I thought I would sneak away to sit with you. Do you mind?” Delphine asked, reaching for Cosima’s hand on the armrest and stroking her thumb over her knuckles. 

“Of course I don’t mind.” Cosima shook her head, a fangy grin across her face.   
“You kind of snuck away last night, too.” 

Delphine arched her brow, turning her head towards Cosima slightly more. “You do not remember?”

“Remember what?”

“Oi. Shut it, Cos.” Sarah hissed, glaring at her sister.

Cosima rolled her eyes, turning back around to watch the performance. Sarah’s eyes caught glance of Delphine, who smile quickly vanished under the clone’s death glare. This didn’t go over Cosima’s head, who swiftly kicked at Sarah’s foot. 

“Don’t.” Cosima bit under her breath. Sarah huffed, shrugging in turning into Cal’s arm across her shoulders. The bespectacled woman mouthed a very confused Delphine ‘sorry’, of whom shook her head, brushing it off her shoulders. 

 

Delphine’s lip took homage between her teeth, worrying it to the point of nearly piercing it. It was apparent that Cosima hadn’t remember her brief awakening, hadn’t remembered the position they slept in together, the reality of it all. Delphine sighed, running her hand through her hair, anxiety building in her chest. They still had to have their ‘talk’ at some point, before the air between them thickened to an unbearable boil. ‘Later’ she told herself. ‘I’ll get her later’. Her hand swung nervously off the end of the chair between their legs, fingers strumming her nerves in the air.

The kindergarteners were just finishing their second song when Delphine’s swinging hand had brushed against Cosima’s thigh. Cosima sucked in a tight breath between her teeth, nearly dropping her camera flat to the floor. Delphine’s heart is racing, still feeling the unmistakable tingles in her fingertips as they made brief contact with the other woman. Cosima doesn’t move though, too paralyzed to do so. When Delphine notices this, she nonchalantly brings her hand around again, this time lazily setting it around Cosima’s knee. 

Cosima exhales loudly, her mind racing trying to figure out what is actually happening. She knows Delphine is touching her purposely, not moving her hand for some particular reason. It was driving her mad, but she made no motive to dare move- fearing Delphine would remove her hand. 

The simple grasp was enough Delphine, who now realized that Cosima’s touch satiated her more than anything else could. Waking up that morning in her sleeping arms only fueled the fire more. She never understood why, but the woman just had something about her that Delphine needed to have for herself. The blonde turned her head just a fraction of the way in Cosima’s direction, seeing the brunette’s completely attentive on the play, her bottom lip tucked tightly between her teeth in a way that Delphine always did herself. She couldn’t help but smirk, fascinated with the unreadable affect she had on the tiny American scientist. 

Cosima wasn’t sure if it was the lighting, or her heart that was making her perceive Delphine as far more angelic than usual. By some force of nature, the two women were beginning to lean closer at a dangerously slow pace, shifting in the confines of their respective seats none too subtly. Cosima’s eyes flicked between Delphine’s lips and her eyes- fondly remembering the similar incident from the night. They were so close again, Cosima was sure she could hear one of their heartbeats loud and clear. Her eyes were heavy, dark with pure desire as she tried her hardest to listen to her screaming conscience. 

Just then, the lights had clicked on, illuminating the whole auditorium in an instance. Cosima gasped, jolting her leg away from Delphine’s grasp as the blonde shot up from her seat, her hand seeking refuge in her curls. They both ogled at each other, wide eyed and panting. 

“I, merde, I have to-“ Delphine tried, jutting her thumb down to the front of the stage where the other teachers were. Cosima nodded, watching Delphine practically bolt down the aisle that was already filling with families once more. Cosima could all but stare, not completely sure of what had just happened. 

“Moooooove!” Sarah groaned at the still-sitting Cosima, knocking her from her train of thought. The dreadlocked woman craned her neck around, to find the whole row already standing, waiting for her to file out. She muttered an apology, moving quickly to let the others into the aisle. 

“I saw that.” Sarah snickered, a small smirk on her lips.

“Saw what?”

“Oh don’t play the bullshit card with me, Cosima.” She laughed, nudging her sister in the ribs playfully. 

“Thanks again for last night? So it was Delphine, then. Not Shay.” Cal piped in, a playful smile on his face as he teased Cosima.

Cosima dropped her head, solely focusing on her shoes. “Uhm… kind of.”

Sarah laughed loudly then, “Holy shit! You shagged them both! Cos is definitely back in the game pool.”

“No no no.” Cosima cut off, her hands flailing. “Delphine and I, we didn’t do anything last night. I mean, I think we might have- I don’t know. She was drunk so I let her crash. But the night before… you were right about Shay.”

Sarah pursed her lips, trying to read her sister as best as she could. “So Frenchy is still draggin’ ya through the mud, yeah? Shite, Cos. She’s just going to break your heart.”

“We’re friends.”

“Bollocks.” Sarah bit back, looking around for Kira in the herd of children bustling down from the stage to their parents. “She’s fucking with your feelings. I saw that knee-touching shit just now. You’re smitten and she’s being a proper bitch.”

“Hey!” Cosima snarled angrily, giving her sister a light shove. “Don’t call her that!”

Sarah just gawked, dumbfounded at Cosima’s defensiveness towards Delphine. She rolled her eyes, shaking her head slowly. “Whatever, Cosima. Get your heart broken.”

Cosima was about to argue back, when suddenly they all heard Kira’s familiar voice yelling for them excitedly. The whipped around, seeing her perched on Delphine’s hip as she weaved them through the crowd. The blonde woman wouldn’t even look up, her face clearly a flushed red as she neared the trio. She put Kira down, letting her walk the rest of the way and jump into Cal’s arm.

“Did you see me?! Did I do good?!” she asked, hugging her father’s neck tightly. Kira, Sarah, and Cal all huddled tightly, congratulating Kira on a job well done. 

Delphine watches Cosima smile as she looks at her sister’s family. It’s not the smile she’s accustomed to seeing, though. There’s no broad array of teeth, no crinkled eyes and small giggle. It’s subtle, maybe even sad. As if she’s looking at a memory she never had. 

“She, em, couldn’t find you three. So I thought I’d bring her over.” Delphine noted, nudging herself close to Cosima and breaking her spell. 

The tiny American swallowed hard, getting lost in the blonde’s amber eyes once again. “Thanks.” She croaked, her breathing heavy as Delphine comfortingly squeezed her forearm. 

“Of course. I have never met Kira’s father, but she speaks of him often in class. Is he away a lot? ” Delphine chomped down onto her bottom lip, smoothing her skirt out nervously. 

“Uh, kind of. He travels for business.” Cosima shrugged. She wasn’t lying, but she didn’t want to reveal anything about her family that she didn’t absolutely have to. Still, a small tinge of guilt hit her; Cosima felt like she could trust Delphine, as if she’s known her forever. So having to stretch the truth felt uncomfortably deceiving. “So…can we talk?”

Delphine pursed her lips together, nodding curtly as she ushered them out of the auditorium and into the empty corridor. Cosima leaned her shoulder against the wall, turning to face Delphine who was in the midst of doing the same.

“Cosima, about last night-“

“Hey, don’t- don’t worry about it. We both were a little wine-buzzed.” She joked quietly, her hand rubbing at the back of the neck. 

Delphine nodded, exhaling loudly as she tried to soothe her erratic heartbeat. “It wasn’t just last night, though. Was it, Cosima?” she asked. “In the classroom a few days ago, you and I, we-“

“Yes.” She stammered. “I remember. Cosima… whatever you’re about to tell me, or ask me, I do not have an answer for. I do not know.” Delphine’s voice was hoarse, forcing herself to swallow the lumped sob in her throat. “I have not had a friendship in a very long time, so I think I may have just gotten carried away with the whims of emotion and if I made things completely worse by drinking your wine and sleeping in your bed last night than I am so sorry-“

“Hey.” The bespectacled woman finally raised her eyes, meeting Delphine’s and instantly falling into them. “Delphine.” She started, a croak in her throat and she paused to collect her words. “Please don’t cry. Please. You didn’t do anything wrong. If anybody did, it was me. I get it- you’re straight and stuff, right?”

Delphine was silent, searching for the right words. Was she straight? Was she lonely? “I… don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Non.”

Cosima sighed, nodding her head sadly. “Is that my fault?”

“No, no. It is mine. I am just… I’m very confused lately. Things have been changing in my life and I can’t really keep up very well.”  
“I was overstepping my boundaries and shit, sometimes I can get kinda…flirty, for lack of a better term, and not even realize it.” Cosima laughed nervously, catching herself in her rambles. “If there is something like, hella weird going on and making shit awkward, then I’m sorry. Totally not the motive, okay? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. I… I really like you, and- and you’re a good friend. I don’t have many people to say that to.”

“Ami.” She mumbled, smirking at the incredulous comment. 

Friendship. Was that really all this was? Was that really all she wanted? Friendship with Cosima would mean a ceasefire to their touches, their nights, their usual conversation. But not labeling their relationship would ensure a mass of unanswered questions and confusion. Picking the lesser of two evils wasn’t exactly a simple task. 

“I do not want anything, em, weird either. You are a force to be reckoned with though, Cosima.” 

Cosima smiled at that, a glint of her teeth sneaking from behind her lips. 

She couldn’t help herself now, as she brought a hand to Cosima’s face, deliberately cupping her cheek and running her thumb against her jaw. Her thoughts were just a low hum now in her mind now, all her attention blindingly focused. There it was again, the desire to push over the friendship line boundaries.

“Oi! Harry Potter! If you’re done missing your niece’s family photos, we’d like to get a move on!”

Cosima grumbled, feeling Delphine’s hand pulling away from her face slowly this time, with purpose. “I’m going to kill her.” She complains. Sending Sarah a sharp look over her shoulder. “Is it bad that I’d rather stay here right now?”

“A little, yes.” Delphine laughed. Still, she didn’t move. She didn’t want Delphine to move, didn’t want this moment of unquestionable, silent comfort to end. She didn’t want to stop looking at her. There had to be something to make her presence stretch-

“But em, Cosima… before you go, the faculty have this sort of, this holiday party tomorrow night…” Delphine began, pulling out her phone to show Cosima the email. It was harbored in her Saved folder for weeks, she had absolutely no intentions of attending- especially when she was that close to her colleagues anyway, but if Cosima would go with her, she’d be much more inclined to attend.

She pressed the device into Cosima’s open palm, their fingers brushing against one another’s slowly and deliberately. “It’s here at the school, and since I since we are…good friends… would you like to be my plus one?” There was no denying the tremble in Delphine’s voice, but still she smiled sweetly, making it impossible for Cosima to say no even if she wanted to. 

“Delphine, I’d-“

Before another word could pry out, Sarah’s strong arm was around Cosima’s waist. “Yeah, sorry to break up… whatever this is, but we best get going.” A tight smile to Delphine, and a glare to Cosima, Sarah pulled her away, leaving Delphine still up against the wall, worrying her lips between her teeth. 

“You’re such a bitch.” Cosima snarled, glaring sideways at her sister. 

Sarah just rolled her eyes, smirking as she dodged the look. “Yeah yeah, music to my bloody ears. What were you two yapping about for so long anyway?”

“Oh, she invited me to some dinner thing tomorrow. I dunno.” She said.

Sarah pursed her lips, giving her sister a good stare. Her face was just as shattered as it was when she was holding Cosima on her bed with Alison. As much as she wanted to protect her sister from a broken heart, she couldn’t. 

“You gonna go?”

“I-uh, yeah. I think so. I didn’t get the chance to talk about it since I was so rudely interrupted.” She jeered, knocking her head on Sarah’s shoulder.

“Oh for Christ- just go.” She laughed tiredly, slipping her arm out form around Cosima’s waist. “Go make your plans and shit. Hurry, before I change my mind and drag your arse out of here.”

“What are you talking about?!”

“Cos, you look bloody miserable every time your not in the kinder teacher’s breathing presence. So go!” she hollered.

Cosima knew there were boundaries now, that this friendship has been established. She’d have to move on and let go of the notion that she could ever have Delphine as anything more than what they already are. Still, she smiled at her sister before turning on her heels and breaking into a jog to find Delphine. Her eyes scanned the corridor, catching a glimpse of blonde hair just about turning the corridor. She briskly caught up, weaving in and out of the slowly-crowding hallways.

“Delphine, wait!” Without any preamble, Cosima threw caution to the wind, closing the space between them and wrapping Delphine in a tight hug. She might not be able to touch her again like this, ‘friends don’t hold each other like lovers’ she thought painfully. As if it was a perfectly natural reflex, Delphine mirrored Cosima, holding her close, her nose lingering in the smell of her shampoo, her body on overdrive as she became hyperaware of every place their bodies touched. 

“What’s this about?” she murmured quietly, sighing into the small woman. 

“I just wanted to tell you that I’d love to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you all, but I'm still a mess of sobs after last night. I figured we could all use a little bit of Cophine as temporary fix. If you need me, I'll be harboring in the ball pit of denial for the next 9 months or so. As always, thank you all so much for reading! I love you all immensely. We're just about halfway through this story, I can't believe it. The next chapter should be up by Wednesday, and I think you're going to like it just fine. I didn't have enough time to really sit and edit this one, so any and all mistakes are on my head. Sorry guys! But I hope you enjoyed!!


	11. Chapter 11

It was now, with only minutes left to spare, that Cosima wasn’t sure why she said yes.

She was restless the whole night, tossing and turning every hour with a mind full of possible outcomes that the next evening will hold. Her dreams brought her no sanctuary, either, but she was well-minded enough to not bother calling Shay.

“Not a date.” She muttered to herself as she tumbled backwards on her bed, struggling to pull off another pair of tights. “Definitely not like the bar. You’re just a plus one. A guest, a friend. Not a date.”

Hearing the words out loud offered a temporary reassurance, but not enough to sooth her wracking nerves. Cosima adjusted the black straps on the dress slip nervously, her hands desperately needing something to do so she wouldn’t rip her dreads out. She pulled on another dress, this time a dark blue that fell to her ankles. It was nice, but not what she was looking for, not something that Delphine would be impressed with. With a heavy roll of her eyes, she pulled that one off too, tossing it to the heap of dresses in the middle of her mattress. She was five down, three to go. As she dove towards her closet, a familiar rapping on her door stopped her in her tracks.

“Shit!” Cosima grunts, her hands clasping against her forehead. She glances at the clock, it’s only 8:30. Delphine said she would pick her up at a quarter to nine. Cosima was still clad in just the black slip for her dresses, having spent thirty minutes getting nowhere on deciding which one she should wear. She pulls herself up from her bed, barely trying to adjust her clothes in the mirror as she runs to answer the door.

“Hey-oh.” Delphine’s smile is quickly gone, barely able to restrain herself from eyeing Cosima’s barely-arrayed body. Cosima on the other hand is practically in a daze, soaking up Delphine’s outfit. Under her grey coat is a form fitting black and white dress, cutting around the knee and matched with black heels. But it’s the curve Delphine’s lips that Cosima can’t help but stare at, stained a deep red that accentuates every precise dip and swell. Cosima licked her own lips, letting out a shaky breath in the process.

“Hey, sorry. Come in!” Cosima offered, taking Delphine’s jacket and ushering her in. “I’m just getting…I’m almost ready.” She called, bouncing back to her bedroom and whipping through the heap of dresses on her bed.

“No, I am sorry. I think I am early.” Delphine smiled weakly, her stomach still fluttering as she forced her eyes away from Cosima’s bedroom entrance, trying her best not to get a second glance at the woman. Delphine wasn’t sure what was coming over her. It felt like the Christmas show all over again, her mind was going blank- losing control of her body at a dreadfully slow pace whilst it formed a mind of its own.

The flutter of Cosima’s feet padding across the bedroom floor gave her enough confidence to turn around. The brunette was there, a deep wine colored dress hugging her body, just cutting off at her knee. Delphine’s eyes wandered, tracing the lace pattern on her tights as they dipped into her black heeled boots.

“Mon Dieu…” Delphine whispered, bringing her fingers to her mouth to stifle her gasp. She turned her back to Cosima, pressing her hands flat against her abdomen at a feeble attempt to sooth the anxious butterflies swarming about. Cosima was quite literally breathtaking. Delphine had a hard time trying to decipher whether it was arousal or appreciation for her friend’s natural beauty.

“Is it really that bad?” Cosima laughed quietly, pulling on her favorite red coat and tucking her phone into the pocket. She had sincerely hoped Delphine was feeling just an inkling of what she was going through herself after seeing the French woman in that dress.

Delphine turned around slowly, swallowing back her feelings hard. She shook her head, her tied back curls not moving an inch. “Non.” She assured hoarsely, letting Cosima help her back into her coat. She felt the smaller woman (who was now about her height in those heels) feather the pads of her fingertips across her neck. She knew Cosima could probably see the goose-bumps erecting across her ivory skin from the way her hands quickly drew back. “Très belle.” Delphine practically whispered, turning around to face Cosima, fixing her coat collar.

She could barely say thank you, not trusting herself to use her mouth. Instead they smiled softly at each other, neither woman brave enough to speak. Delphine is the first one to break the bind, moving towards the door and opening it, ushering Cosima out. They walk down the flights of stares in silence, both their hands shoved deep in to the pockets of their coats in fear of grazing the other. How badly Delphine wanted to have Cosima’s hand in her own, desperately craving the warmth of her skin. When reaching Delphine’s car, she made it a point to open the door for Cosima, ushering her in.

“Oh.” She gasped, smiling sweetly at the blonde woman as she climbed into the passenger seat. “Thank you.”

“I aim to please.” Delphine smiled, closing the door and walking around to her side.

“You aim tease.” Cosima grunted to herself before Delphine got in the car.

“Are you excited?” Delphine asked, glancing sideways at Cosima who was intently staring at the window. Snow was starting to fall again that evening, lightly powdering the ground.

“For the party? Maybe a little nervous. I don’t know anybody.” She shrugged as Delphine pulled into the parking lot. She couldn’t help herself, gently squeezing Cosima’s knee for only a moment- both women being shot back into the past from the show yesterday.

“I don’t know anybody either, really.” She confessed.

It was true, Delphine hadn’t really built friendships with her co-workers. They were nice to each other, worked well, but Delphine never really associated with them about anything that wasn’t school related. Most of the teachers were friends, and Delphine was the newest person there, so she couldn’t brave it out to find her place.

Cosima shuffled herself out before Delphine had the chance to pull the chivalry card once again. The snow is falling softly, just enough to wet her glasses and sprinkle her eyelashes. She always forgot how quickly it got dark in the winter, the whole street a pitch black with exception to where the street lamps offered their orange light.

“Ready?” Delphine asked, coming up alongside Cosima.

She nodded, her stomach light as air at how the snowflakes were beginning to dust Delphine’s angel hair, the cold brushing a rosy hue onto her cheeks. The two women made their way inside the building, Cosima following Delphine to the library-turned-party room.

She had to admit, it was cute. The tables and chairs were pushed aside to the perimeter of the room with the exception of a long one that had trays of food and various drinks piled onto it. Teachers and faculty alike were spotted around, some with drinks in their hands as they held small little conversations here and there. Cosima felt at ease, realizing it was not going to be some haughty, super-formal gig that she’d have to endure.

“Delphine!”

They both turned, seeing a wide-eyed woman bounce towards them, a glass of champagne sloshing in her grip. Delphine smiled, waving her hand as she approached.

“Oh. Bonsoir, Danielle.” She greeted. She leaned to kiss the woman on either cheek, a formality that Cosima had grown fond of thinking was exclusively for her. She couldn’t help the jealous tinge that was balling her fists. Delphine pulled away as fleetingly as she had leaned in, stepping closer to Cosima and ever so gently grasping her forearm. “Cosima, this is Danielle Fournier. She teaches Kindergarten, as well. Danielle, this is my dear friend Cosima.”

Danielle smiled at her genuinely, extending her hand. “So nice to meet you! Kira’s mom, right?” she asked.

Cosima faked a smile, staring at Danielle’s hand before gingerly shaking it, clearly un-amused. “Uhm, aunt. You’re thinking about my sister.” She chocked her head to the side, grinning so wide that Delphine could feel the sarcastic politeness radiating off.

She had to suppress a giggle. Only Cosima could kill people with kindness, a trait that she’s sure the woman prided herself in.

“Right… well okay then!” Danielle cheered, taking liberal sips of her champagne. “Enjoy the party!” Delphine and Cosima watched her bounce off to another group. They looked at each other with identical blank expressions before cracking up, their giggles adding to the buzz of conversation and music in the room.

They took possession of a table by the library window, sitting across from each other grabbing a glass of champagne each.

“I forgot how small children’s desks are.” Cosima laughed, fidgeting in the tiny chair.

“You get used to it.” Delphine smiled, watching the tiny brunette trying to get comfortable. “I must say I’m impressed. I’ve never been to one of the faculty parties, I had low expectations.”

“You’ve never been to one?” Cosima asked, her face screwing up in confusion as the blonde shook her head. “Why not?”

Delphine just shrugged, leaning back in her chair and strumming her fingers on the table. Cosima noticed they were painted a deep red, matching her lipstick. The black, white, and red scheme that Delphine was sporting was driving Cosima absolutely crazy. “Mm, non. I never saw a reason, too. I am partial to staying home with a book and a blanket.”

Cosima smiled, her tongue poking out fleetingly between her teeth, nodding her head vigorously. “Couldn’t agree more.” she said, locking coy eyes with the woman across from her. Delphine nearly swallowed her tongue, catching the angle of Cosima’s face in the perfect lighting. She gasped, shuddering as she exhaled, trying her best to remain as composed as possible.

“What?” Cosima asked teasingly, cocking her head to one side. “Do I take your breath away, Ms. Cormier?”

“Cheeky.” Delphine huffed, sticking her tongue out quickly at the girl across from her. “You know, you said that to me the first time we met in the auditorium.”

“Whoah, dude. You remember that?” Cosima had to admit, she was surprised. She herself had a great memory, but Delphine was spot on. She does vaguely remember saying so, feeling a blush coloring her cheeks.

“Oui. I do. Cheeky.” Delphine confirmed, slow heavy breaths omitting from her lungs. Cosima tried her best not to watch the rise and fall of Delphine’s chest, finding herself breathing at the same pace. “I bet you say that to all the girls.” She teased.

“Ha. Definitely not.” Cosima laughed, leaning back in her chair and cleaning off her champagne, grabbing another one off their table. “Just you.”

“I should feel special then, shouldn’t I?”

“You should.”

Delphine could only stare, unsure of what to say. She didn’t know where this conversation as going, both of them dragging it into flirtatious grounds. Delphine didn’t want to hurt Cosima, didn’t want to lead her on when she was still trying to figure out was what was going on with herself. She gulped, opening her mouth to respond when the familiar drum beat of her favorite song began to fill the room. Her eyes went wide, lighting up with pure glee. Cosima, clearly confused, couldn’t help but smile as well. What could she say? Delphine’s smile was contagious. She watched the woman practically jump from her seat, extending her hand out to the woman.

“Oh, Cosima!” This is one of my favorite songs!” she exclaimed, pulling Cosima up with no preamble of a warning. “Come on, we have to dance. “

 

_"Show me how you do that trick_  
_The one that makes me scream" she said_  
_"The one that makes me laugh" she said_  
_And threw her arms around my neck_  
_"Show me how you do it_  
_And I promise you I promise that_  
_I'll run away with you_  
_I'll run away with you"_

Cosima laughed, shaking her head and allowing Delphine to take her to the middle of the crowded pseudo- dance floor. The song continued, bringing Cosima back to her high school years when she would blast this song on her earbuds while long boarding through the Bay Area. It used to be the only Cure song she’d listen to. She had to admit, it was good. They bounced and glided in perfect sink to each other, laughing and giggling as hands bumped with hips and shoulders. Cosima watched Delphine in pure awe as she sang every single word to the song.

“The Cure? Really?” she asked loudly above the music. More and more teachers were beginning to follow their lead, crowding the floor space.

_"Why are you so far away?" she said_  
_"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you_  
_That I'm in love with you"_

“Oui!” Delphine laughed in pure bliss, her hands finding refuge linked around Cosima’s neck, pulling the woman slightly closer. “Just Like Heaven is my favorite.” she added during a music interlude.

Cosima shrugged away any insecurity she might have brought with her, responding to Delphine’s electrifying touch by bringing her own hands to rest off the blonde’s hips. They danced and laughed, both of them singing and laughing as people around them occasionally bumped into them.

The song came to a close as quickly as it started, both women far too wrapped up in each other to realize it. One of Delphine’s hands had snuck it way to cupping the side of Cosima’s neck at some point, her thumb grazing her jaw soothingly. When Cosima realized this, she pushed Delphine by the hips softly, but quickly, away from her. They didn’t realize how close they had gotten during the song, their hips flush against the other in a very intimate embrace.

“That was…fun.” Delphine panted, a nervous smile creasing her lips as she reached to thumb off the beaded sweat from Cosima’s hairline.

“I need… a drink…” Cosima managed the best she good, still trying to level her breathing. Delphine grabbed her hand, smiling and Cosima swore she saw a wink, as the woman led her to the refreshments table. She twisted open a bottle of water, generously taking a swig before passing it onto Cosima.

“Thanks.” She said, drinking from it copiously to quench her thirst. Cosima looked around, trying to remember when the lights had been dimmed the way they were. It was quiet except for a few snickers here and there, the sound bringing Cosima back to the gossipy days of middle school.

“Hey, Cormier!” a clearly tipsy man called from somewhere in the room. Both women turned to look at him, a stupid grin plastered across his face. He was sporting a Santa hat and a questionably atrocious holiday sweater, one that even made Cosima cringe.

“David.” She breathed. Jutting her chin towards the fourth grade teacher for Cosima to find. She nodded, inching herself closer to Delphine, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable with his eyes on her.“Oui?” Delphine looked at him quizzically, her eyes narrow as she tried to find him.

“Get on with it, yeah? We’re all waiting!” he laughed. In a moment’s time all eyes were on them, smiles and childish giggles following suit. Their blank stares were all he got in return, rolling his eyes and jutting his beefy hand upwards towards the ceiling.

Both woman exchanged glances before looking up. There, fixated quite poorly and dangling just above them, was a mistletoe. Cosima’s breath caught in her throat, a hoarse little yelp sneaking past her lips. She felt Delphine’s hand go slack in her grasp, releasing it right before her own started to tremble.

Delphine knew what that mistletoe meant, she had shared kisses beneath them with past lovers before. But this was different. This was no lover. This was Cosima.

Cosima, who had grown to be one of her best friends- her only¬ friend. Cosima who would text and call her all through the night like teenage girls. Cosima who would bring her coffee and let her sneak bites of her lunch. This was Cosima, the woman who sent swarms of butterflies raging through her stomach, who clouded her mind and stopped her from thinking straight whenever she smiled. This was Cosima under the mistletoe.

“This is crazy…” Cosima laughed nervously, trying (and failing) to ease the tension.

“Cosima.” She tried, eyes transfixed on the woman’s strong features accentuated by the shadows of the overhead florescent. The longer Delphine stared, the more she realized the raw, untouched beauty that simply was Cosima. She could feel her mind beginning to numb, her conscience crawling back into its corner and leaving her stagnant with only her heart to sound reason.

“Like, we’re friends-“

“Cosima-“

“Don’t feel obligated or anything. Like this is a really stupid tradition anyway-“

“Oh merde!” Delphine cursed under her breath, bringing her hand to Cosima’s cheek. She cupped the smooth skin, still warm and rosy from dancing, as she couldn’t help but brush her thumb over Cosima’s bottom lip just once. The brunette shuddered under her touch, her knees practically buckling.

Delphine was starting so intently at Cosima’s face, studying every inch of it that she didn’t realize Cosima was nearing in. She gasped silently, feeling the lips of the brunette’s barely ghost against her own. It was chaste, barely even a brush. Cosima didn’t dare move, letting Delphine decide on her own how this would go- little did she know that Delphine’s own thoughts were downright non-existent.

Her mind was at a complete stand-still, not a single thought could be generated as her heart began to take the reigns, reinforcing her grip on Cosima’s face and pulling her back once more, her mouth slightly open as she kissed Cosima again. This time it was the slightest bit firmer, their lips moving against the others once, twice, three times. Cosima’s mouth was both warm and cool, soft and firm, familiar yet completely foreign all at the same time. It was nothing and everything as Delphine had imagined it to be.

God how she craved the taste and feel of Cosima, her dream-versions missing the mark by miles. Nothing and everything was right in this moment, the crowds of people around her dissipating, the lights ceasing, it was just them- even if just for a moment.

It wasn’t until she felt Cosima’s hand anchor down onto her shoulder that reality slammed back into her conscience. She snapped her eyes open wide, throwing her head back and away from Cosima’s lips, an expression that was completely composed of panic on her face. She sucked in her bottom lip, still tasting Cosima’s chapstick as all she could do was shake her head.

They stared at each other, all eyes in the silent room completely on them. Cosima’s hand absentmindedly made it’s way to her lips, touching where Delphine’s had just been. She cannot believe what had literally just happened. The moment she had cried over, dreamed of, imagined happening since the moment she laid eyes on her had finally come. Her heart was pounding a millions beats a minute as she stared at Delphine, who looked to be near the brink of tears. Cosima felt as if she crossed a line by kissing her. But the alcohol, the mistletoe, the music- it all felt so right. The woman across from her even kissed her back! So why was regret sinking into the pit of her chest at a far too rapid pace.

Delphine’s head turned left and right, eyes shaking as she absorbed all the crazed expressions from her coworkers. Not a single sound could be heard but their breathing, Delphine’s rapidly increasing breath with every new glance she found. How could she let this happen? How could she out herself to an entire school when she couldn’t even do it to her own person? The thought made her sick to her stomach, turning her head slowly to see a bewildered brunette staring sadly back up at her.

“Cosima…” she croaked hoarsely, a knot in her throat beginning to form.

Cosima was afraid to move, the implications of what had just went down for Delphine coming to light in her mind. Instead, all she could do was lock eyes with the woman, silently coaxing her to just look at her and not the other million pairs of eyes gawking at them. She wanted to apologize, but it was entirely Delphine who kissed her. Now, she wanted to know why. Before she even had the chance to open her mouth, Delphine was gone, running clear out of the room and leaving Cosima to fend for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have taken the time to post this while waiting to go home from work, so excuse any mistakes that I didn't find. But, hey! We've finally reached a turning point. Thanks so much for sticking with this little slow burn of a story. You're all amazing!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope this somewhat makes up for the end of the last chapter!

It’s as if she’s underwater.

She feels a million sets of eyes staring at her, burning into her skin all the while Cosima’s are doing just the same. She just barely hears the “Please don’t freak out” before she’s already breaking into a run. Her feet are carrying her somewhere her brain isn’t registering, flying through the empty corridors, still faintly hearing her name.  
How could she not do anything but freak out? Delphine could only imagine the world of scrutiny she’ll soon be under for her impulsive and uncalled for actions. Motives that were completely selfish and unabashed drove her to… to kiss Cosima. And God did that not stop her brain from finally soaring. The world was still when their lips finally met; her thoughts taking a well deserved and well needed rest at last.   
It was still so wrong.

She kissed Cosima, her friend- her woman friend. Possibly leading Cosima to believe that she was sure of her feelings and assurances of her own self… thought the fleeing from the party might have absolved that assumption.   
The echo of Delphine’s heals began to fade as she turned the corner of the deserted hallway, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as tears began to river down her face. She couldn’t take it, her head was swarming with thoughts that were beginning to break her down into an anxiety attack. 

She heard Cosima’s voice calling her name, the woman’s own heels clicking down the corridor in tow. Still, Delphine made no moves to stop until she was out the main door, the winter air brick-facing her in a split second. The drastic temperature difference chilled her to the bone, completely slipping her mind that it was snowing outside. The flakes hit her already sensitive skin, making goose bumps bubble in their path. She knew herself, though, the violent tremble in her lips was nowhere near due to the cold, but to the sobs that were beginning to wrack through her body. She pressed herself against one of the main doors to the building, refusing to come to terms with what had just happened. 

How could she be so stupid? How could she be so careless and impulsive? She knew she had no right to do that, despite the way Cosima responded to her, but of course she would. Delphine knew that Cosima liked her, she knew those feelings that Cosima was harboring deep down just to salvage their growing friendship- and she soiled it. 

“Delphine!” Cosima exclaimed, bursting through the other door. “There you are, Jesus Christ.”

In Cosima’s hands were their bags and Delphine’s coat, which she quickly offered. The blonde shook her head the best she could, she couldn’t bear to even look at Cosima, knowing the overwhelming sensation never would allow her to. “Come on, just put the coat on!” she pleaded desperately, dropping their bags and forcing her help upon the blonde woman. Delphine pulled the coat tight around her, finding her original place backed up against the door. 

“Delphine….” Cosima started, having no clue what to say. She reached her hand out to touch Delphine’s arm, but the French woman all but slammed herself further back against the door, desperate to be out of reach from the brunette. “Please just talk to me.” She pleaded, her hand falling limp to her side. “I’m sorry-“

“You?!” Delphine laughed hoarsely, tossing her head back onto the door and squeezing her eyes shut. Her stomach turned in knots, the guild only worsening. Not only did she kiss Cosima out of pure blind impulse, but she led he to believe that she was the one in the wrong. Stupid, stupid, stipid. “I am the one who is sorry.” She cried. “I do not know what is wrong with me, Cosima, desolee.” 

Cosima bites down on her bottom lip as she stares at the mess in front of her. “Please don’t apologize.”

Her fingers rubbed at her temples, trying to figure out where they go from here. There was no way they could go back to being ‘friends’. It was too detrimental for Cosima’s heart, and too confusing for Delphine’s mind. There was only one way to find out.

“Everybody… my coworkers, mon Dieu, my boss!” she gasped, the implications of her actions in the workplace beginning to set in. “What will they think?”

Cosima doesn’t try to comfort her, knowing Delphine will only pull away. Her head drops to the side, studying the blonde’s face for any ounce of courage. “They- they can’t fire you for this, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She scoffed, the heaviness in her chest only deepening. “I’m more concerned with the social implications and assumptions that will arise when I don’t even know for myself.”

“It’s… it’s okay.” She says quietly, wracking her mind to muster any semblance of comfort. 

“Is it, Cosima? Is it?”

“Delphine…” Cosima whispered, swallowing loudly. The blonde’s eyes fluttered open the slightest bit, her bottom lip still tucked tightly between her teeth. “I just- I have to tell you something.”

“Cosima please…”

“No, I have to. It’s not fair to either of us.” She interrupted, her heart racing right through her ribs. “I like you, Delphine. Okay? And not in a ‘you’re my best friend in the entire world, we’re practically sisters’ way. I like you in a… in a ‘I want to talk to you about theories and life until two morning. I like you in a way that makes me want to show you how I climb onto my fire escape during the summer and stargaze on my roof. And I don’t normally like people like this, so I’ve been trying like, hella hard, to see where we stand and I’m perfectly fine with just forgetting tonight ever happened because obvs we both drank a little bit and honestly we can just go on as if it was nothing. But yeah…I like you, Delphine. And I’d rather tell you now then regret never saying anything.”

Her hands were flying through the air, cutting and twisting with a precision entirely her own. Still, she was close to Delphine, invading her personal space, closing in on her. Delphine’s ears were lost on the words, her eyes narrowing in on the rapid clouds of breath coming from Cosima’s mouth as she rambled. Delphine could hear the breaks in her voice as Cosima laid her heart out onto the table, but all she could do was stare and catch her breath.

“Cosima… I know.” She cried quietly, sniffling her frozen nose. The brunette whimpered, her hands falling limp to her sides as she gawked. 

“Huh?” she asked quietly, her head beginning to hang low. 

Delphine exhaled loudly, dropping her head further back to rest against the cold wood of the door. The snow was starting to freeze her face solid, but she didn’t care- neither of them did. “At the bar. I heard you and your bartender friend speaking before I left.”

“Great. That’s just great.” Cosima nodded her head slowly, her mouth curving into an angry frown. She fought back her first instinct, biting back the defensive front building its way up. Instead, Cosima called on her voice of reason. This was not the time to fight, it was the time to figure out what the fuck was going on. “Why didn’t you uhm, why didn’t you say anything?” she asked quietly, her voice barely a low growl.

Delphine’s shoulders sulked, shaking her head. “I don’t know. Confused?” she thought out loud, wiping the tears at the corners of her eyes. “I was feelings…things… for you that I had never felt before for any woman, and they were far stronger than for any man I’ve been with. I was scared. Scared that everything I knew about myself as a lie.” She confessed through cries. She finally opened her eyes enough for Cosima to see them, bloodshot and glassy from her continuous sobs. Cosima’s heart was shattering as she watched the blonde woman in front of her begin to completely reveal her vulnerable side. “I feel like I don’t know myself… but what happened in there…that kiss. It made my mind stop for once. I got a moment of quiet. And I don’t know what that means now.”

The wind and weather is chilling them both to the core. Cosima isn’t blind though, she never huddled her feelings down like Delphine did. She knows what she felt in that kiss; knows the fireworks that busted between them in that party, the craving that Delphine felt as she moved her lips fluidly against her own. 

“You didn’t want to hurt my feelings until you figured your own out….” Cosima realized, gulping at the realization. 

Delphine nodded her head, rubbing her hands together for warmth. “Oui.” She said quietly. 

“Did you- did you figure them out?” Cosima asked bravely, unsure where all the sudden emotional strength was coming from. “Do you… could you like me to? In the same way?”

Delphine shook her head sadly. “I haven’t a clue.” She whimpered, saying sorry over and over again. 

“Oh.”

“You see I’ve,” Delphine paused to take a breath, her mind reeling far too fast than her mouth could manage to get the words out. She opened her eyes, looking straight into Cosima’s and couldn’t help but wonder if hers were just as red. “I’ve never thought about bisexuality. At least for myself.” She began slowly, trying her best to reason with her mind. “But I know that sexuality is a, is a spectrum. But you know, social biases they, codified attraction. It's contrary to the biological facts... you know. But my whole life, I was raised… I was raised with a different rationality. I’m so sure, or at least was, that I knew absolutely everything about myself. But now, I feel like I know nothing. ” 

Cosima listened to her defense, hanging onto every single word with enough vigor to lead an army. She let out a breath she barely realized that she was holding, listening to the gears grind in Delphine’s mind. Her heart broke for the woman, not even beginning to understand what she was going through- especially on her own and in complete secrecy. Cosima was always very open about her own sexuality, never bothering to tie herself down to a label- but she knew her way of thinking was still a little uncongenial. She looked at Delphine, the woman who for thirty years as molded and accepted an entire self-identity that was beginning to unravel and turn completely on it’s head. 

“Yeah.” She meandered. “I know. But Delphine, why did you kiss me?”

She swallowed loudly, squeezing her eyes shut and turned her head to the far left, away from Cosima’s steadfast gaze. “P-part of me wanted to, so desperately.” She started, her stomach churning with every word of confession. Delphine felt sick to her stomach hearing her thoughts out loud, it was all too raw, too real. 

“And the other part?”

“The other part is… well, I do not know. I do not know a single thing.” 

With an unspoken arriving bravery, Cosima reached out for Delphine, grabbing her wrist and forcefully putting her the woman’s hand across her own chest. 

“Delphine.” She stated bravely, calling the woman’s name to get her attention. She felt Delphine fight weakly against her grasp, but Cosima held the hand over her heart. “Do you feel this?” she asked to the silent blonde. “Do you?” 

Delphine’s eyes cracked open, staring into Cosima’s glassy ones. She did feel it, she felt every single beat of Cosima’s heart beneath her palm, every flutter and every skip. It beat with a purpose, and Delphine knew exactly what that purpose was. “Oui.” She meandered. 

Cosima nodded her head. “Me too.” She whispered, wrapping her palms across Delphine’s hand. “I’ve felt it for a long time, since I saw you in that auditorium. And what we felt in there…. God, Delphine. That has the potential to be real.” She explained, her voice breaking and cracking with every word. 

Delphine’s rigid body began to limp, giving Cosima the ‘okay’ to inch closer. She swallowed hard, staring at the woman in front of who held her hand across her own chest. “How? How do you know it’s real?”

“Because,” Cosima whispered, her feet moving closer and closer with every shallow breath. “Because I know you feel it.” Delphine let out a sigh she didn’t know she was holding, feeling as if her entire world was falling apart with every word. Everything she’s ever known about herself, everything that she’s identified as and with was going with the wind. The only thing she knew now was the woman standing in front of her, just as scared as she was. “I know you’re scared shitless, too. You’re scared of other people’s opinions and reactions, the social and work changes. But Delphine, you’re especially scared of yourself.”

Not a lie was to be found, not a single one. Tears stung in her eyes, blurring her vision as she tried her best to observe Cosima’s eyes instead of her ever-moving lips. How on earth was Cosima able to unravel her like that, stripping her raw of her guard and emotional walls. 

“This is crazy.” Delphine whispered, tears still continuing to trickle down her face. Cosima dropped Delphine’s hand from her chest, moving her own hands to the woman’s cheeks. She cradled Delphine’s face, her thumbs swiping at the tears as they came. “I don’t know what I feel.”

Cosima cracked a smile, a small, tired laugh sneaking through her tears. She shrugged, finally catching Delphine’s eye. “Yeah. Yeah it is.” She agreed, soothing the woman’s nerves as best she could. Delphine closed her eyes, leaning into Cosima’s touch as she grasped either one of her wrists, holding herself up practically. “Just tell me what you want to do. Tell me and I’ll do it.”

Delphine shook her head, never leaving Cosima’s eyes as she licked her lips in confusion. “I don’t know.” She confessed, her voice shaking. “I don’t know anything.”

“Just…what do you want?” Cosima asked again, the desperation in her voice becoming adamant. 

Delphine didn’t respond, couldn’t respond. She truly didn’t know. Instead she closed her eyes, squeezing them shut. She remembered fondly doing so as a child, closing her eyes as tight as possible with the hope of making all the bad dreams disappear; she was doing the same now, but this time trying to convince herself that her reality was indeed just a dream. 

“Delphine… please!” Cosima begged again. Her voice was hoarse, throat raw from the tears she cried. She held Delphine in a vice grip, too scared that she would run again if she let go. “What do you want-“

“I think I should go home.” Delphine finally says, lifting her head to meet Cosima’s gaze. Her face falters, but only for a moment, hoping Delphine didn’t catch it. “Come with me?”

Cosima nods solemnly, allowing Delphine to guide them to the car. “Yeah, I think it’s time we had this talk.”

 

***

“Coffee?” 

Cosima shakes her head, her eyes scanning her surroundings carefully. Delphine’s apartment was pristine, radiating a sterile atmosphere, as if it wasn’t even lived in. She could only imagine what Delphine was thinking when she saw her own apartment for the first time, the array of disbelief on the polar opposite atmospheres. 

Delphine sighs, turning her back towards Cosima, who is sitting on a barstool in her kitchen area, whilst she hovers over the sink, head down and hands wielding a vice grip to the counter edge. Her thoughts were heavy, weighing her mind down to the pit of her stomach. 

It was all too real and entirely phantom all at the same time. Cosima was here, in her apartment, on the day before Christmas Eve- one of the many holidays she no longer bothered to observe. She’d be ignorant to assume that Cosima doesn’t have better places to be than here, stagnant in a thick silence in her apartment, yet here she was. 

“Delphine?”

Shivers jolted through her spine, the voice entirely too close for comfort. She hadn’t even heard Cosima rise from her seat and walk over to her. Mustering whatever strength she had, Delphine turned her body, still keeping herself pressed against the counter, only this time the small of her back staying flushed against the marble. Cosima took up similar residence on the island in front of her, their bodies mere footsteps away.

“I’m sorry.” She says for no particular reason, believing every reason in the book for apologizing. 

Cosima could only shake her head, the saddest of smiles toying on her winter-chapped lips. “Don’t be.” She mumbled. “We still need to talk, Delphine. Please.”   
The desperation seeped through the cracks of her hoarse voice, leaving the trembling blonde’s wrists tied with no other choice but to succumb. 

She led them silently to her couch, Cosima in tow behind her, having slipped off her shoes next to Delphine at the door. They take up residence beside each other in the middle of the sofa, close enough for comfort but enough distance to not touch each other. Delphine’s leg tucked under her body, the other dangling off as she turned her torso to face Cosima, her long arm stretched across the expanse of the top cushions. Cosima couldn’t help but mirror her body’s stance, sans the arm, instead choosing to keep her hands fumbling in her lap. 

Neither said anything at first, instead just stealing secret glances at the other, Delphine calling every fiber of inner strength in her to not reach out and smooth back the baby hairs that were curling along Cosima’s hairline. Eventually their angsty teenage game evolved into deliberate, long stares right at each other, Cosima losing herself in the vast color array in Delphine’s eyes. How was it possible for somebody’s eyes to be that mind-numbingly beautiful. 

“Oh, Cosima.” She whispered, licking her lips in worry. “I’m so sorry for not telling you that I heard what you said at the bar. I am.”

She smiles weakly, shaking her head with a slow, deliberate rock. “Well,” She reminds. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself instead of harboring them.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Cosima shrugged, taking a deep breath. “I suppose for the same reasons that you didn’t tell me.”

‘Of course’ Delphine bursts silently. Both of them were so adamant on protecting their growing friendship, any reference of a risk to move something forward was repressed to the furthest corners of their minds. “And now?”

“Now, I suppose the ball is kind of in your court.” She breathes.

She shakes her head, bringing her free hand to cup her own cheek, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back the tears. “I don’t like that. It is too much responsibility.”

“Okay.” Cosima says simply. It was that easy, after all. Neither woman had to do anything if they didn’t want to. “But… do you like me, Delphine? Could you like me?”

“Like a woman loves a man?” she asked.

Cosima shook her head again. “No.” she said, firmer this time. “Like a person could love a person.”

She wants to say yes, she wants to scream yes. But Delphine can’t help but feel sick to her stomach when a part of her also wants to say no, absolutely not. “I- I don’t know.” She settles with. “I feel… I feel something for you- towards you. That is not a lie.”

“I figured.” Cosima says, chuckling lightly to lessen the dark mood. “You did kiss me, after all. And under a mistletoe in front of your colleagues.”

“Just friends don’t do that, do they?” Delphine couldn’t help but add her own quiet laughter to the room, chuckling more at the ridiculous of this conversation. 

“No, I don’t think so.” She smiles tenderly, a full set of teeth producing themselves and nearly turning Delphine into a puddle right then and there. 

“Friends don’t also wake up cuddled together in bed.” She adds, throwing caution to the wind at this point.

“Well I beg to differ-wait, huh?!” Cosima’s eyebrows shot up nearly to her hairline, making Delphine burst out into a hearty laugh. 

“I didn’t think you remembered, I suppose I was right. Yes, well then, the night that you let me stay over your home, we had fallen asleep. I woke up to you wrapped around my body like a small child.”

Cosima tips her head back, giving Delphine’s eyes access to the growing red flush creeping up her neck and ears. “God, I’m so sorry. I may or may not have been called a cuddle monster on various occasions. Believe me, conscious Cosima gave you as much personal space as I could.”

She shook her head, a tired smile ghosting her lips as she briefly strummed the tips of her fingers against Cosima’s arm. “Was… was it like this for you? Did you feel all this?”

Cosima was silent for a moment before shaking her head no. “Nah, I kind of always knew. I don’t really even have a coming out story.” She smiled. “Hetero-normativity wasn’t a thing in my household, which was rad. “ The look of confusion on Delphine’s face was only saturated even more by the confession. “But! People discover things about themselves all the time- at all different times of life. Totally normal stuff.”

She wants to tell Cosima that she knows this. She knows all about how this stuff works, quite in-depth. It’s the reality of it happening to herself that has Delphine running. These things happened to people on Youtube videos and memoirs, not her. Not herself. She’s had decades to discover whatever it is about her that needed discovering. So what was happening now?

“All I’m trying to say, Delphine, is that… I’m not running.” Cosima looks to Delphine, making the blonde woman lock eyes with her. “Whatever this is, whatever it turns out to be. I want to help you figure it out, I don’t want you to feel alone and shit, okay? I know this has got to be scary as hell. Sexuality it’s, it’s a big deal. I get that. ”

Her words are failing her, opting to simply nod her head instead just the smallest bit. “Oh, Cosima.” She whispered, the fingers that rested on the woman’s arms trailing up her neck to her cheek again, stroking the skin beneath her fingers affectionately. Her heart began to beat erratically at the instantaneous touch, making her gulp down her impulses.

“I don’t… I don’t want to drag you down and hurt you.” Delphine says quietly, curling her lips inward to suppress the frown. “Especially if the answers I find aren’t the one’s I hoped for.”

“Well, what are you hoping for?” she asked. Delphine tucked her lip between her teeth, pondering before shaking her head sadly, dropping her gaze. Cosima was faster, catching her chin and lifting it back up to meet her eyes. “Well whatever those answers are… I don’t need protecting from them.” Cosima smiled with a gentle laugh, bringing her own hand up to clasp over the one Delphine had on her cheek. She held the blonde’s hand firmly, leaning into the touch and letting the warmth take over. 

“You don’t have to-“

“I want to too.” She promises. “You’re my friend first. Weird stuff only happens if we let it.”

“Cosima… can you, can you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Kiss me?” she begged hoarsely. Delphine didn’t know what she wanted- but she knew that she needed to feel Cosima again, needed to feel the sudden sense that everything was okay. The only time she had ever felt that since the day they was when she kissed her. 

Cosima smiled, almost sadly, as she leaned towards Delphine on the couch. She bumped their foreheads together, taking a breath before placing the gentlest brush of lips. Delphine gasped, melting into the glorious sensation of her mind going blank again. She tilted her head up the slightest bit, pressing her lips firmly against Cosima’s, this time with no hesitation. It wasn’t soft or hesitant like the first time. This kiss was all about need. Delphine whimpered against Cosima’s lips, coaxing the American to come closer. She sighed, her hands moving from Delphine’s face to her neck, grabbing at the curls at the nape of her neck and pulling forward. 

She could practically taste the salty remnants of Delphine’s tears as her tongue slipped between her teeth, gently ghosting the Delphine’s bottom lip. The blonde’s shaky arms wrapped around Cosima’s back, pulling her impossibly closer. 

This was the touch that she was craving. It never really was just a hand, or an arm, but it was Cosima. Her mouth, her cheeks, her whimpers. It was what the Frenchwoman’s heart had been so desperately craving all along. 

“Cosima.” She whispered between fervent kisses, pulling one of Cosima’s lips between her teeth and tugging gently. Cosima groaned at the sound of her name, her hands further tangling themselves in the blonde’s depleting up-do. 

Delphine pulled back for just a moment, so close that their noses were still rubbing against each other. “Cosima.” She breathed again, her voice a low growl coming from deep in her throat. Her hands snaked up brunette’s body to her face, stroking at the back of her ears, her cheeks, her jaw. Delphine leaned forward and pressed kisses to all those places, peppering them softly, memorizing their feel and taste. She kissed away the tear stains that she caused to ruin her makeup, she kissed away the melted flakes of snow that found a home on the bridge of her nose. Cosima leaned back then still as a statue, completely in bliss of the moment. Even if the circumstances were far from ideal, even if this wound up to leave her just as destroyed as the last woman she let take her, for the moment- she was happy. 

“Delphine.” She hums when the blonde woman’s lips find hers again.  
She ignored her, kissing her deeper instead. Delphine’s tongue parts Cosima’s lips, slipping through them eagerly. Cosima could all but moan, pushing herself further against Delphine as her arms wrapped around her tightly. Their tongues moved in unison, claiming the other’s mouth in a desperate frenzy for sanctuary. Their teeth clashed, scraping the other’s lip and soothing it over.

The rattling of a choked sob makes Cosima pull back, finding Delphine’s face a plethora of shades of red, blotchy with tears and hiccups. “Hey.” She cooed, rubbing her cheeks with her thumbs. “You okay?”

“Non.” She choked. “I’m not okay, non.”

“Okay, okay.” She gathered the blonde in her arms. Holding her as another round of sobs made their way. “I’m sorry.” She breathes. “I’m sorry.” Delphine wanted so desperately to kiss her again, to silence the condescending voices that sounded far too like her parents’ in her mind, ripping her confidence and sound reason to shreds.

“We don’t have to do anything, okay? Not a thing.”

Delphine sniffled, nodding her head, letting the sensation of Cosima’s questionably strong arms around her radiate the comfort she craved. “Mon Dieu, forgive me.” She spoke. “I’ve put both of us in a terrible mood, especially around Christmas time.”

Cosima snorted, daring to press her lips fleetingly against the blonde’s temples. “I totally forgot about that.” She mumbled. “Are you going home for Christmas?”

“Oh, non. I have not celebrated Christmas in a very long time.” Delphine shook her head slowly, her cheeks coloring at the admittance. She felt Cosima’s body tense against her, her heart sinking when she felt Cosima pull away. 

She stared at her inquisitively her, her lips twitching with silent words, formulating them carefully. Their heads were still far closer than two friends heads should be, but too far away for Delphine’s unabashed preference. “No Christmas?”

“I…non-“

Arms were around her once more, but this time in a hug, one so warm and firm that Delphine swore she was melting. “You do this year.” She heard Cosima mumble into her ear. “No arguing.”

“D’accord.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all so so much for reading. I know the previous chapter ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, so I made sure this one was a little longer than usual, just to hold out until Wednesday. Also! I've decided to do away with the chapter cap I originally had on the story, since I've added some chapters in between and added on to the ending- just to switch things up a bit. So this story is gonna stretch a little longer than 21 chapters. Thank you all so so so much for keeping up with this fic so far, you're all amazing and I appreciate it sooooo much! <3


	13. Chapter 13

She stood outside the door for ten minutes. 

Delphine’s feet were anchored to the ground, hand raised level with the door, willing herself to knock. She hadn’t spoken Cosima, hadn’t called or even text her since she left the apartment in the early hours of the morning last night. Both of them had completely lost track of time, staying up and talking, stealing occasional kisses…

‘So much kissing!’ Delphine thought to herself, a tight grin fighting her lips. It was true, both woman had stolen their fair share of fleeting kisses from the other throughout the night. 

Delphine’s favorite parts of the night, though, were the quiet ones, when Cosima was so deep into the thought that she couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss her. She became braver as the hours dawned, her touches and grazes more confident, even braving herself to pull Cosima into a lover’s cuddle on the couch whilst watching the Christmas specials. 

The brunette didn’t falter on her side either, quickly realizing that her favorite part of Delphine was the smooth skin that stretched across her perfect hipbones. Her fingers wrapped around them whenever the opportunity arose, whether it was on the couch, or when they wandered to the kitchen to make more tea, or when they walked back to the couch, Cosima always guiding Delphine by the hips from behind. 

They talked into the early morning like two lovesick teenagers on Cosima’s couch. Cosima answered every single one of Delphine’s pressing questions, both women recalling on childhood memories about past relationships. By the time Delphine decided to leave, more kisses ensued in the doorway, the slow assurance somehow convincing her that everything might just be okay.

“Hey!” 

“Oh merde!”

Her hand slapped across her chest, clutching at her heart as she staggered back a step. Cosima’s eyes were wide, her toothy grin vanishing as she too jumped back. Delphine, so lost in thought, wasn’t prepared for the door to swing open so suddenly. 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Cosima yelped, her lips curving downward into a pout. Delphine shook her head, pressing her fingers to her temple before finally meeting Cosima’s apologetic gaze, accepting her outstretched hand and being gently pulled through the door. “I-I heard footsteps come all the way up the stairs to the door… but you never knocked.” 

“Right, sorry I was-“

“Hey… don’t worry about it. You’re here, that’s all that matters.” She smiled, taking Delphine’s coat from her and draping it across the side table at the door. They stood stagnant in the middle of the room, hands join despite the large bag dangling across one of Delphine’s wrist. Cosima smiled up at her, basking in their close proximity, grateful to see Delphine return it. 

The entire apartment was decorated exactly how Delphine imagined it would be: white Christmas lights were strung amongst the crown molding and bookshelves, serving as quite the mood lighting- to Cosima’s delight. A small tree was tucked away in the corner of the living room, decorated in quirky little ornaments that Cosima had collected over the years. Delphine loved it; loved how Cosima was able to project her entire personality into everything she touched. 

“Wow.” She murmured.

“Oui?” 

Cosima licked her lips, her eyes tracing every contour of Delphine’s face that the shadows in the room created. “You’re just- I just want to….can I… can I kiss you?” she stuttered. 

Delphine’s worry cracked at the edges in her face, a broad smile and gentle laugh filling its gaps. “You don’t have to ask.” She whispered as Cosima was already pushing herself up onto her toes, hands travelling up her arms to cheek.

“Of course I do.” She mumbled, swiping their noses together before carefully brushing their lips. Delphine practically hummed at the embrace, fond memories reigniting throughout her body. She smiled, Cosima’s lips messily catching her teeth, making both women break out into giggle. Delphine’s arms latched around Cosima’s waist and she felt a tug on her neck, pulling her down further and deepening the kiss, Cosima carefully testing her limits. Delphine couldn’t help but moan now, a velvety tongue tracing the swell of her bottom lip, making her stagger forward with enthusiasm, the bag on her wrist knocking the back of Cosima’s knee.

“Ooph.” Cosima grunted, legs buckling. Delphine was faster, tightening her grip and holding her up, laughing into her shoulder quietly.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, braving herself to press apologetic kisses to the crook of her neck.

Cosima hummed, leaning her neck away. “Mmm don’t do that, you might give me ideas.” She teased, gently pushing Delphine away at the shoulders. She wasn’t going to ruin a good thing, not unless Delphine was one hundred percent comfortable. “What’s in that bag anyway?”

“Em…clothes.”

“Clothes?”

“And food.”

“Food?!” 

Delphine blushed, ignoring Cosima’s repetitive questions. Instead she leaned forward once more, hesitating for just a moment before pecking the brunette’s lips. “I believe I promised somebody dinner.” She reminded, watching Cosima’s eyes light up with excitement. 

“You’re gonna cook for me?” she smiled, hands finding their favorite residence on Delphine’s hip bones, her fingertips just grazing beneath the fabric of her shirt. “What are you making?”

“Oh. You’ll see.” She promises. “Go. Sit.”

00000

And so she did, impatiently so for the better half of an hour whilst Delphine busied herself away in the kitchen area. Cosima stood seated at her desk, her finger lazily tracing over the top of a glass of wine that Delphine offered her halfway through. She watched silently, the room filled with a soft French song, Delphine’s voice singing quietly just over the melody from her cellphone on the counter. The entire apartment smelled amazing, reminding Cosima that it’s probably been years since an actual meal had been cooked in there. 

“Can I come see now?” she pleaded, her other hand strumming the top of her desk impatiently. 

Delphine swirled around, sucking off the sauce of something from the tip of her finger and looking at Cosima with a face that could floor her right there. She shook her head teasingly, wild curls bouncing through the air. “Non.” She stated simply, turning back around to tend to her pans. “Not yet.”

“But I’m huuuungry.”

“You don’t say?” Delphine joked sarcastically. 

“I do say!” Cosima laughed back, shaking her head hotly. “But I am glad that you kept your word to cook for me. I’ve been waiting for this meal to happen since that day in the supermarket.”

“I’m a woman of my word, Cosima.”

Her stomach growled loudly again, making Delphine giggle at her childish impatience. “Told you I’m hungry.” Cosima pouted, lolling her head over the back of the chair and spinning around. Delphine clicked her teeth, turning back to the burners to mix the cooking pasta. She quietly sang along to the song playing off her iTunes, body gently swinging to the rhythm. 

Cosima noticed this, her head creeping back up to watch the blonde woman. The denims she came over in were quite loose on her, settling at the bare end of her hips, exposing no more than three inches of bare skin until the hem of her shirt started. The innocent rift had Cosima’s breath labored; she gulped hard at the sight, trying her best to stay composed and ignore the growing fire running through her veins. 

She couldn’t restrain herself for much longer even if she tried. Curling her lips inwards and pushing herself as quiet as she could up out of the chair, Cosima snuck across the room and moved directly behind Delphine. She gripped the counter on either side of the taller woman, trapping her between her arms. The blonde gasped, swallowing loudly as she continued to lightly sway her hips side to side and cook dinner, doing her best to pretend Cosima wasn’t distracting her. Her heart-rate sped up every time her hips or arms grazed against Cosima’s while she moved, even the slightest touch sending her into a inferno of lust.

“What song is this?” Cosima whispered, her breath dangerously tickling Delphine’s ear. 

Delphine cleared her throat, doing her best to stay concentrated as she poured and mixed her sauce over the pasta, transferring it to a serving plate. The completed aroma filled the air around them, making Cosima’s stomach grumble loudly. Delphine threw her head back at the sound, resting it on Cosima’s shoulder and laughing aloud as he continued to dance in place. 

“La Petite Mort.” She replied, her voice low and raspy. “One of my favorite songs.” She was unable to stop herself, completely transfixed on Cosima’s prominent jawline, as she lazily pressed her lips to the underside the structure, lingering far too longer than she should have before pulling away and leaving Cosima to whimper.

“Non.” Delphine cooed, scooching Cosima backward so she can serve dinner. “Come eat first.”

“Don’t have to tell my twice!” the brunette exclaimed, bouncing over to her small dining table and sitting quickly. Delphine followed suit, watching Cosima practically inhale her dinner. She clicked her teeth, chuckling quietly as she paced herself far more slowly. 

“I take it that you like it?” Delphine asked. 

Cosima nodded her head, a cheekful of pasta in her mouth as she threw her a thumbs-up. “So good.” She managed between chews. “Haven’t had a home-cooked meal here in ages. I haven’t been able to make it to my sister’s for family dinner in a while.”

Delphine looked at her then, watching Cosima scarf down the food. She was glad at least that she was comfortable enough around her not to pretend to eat ‘politely’. Delphine was grateful in general that Cosima didn’t pretend to be anything she wasn’t. 

“I’m glad you enjoy it then. I know you were hungry.” She winked. Cosima was practically cleaning off her plate as Delphine was merely halfway done. 

Cosima nodded slowly, a wide grin across her face as she leaned back and patted her stomach. “I’m good now.” She assured. “Take your time, though!”

“Non, it’s okay. I was not that hungry.” 

They both rose, cleaning off the table and plates. Before Delphine could decide what she wanted to do next, Cosima grabbed her hand and led her to her Christmas tree. 

“Help me decorate the top part please?” she begged, tugging the woman towards the small bin of ornaments she still had on the floor. 

Delphine smirked, grabbing ornaments and setting them around the top branches while Cosima added more to the bottom half. “You only wanted me here for my height, didn’t you?”

“Caught me.” Cosima responded without missing a beat, causing Delphine to suck her teeth and lightly hip-bump her. 

“I haven’t done this in years…” Delphine thought aloud, thumbing a small double-helix ornament.

The brunette’s head shot up, wide eyed in shock at the Frenchwoman. “Seriously?”

“Oui. I saw no point, it was only me for Christmas, so I didn’t really have a reason.” Delphine shrugged nonchalantly. 

The truth was, she loves Christmas. But the holiday isn’t made for lonely people, which she was. There were no friends in this country for her to celebrate with, and who could afford international flights on a teacher’s salary. With a sigh, she pushed the through from her mind, not wanting to dwell on it any longer.

“Well, this Christmas will be different. I promised you that already.” Cosima assured her. Delphine heart swelled, looking down at the woman who was staring back up at her with the warmest smile. “Come here, I wanna show you something.” 

“What it is?” Delphine asked, following Cosima as they pulled her down to the floor. She watched the tiny brunette lay on her back and shimmy backwards until her head was beneath the Christmas tree. “Oh Dieu.” Delphine laughed, following suit.

She couldn’t deny it, it was cool indeed. 

Delphine looked up, matching Cosima’s gaze as she stared into the depths of the branches, illuminated by the strands of twinkling lights crossed and looped throughout the structure. She couldn’t stifle the gasp that slipped through her lips, hearing Cosima chuckle beside her. 

“Isn’t it rad?” she asked quietly, her fingers tentatively drawing patterns in the middle of Delphine’s palm between them. “I used to lay under the Christmas trees for hours when I was younger. I thought it was so cool.”

“It is.” Delphine agreed, grabbing at Cosima’s fingers and holding them lightly. “It’s actually quite beautiful. I don’t know why, but it’s calming me I think. Makes me feel safe.”

“Totally.” Cosima smiled, wiggling her body closer to the blonde until they were brushing thighs. Cosima leaned her head to rest on Delphine’s shoulder, rubbing her temple against the bone she found there. 

“Can I ask you something?” Delphine reached up into the lights, rolling a glass ornament between her fingers before dropping her hands down onto her stomach. Cosima nodded, lifting her head slightly to get a better look at Delphine’s face, watching her lick her lips in thought. “How do you do it? How do you deal with it? Society has very strong opinions about sexuality and… I think it is petrifying.”

“Honestly?” she asked. “I try not give a fuck about what anybody thinks. I wear what I want, even though my mother nearly strokes out whenever my clothes don’t match her standards. I think that like… self-expression is totally a human right, and we’re entitled to feel safe and shit when we express our identities. I guess that could be a little terrifying.”

“Oui.” She nodded her head calmly, letting it bump on top of Cosima’s. “The brave new world, and its opinions… it scares me.”

“Well,” Cosima tangled their fingers together, bringing their joined hands to rest in to the middle of her stomach. “We should just stay down here. Look at the pretty lights and hide.”

Delphine couldn’t help but laugh now, running her thumb over the top of Cosima’s hand. “You’d stay here and hide with me?”

“I’d stay here and hide with you.”

Delphine gulped, blinking back the tears that were beginning to overwhelm her vision. She couldn’t believe how calm she felt, tucked away in her little hideaway under the Christmas tree. 

“Merci, Cosima.”

She hummed, gripping the blonde’s hand a little tighter, a smile plastered across her face. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m kind of new at this, too.”

Delphine quirked a brow but didn’t bother to turn her head, still transfixed on the lights above her. “What do you mean?”

Cosima shrugged, formulating the right words. “I mean like… I’m owning up to my feelings too, you know? I don’t really do that.” Her voice trembled, Delphine could see right through her raw emotions and couldn’t believe that Cosima felt secure enough with her to express them.

“Oh.” Delphine laughed, pushing the thoughts aside. “I remember now. At the em, the bar we went to, your friend there called them ‘catches’ I think.”

Cosima could only grumble, making Delphine laugh more. Her cheeks began to color a deep red in embarrassment, but quickly faded, knowing Delphine probably didn’t care. 

“All I’m saying, is that you’re not alone with this shit. I’m new here, too. Kind of.”

She tilted her head downward, pressing her lips against the top of Cosima’s dreads in a silent thank you, not that it would ever amount to the thanks she truly deserves. 

Delphine sniffled, wiping her eyes that were stinging with fresh tears, holding back a quiet sob. So many- too many- emotions were coursing through her. How was she so lucky to have found this woman, somebody that would climb under Christmas trees and share secrets with, cry with, instill her complete trust in. It was all too much for Delphine to think about.

Nobody could find her down here though, holding Cosima’s hand, spilling her conscience, allowing herself to wander down an unknown road of sexuality. Nobody was around to infiltrate her thoughts, to judge her for holding this beautiful woman’s hand, for wanting to touch her, to kiss her, to hold her-

“Delphine?”

“Hmm?”

Cosima laughed, turning her head to press a fleeting kiss to her shoulder. “You left me for a second, you alright? I asked if you were ready to get up.”

She pressed the back of her free hand to her forehead, rubbing away at her thoughts. Of course she didn’t want to get up, she really, truly did want to stay down here forever, but wherever Cosima was going, so was she. 

“Em, oui, yes.” 

With the most ungraceful of shimmies, the two women maneuvered out from beneath the tree, staggering up with still connected hands.

“We still have to put the star up.” Cosima reminded her, pulling their joined hands apart reluctantly.

She glanced down into the bin, searching for the tree topper when something green caught her eye. Delphine reached down, wrapping her fingers around the faux plant, pulling it out and twiddling it in her fingers while Cosima wasn’t looking.

Her mind began to race, hurdling back to forty-eight hours ago and the events it entailed. Her lips twisted into a smile as she realized the meaning that mistletoe had on her relationship with Cosima; how it drastically changed everything to the point of no return. She glanced sideways at Cosima, watching the woman push herself up onto the tips of her toes and struggle to place one of the last ornaments on the tree. Her face was screwed tight with determination, her tongue poking out from the corner of her mouth in a way that had a fire in Delphine’s body growing.

With the mistletoe in one hand, Delphine silently reached upwards, grabbing one of Cosima’s extended hands and holding it tight. The brunette looked at her, confused as she was led away from the tree, Delphine’s grasp on her unwavering.

“What’re you doing?” she asked with a chuckle, one eyebrow cocked high in confusion. Delphine was silent, walking backwards so she could face Cosima as she lead her to the doorframe that led into the bedroom. Nothing but a small smile on Delphine’s lips was all Cosima could get as an answer. 

The blonde woman stopped them in the entryway, pulling Cosima closer to her as she slowly reached up, sticking the mistletoe directly above them. Cosima watched, licking her lips into a cheeky grin as she knew exactly what game Delphine was playing.

Cosima couldn’t remember a time that she was more happy. These past weeks had been a whirlwind of confusion for her, for both of them. She had decided to go a “ask no questions” route, and just let the course of events take it’s own pace. She watched Delphine’s eyes intently, noting how dark they had become as she focused point blank into her own. Cosima felt Delphine’s hand begin to clam up as she tightened her grip, pulling her close until their hips were flush against one another’s. Cosima breath shallowed as she let go of Delphine’s hand and put them on her hip bones, squeezing them gently.

“So I understand that tradition states two people have to kiss if they are caught under a mistletoe.”

“Mm. I’d hate to break tradition.” The brunette mumbled. Delphine smiled, her lips quivering the slightest bit with an unannounced anticipation as she bumped their foreheads together, her own fingers around locked lazily around Cosima’s neck and shoulders, pulling her forward.

“Embrasse moi.” She pleaded quietly, her voice barely a whisper as her breath warmed Cosima’s face. 

The shorter woman didn’t need any more encouragement, tilting her head upwards until their lips met. Delphine whimpered at the touch, immediately craving more as she kissed back with such ferocity that Cosima stumbled backwards a little bit. She was quicker though, and suddenly her hands were everywhere. Delphine felt blunt finger nails scrape across her hipbones, then suddenly tugging at her hair. By some source of bravery, Delphine walked them backwards until Cosima was pressed against the doorjamb, making the smaller woman groan loudly in nothing less than pure want. She felt Cosima’s tongue graze her lips, slipping past them and delving into her own hungry mouth. Delphine couldn’t resist reciprocating, still faintly tasting the remnants of dinner as she memorized every dip, curve, and groove in Cosima’s mouth. 

Still, it wasn’t enough for Delphine who now had her fistfuls of Cosima’s shirt balled into her hands, tugging her as close as she possibly could. She pulled Cosima up to meet her height, taking the woman’s bottom lip and sucking it broodingly, biting the soft flesh. She whispered hoarse thank you’s against Cosima’s lips in every language she could remember, desperately trying to find away to make Cosima understand how much she appreciated her. 

Her hands released Cosima’s shirt, sliding down her waist to grab at the material of her pants, looping her fingers through the belt loops while Cosima’s mouth wandered away and found solace on her neck, sinking her teeth in and sucking until it was glowing red, quickly moving to the next spot. Delphine moaned loudly, filling the too silent room with hoarse vocals. Her legs were becoming weak as Cosima’s mouth ravaged her neck, spotting the love bites in a lazy pattern across the ivory skin. With a firm grip on Cosima, Delphine clumsily pulled her forward, walking backwards until she felt the back of her knees hit the bed. 

“You okay?” Cosima mumbled, poking her tongue out to lick down the length of Delphine’s throat. The blonde trembled violently when she felt Cosima gently blow a cool breath down its path. Cosima heart puttered with nerves, wanting to make sure she didn’t push Delphine past any boundary she didn’t want. She knew this was all new to the Frenchwoman, untouched territory that only she has been granted the right to journey through so far. But the way Delphine kissed her back gave her all the convincing she needed. 

Cosima could feel the desire tangled in Delphine’s fighting tongue, battling for dominance with her own. The blonde nodded her head, hands making their journey upwards to rest behind Cosima’s neck as she slowly sat down, pulling the brunette woman with her.

Cosima mumbled something incoherently, sitting on Delphine’s lap with her legs loosely wrapped around her waist. Their mouths clashed together immediately once more. Teeth sloppily clicking against another, tongues battling for dominance whilst Cosima’s hands toyed with the hem of Delphine’s shirt pulling and twisting it teasingly in a way that was driving Delphine blindingly insane. She grabbed Cosima’s hands, pulling her head a way for a moment to look at her.

“Oh God.” Cosima was panting by the point, the adrenaline going through her at full speed. “I’m totally making out with you on my bed right now.” She mumbled sloppily against her mouth.

Delphine couldn’t help but laugh out loud, her hand cradling the back of Cosima’s head, holding her against her lips as they both smiled. “I know.”

“Did that totally kill the moment?” she asked between fast kisses. 

Delphine shook her head, holding Cosima for a long embrace before pulling apart again to breathe. “Non…lay with me?”

“Holy watershed.” Cosima groaned, pushing Delphine back gently as they both maneuvered to the top of the bed, settling on the pillows. “You literally have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” she mumbled, sidling up next to Delphine and pulling her close, kissing her long and slow “Kissing you… on my bed…”

Delphine moaned, her hands splayed across Cosima’s back, fingers digging into her shoulders. Nothing could ruin this moment for her. The complete sense of sanctuary and security she felt, wrapped in Cosima’s arms in her bed, it was nearly nauseating. Delphine felt like this would last forever, but the wrenching heat pulling at the cross of her legs was telling her differently. 

Every touch Cosima laid on her skin set her ablaze, only making her desire stronger. But no desire could compete with the one her heart had, growing stronger than her body could ever amount to. Cosima had given her so much, is willing to give her so much more- Delphine wanted to give to her, too. 

“Cosima.” Delphine pleaded, her voice hoarse as she pried away from perfect lips. “Cosima.”

“Yeah? Are you okay? Did I do some-“

“Please.” She cut her off, holding her face tightly in her hands, pressing their foreheads together. 

Cosima sucked in a tight breath, pulling her face away to give Delphine a long stare. Her mouth didn’t move, but her eye did all the talking that Cosima needed to hear. Gulping loudly, her lips trembled bruised, swollen from their urgency. 

“Yeah?” she asked quietly, bringing a shaking hand up to tuck back an errant curl behind Delphine’s ear. The blonde’s eyes fluttered, leaning her cheek into the woman’s palm, the small act of intimacy nearly taking her away right there. 

“Oui.” She whispered, her eyes never leaving Cosima’s, even as she gently pulled the glasses off the bridge of the woman’s nose, setting them down on the nearest surface. “I’m sure.” 

There was a glaze forming over Cosima’s eyes just then, Delphine noticed. She could have almost sworn it was tears, but the American didn’t give her enough time to decide, instead leaning forward and kissing her with so much tenderness and adoration that her mind completely stilled.

“Okay.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that nifty little "M" rating I gave this story upon first posting it? Consider yourselves officially warned, then! ;)

 

**

Cosima laid there for a moment, completely still, gawking at the beautiful face only a hair’s breadth away from her own. Every fiber in her being was telling her to do this, do this now before she changed her mind, extinguish the sexual frustration that has pent up over days of celibacy. But now, as she lost herself in hazel eyes of a million colors, Cosima wasn’t so sure. She didn’t want to make any moves that would send Delphine running; she honestly didn’t think they’d ever even make it so far into their…relationship, that even the conversation of sex would be on the table.

 

So for Delphine to be holding her, hot and panting with desire, asking for this to happen, was totally not in Cosima’s agenda for the night.

 

“We don’t have to, you know that right?” she asked, leaning forward for a quick kiss. “You don’t have to do anything to appease me or shit. I’m seriously happy just making out with you all night.”

 

“Cosima.” Delphine sighed. “Why can you not believe me when I say that nobody, no person, has ever in my lifetime made me feel the way that you do.” She said quietly, returning Cosima’s fleeting kisses, dangerously pulling at the American’s lower lip for a quick moment, assuring her of her desire.

 

Cosima hummed, leaning into Delphine’s embrace just as she was pulling a way. “Mm. And what feelings are those?”

 

“I…don’t know.” She admitted. “You are making my body feel a lot of things that I want to continue feeling more of.”

 

She smiled then, that irritatingly cocky grin that flashed off a perfect set of teeth, rubbing at the back of her own neck. “You know it’s different than with a guy, right?”

 

Delphine laughed, cheeks coloring a light pink. “Oui, Cosima. I am a scien- _em,_ I amam not that naïve.”

 

Cosima quirked an eyebrow, staring at her for a moment. “Did you just.. never mind. Fuck, you’re so amazing, I can’t even hear right.” she said, breathing deeply, sitting up in the middle of the bed. “You say stop at any time, we stop.” Cosima pulled Delphine up, gathering herself in the French woman’s lap as they outstretched their legs behind each other. “Okay?”

 

“D’accord.” Delphine nodded, letting Cosima take her head between her hands, kissing her slowly across the expanse of her face.

 

“Just incase you’re wondering, I want you too. Obvs.”

 

She felt the hot, wet velvet of tender lips trail the region of her cheeks, travelling up towards her eyelids, skimming down her nose, and finally pressing against her own lips. Delphine trembled, her hands clasping at the back of Cosima’s neck and pulling her forward, desperately craving the only touch that makes her heart soar.

 

 Cosima’s lips were slow, though, wrapping around Delphine’s tongue and sucking teasingly before scraping at her lower lip with rough teeth. Delphine met her slide for slide, reciprocating with as much devotion as she could. A loud, unabashed groan sounded from Delphine’s throat as Cosima’s mouth latched to the underside of her jaw, sucking and nipping at already bruised skin.

 

“Can you-tell me…what you will do?” she panted, feebly attempting to remain as composed as she could be.

 

Cosima moaned against her neck, nodding and smiling on the flushed skin. “Mm. Totally.” She mumbled. “I’m going to kiss you and I’m going to touch you… everywhere.” She promised, licking at Delphine’s pulse point as she felt it speed up. “I think I might use my fingers, or my mouth, to please you. Whatever you want. Whatever you need.”

 

Delphine was whining loudly now, her body trembling beneath Cosima’s promised ventures. Words alone were enough to nearly un-do her, amazed at how perfect of a lover Cosima was.

 

 

Delphine’s trembling hands found purchase on Cosima’s thighs sliding up and down their length. The small motive had Cosima griping into Delphine’s mouth, her hips rolling down against Delphine’s.

 

“Oh.” She gasped, her senses overwhelmed at the tingling sensation in her groin from Cosima’s movements. Delphine felt the brunette smirk against her lips, pushing her hips downward again, making Delphine whimper as she dug her fingers into Cosima’s thighs. “Merde.”

 

“You okay?” Cosima asked again quietly, her kisses slowing down teasingly, pulling away to bump their foreheads together. Delphine nodded, surging forward and pressing kissing her girl quickly, too scared that she’ll forget what it feels like- even if only for a moment. “Slow down.” She chuckled. “Let me take care of you.”

 

She couldn’t help but wonder if Cosima would care for her complete inexperience. Nobody had ever offered to take care of her, instead always taking the responsibility to pleasure them. Her heart vied at the thought, but left as quickly as it came once she felt the woman’s hands dip beneath her shirt, fingers splaying across the plane of her stomach. Taught muscles rippled beneath sure fingertips, Delphine’s back arching forward in search of more. The caresses propelled electric jolts right to Delphine’s core, making her hips jerk upwards involuntarily, whimpering her desire to the open ears of the bedroom walls. Cosima wanted to memorize every inch of Delphine, make this moment as special as she could, cater to her every need.

 

Cosima smiled, her face flush with lust as her fingers trailed down Delphine’s body, landing once again on the hem of her shirt, tugging on it. “Can, can we take this off? Is that okay?”

 

Delphine swallowed loudly, pulling her arms away from Cosima’s body, letting them fall limply at her side. ‘ _It’s just a shirt’_ she reasoned with herself. ‘ _You are okay. It is just a shirt.’_

With a shaky breath, Delphine lifted her arms above her head, letting Cosima pull the fabric off and tossing it to the floor. She could feel Cosima’s eyes practically burning holes through her skin, practiced hands running themselves up and down the fabric of her bra straps. Delphine’s hands immediately folded themselves across her chest, knocking Cosima’s away, her gaze dropping to their laps as the sudden exposure jolted a tidal-wave of embarrassment. In the back of her mind sat her mother’s voice, reminding her that no woman should ever stare at another woman, that it was of ‘dirty behavior’. Delphine inhaled a shaky breath at the thought. Cosima wasn’t ‘ _dirty’,_ no. Cosima was beautiful. Cosima was beautiful and in comparison to herself, quite perfect, making Delphine extremely self-conscious.

 

“No no no.” Cosima interrupted softly, carefully moving her Delphine’s arms to the side and leaning down to kiss the center of her breast bone. She trailed upwards, kissing her lips again. This time it was gentle, coaxing Delphine back to her comfort zone. “Don’t hide yourself from me. Pleae. You’re so beautiful.” She breathed against tender lips.

 

Cosima pulled back, exposing all of Delphine to her feasting eyes. The woman’s body was perfection, Cosima noted, as her fingers sent shivers down the blonde’s body while she traced the small beauty marks dotted across her abdomen. Her hands splayed against Delphine’s bare stomach, mapping the plane of muscles and ribs whilst Delphine set to work tossing Cosima’s shirt to the floor with her own.

 

Delphine watched Cosima study her as if she was the most amazing thing in the entire world. She breathed heavy, the dull ache in her center only growing as she felt Cosima’s own heat radiate in her lap.

 

‘ _And it’s because of me!’_ Delphine to her self, gulping as she let her head drop backwards.

 

“Lay back?” the brunette asked sweetly, though there was no denying the arousal growing in her voice as it dropped to a low growl. Delphine nodded once, letting Cosima gently guide her down and back on the bed, resting her crazed curls on the pillow. She hovered over the blonde, kneeling between the blonde’s legs, leaning down to kiss her chastely.

 

“Cosima.” She breathed nervously, grabbing the woman’s face in her hands. She bit down on her lip, anxiety beginning to bubble in her stomach. “I don’t… I’ve never been with a wom-“

 

A searing kiss cut the blonde’s words off, Cosima pressed her mouth broodingly against the blonde. “I know. I know and I don’t care about anything from before I met you. You’re perfect the way you are.” She assured, lifting back up. Delphine nodded, her bottom lip still fixed between her teeth. She shivered as Cosima’s hands slowly mapped out the exposed skin of her upper body, landing on the waistband of her denims. “Is this okay?” she murmured.

 

Delphine gulped, her breath shaky a she mumbled a yes. Cosima couldn’t help but smile, nimble fingers making quick work of the button and zipper. Delphine lifted her hips, allowing Cosima to peel the pant off and discard them with their shirts. Her own pants followed suit, leaving Delphine’s own eyes to feast upon Cosima’s bare thighs between her own, reaching out to run her fingers over the toned muscles.

 

Delphine caught a flash of Cosima’s cheeky grin in the shadows of the moonlight as she prowled over her long form, settling their hip together once more as she kissed her gently. Delphine whimpered, rolling her hips upward, her body desperately craving more pressure. Cosima’s thigh slipped between her own, making her body stiffen with a yelp. Delphine’s hips gyrated downward, meeting Cosima’s gentle rocking with every pull.

 

“Jesus.” Cosima whispered in the shell of her ear, taking a lobe between her teeth. “I can feel you, Delphine.”

 

Delphine shuddered, raising her own thigh slightly for Cosima to settle atop of, feeling the brunette’s breath hitch against her cheek.

 

“Merde. Cosima.” She cried.

 

Cosima’s arousal against her thigh was warm, a foreign impression that Delphine couldn’t help but moan at, her hands travelling upwards on Cosima’s body, stopping at the middle of her back and thumbing the fabric she found there. Cosima’s breasts, so close to her face, clothed in the dark patterned garment that matched the one resting on her hips, were all Delphine could now thin about. Never before had she felt a jolt of arousal from the sight of another woman’s chest, the thought alone making her quake.

 

“Can we… can you, I mean, em-“

 

“Do you want my bra off, Delphine?” she husked, eyes growing dark as she stared at the woman beneath her. Delphine gave a small nod, leaning upward as either women worked the clasp of their counterparts’, leaving their chests bare to the other’s eyes. Delphine gulped, eyes dangerously soaking the sight in front of her. Naked women in films and photographs and locker rooms were one thing, but Cosima… Cosima was different. Her chest rose and fell with every quickened breath, taking in the swell and curve of her breasts, suddenly self-conscious of her own self. Her arms crossed over her chest yet again, eyes pulling away to wander off towards the wall.

 

“Hey, hey no.” Cosima soothed, leaning forward and gently grabbing Delphine’s wrists. “I told you, you don’t have to hide from me.”

 

Delphine gulped, slowly locking her gaze back with the woman above her, allowing her hands to be moved away.

 

“Y-your… can I?”

 

Cosima hummed, taking the wrists still in her grasp and guiding them up towards her own chest.  Delphine’s long fingers gently grazed the mounds of flesh, tentative fingertip circling a rosy nipple, making Cosima bite back a moan.

 

“Belle.” Delphine whispered. “Tres belle.” More confident hands now took control, palming the breasts being arched into her hands, groping them meticulously, learning what it is like to please another woman, feeling her nipples tighten with every role of her fingers.

 

“You are.” Cosima slurred, leaning down and pressing kisses to the swell of Delphine’s breasts, running her hands down Delphine’s ribs to her hips. “But if you want to stop, just let me know, okay? No obligation to do anything you don’t want to.  Okay?” Cosima mumbled, lifted her head just enough to lock eyes with the blonde.

 

Delphine melted beneath the words, her heart swelling three times its size, nodding her head earnestly. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt wanted- _no,_ needed. Cosima needed her, craved her body. Overwhelming tears were building in her eyes, but she blinked them back. This wasn’t the time. Not now. Before she could get a word out, Cosima mouth had already trailed down her chest, lips closing around the hardening bud, tongue swirling before nipping slightly.

 

“M-merde!” she trembled, back arching and hand locking in Cosima’s hair, holding her still. Cosima couldn’t help but moan,

 

“Are you alright?” Cosima asked huskily, fingers toying with the material of her underwear and knocking Delphine from her train of thought.

 

“Mhmm.” Was all Delphine was able to say back. In no moment’s time, Cosima was maneuvering down her body, hot kisses in her wake as she traveled down the valley of Delphine’s breasts, murmuring endearment like ‘beautiful’ and ‘perfect’ her whole journey down. Delphine’s skin burned with every touch, making her squirm and twist in the bed sheets.

 

Leaning back on her knees once more between Delphine’s legs, Cosima took a moment to fully soak in the sight in front of her. She committed every inch of Delphine’s body to her memory, burning the sigh into her mind.

 

“Ici.”

 

She didn’t have long though before Delphine was sitting up to pull Cosima’s body back over her, kissing her fiercely. She couldn’t bear the thought of her skin not touching Cosima’s now, her body desperately craving the other. Cosima carefully settled between Delphine’s thighs, resting her full body weight across the taller woman, bare breasts slotting between each other perfectly.

 

“Are you sure?” Cosima asked, breathing heavy against Delphine’s lips.

 

The French woman quickly pulled away, settling her head in the pillow so Cosima’s face was mere centimeters from her own. Bravery took her by storm, a sudden wave of courage fueling her desire.

 

“Give me your hands.” Delphine ordered quietly, her fingers wrapping around Cosima’s palm. The brunette smiled, her eyes quickly morphing from their hazel contour into a dark black, pupils dilating as she realized what the woman beneath her was doing.

 

With a tantalizingly slow precision, Delphine pulled off every ring on Cosima’s fingers, setting the jewelry down on the bedside table one by one.  Once finished, she brought the now bare hands to her mouth, kissing her palm and gently sucking the tips of each of her fingers. She couldn’t help it, Cosima’s hands were perfect. She never wanted to do without them.

                                                                                                                        

‘ _Oh my God….’_ Cosima thought to herself, eyes wide with blurred vision. ‘ _She wants this.’_

 

“Oui.” She husked, her hands travelling down to Cosima’s hips. “Just you.”

 

“You are perfect.” Cosima whispered into her ear, kissing the spot just below it.

 

Hands settled on the blonde’s hips once more, this time with thumbs hooking around the waistband of her underwear. The simple motive sobered Delphine up quickly, her body stiffening under Cosima’s gentle rocking and ministrations.

 

“Can I touch you?” she asked sweetly, doing her best to calm the woman. Delphine turned her head towards Cosima’s mouth, kissing her in affirmation. “Okay. Relax.” She cooed.

 

Gentle fingers traced meaningless patterns across Delphine’s ivory thigh, slowly creeping inward until eventually grazing her core, running a single finger up and down its length over damp fabric. Both women groaned allowed in unison, Delphine’s hips shuddering upward.

 

She felt Cosima straddle one of her thighs, her hot, wet center, barricaded only by her own underwear, flush against her skin. A hoarse whine forced its way from the back of Delphine’s throat at the feeling, her leg trembling as Cosima ground her hips downwards, a deep growl eliciting from her mouth. The coolness of Delphine’s leg against her hot core drove her crazy, grinding harder against her slowly while she snuck one of her hands between them. Gently she stroked Delphine through her damp underwear, making the blonde jerk forward with every touch, digging her fingers into Cosima’s shoulder blades. There was no going back now, not that either of them wanted to.

 

“Oh God, Delphine. You’re so wet.” Cosima mumbled, her lips pressed against Delphine’s ear. She pushed her fingers forward more just slightly, conscious of the lace still holding. “Is it okay if these come off?”

 

“Y-yours too?” she asked, voice shaking.

 

“If you want that.” Cosima smiled, kissing across her face, feeling Delphine nod slowly. “But this is about you, okay?”

 

The blonde’s hands, shaking with nerves, grabbed at Cosima’s underwear, slowly pushing them off her hips, allowing the brunette to shimmy out of them the rest of the way. Cosima followed suit with Delphine’s own, discarding them onto the floor before settled atop her once more.

 

“Oh! Merde!” she shrieked, fingers burying into the flesh of Cosima’s shoulders. The sensation was surreal, the heat of both of their cores finally making flush contact with each other was enough to create an inferno. Cosima could stop the whimpers, either, rolling her hips downward to roughen the friction.

 

“I’m going to touch you…” Cosima promised, dipping her fingers just past slick folds and stroking her teasingly, expert digits merely grazing her clit, making the blonde woman’s hips jerk with every electric touch.

 

“Mon Dieu!” “Oh God!”

 

They both cried their ecstasies together, desperate mouths finding each other and hungrily ravishing the other. The room was spinning around them, making Delphine dizzy off complete arousal. She held onto Cosima for dear life, her body succumbing to her proficient skills.

 

It wasn’t that these ministrations were foreign to her, Delphine was privy to having lovers back in France. But Cosima was different for her, giving her body an almost virginal experience. It didn’t feel like sex, or fucking, or anything of the sorts. ‘ _No’_ Delphine thought.

 

‘ _This is what it felt like to make love’_. Her eyes blurred at the thought, tears daring to make their debut.

 

Delphine screwed her eyes shut, a guttural moan pulling from her throat as she felt Cosima take one of her breasts into her mouth, swirling her tongue around her nipple before taking it into her teeth and biting gently. The blonde arched off the bed, digging her fingers into Cosima’s dreads and pushing her down harder, desperate for more contact.

 

“Cosima,” Delphine moaned, her mouth slack-jawed. “ _Cherie_ …please.” She wanted this, her body was screaming for Cosima’s touch.

 

“God.” Cosima kissed her powerfully, hungry lips surging forward and claiming Delphine for herself, tongues dancing with one another almost viciously. Cosima’s hand found her hot center one again, her fingers gently stroking her entrance, her thumb pressing light, lazy circles around the bundle of nerves. “You feel amazing. Is penetration okay?”

 

Delphine lifted her head then, unable to refrain from snorting. “Cosima… I have only ever been with men-“

 

“Just because some dudes think the only way to have sex is to be inside of you, doesn’t mean you have to like it.” Cosima says quietly, holding Delphine’s gaze strong. The blonde nodded, tears welling in her eyes as she began to realize that Cosima was truly making this all about fulfilling her. How desperately she wanted to cry to the highest heavens her gratitude for this woman walking into her life, instead just nodding. “We’ll try it, and if you don’t like it, I promise I have other things to show you.”

 

 

“Cosima….” Delphine growled pleadingly, nodding her head with adamant vigor. With a smirk pulling on her face, Cosima dipped a single finger into the first knuckle, making Delphine yell loudly and scrape her fingers roughly against Cosima’s back, leaving ribbons of red lines down the expanse of her spine. It had been far too long that anybody beside own self had been within her, the sensation feeling almost foreign.

 

Cosima pulled and pushed her digits in and out of Delphine slowly, her thigh pressed against her hand for leverage as she roughly kissed the blonde woman. Delphine found herself moving her leg with Cosima, wanting to please her at least an inkling of a bit of the way she was doing.

 

Cosima’s touch was different, far different than anybody she had ever been with. Cosima’s fingers weren’t brute and rough, not like past lovers. No, instead they were nimble, they were skilled and knew _exactly_ what to do.

 

This was happening. This was actually happening.

 

Her bottom lip trembled with her shaky breaths, feeling a thin sheen of sweat form between the both of them as she realized she was in the midst of sexual throws with another woman. Cosima watched Delphine lick her perfect pink lips, wanting nothing more to do the same. She slammed their mouths together, immediately claiming Delphine’s bottom lip between her teeth and tugging.

 

‘ _Mine’_ she thought to herself, roughly working Delphine’s tongue with her own, wanting to memorize every since angle of the woman’s mouth. Her fingers and hips kept a steady stride, wanting to bring her own orgasm on at the same time as Delphine’s.

 

“More.” Delphine found herself pleading against the brunette’s bruising lips. “Please.”

 

“Yes. Anything.” Cosima obliged quickly, adding a second finger inside Delphine’s pulsing cunt, curling them to press against the spongy muscle with every thrust and pushing deeper. Delphine shrieked loudly, her body jumping clear off the mattress then. “Ha, like that?” the brunette smiled, panting. If Delphine would have been able to roll her eyes, she would have, instead putting what was left of her energy towards syncing her hips into a rhythm with Cosima’s hand, her legs lifting up to wrap around the brunette’s waist. The change in position allowed Cosima’s hand even more leverage, sinking deeper into her center, calling for her to moan again.

 

Delphine felt herself breaking a sweat, the sound of her moans, Cosima’s small grunts, and the squeaking bedframe filling the room. She would have never imagined herself in this position weeks ago, but now couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Her mind was blank, numb with the slow tingles of an oncoming orgasm. All she could see was the outline of Cosima’s body above hers in the contrast of the Christmas lights.

 

Cosima kept a relentless pace, never slowing despite the rising burn in muscles begging her to slow. Her own hips ached from the constant rocking, but she felt herself teetering on the edge. She knew Delphine was close, feeling her slick walls tighten almost painfully around her fingers every so often. Their rhythm began to contort, Delphine’s hips jerking sloppily to meet the brunette’s movements while her walls pulsed around Cosima’s digits. She couldn’t think straight, everything becoming fuzzy as she began to lose all physical control over her body. All she could manage to think of was Cosima’s fingers, how they moved like clockwork within her, knowing her every move before it even happened.

 

“ _Merde!”_ Delphine hissed, arching her back clear off the bed while pushing her head into the pillow. Cosima leaned down, pressing her face against Delphine’s cheek.

 

“It’s okay, Delphine. You’re okay.” Cosima soothed, picking up her pace in contrast. Delphine shook her head, fighting back tears.

 

“Non.” She whimpered. Everything was perfect, and was coming to a close far too soon. She didn’t want it to be over, not yet, not nearly any time soon. Once it was over she would have to face reality again, have to face the world that was well equipped to damn and ridicule her for doing exactly what she was doing. It couldn’t already be over…

 

“Please, Delphine. Let go. _Come.”_ Cosima whispered, licking the shell of the blonde woman’s ear before taking it in her mouth. “ _Come for me.”_

 

And she did. How could she deny Cosima anything?

 

Delphine clung to Cosima’s bare body for dear life, her own frame lurching erratically on the bed. It started at the bare end of her toes and fingers, quickly coursing through her body until it reached her lower stomach, exploding with such ferocity that Delphine swore she left her body. The shocks of her orgasm made her eyes nearly roll to the back of her head, screaming her climax into the air, surely waking any neighbors still residing on the floor. Cosima felt her hand suddenly coated in Delphine’s arousal, smiling through her shallow pants at a job well done. She never stopped her deep, speedy thrusts, wanting to get every last shock and twitch out of Delphine as possible.

 

She looked down at the woman beneath her, sprawled like a ragdoll on the bed. Her curls were sticking to her sweaty hairline, her neck and breasts reddened with impending hickies that were sure to show themselves in the morning. Cosima could help but smile, basking in the pure bliss of the moment. There was nobody who could make it better. Not any past lover, not even Shay; only Delphine could have made her this truly happy.

 

Slowly she pulled her drenched fingers out from within Delphine, locking eyes with the exhausted woman as she brought them to her own mouth, sucking and licking off every bit of Delphine’s arousal. The slightest gasp left Delphine’s mouth at the sight, suddenly more turned on again watching Cosima revel in her taste of her come. The brunette leaned down to kiss her, letting Delphine for the first time get a taste of her own self. It was hot; exotic and new territory that Delphine had never ventured into. The moment she finally felt Delphine’s vibrating thighs cease is when Cosima allowed herself to collapse of top of her, her head resting in the valley of the blonde woman’s breasts.

 

The whole room began to fill with the mixture of sex and sweat. Cosima lazily rubbed her feet up and down the length of Delphine’s limp legs, feeling the blonde wrap her arms across her petite frame and hold her close.

 

“That was…wow.” Delphine huffed. She knew Cosima must hear her heart beating like a racehorse’s.

 

“Yeah.” Cosima sighed, a proud smile across her face as she lazily kissed Delphine’s chest.

 

“You’re… wow.” Was all she could say, still amazed at Cosima’s skill. The blonde traced lazy shapes across the length of Cosima’s bare back, feeling the smaller woman settle atop her, her legs on either side of one of her thighs. It was then that she was reminded of how equally aroused Cosima was, still feeling the wet spot on the top of her thigh. A subtle pang of guilt struck her. Cosima had taken such perfect care of her, yet she performed nothing in return.

 

She tucked her finger under Cosima’s chin tilting her head up so they could look at each other. “Cosima…” she started, tears burning her eyes once more. “I am sorry. I should have- you did for me and I.. I…”

 

“Hey, no. No no, listen!” Cosima cooed quietly, maneuvering off from on top of Delphine and moving to her side, pulling her flush against her body. “You were amazing.” She assured, kissing her jaw and cheeks. “So _amazing_. You-make-me-so-happy.” Cosima continued between kisses, making Delphine giggle just a bit. “God, I love- your smile.”

 

The comment only made Delphine, moving her face to kiss Cosima’s lips now. She could still slightly taste herself, but exhaustion was overpowering arousal now. Her eyes glanced at the clock on the wall, but it was too far for her to make out the time.

 

“What time is it?” she mumbled, stifling a yawn as she pulled Cosima back down next to her, grabbing at the blanket to pull over them. Though they both worked up quite the sweat, the room was chilling fast.

 

“Uhm. 12:30… I think.” Cosima guessed, her eyes heavy as she stared right into Delphine’s. She tucked her head into the crook of the woman’s shoulder, entangling their limbs together under the blanket for warmth.

 

“12:30… _oh!_ _Joyeux Noël, Cosima.”_ Delphine whispered as her eyes fluttered closed, her lips lingering against Cosima’s forehead.

 

Cosima smiled to herself, holding Delphine tighter. It was a happy Christmas, one of the happiest she’s had in a long time. As much as she wanted to bask in the fact that Delphine was actually naked, in her arms, in her bed, and _not_ in a dream, sleep was overpowering her. With one last yawn she succumbed to the overpowering exhaustion, a smile on both of their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, I'm not partial to writing sex scenes and they're obviously not my forte, so apologies for this chapter! As usual, I'm absolutely overwhelmed by the volume of responses I've received for this story. It's nothing that I would have imagined and I'm honestly blown away. Thank you all a million times over, I can't stress enough how humbled I am. You're all amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.


	15. Chapter 15

           

It was probably the most amazing dream she’s ever had.

 

Delphine would be lying if she claimed to have never had sexual dreams about Cosima before- but this one, _oh,_ this one, how real it was. Even as she still waded in the cobwebs of her slumber, Delphine could still hear the echoes of their cries bouncing off the walls of the room, could still taste the salt of Cosima’s skin on her tongue. An almost dopy grin slowly spread across bruised lips, eyes still to heavy to open. If she couldn’t brave herself to commit to Cosima in real life, at least her dreams offered her some sense of solace.

 

 

The desire to shift her sore hips became almost overwhelming, the mysterious ache in her bones settling uncomfortably now. She peeked out into the world around her just through her eyelashes, taking note of the room that wasn’t hers.

 

‘ _Oh.’_ She thought, finally gyrating her achy waist. ‘ _Cosima’s room. Still dreaming.’_

 

She was grateful then, for moments like these when her body hadn’t fully roused from it’s slumber, offering her a second chance to succumb to her dreamscape. It came as no surprise to feel phantom arms tighten around her waist when she moved, pulling her deeper into the embrace she was being held in.

 

Meanwhile, Cosima’s body shivered, waking her from her deep sleep as a cold drift snuck past her faulty window frame. She went to pull the blanket further over her shoulders when she suddenly noticed the other body curled into her, her arms wrapped around the thin frame.

 

For the first time in a long time, Cosima woke up smiling.

 

At some point during the night, the two women tossed and turned, ending with Cosima spooning around Delphine’s thin frame- not that she was complaining. The brunette basked in the glorious feeling of Delphine’s skin against hers, warm and inviting against the cold air. Fond memories of the night began rolling back into her memory, she grinned tiredly, noticing how their legs were still tangled together perfectly. Delphine’s curls were splayed across the neck and shoulders, her curved back fully exposed to Cosima’s eyes.  She took her time counting every single beauty mark and mole dotted across the ivory plane, her fingers carefully reaching out to trace them.

 

 _Her fingers_. Cosima laughed silently to herself, fondly remembering everywhere her fingers had seen last night. They had made a constellation of Delphine’s body, mapping out every star-point and crevice that the woman had to offer. Cosima had to practically pinch herself, halfway not believing that any of this was real. Her fingers, just barely touching Delphine, traced up her back, going across the dip of her shoulders and up the plane of her neck.

 

Cosima moved in closer, pressing the front of her chest and stomach flush against Delphine’s back as she wrapped her arms tighter around the woman, pressing kisses across the back of her neck and slope of her shoulder. It was then she noticed the deep colored blotches splattered across it, evident reminders of exactly what she did last night. Cosima smirked, proud of the job she did and just how loud Delphine moaned into her touch.

 

The blonde stirred, yawning as she instinctively tilted her head to give Cosima better access, the blonde taking the opportunity and brushing her lips along Delphine’s jaw.

 

“Mm, ma cherie.” Delphine mumbled, smiling with a tired yawn as her heavy lidded eyes began to open once again. Cosima shuddered at the simple phrase, a warm glow pressing in her chest. Her accent was thicker, she noticed, in the morning. Her tongue wrapped every syllable with much less awareness to whom she was speaking to. Cosima didn’t mind it; in face she loved it, a stupid grin plastered across her face.

 

 “Morning.” Cosima murmured tiredly, helping Delphine turn until the they were both facing each other, hips and foreheads pressed against the others. Delphine scanned Cosima’s face, rosy with the morning chill. She brushed her knuckles against her pink cheeks, smiling to herself as she did so.

 

Cosima smiled, watching Delphine’s eyes open as they flicked around the room, realizing that last night was definitely _not_ a dream. She really _was_ wrapped into Cosima’s body, being kissed awake by the most amazing woman she had ever met. It was _real._ It was real and most certainly _not_ a dream.

 

Delphine gulped, her once loose limbs suddenly tightening against Cosima’s body, her heart rate quickly increasing.

 

“What?” Cosima asked quietly, her hands finding solace on Delphine’s neck, tracing the love bites she made.

 

Delphine didn’t intend for it to be so insulting, but her head jerked away from Cosima’s touch the moment she felt it, a sharp gasp sucked between her teeth. Cosima could only just make out the bare whispers of ‘not a dream’ slipping past quaking lips.

 

“Please don’t freak out.” Cosima gulped, eyes wide to match her counterparts. “Just like, breathe, okay? Don’t- oh God don’t freak out. Please.”

 

“Real?” Delphine choked, sitting up quickly, gathering the thin sheet in her fist and pulling it up to cover her chest. Cosima scrambled, following suit, not daring to touch the woman who was trying her hardest to subdue an impending panic attack.

 

Cosima nodded her head frantically, lips pursed tightly, watching emotions color Delphine’s face by the minute. “Y-yeah, real. But totally fine, see? Totally fine.” She assured with a weak tone. Her own heart thumped with an ache, preparing herself for when Delphine tries to explain how much of a mistake the night had been. She knew this was a bad idea. Everybody told her not to pursue the straight girl, not to fall and change her ways. And now here she was, in her own bed, afraid to move while the other woman could only gawk at her.

 

Meanwhile, Delphine was biting back tears with every strand of strength she could muster. The wonderful, lustrous events of her dreams were real. Cosima’s actual arms were just around her body, her _actual_ breasts had just been flush against her bare back, smooth legs tangled tightly with her own. Everything had actually happened.

 

Yet here she was, ogling the American, trying to wrap her mind around the fact that she had endured sex with another woman- no, with _Cosima._

 

Cosima, the most amazing lover she had ever had the privilege to bed. Her constant guidance and assurance did nothing but soothe her and allow her to bask in a moment completely devoted to her heart and pleasure. Cosima, the woman who held her throughout the whole night in an embrace so secure that not even the demons that lived in her own conscience could attack her.

 

Tears welled in her eyes, wanting nothing more than to reach out and caress the flushed cheek of Cosima’s face. She always did cry after sex, the emotions far too overwhelming for her to handle at times.

 

Cosima, thought still without her glasses, relied on her other senses to take inventory of the situation. She heard the gulp and sniffle from Delphine, knowing quite well that she was on the brink of crying.

 

‘ _Because of me…’_ she thought sadly, fully convinced that she fucked everything up at this point.

 

“You okay?” she asked anyway, concern still thick on her tongue. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Belle.” was all Delphine could manage, a single tear welling up in the corner of her eye and dribbling down her cheek. “Tres belle.”

 

Cosima reached forward, wiping it away slowly, curling her lips inwards to stop herself from following suit.

 

 “Can I kiss you?” she mumbled quietly, the hand still beneath the bed-sheet shaking.

 

Delphine opened her mouth to chastise her, reminding her that she doesn’t have to ask, but quickly snapped it shut. She realized that Cosima will probably always ask, will always tread with careful feet around her. So Delphine just nodded, licking her lips and preparing them to be reunited with her favorite taste.

 

Instead, it was her face.

 

Cosima reached forward, her lips barely brushing over the path her thumbs took, kissing away the streaks from the tear paths on Delphine’s warm cheeks. Her whole body vibrated, forcing herself to stay still and ravage her right there.

 

It had been so long since somebody had actually made _love_ to her the way Cosima had. Sure, there were casual sex nights, hookups as a result of her rare socializations at bars. But the men she tried so hard to please had treated her like a _thing_ to fuck for their own pleasure, and Delphine taken it- hoping it would give her some sort of peace of mind. But it never did, not until Cosima had put her hands on her. The tenderness that she offered, the desire to treat her like nothing less than fragile and beautiful and perfect all at the same time was something that Delphine had never had done to her before. It was overwhelmed her to the point of tears.

 

“Don’t cry.” Cosima pleaded in a whisper, kissing her lips gently. “Nobody cries on Christmas.” Delphine sniffled a smiled, nodding her head. “Lay down with me, come on.” The both shimmied back down the bed, turning to their sides to face each other, Cosima making sure to keep some semblance of distance, at least until Delphine made her own move closer.

 

“I must tell you, Cosima.” Delphine said, her breathing still heavy with the morning air. “That was one of the best night sleeps that I have had in a long time.”

 

“R-really?” she stammered, her own tears starting to blur her vision now. “Do you mean that?”

 

Delphine nodded sleepily, braving herself enough to lean towards Cosima once more, chastely kissing her. “Though I am quite fatigued.”

 

“Wore you out, huh?” Cosima chuckled, earning a light smack on her shoulder from the blonde.

 

“Cheeky.” She scolded, kissing the woman’s shoulder where she had just hit her.

 

Cosima laughed a little louder, slowly pulling away from Delphine’s ministrations and laying onto her back, feeling Delphine move forward to lay her head across her chest. She stroked at the blonde curls carefully, basking in the quiet moment.

 

She could do this, probably forever. Immeasurable amounts of uninterrupted silence where she was free to release her mind of stressors and criticism. All she needed here was the woman next to her.

 

“So, “ Cosima started, nibbling down on her bottom lip nervously. She was grateful that Delphine couldn’t see her face and the anxiety that was coursing through it. “Last night was-“

 

“Amazing.” Delphine breathed, cutting her off. Her long fingers traced various patterns across Cosima’s stomach beneath the blanket that they were both under. Cosima smiled, leaning forward slightly to press a kiss to the crown of Delphine’s head.

 

“Yeah?” She smiled, a giddy, almost childlike laugh erupting from her. “It was amazing. _You’re_ amazing.”

 

“I should be the one commending you, Cosima.” The blonde laughed. “I must tell you that you… you made me feel things that I never knew existed.” She revealed.

 

Delphine thought back to that night, the way the fire Cosima ignited in her body imploded, setting every nerve ending she bore aflame. She reminisced on the way her body shook and her mind blanked with every kiss and caress, how Cosima’s main priority was to constantly make sure that she was okay. She was taken care of last night, something that was never done for her.

 

Meanwhile, Cosima was _beaming_. Delphine was all but feeding her ego, which had definitely taking a beating to during the last few weeks.

 

“It’s almost as if I never knew that _I_ existed…” Delphine mumbled, her train of though spilling past her lips before she could stop it.

 

“What do you mean?” she whispered.

 

Delphine shrugged, trying to wrap her mind around the right words. She felt Cosima’s hand trail from her hair to her face, the pads of her fingers stroking her cheek and temple lazily. Delphine leaned into the touch, craving more of it immediately.

 

“I mean… self identity is a massive aspect of human understanding, non?” she started, Cosima nodding lazily. “I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew what and who and what I identified with. But then, then I meet you. And it feels like I walked into a brick wall.”

 

“Not the best compliment I’ve ever received.” Cosima scoffed jokingly, earning herself a playful pinch on the hips from the blonde.

 

“ _What I mean is_ , you turned everything upside down in my head, Cosima.” Delphine sighed quietly. Cosima couldn’t help but notice the twinge of sadness in the woman’s voice, instinctively tightened her grip around the woman, part of her never wanting to let go. She wanted to say sorry, she wanted to kiss the fear away, but she knew she couldn’t.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Delphine shrugged, closing her eyes tight as she yawned. “I think I would like to get dressed first.”

 

“Oh yeah, totally. I’ll uhm, I’ll make some coffee.”

 

She moved to rise from the bed, but Delphine was faster. The blonde wrapped her fingers around the back of Cosima’s neck, pulling her down to press their lips together softly. Cosima smiled, kissing her back so gently it was as if she was afraid to break her.

 

“I’ll be right back.” Cosima promised, kissing her once more before pulling away. She could have sworn she heard the slightest of a whimper pull from Delphine’s lips, but chose to not dwell on it.

 

Delphine watched the petite brunette leave the warmth of her bed, eyes feasting upon the pull of her bare back, the curve of her breasts and the rippling muscles of her back as she moved about the room. She had the light of the sun to accentuate her body now, not just the moonlight. Delphine couldn’t figure out which one she liked better.

 

Cosima dressed quickly, pulling a pair of Christmas-colored pajamas pants and an oversized sweater with “Berkeley” emblazoned across the chest. She couldn’t help but smirk at herself, knowing full well that Delphine was watching her and purposely decided to dress with the absence of underwear. With a quick smile in the doorway, Cosima disappeared, leaving Delphine to her own accord in the bedroom.

 

She looked around, sighing heavily and pulling at her hair from the roots. She was still in shock, as if drifting through a dream that she has yet to wake up in.

 

And, _oh_ how she has had this dream before. The lonesome nights of imagining how Cosima’s hands felt on her body, her lips on her own. Delphine laughed to herself, throwing her hands over her face to stifle the giggle like a small child, filled with giddiness. Last night was quite literally a dream come true to her. It was real. _Cosima is real._

 

The strong smell of coffee snapped her back to reality. That’s right, coffee. Cosima’s making coffee. _Merde._ Delphine pushed herself off the bed far too quickly, the dull ache in the legs reminding her of its presence. She winced, her hips sore as well.

 

“Merde, Cosima.” She cursed under her breath, still clinging to the thin bed sheet as she bustled around the room, grabbing clothes from her overnight bag and dressing quickly and joining the American.

 

Cosima was propped up on the counter, swinging her legs while nursing a large mug in both hands. She grinned at Delphine as she walked through the foyer, a hint of her tongue poking through her teeth that sent Delphine crazy.

 

“Hi.” Delphine smiled, hands on her sore hip bones as she walked over to Cosima. The brunette wasted no time setting her mug down and pulling Delphine between her legs once she was close enough, kissing her teasingly with a giggle.

 

Delphine licked Cosima’s bottom lip, tasting the heavy coffee that stained them. She smiled against Cosima’s mouth, kissing her back and they moved their mouths against each other’s like clockwork.

 

“Hi.” Cosima responded finally, lazily kissing the corners of Delphine’s mouth as she pulled away, handing her a mug of coffee in return. “ _Come ‘ere!”_ She didn’t allow to get very far though, wrapping her toned legs loosely around the blonde’s hips, eliciting a loud laugh from her.

 

“Cheeky.” Delphine scolded, not even bothering to fight Cosima’s hold. Instead she leaned forward the slightest bit, smoothing the back of her hand across Cosima’s cheek. Delphine tilted her head, finally studying the brunette’s face with the proximity she desired for so long. She mapped her fingers across the span of Cosima’s jaw, across her cheeks, and the bridge of her nose.

 

“You know, Cosima…” Delphine started, the brunette practically shivering beneath her touch. Her grip on the counter was turning her knuckles a deadly white, restraining herself from tackling the blonde right there. “You’re just, so beautiful.” She finished in nearly whisper, carefully tracing her index finger along the outline of Cosima’s lips and eyelashes.

 

“Look whose talking.” Cosima tried, her voice hoarse at the mercy of the French blonde.

 

Delphine smiled genuinely, pulling Cosima forward to kiss her thank you. “You are kind, Cosima.” She murmured, leaning back against Cosima’s legs. “Don’t let me fall now!”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Cosima promised, both of them picking their coffee back up to drink it liberally. “So do you… want to talk about it?”

 

Delphine nodded, taking a strong gulp of her coffee to silently hoping it’ll wake her up. “So. We em, had sex.”

 

“We did.” She nodded hesitantly. “Do you… do you regret it?”

 

Delphine was still, keeping silent for far too long for Cosima to handle as the gears ground in her mind. “No.” she settled with, a relieving sigh from both of them. “Not at all.”

 

Cosima’s chest heaved, her heart nearly flying out of her chest and _Lord_ could she use a joint right now. Still, she cocked her head, offering a warm smile. “Good. Because neither do I.”

 

“Can I ask a…weird question?”

 

Cosima shrugged, nodding her head and motioning for the blonde to continue. “Is… is that what it is like for most women to have sex?” she mumbled, her voice and head dropping low in embarrassment.

 

Cosima laughed heartily, shaking her head. “Look at it this way, do the men that you’ve had sex with all have sex the same way?”

 

“Well… yes.” She said matter-of-factly.

 

Cosima sputtered on her coffee, clearing her throat, gawking at the blonde. “Oh. Well shit.” She coughed, rubbing at the back of her neck.

 

Delphine glared at her, poking out her tongue. “Sorry my sexual liberations aren’t so…liberating.” Cosima could only laugh now, a cheeky grin forming. “What?”

 

“Oh… nothing. Just thinking of all the things I want to show you… one day.” She mused.

 

Delphine gulped, her cheeks blushing as she began to wonder about the things Cosima’s experience had tucked away in there. All the doors that could open by the simple nod of a head and spread of her knees. The thought alone warming her body uneasily. “Perhaps.” She said hoarsely.

 

“But to answer your question, I suppose the like, general mechanics of it, yeah. But sex is a hella diverse spectrum. There are _so_ many different ways to pursue the human body and explore sex cultures and shit. Last night was a smudge on the surface of possibilities.” Her hands whirred, carving the air with every accentuated syllable, Delphine losing herself in their precise, almost mechanical flow of movement. She allowed her thoughts to wander on how different Cosima’s hands behaved depending on their location; how slow and calculating they were on her skin only hours before, but how wild and rambunctious they were with nothing to hold onto my air _. ‘What a beautiful analogy to Cosima’_ she thought.

 

Delphine sighed, running a hand through her tangled mane as she reverted back to what Cosima said, only a smudge on the surface. She couldn’t even brave her body to offer Cosima some aspect of pleasure in return, no matter how much she tried to convince her otherwise.

 

“So it was not good…”

 

“What? No, of course it was! It was amazing, oh God.” She jumped, pulling her clasped ankles inward to tug Delphine closer to her body. She set her mug down, wrapping her arms around the woman and bravely leaning forward to kiss her. “I promise, it was as amazing for me as it was for you. I promise, I promise.” She swore between kisses.

 

Delphine hummed, allowing Cosima’s lips to sooth at her worries. She felt like a child be giving the ‘sex talk’ by one of her older friends, completely ignorant to a vast world right in front of her. Her inexperience with sexuality and sex itself had her mind reeling as to why on Earth Cosima was even remotely interested in wasting her time on her.

 

“Is it too soon to ask what this means?” she asked quietly, dropping her head to nuzzle the crook of Cosima’s shoulder.

 

“Well what do _want_ this to mean?”

 

“Je ne sais pas, Cosima!” she exclaimed, making to brunette jump. “This is all very new to me. I don’t do things like this, you must understand that. I am not that brave.”

 

“Brave?” Cosima asked. “Brave enough to what? To be with a woman?”

 

Delphine shook her head quickly, seeing a slight glint of hurt flash through Cosima’s eyes. “Non, brave enough to listen to my heart and not my head.” She assured, stepping in closer to brush their noses together.

 

“So are you admitting at least that your heart is telling you something about me?”

 

Delphine placed her free hand on her thigh, squeezing it comfortingly. “I admit, I have never before been attracted to women. I always saw myself with men, and that is how it has always been. But then, here you are, and here I am, and everything I’ve known has gone with the wind.”

 

“Delphine,” Cosima mumbled. “Listen. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to. You want to leave now, you can! You want to stay and have like, mind-blowing sex like last night, you are more than welcome. Hell, if you want to sit and talk about the theories of the universe, I am the perfect candidate-“

 

“Cosima!” Delphine laughed, rubbing her leg to stop her. “You’re rambling.”

 

“I do that a lot….” Cosima shrugged sheepishly, putting her hand atop Delphine’s.

 

“I do not know anything that I want, except you, Cosima.” She breathed, setting her coffee down and letting her body drop forward into Cosima’s already open arms. She nestled herself in to the woman on the counter, letting the smell of coffee and cannabis enrapture her. “I don’t want you to think I’m using you as some sort of exploratory crisis time in my life. Because I’m not, oui?” she assured quietly, hands dipping under the back of Cosima’s shirt to run her fingers over her bare spine.

 

Cosima nodded, kissing the top of Delphine’s messy hair. “Good.” She said quietly. “Because Delphine, I like… really like you. Like… _like_ like you.”

 

Delphine chuckled into Cosima’s shoulders, shaking her head. “You are beginning to sound like my students, Cosima.” She laughed. Delphine couldn’t help but laugh at herself. They sounded like two thirteen year olds girls experiencing their first crush. Still, Delphine’s heart was pounding.

 

Cosima stuck her tongue out playfully before continuing. “I’ve had my runaround with supposed straight woman, bi women, and everybody in between. Which is totally fine, like, whatever anybody chooses to identify I literally have no issue with. Like, if you dig me, and I dig you, we’re set… but I’ve been the social experiment before and it really sucks. I don’t like getting purposely played and used and shit, nobody does. So if that’s what- _this-_ is,” she accentuates, pointing her finger between the both of them. “then that’s going to be my only reason for drawing the line right here.”

 

Delphine’s heart broke at the pain that flashed through Cosima’s face, she shook her head fiercely, pulling her in to a crushing kiss that she hoped would destroy any apprehension in Cosima’s mind, even if she still had her own. Both her hands were immediately on the brunette’s cheeks, holding her while she practically bruised her lips as they moved together synchronically.

 

“Whoah.” Cosima panted, pulling away for air. She hadn’t noticed how tight her grip around Delphine was until she moved to let go, blushing the slightest bit. “I’m going to go ahead and guess that we’re trying this.” Delphine smiled, pecking her lips once more in agreement. “I feel like I should ask you on a real date now.” Cosima grinned, scrunching her face up. “I’m guessing that if you had no Christmas plans, you have no New Years plans…?”

 

Delphine cocked an eyebrow playfully, a lopsided smile toying on her lips. “Go on.” She teased.

 

Cosima cleared her throat, straightening her back and grabbing Delphine’s hands in her own. “Delphine.” She started, biting back the tremendous giggle that was playing on her tongue. “Will you be my date to my family’s New Year’s party?”

 

“Hmm, I don’t know.” She teased, making Cosima groan and roll her eyes.

 

Before she could even realize, Cosima was lunging forward, attaching her body to Delphine’s and holding on for dear life. Instinctively, Delphine’s hands were around her, holding her on her hips as the two women bubbled with laughter so loud that it filled the apartment.

 

“Say yes!” Cosima pleaded, cackling like a small child.

 

“Cosima!” Delphine did her best not to fall backwards with Cosima’s sudden movements, only stumbling the slightest bit as she spun them around. “What are you doing?!” she laughed.

 

“Dude, I can hold on forever. I’m like a koala or some shit. You have to say yes!”

 

Delphine only laughed harder now, feeling Cosima’s limbs tighten around her body, a mirage of feverish kisses pressed wherever Cosima’s mouth could reach.

 

“Fine!” she yelled, breathless as she nodded her head vigorously.

 

“You’re so cute.” Cosima laughed, moving her arms up and wrapping them around Delphine’s neck, quickly kissing her all over her face, making the blonde woman erupt in another fit of giggles.

 

“Before I forget!” Delphine laughed, playfully pulling her face away from Cosima’s eager grasp. “I- I have your Christmas present!”

 

Cosima froze, her eyes lighting up like a small child’s on Christmas as her grin slowly stretched across her face. “Seriously?”

 

“Sérieusement! It is in my bag, let me go get it.”

 

“And I thought last night was my gift.” Cosima teased, poking her tongue out.

 

Delphine scowled at her, lightly pinching her hip before going to set her down. Cosima was faster, already hopping off the blonde’s waist and bolting into her bedroom. Delphine watched her dive her tiny body halfway under the bed, her legs and feet squirming about from the outside. “I have one for you, too!” she called from beneath the bedframe, making Delphine laugh and shake her head.

 

She walked across the room, digging her hand into her overnight bag and pulling out a small, wrapped gift, and walking over to Cosima who was already sitting in the middle of her large bed.

 

“It’s not much, but I thought of you immediately when I saw it. I just had to get it for you.” Delphine explained quietly, sitting across from Cosima as they exchanged gifts. They grabbed each other’s and immediately started opening, disregarding each other’s wrapping paper. Delphine felt like a child again on a Christmas morning, giddy with the thrill of surprise.

 

A smile was plastered across her face as she held her gift. Probably the smallest one she’d ever seen, the tiniest of tiny music boxes, fashioned with a crank on the side. She wound the metal handle a few times, letting it go to play the instrumental a holiday song.

 

“I know, it’s not much. But it’s like, my favorite Christmas song, and I thought you would like it.”

 

“I love it!” Delphine exclaimed quietly, watching the mechanics of the contraption as it played. “What song is it?”

 

“Uh, I don’t remember the title.” She laughed. “But I’m like 75% sure that it’s something like Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

 

“Mm. Suiting.” Delphine cooed, gently placing it on the bed and leaning forward to kiss her Cosima thank you. “Open yours.” She whispered.

 

“Don’t gotta tell me twice!” she laughed, ripping off the paper and revealing a book. It was old, clearly worn at the spine and edges.

 

“Holy watershed, The Origin of Species. No fucking way.” Cosima practically squealed, smiling so wide her eyes were nothing but laugh lines behind her glasses. “Is this a first edition?!”

 

“You like it then?” Delphine asked, watching the brunette already begin to thumb through the pages.

 

“I love it!” She brought the open book to her face, nuzzling her nose in and breathing deeply. “Love the smell of old books, too.” She reveled, the smile never leaving her face. “This was one of my favorite books to read when I was in high school.”

 

“You read Charles Darwin for leisure in high school?”

 

Cosima rolled her eyes, laughing at the woman beside her. “Hey, don’t judge. I was the awkward, geeky bio nerd in high school. You wouldn’t understand.” She assured.

 

Delphine opened her mouth to protest, but quickly snapped it shut, just humming in agreement in stead. Now was not the time. She was relieved that she had gotten the woman something worth being excited over. She hadn’t had much time to shop, only being invited over the day before Christmas Eve. Cosima was far too complex of a person for Delphine to find the perfect gift for, having searched high and low for something the whole day. At some point, she had just about given up and was ready to go home when she saw the book. It was nestled tightly between two much larger ones on the shelf in the bookstore. Something drew her to it, pulling her to buy it immediately. Not one to use her conscience lately, Delphine obliged.

 

“Thank you.” Cosima whispered, leaning forward as if to kiss Delphine. Instead, she grabbed her by the fabric of her shirt and pulled her on top of her, laughing and kissing.

 

“Mon Dieu!” Delphine gasped at the sudden motions, immediately settling between Cosima’s legs the way the she had learned to do to her during the night.

 

“Best Christmas so far.” Cosima smiled, tilting her head up for Delphine’s wandering lips to reach her neck. Cosima whimpered, biting down on her lips as Delphine’s mouth nipped and sucked on the plane of her neck.

 

“Do you mean that?” Delphine asked quietly, pulling away enough for their noses to graze.

 

Cosima smirked, tilting her head upward to kiss just Delphine’s chin. “I do.” She swore.

 

She couldn’t help but smile then, her eyes darkening as she lunged downward onto the smaller woman, claiming her mouth for herself hungrily. “I think it is only fair that your neck matches mine.” Delphine husked, her voice a low growl that already had a blazing pool settling low into Cosima’s body.

 

“Shit.” She groaned, hips jerking upwards against Delphine’s as the blonde lowered herself further.

 

“Teach me?” she panted against heated skin. “Y-you did for me last night what words cannot describe. Let me be fair and…and teach me.” Delphine rolled hers back down, desperate for contact. This she could do. It makes her forget all the terrible voices in her head, it helps her silence the inner scrutiny, it pushes away her doubt and fear. This- with Cosima, she could do.

 

“Fair is fair.” Cosima smirked before a sneaky moan slipped from her lips, feeling Delphine’s mouth latch onto the hollow of her throat, sucking hard. ‘ _Best Christmas ever.’_

 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 15

 

_New Year’s Eve_

 

Cosima settled into her parent’s living room quietly, throwing herself into the corner of the couch in the most ungraceful of slumps. Sarah collapsed in the adjacent armchair, both women wielding a beer in their hands as they watched the crowds of people begin to pile in.

 

 The house was crowded with family and friends already, loud chatter humming over the traditional Christmas music. Holidays were their parents’ ‘thing’- as Alison liked to say. It was no argument that she took after their mother the most, always hosting house parties and get-togethers. It was okay, though, it gave Cosima and Sarah a proper excuse for their _rebellious_ teenage stages- except Cosima liked to constantly point out that never really broke the law aside from smoking pot

 

“Cos, stop staring!” Sarah jeered, giving her a swift nudge in the knee with her foot. “Your eyes are glazing over.” She laughed, sticking her tongue in her cheek to stifle a smile.

 

“Shove off.” Cosima mumbled with a smirk, taking a swig of her beer.

 

“Don’t even go there.” Sarah warned, eyes narrow as she leaning forward towards sister. “I’m not _stupid_ , I saw where your eyes were wandering off to. Looking at the clock don’t make time go faster, Cosima.”

 

“I wasn’t looking-“ A cold stare from Sarah stopped Cosima in her tracks, making her roll her eyes and bury herself deeper into the corner of the couch. “Fine. Whatever. _And_ I know that it doesn’t make time go faster…obvs.”

 

Sarah smiled mischievously, rubbing her hands together in victory before she jabbed at Cosima’s side. “I bloody fucking knew it. Oh God, you are such a teenager.”

 

“Quit it!” Cosima scolded, wiggling and contorting her way out of Sarah’s prodding hands. “And I am not! I’m just nervous that she forgot or got lost or something.”

 

“Bollocks!” Sarah groaned. “That’s bollocks and you know it. You’ve been attached to your phone for the first two hours we were here, texting away on that thing like it was an extension of your hand.”

 

Cosima sighed, thinking of what to say. There was no use sugarcoating anything with Sarah, she’d see right through it in a heartbeat. Cosima _was_ nervous to bring Delphine over. She promised her that it was a simple, casual get-together to ring in the new year… neglecting to mention the 50+ headcount that their parents invited. She didn’t want Delphine spending the holiday alone, especially while she herself would be surrounded with family.

 

“Listen I’m just-“

 

The sound of the doorbell stopped Cosima in her tracks, a smile plastering itself across her face as she made a direct beeline toward the door.

 

“Nice talk!” Sarah hollered, rolling her eyes and taking a liberal swig of her beer.

 

Cosima just ignored her, stopping once she was facing the door and taking a moment to collect herself, swinging the large oak wide open.

 

“Bonsoir Cos-“

 

She didn’t last long, lunging forward and cutting Delphine off with a crushing force of her lips. She meandered Delphine backwards, stepping them further onto the patio until she was able to close the door behind them, their embrace never faltering. Delphine hummed against her touch, wrapping her arms around her waist and kissing her back tenderly.

 

“Hi.” Cosima whispered, pulling her head away to catch a breath as she knocked their foreheads together, rubbing her nose against the blonde’s. “I’ve missed you.”

 

“I just text you ten minutes ago.” Delphine cooed, tipping Cosima’s head back1 and kissing her gently again.

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

“Oui.” She Delphine whispered, quickly pecking Cosima’s lips again. “We both know that if I stood any longer in your home, I wouldn’t have gotten any work done, cherie.”

 

“Mmm.” Cosima hummed devilishly, pressing their lips together again, her tongue teasingly tracing Delphine’s bottom lip. “Call me that again.”

 

Delphine’s arms tightened their grip, pulling Cosima flush against her body. _“Ma cherie.”_ she growled into Cosima’s ear, kissing the juncture of her lobe and jaw. Her accent was thick, dripping in pure adoration for the woman against her. “And I have missed you, too.”

 

Cosima laughed against Delphine’s mouth by her ear, the blonde woman catching a particularly ticklish spot between her teeth, making her tremble.

 

“Cosima, you are shaking. Are you cold?”

 

With Delphine’s hands on her? Impossible.

 

“Ha, no. Just a little ticklish.” She said, earning herself another kiss in the same spot. “Mm, you know just how to push my buttons.”

 

Delphine smiled, nudging Cosima’s face until she was able to press their mouths together, nipping teasingly at her bottom lip. “I have a fantastic teacher.” She whispered, swallowing the groan that elicited from the depths of Cosima’s throat. She remembered, quite fondly, Delphine’s words against her skin, the mumblings of ‘ _Teach me’_ still ringing in her ears.

\---

_“Just like that- oh, fuck.”_

_Blunt fingernails pressed half-moons into Delphine’s pale shoulders, the heels of shaking feet digging into her lower back as Cosima trembled beneath her. She bit her lip, eyes trained on the face just inches from her own, meticulously taking mental note of Cosima’s every twitch and strain. Her wrist was beginning to practically catch fire, burning with the strain of un-trained ministrations between the American’s shaking thighs._

_“Shit.” Another groan in her ear, making her grin only the slightest bit, her concentration too honed in on the slick, hot muscle clenching her two sliding fingers with surprising force. “C-curl them, please.” She panted desperately, practically whining at this point. “Delphine-oh Jesus Christ, faster.”_

_She did as she was told of course, as she always has, hooking her fingers inward with every pull, straightening them with every push, upping her pace despite the oncoming numbness in her hand. This only caused Cosima to groan louder in fits of pure ecstasy, her body jerking in a delicious way that reminded Delphine of her own doings just hours before._

_“Like this?” she purred, leaning forward to kiss side of Cosima’s flushed cheek sweetly, feeling her jaw clench beneath her skin, trying her best nod her head._

_“Mhmm.”_

_“What else?” she asked quietly, relishing in the quickly addictive sensation of Cosima’s warmth around her fingers. The brunette’s body was losing it’s rhythm against her digits, beginning to jerk and twist against her will. Delphine bit back her proud grin, instead muffling it against the panting lips beneath her, swallowing the yells of her approaching climax. “Teach me, Cosima.”_

\---

She shook her head, laughing as she turned their joined bodies around, pressing Delphine against the side of the house, just beside the main door. “Is it like, totally bad that I don’t want to go inside right now? Because I would so much rather stay here.”

 

Delphine laughed, her arms slinking up Cosima’s body to drape across her shoulders, linking gingerly behind her neck. She shook her head, dipping down to claim Cosima’s mouth in another searing embrace. She felt the blonde’s tongue graze the part of her lips, dipping inward to claim the sweet-tasting mouth as her own once more, being met with nothing but encouragement.

 

“Am I interrupting?”

 

The two gasped, breaking apart immediately. Delphine moved to push away, but Cosima’s arms firmly holding her close, refusing to let her run away from any feelings.

 

An older woman cleared her throat, a coy smile pressed on her lips that was eerily like Cosima’s, thought entirely not at all, making Delphine’s eyes blow up wide with bemusement, her face flushing a violent red.

 

“Mom.” Cosima mumbled, meeting her mother’s stern gaze. “Hi. _Delphine_ just got here, _see_.”

 

“Mhmm. I’m sure.” The woman teased back, eyes narrow as she tried her best to read her daughter’s cheeky grin. “Siobhan Sadler.” She introduced warmly, arms crossed across her chest. “Nice to finally meet you.”

 

“Enchantee.” Delphine replied nervously, her bottom lip cinched between her teeth.

 

Cosima glanced up, noticing the blatant nerves etched within Delphine’s expression. She tightened her grip around the woman’s waist comfortingly, feeling her relax somewhat beneath her hand. “We were just coming in, mom.” Cosima persuaded.

 

 “Yeah, you two were surely just coming alright!” A man’s voice hollered from behind Siobhan. Cosima pushed herself onto her toes, seeing Felix with a memosa-filled grin pasted across his face, winking at his sister dramatically.

 

“Ask nicely and we’ll consider an encore, Felix!” Cosima yelled back, making Delphine gasp and pull her by the belt-loop back down.

 

“Cosima!” Both women exclaimed, two astronomically different expressions on their faces.

 

“ _Merde_ …” Delphine sighed under her breath, feeling Cosima’s fingers leave her waist and lace with her hand, pulling her through the threshold and into the boisterous home. “You are such a brat!” Delphine scolded as she was woven through the crowded area and into the dining room.

 

“Mm. I’ve been called worse.” Cosima shrugged, her cool attitude making Delphine roll her eyes. She was quite taken off guard, for lack of a better word. Cosima and her own expectation of a “small family gathering” were considerably different. There were people _everywhere_.

 

Just then, Felix popped up in front of them, bringing the women to a startling halt. Delphine gasped again, squeezing Cosima’s hand for dear life as the shorter woman simply scowled at the gentlemen. “Oi! Going to introduce me to your girlfriend?” he teased. Delphine could already tell the man had enjoyed a couple of drinks already, but still he seemed intimidating. “Felix.” He introduced, offering a dainty handshake.

 

Delphine took it carefully, forcing a smile on her face. “Em, Delphine. Enchantee.”

 

“ _Ooh!_ She is French! I thought you and Sarah were just pulling my leg on that. Didn’t think you had it in you to reign in the exotic ones there, Cos.”

 

Cosima stuttered, looking up to Delphine and back to Felix. She knew they weren’t in an official relationship, and that Delphine was still trying to figure her life out, _and_ she had thoroughly explained this to her family beforehand so they wouldn’t pull the shit that Felix was proudly doing.

 

“Quit it, Felix. You’re drunk as fuck.” She bit, giving the man a light shove in his arm, but it was enough to make him nearly lose his balance. “A-and she’s not my girlfriend. We’re just- we’re.. She’s my-“

 

“Why don’t you two have a seat on the couch, I’ll join you in a moment and we can all get to know each other!” Saving the two woman from a possible shit show of a conversation with Felix, Siobhan stepped between her two children, bumping Felix  on the hip in the process. “Go on now. And Felix, come with me a moment, chicken.”

 

Cosima knew by her questionably chipper tone that it was more of a demand than it was a question. Felix shot his sister an exaggerate wink before trailing off behind their mother.

 

She shrugged, flashing an apologetic look to Delphine as she guided them through the depths of the home once more. Delphine grasped Cosima’s hand tightly, almost too scared to let go and be dragged into the flood of people.

 

“You alright?” she asked quietly, eyes glistening in comfort as she pulled them both down onto the couch. Delphine nodded her head, instinctively nudging closer to Cosima. As surprised as she was thrilled, Cosima basked in the rare moment of public affection that Delphine was offering her, curling her feet onto the couch and leaning towards Delphine, cradling their hands in her lap.

 

“Fine.” She mumbled, forcing a smile.

 

“Just relax.” She soothed, pressing a quick kiss to the woman’s temple. Delphine squeezed Cosima’s hand a little tighter, acknowledging her effort. “Felix can be…interesting.”

 

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” She sighed quietly, eyes flicking around the room to everybody but Cosima. “I just don’t want to make a bad impression.”

 

“Oh, who cares what anybody else thinks!” Cosima laughed.

 

“I do!” Delphine huffed, stray curl falling from the side of her head and dangling in  front of her eyes blocking her vision. She moved to push it away, but Cosima was faster, her hands already caressing the French woman’s cheek as she took her time tucking the hair behind her ear. “Merci.” She sighed quietly, Cosima’s hand still settled lazily on her cheek. “I just…. You are very important to me, Cosima. So your family is important to me, too.”

 

Cosima nodded, not responding. She locked eyes with the blonde woman, a small smile never leaving her lips. She knew Delphine was different, but never understood to what extend until now. She truly _cared_ not only about her impending relationship with Cosima, but her whole family- people she has never even met before. She _cared._

 

Delphine watched the woman next to her instinctively lick her lips, eyes flicking down to watch with a burning intensity. “You’re so cute when you’re nervous.” Cosima whispered, her thumb stroking Delphine’s jawline as she slowly leaned in. Delphine’s nerves of wandering eyes in the room began to melt away at the gentle brush of Cosima’s mouth on hers, sighing into the touch and kissing her back tenderly.

 

This is what she longed for- Cosima’s touch. Whether it be her hands, or mouth, or whatever else, she needed to feel the woman constantly now- not that Cosima was ever apposed.

 

She felt Cosima smile against her lips, pulling away to bump their foreheads together as she gently stroked at the nape of Delphine’s neck. Almost on reflex, Cosima brushed their noses together, a simple gesture that the two woman quickly adopted for every and any moment. Delphine couldn’t help but giggle, pure in-the-moment joy taking over her.

 

“Auntie Cosima!” a small voice rejoiced, making the two women hop apart immediately. _‘Spoke to soon’_ Delphine brooded to herself. Her eyes fell upon Kira, who was staring back at her with equal bemusement. “… Ms. Cormier?”

 

“Kira! Bonsoir! Em, hello. I uhm-“

 

“Why are you here, Ms. C?” she bubbled excitedly, a wide grin spreading across her face as she twirled the fabric of her holiday dress between her fingers. She stared at them for a moment, eyes narrow in thought before her face quickly boomed in surprise. “Were you and Aunti Cosima just ki-“

 

“ _I_ invited her.”  Cosima butted in before Delphine nearly passed out.

 

She leaned forward, scooping the small child into her arms and hugging her close, making Kira erupt in a fit of infectious giggled. Her tiny body curled into Cosima’s lap, laughing as she was kissed and tickled all over. “I’ve missed you so much, Monkey!”

 

Delphine watched the scene unfold in front of her, noting Cosima’s face light up with nothing but pure, raw love for her niece.

 

“I missed you more!” she squealed, throwing her tiny arms around Cosima’s neck and hugging her tightly. Cosima laughed, kissing her cheeks once more before pulling away.

 

“Can you say hello to your teacher?” Cosima asked, nudging Kira foreword.

 

“Happy New Year, Ms. Cormier!” she smiled, melting Delphine’s heart. “Did you have a good Christmas?”

 

Delphine nodded her head, trying to remain as civilized as possible under the circumstances. It was a tough situation for her to be in, seeing her student in a situation so casual outside of school. There would be obvious questions entailed that Delphine wasn’t sure how to handle. “I did, Kira. Thank you. Did you?”

 

“The bestest!” the tiny five year old bubbled.

 

“Best.” Delphine correctly softly, eyebrows high at her student with a warm smile. Cosima marveled at Delphine, amazed how she could transition so quickly to- what she dubbed- Delphine’s “teacher voice”.

 

“The _best_.” Kira tried again, palms wide open in front of her for concentration. “Did Santa bring you lots of presents, too?!”

 

Delphine’s eyes flicked towards Cosima, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth and the brunette devilishly winked at her from behind Kira’s head. “I uhm, got very nice gifts, yes Kira.” She settled with, watching Cosima stifle a laugh under her testing glare.

 

“Alright, monkey. Enough questions. Go find your daddy, okay?” Cosima offered, sliding the tiny child down her legs and onto the floor. Kira ran off without another word, much to Cosima’s delight. As bright and wise as Kira was for her age, she still had the attention-span of any five year old.

 

“Hope you don’t mind.” Another voice sounded, making Delphine whip her head around in fright as Siobhan sat on the opposite end of the couch from them. Still, the proximity was too close to Delphine for comfort, who immediately stiffened her posture. “She just adores her Auntie Cosima.”

 

“Oui.” Delphine agreed, catching Cosima who was attempting to stifle a glare towards her mother. The blonde felt her thigh be grasped comfortingly under Cosima’s hand, a bold move for being in front of her mother. “Kira is a very bright girl, I’m sure you are all quite proud of her.”

 

“Oh the brightest!” Siobhan chimed in, handing Delphine a champagne glass. The blonde thanked her, taking a liberal gulp from it that made Cosima mutter ‘Whoah’ under her breath. “We have that to thank you for though, Delphine. Kira is quite fond of you.”

 

“As am I!” Cosima laughed, taking the slick move of her hand from Delphine’s lap to her own hand, lacing their fingers once more and squeezing them.

 

“Cosima….” Delphine mumbled nervously, eyes darting back and forth between and her Siobhan.

 

“You’re quite alright, chicken.” Karen laughed, waving the nervous blonde woman off. “My children are not prepubescent teenagers, I know they have lives outside of my knowledge.”

 

“ _Merde._ ” Delphine mumbled nearly silently. She wasn’t accustomed to [in Cosima’s vernacular] totally chill parents, hers always being rather... _traditional._

 

“Plus, I think you’re the first I’ve seen in my home for nearly over a year or two, consider yourself lucky-“

 

“ _Alright.”_ Cosima cut off, eyes wide and face flustered. Delphine was confused, looking back and forth between the two women in the hopes that somebody would offer her the missing piece of the conversation.

 

“Cosima, please.” She said, rolling her eyes as she sipped her drink. “I mean that in the nicest way possible. I’m glad to see Delphine here. You ladies are just so precious together.”

 

“Oh, we aren’t-“ Delphine cut in, her grip slackening in Cosima’s, pulling her hands to her own lap.

 

“Did I assume wrong?“

 

“Non non. We are- I mean, Cosima and I, ehm-“

 

“Delphine’s here as my date.” Cosima cut in, saving Delphine’s heart once more from failure. “That’s all.”

 

“Date. Understood.”  She said with a quirk of a brow.

 

“Right, well okay. Before anything gets hella more awkward, I’m going to introduce Delphine to the psychotic sisters. Any clue where they are?”

 

“ _Psychotic?-_ "

 

“Try the dining room.” Siobhan shrugged, a small drunken hiccup following suit.

Before she could get another word in, Cosima was up off the couch, Delphine is tow as they meandered through the home.

 

“Sorry about her….” Cosima pleaded.

 

“She is your mother, she only wants what’s best for you.” Delphine assured, her nerves beginning to return in despite of her best efforts to pacify them.

 

“Come, sit!” Cosima ushered, leading her into the dining room. A handful of women were already sitting around it, their backs to the couple as they chatted amongst themselves. Cosima quickly took Delphine’s jacket and back, nudging her towards the grand table.

  
“Guys! This is Delphine.” She announced proudly, regrouping their interlocked hands.

 

“Bonsoir- _oh!”_

 

The blonde woman gasped, all color leaving her face. Four identical faces all turned to stare at her, some smiling and some absolutely unreadable. They were all so different; their hair, their outfits, their body language, but all eerily the same.

_“_ Ha! Took it better than I thought.” Sarah laughed with a smirk, shaking her head as she turned back around.

 

Cosima glared as Sarah, leading a very uneasy Delphine towards the two empty chairs at the table. She looked around again, the women all staring at her eagerly, as if waiting for her to do something. Delphine’s eyes darted back and forth between Cosima and the rest of the women, trying to find words.

 

“I em, _desolee-“_ she huffed, nervously sweeping her hair from one side to the other. “I didn’t realize that you were-“

 

“ _Ooh_ , yeah. You’ve only met Sarah.” Cosima laughed, grabbing Delphine’s thigh comfortingly under the table. “Duh.”

 

“Nice to see you again, Ms. Manning.” Delphine offered sweetly. Sarah stared at her through heavy eyes for a moment before exhaling loudly and smiling. She knew how much this teacher meant to both Kira and Cosima, deciding she’d play nice.

 

“Sarah.” She correctly as politely as possible. “Might as well get comfortable now… all things considered.” She insinuated, cocking an eyebrow at the two women.

 

“So you’re…. how do you say? _Quadruplet_?”she asked as calmly as she could. Her accent had made her butcher the word though, making the curly haired blonde Cosima-look-a-like burst out into a hearty laugh- making Delphine jump.

 

“Oi! Quit it, meathead!” Sarah dared, giving her sister a warning kick under the table.

 

“Right…. Okay.” Cosima sighed, rolling her eyes and rolling raspberries. “Introductions. You know Sarah, and me, obvs. And the giggler over there is our sister Helena.”

 

Helena tilted her head slowly, bringing a hand to her own blonde hair and twirling a curl between her fingers, never breaking eye contact with Delphine. “Your hairs are like mine, yes?”

 

Delphine looked to Cosima, who nodded at her assumingly. “Oui- _yes._ Your hair is very beautiful, em, Helena.” Delphine smiled, mildly hoping her heart wasn’t beating two far out of her chest at this point. The stare she was under was sure to make her break out into a sweat at any moment.

 

“I like your hairs, too.”,

 

“Thank…you?”

 

“ _And_ I’m Allison! Or Ali, whichever!” she bubbled, strumming her fingers on the table excitedly. Delphine observed the fiasco in front of her. This sister, unlike all the rest, sported bangs and pastel-colored clothing. Delphine wasn’t sure which she preferred at this point. “I have heard so much about you already from Cos! I can’t wait to get to know you, Delphine!”

 

“All good things, I hope.” Delphine tried to joke, Cosima laughing next to her.

 

“Of course!” Alison assured, clearing her throat over Sarah’s blatant scoffing. The punk-dressed sister got up from her chair at that point, reaching to the counter to grab another beer and plopping herself back down. She needed a drink for this… and so did Delphine.

 

“Oh honestly, Alison. If you keep up with your… eccentric mannerisms, you will wind up scaring this woman away before our dear Cosima is offered a somewhat unyielding opportunity.” Another woman voice, making Alison purse her lips and rigidly sit back in her chair. Delphine eyed the other sister, her hair cut into a intimidatingly perfect bob, dyed a darker blonde than Helena’s and donned in a well tailored suit. “Rachel. A pleasure.” She said coolly, her voice almost too calm for Delphine’s comfort.

 

“Pleasure.” Delphine said quietly, pressing her lips into a thin smile. They were all so, so _different_ from her Cosima, too different for a three-minute comfort window. The slow strokes of Cosima’s thumb on her leg were the only thing keeping her calm right now. Confrontation was not her strong suit.

 

“So, France we’ve heard. If I may ask, what desire did you have to move across continents?” Rachel asked, oddly adept to conversation with the teacher.

 

Delphine leaned back, taking a moment to think as she felt Cosima’s hand move dangerously slow up her thigh. She gave her a sideways glanced, slightly annoyed by how un-phased she looked. Clearing her throat, Delphine tried her best to maintain conversation. “Em well. I always was interested in travelling, and found my passion for teaching a few months into my first semester of my second degree.”

 

“ _Second_?” Cosima exclaimed, her head snapping upwards in Delphine’s direction, eyes wide in shock and hand jerking away. Delphine nodded subtly, refusing to catch Cosima’s eye.

 

“Interesting… care to explain, Ms. Cormier?”

 

“Delphine, please.” She corrected as politely as she could, feeling her voice tremble under the woman’s powerful stare. “I always enjoyed the sciences, biology in particular. I studied Biology while I still lived in Paris, and I have my doctorate in Immunology-“

 

“Holy watershed…” Cosima gulped, earning a cold stare from Rachel. She ignored it with obvious intent, her brain too busy firing a series of synapses. ‘ _A doctorate?!’_ she screamed internally, eyes bulging as she dazed off from the table. ‘ _She’s a fucking doctor in Immunology… and a **fucking**_ _kindergarten teacher.’_

 

“Cosima, please. Don’t interrupt our guest.” Rachel pressed towards her sister. The dreadlocked woman scowled, falling back into her seat and listening to the woman who had all eyes on her. “Please, continue.”

 

“I came to America to further my studies, and I was TA-ing for a while, which is when I discovered my love for teaching. So I changed my major my first semester in America to Elementary Education, and graduated with my Bachelors. I’m currently working on my Masters.”

 

 

Sarah scoffed, her tongue pressing into her cheek as she bit back a grin. “No way, there’s got to be more to this story. There’s no way you just stop loving your science shit after working to get your bloody doctorate. Have you even _met_ Cos? She’s been eating and breathing Biology probably since the womb. ”

 

Delphine licked her lips, swallowing loudly as she feverishly tried to maintain her composure. Too many pairs of identical eyes were on her, all except the ones she needed. Without Cosima’s hand on her, she felt a million miles away. “I-I mean well, yes. I studied host-parasite relationships within my doctorate schooling, which was very time-consuming but also I suppose very fulfilling. I became progressively partial to the study of eugenics a little while after that. There were some other, em, imposing factors, that led to my change in profression, but they are not important now. I love what I do. I am very, very happy here. ”

 

The room was silent, various expressions of the one face Delphine got to know all staring at her. Cosima felt like she could cut the tension with a knife. She was suddenly reconsidering the possibility that having Delphine meet her very _diverse_ group of sisters simultaneously may have not been the best decision.

 

“Holy shite.” Sarah finally said, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. “Beauty and brains.”

 

“Watch it.” Cosima snarled, a pang of jealousy in her voice as she finally piped up. The gears in her head started to move, piecing together hints and notions from previous conversations about Delphine’s schooling. ‘ _No wonder she was so interested in Biology…_ ’ Cosima thought, sulking into her chair. ‘ _God, I’m such an idiot.’_

 

“Eugenics? Impressive.” Rachel finally said, a small, daring smile on her lips. Delphine mumbled a thank you, taking the moment to pull in another gulp of her drink. “So I say it’s safe to presume that being with Cosima must be quite interesting for you.”

 

“Oh we’re not-“

 

“No?”

 

“I mean, we’re.. uhm. Cosima and I we’re..oh merde.”

 

Sarah watched the dialogue go forth, seeing Cosima’s face wind up tight with embarrassment. With a heavy sigh, she knew she had to step in.

 

“Oi, lay off them Rachel!” she cut in, earning a deathly glare from her sister. “What? Did I stutter?” she asked, matching her stare.

 

“I didn’t think I was speaking to you, Sarah.”

 

“Well now you are!”

 

Cosima eyed Sarah a thank you, grabbing Delphine hand and pulling her away from the table as the rest of the sisters began to pile into the argument. Delphine’s face was absolutely flushed by the time Cosima pulled them out onto the back patio, grateful that it was enclosed because she didn’t bother to grab either of their jackets.

 

Cosima let go of her hand immediately, walking to lean her back against the patio table and bracing it on either side. Delphine watched her leave, her hand still tingling as she walked to stand in front of Cosima, leaning against the wall of the house.

 

“Sorry about…. all this.” Cosima breathed, tipping her head backwards and exhaling loudly. “My family can be a bit…”

 

“Pushy? Questioning? Eccentric?” Delphine teased, crossing her arms and dropping her head down to look at her shoes.

 

“I was going to stay close-knit. But those work too, I guess.” Cosima grumbled. Delphine could sense the slight hurt in her voice, but she was too wound up to address it. “Listen, I’m sorry they kind of all came at you with the same questions.”

 

“No, it’s fine. You are loved, Cosima. I understand.”

 

“I just don’t want you to feel pressured into anything that you’re not ready for.” Cosima sniffled. “I just want you to be happy.”

 

“Merci, Cosima.” She says in barely a whisper.

 

“Okay so like, not to be that person but.. what are we, Delphine?” Cosima asked bravely. She knows Delphine has heard the question enough tonight, but the least she could do is answer _her._ “I promise, I won’t be mad with whatever you say. I just… I just don’t know what to tell people.”

 

“We’ve talked about this!” Delphine bolstered, her grip on her own arms tightening. Cosima jumped, never hearing Delphine’s beautiful, quiet voice raised to such a volume before. She looked at the blonde, ready to see anger but instead getting a clear view of absolute _fear._ Delphine huffed, quickly swiping her thumb to catch the tears before Cosima could notice. “Cosima I… I am not ready for a relationship.” She admitted. “I am just not. But I don’t want to lose you, either. Because you still are my best friend, Cosima. I don’t… I can’t lost that. I am very apprehensive about all of this right now.”

 

“Yeah, yeah I totally get it.” She lied, gulping down the words she really wanted to say.

 

 “Do you?” she asked quietly, her voice catching on the thickness in her throat. “Because I feel like you keep asking with the hope that my answer might change, despite it being just a handful of days worth of thought.”

 

Cosima knew she had to respect Delphine’s boundaries, but she wanted her all to herself. She didn’t want Delphine thinking about dating other women, or other people for that matter. She didn’t want somebody else’s hands on the places she’s touched, somebody knowing the secrets Delphine’s shared with her, somebody else getting pleasure from the things that she’s taught her. She wanted to be selfish for once.

 

Inside the house, Cosima’s family was jeering, getting ready to bring in the new year in just a few moments. Voices were growing louder in the living room as everybody huddled around the television, drinks and noisemakers in hand. Delphine and Cosima though, were oblivious as they stood out on the patio, suddenly neither were in the mood to be in anybody’s presence but each others.

 

Cosima’s silence was becoming deafening, enough to rouse Delphine from her end of the patio and saunter over to the tiny brunette, invading her personal space entirely. “I don’t want you to feel that you have to wait for me. I want you to keep living your life. You are not roped down to me, Cosima.” She assured, dipping her fingers beneath Cosima’s glasses to brush away a brimming tear before it ruined her eyeliner. “But if you want a different answer, I need you to give me the time that you’re promising me that you have.”

 

The words were sour as she pushed them through her teeth, not agreeing with anything she said. Delphine wanted to be selfish for once too, wanted Cosima all to herself, but she knew it wasn’t fair. This was her story to figure out, not Cosima’s. She’s as free to do as she pleases, as if they never even put boundaries on to begin with.

 

“Don’t put everything on hold for me, Cosima. Promise?”

 

Cosima heard the words, but barely listened to any of them. Her true self scared her, the reckless behavior that Delphine’s presence had been saving her from was now open-range again. It was no lie to anybody that she missed attending the parties and testing out the crowd, but Delphine offered her a tenderness that nobody else could. The look of both terror and bravery on the blonde’s face pushed all of Cosima’s needs aside as she nodded her head in agreement.

 

“What’s going to like, help you, then? Tell me what’s going to guide you towards the answer you’re looking for?”

 

Delphine sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Merde, Cosima, I do not know! I do not know the answer that I am looking for, I do not _know_ what is going to guide me towards it. I _do not know!”_ she yelled again, despite the semi-tender moment they had just shared.

 

“Well, I don’t know either, Delphine! Jesus, it should not be this difficult!” she yelled back, hands tossed into the air.

 

 It pissed her off to the bitter end that she couldn’t pinpoint Delphine’s actual issue. They both liked each other, both wanted each other, but Delphine couldn’t commit herself, couldn’t accept that this could be something real and instead prefers to play the game instead of committing. Cosima wasn’t used to being the pawn, she was used to being the _player._ Now with the tables turned and _her_ heart being the one on the line with the potential of being devastated, she’s realized the frustration and vulnerability factor… and loathed it. “I’m trying, but I just don’t get it.”

 

“Maybe it was easy for you, Cosima. You obviously have a wonderful family who loves you quite a bit and accepts you entirely. And you’ve told me before that you’ve practically always known who you were. Well I need you to please try and just imagine thirty years of your life fully believing one thing about yourself, just to realize that- no. You are wrong. Completely wrong.”

 

“Delphine, I-“

 

“ _Non.”_ she snapped, eyes darkening ravenously, her accent thickening with every breath. “Everything your parents have taught you, your friends have told you, your workplaces and schools have instilled in you, are completely and utterly wrong. Go on, you tell me how that feels and how to fix it because I have no clue-“

 

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Cosima tried, but Delphine was far too gone at this point.

 

“You think I could bring you home for holidays and expect my family and friends to act like yours? Do you think that that is what’s going to happen once I ‘figure myself out’, Cosima. Because it won’t. I promise you that. We probably wouldn’t make it within a thirty mile radius on maman and papa’s home Do you think that if I ever…If I ever fell in love with somebody who was not a man, and decided to get married, that anybody I know from France would attend my wedding? Nobody from my town, nobody from my family, none of my friends, nobody. What about work now?! What I have to face when I return to school in a few days. You think I’m ready to brace whatever they’re going to say to me? Maybe not even to me, but behind my back! Who knows, right? Who cares!”

 

“No Delphine, I didn’t mean it like-

 

“I’d have nobody- you realize that? So I need to make sure that whatever _this_ is that is going on in my head and my heart and my body is absolutely, without contest, legitimate, because I cannot lose everything and then lose myself-“

 

Delphine didn’t’ realize how ragged her breath had turned until she suddenly couldn’t breathe anymore. Warm, shaky arms were wrapped around her torso squeezing her unbearably tight as a familiar face buried itself in her neck, the mumblings of apologies whispered into her skin. Delphine gulped, inhaling the shudder of a choked sob as she pulled Cosima closer to her, too, absolutely petrified to let go.

 

“You’d have me.” The brunette said a little louder. “I’m sorry I yelled, please don’t cry. Please.” Cosima couldn’t bear to be the source of her anxiety, not when she’s been trusted to be the exact opposite. “I didn’t mean it. I swear. I’m- I’m gonna be there, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Delphine sniffled, not yet ready to open her eyes and completely comfortable resting her chin on Cosima’s dreads. “Okay.” She mumbled hoarsely.

 

Cheers from inside began to grow louder, the beginnings of the count-down vibrating through the old walls.

 

“ _7…6…5!”_

 

Delphine finally looked up, staring right into Cosima’s wide eyes. “You mean this, Cosima?” By the time she reached out for Cosima, their arms were already tightening around each other, embracing the other woman in the touch they both so desperately craved.

 

“ _4…3...2!”_

 

“I do. We’re gonna be in this shit together.”

 

“Cosima..”

 

“ _1... Happy New Year!”_

 

Delphine tipped Cosima’s head up with her own, their mouths meeting desperately, hungrily as they moved against each other. Delphine’s swallowed the brunette’s whimper, pushing her further back against the patio table until she was sitting on top of it. Cosima pulled Delphine between her legs by her belt loops, hands sneaking beneath the back of her shirt to splay across her back. Her skin burned against Cosima’s cold fingers, even through the fabric. She moaned, arching into Cosima’s touch, taking one of the American’s lips between her own and nipping it hungrily.

 

Delphine couldn’t deny the addictive taste of beer and wine that coated Cosima’s lips, tracing her tongue over them until they parted, offering Delphine heady entrance. She obliged, dipping the muscle past teeth to massage its counterpart, pulling a moan from the back of Cosima’s throat.

 

Their kisses were sloppy, teeth scraping against teeth and tongue’s searched and delved into one another’s mouths. It was purely craven desire for one another, desperation to assure themselves that they other was still there. If Cosima would have to wait for Delphine to figure herself out, this is how she’d want to wait.

 

A rapping on the screen door made the two woman’s mouths pull apart with a _smack!_ , but still held tight to another as they tried to regain their breathing. At the door were three small children, one including Kira, who had their hands cupped around their eyes as they giggled and “Eww!”-ed at the two woman. Delphine’s eyes were wide at the sight of Kira in particular, her cheeks growing red as she buried her face in Cosima’s neck, clinging to the equally flustered woman.

 

“Go on!” she hollered at the children, who all jumped and laughed as they ran off. “Shit…” Cosima sighed, a soft chuckle in tow as she kissed the side of Delphine’s face, coaxing her to pick her head up and wipe the tear stains away.

 

“How am I supposed to explain this in class, Cosima?” Delphine asked, lifting her face from hiding. Cosima shrugged, pecking her lips softly once more, knowing better than to answer. There was time to worry about that later.

 

“So… _Doctor_ Cormier?” Cosima teased, hiking an eyebrow up at her, trying to change the topic and diffuse the tension. Delphine rolled her eyes, clicking her tongue at the woman. “Were you ever going to tell me? Because like, I know that you know I’m studying biology.”

 

“Yes, I’m aware.” She teased, leaning her body into Cosima’s.

 

Cosima pulled back though, not yet giving Delphine the satisfaction that she wanted. “Seriously, though. Why didn’t you tell me? Not going to lie, kind of made me feel like a bit of an idiot.”

 

Delphine shook her head, her face dropping as fast as her heart was breaking. “It wasn’t something I was intentionally hiding. It’s been so long now, I didn’t feel the need to dig up my past.”

 

Cosima was quiet then, only nodding her head, embarrassed with herself for making Delphine feel bad for being uncomfortable. She knew, just by Delphine’s stuttering and jittering back at the dining room table, that there was _far_ more to the story than what she was letting off, a thickening secret that was apparently well-kept before the wrath of Cosima and her band of rather intimidating identicals.

 

“Shit.” She mumbled, rubbing at the back of her neck uneasily. “My bad, dude. That was kind of a bitch move on my part, too. I’m on a roll today.”

 

“A bit.” Delphine nodded, unable to stop herself from agreeing. “But, its okay.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Scientist to scientist,” she jeered with a grin, “I understand your curiosity. So one day.” She promises, earning a revived grin from her Cosima, who was already on her toes and molding their lips together.

 

“One day… I can deal with that. So we can like, make totally crazy science together in the mean time?”

 

“Brat.” She scolded before kissing her again.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super late, I'm really sorry. Other things get in the way but believe me, if I could update from my phone instead of my laptop, I would in a heartbeat. Again, super sorry for the time! But as usual, I'm absolutely OVERWHELMED by the responses to this fic. You're all amazing and wonderful and i adore each and every one of you to bits and pieces. Words cannot express my gratitude enough. See you on Wednesday ( if my work schedule doesn't suck!)


	17. Chapter 17

The two of them stood out on the patio for a few more minutes, enjoying none of the attention being on them for the first time all night. They remained tightly coiled in their embrace, neither yet willing to let go and be tossed into the throws of reality just yet. Cosima was still planted firmly on the table, her ankles locked loosely just behind Delphine’s knees, keeping her close while the blonde’s arms were strewn around her neck.

 

“Oi. Lovebirds. Care to be friendly?” Sarah’s voice piped in, her head in the doorway.

 

With an annoyed sigh, Cosima dropped her limbs from around Delphine’s body, getting up with no desire to do so.

 

“I’m going to go freshen up.” Delphine explained quietly, offering Cosima a moment with Sarah. “Bathroom?”

 

“Two doors to the left down the main hall.” Cosima mumbled, hastily letting go of her hand as she watched Delphine slip past Sarah.

 

She made to do the same, but Sarah was quicker, jutting her hand out to block Cosima. “No way. I just saved your girlfriend’s arse from Rachel. Spill.” She demanded.

 

She thought Cosima would put up a bigger fight, so she was surprised when she watched her lean up against the door and sigh. “She doesn’t want a relationship. Not like, an official one.” Cosima revealed.

 

“What the fuck? Why?”

 

Cosima shrugged again, shaking her head. “From what it sounds like, her family and friends back in France are probs mega homophobes. She’s scared shit of acceptance and shit, or lack thereof.” Cosima scratched at her temple, trying her best to piece together everything. “It was pretty intense, dude.”

 

“So it’s not that she’s embarrassed to call you her girlfriend or be in a relationship with a girl then? It’s just fear?”

 

“I don’t think so.” Cosima mumbled, pursing her lips as she tried to make herself believe it. “I think she’s scared to jump to a conclusion with the fear of being _wrong_ , because if she ever told anybody, she’d lose them. Does that make sense?”

 

“Yeah, I think I got it.” She nodded. “But something still doesn’t add up with the woman.  She’s still holding your hand, and sleeping in your bed, and doing all that other mopy relationship-shite. How are you not her girlfriend?”

 

Cosima shrugged, her bottom lip fiercly pressed between her teeth to the point of nearly bleeding. “We’re not official.”

 

“…She’ll let you fuck her, but won’t call you her girlfriend…Fucking hell. So does this mean you can still shag other girls then?”

 

“I mean- technically, yeah. I guess. She wants to explore, so I would assume so can I.”

 

“But you don’t want to.”

 

“Not even a little….well…. I don’t know. I feel like I could have something here, but I miss the casualness of everything else. ”

 

Sarah clapped her sister on the shoulder pitifully, moving her off the door so she can get inside. “Alright, Cos. Alright.” She muttered, having not a clue why her sister was doing this to herself.

 

Cosima made her rounds with her family, hugging and kissing them all a happy new year.

 

“We should get going before it gets hella dangerous on the roads.” She explained, noticing Delphine appear from the bathroom from the corner of her eye.

 

“Do you have to go?!” Kira begged, running up to cling to her aunt’s leg.

 

Delphine smiled sadly, shrugging on her coat and grabbing Cosima’s. She adored Kira, and she knew exactly what that doe-eyed was capable of doing. So when Cosima insisted that they had to leave, she was shocked.

 

“I’ll see you first thing for school on Monday, Monkey. Don’t you worry.” She assured, letting Cal pry the tiny child off of her with sniffles and cries.

 

Delphine stepped forward then, braving herself to slip her fingers through Cosima’s, who squeezed back encouragingly.

 

“Thank you all so much for a wonderful evening.” She said earnestly, warm smiles exchanged with her own. “Good night.”

 

“ _Good night!”_

 

They left as quickly as they came, walking out into the bitter, cold, new year hand in hand.

 

“Where the hell did you park?” Cosima asked, her short legs trying their best to maintain Delphine’s pace.

 

“Just there!” she pointed with her free hand, the car already halfway covered in snow. They piled in as ungracefully as they could manage, Cosima stripping of her scarf and gloves the moment she could.

 

Delphine, both hands braced on the wheel, did her best to maneuver through the snowy streets.

 

“We’ll take the service roads to your apartment, oui? I don’t feel like driving on the high-way in this mess.”

 

“Good call.” Cosima agreed, her hand already finding it’s favorite spot on Delphine’s leg, reaching across the console.

 

The blonde woman stiffened under the touch, already worked up from their moment alone on the back patio. She sucked in her bottom lip, holding it hostage between her teeth while Cosima’s thumb stroked her thigh lazily. Her eyes were transfixed on the road, not daring to look over at Cosima who was oblivious to what her actions were causing.

 

“Merde.” Delphine hissed under her breath, her knuckles turning a bright white as her grip tightened on the wheel. Cosima’s circles were moving at a tantalizingly slow pace up her thigh, then back down.

 

“Huh?” she finally asked, lifting her head from the cool window glass to catch Delphine’s exasperated face.

 

“Nothing.” She said hoarsely, eyes never leaving contact with the road. “Just… your hand is distracting, Cosima.”

 

The brunette stared at her before the light bulb went off, a wide smile smoothing out across her face.

 

“Oh.” She whispered, squeezing the woman’s thigh gently before trailing her skilled fingers down the tailored seam on the inside of Delphine’s stiff leg, making the woman release the whimper that was stuck in her throat.

 

“Cosima, no.” she demanded throatily.

 

“Not doing anything.” She teased, her index fingers still tracing lazy shapes.

 

“We are almost to your apartment.” Delphine reminded, gulping hard as she tried to maintain her voice.

 

“Great!”

 

“Just a few more minutes.” She tried again.

 

“Sounds good to me!”

 

She sighed, not being able to get through to Cosima. “Cheeky.” She hissed, jumping when she felt the pop of the button on her pants. “Cosima!”

 

“Yes?” she cooed, a giggle in her voice that threw Delphine directly over the edge.

 

“ _Merde.”_

 

She must have been insane to even contemplate the thought of letting Cosima take her in a _car._ ‘ _Sex was made for intimate environments’_ Delphine reminded herself. ‘ _Like a bedroom, solely between the man and woman-‘_

 

She paused her thoughts, nearly slipping over her own mental tongue and scoffing at herself. Man and woman, how orthodox. Same-sex relations weren’t even whispered about in her town back home, with the exception of those who were gossiped about to the point of leaving, where more rumors began to spread. An unforeseen anger began to boil in her as she slowed on the accelerator, pinning her entire focus on the grip of the wheel. She damned her peers for allowing her to think that non-heterosexuality was as disgusting and terrible as they deemed it. She damned her own self for entertaining their snide comments, for allowing herself to be convinced that they were true. How could it be possible that homosexuality was so devilish and sinful when there was an angel sitting next to her the passenger seat?

 

It was times like this when Delphine was grateful nobody was driving, especially in the snow. In once swift motion, she veered the car off to the side of the road, cutting the engine and sliding her seat along the bottom track as far back as it would allow. Without missing a beat, she shoved Cosima’s hand off of her, grabbing the woman by the fabric on her shoulders and practically yanking her across the console into her lap.

 

“Holy shit.” Cosima managed, blatantly shocked by Delphine’s aggressiveness- not that she minded in the slightest bit, not missing a beat as she swung her legs over to straddle the blonde woman.

 

She didn’t have time for another thought, Delphine’s hands were braced behind her neck, pulling her down roughly to kiss her, soundless apologies being moaned into the smaller woman’s mouth. The brunette complied, her mouth already open and willing to succumb to Delphine’s aggravated tongue. She groaned, grinding her hips down into the blonde’s lap who could all but buck upwards in return. The small car bounced slightly with their erratic movements, but neither cared. Cosima was suddenly thankful for her flexibility, maneuvering her legs to better straddle Delphine before an impending cramp started.

 

“Cosima.” Delphine growled, her voice low and coming from the back of her throat.  “Please.”

 

“Where did this come from?” she mewled into the woman’s ear before nipping and sucking on the lobe. Her hand was tucked neatly between their flushed bodies, fingers toying with the zipper of Delphine’s pants again. She could feel the blonde’s heat radiating from her core, begging for Cosima. Delphine ignored her question, instead digging her nails a little rougher into Cosima’s scalp, making her temporarily forget her own question. “Mm, shit. What do you want?”

 

 

 

“You.” The blonde husked, her voice raw with desire. “I want you.”

 

 _‘I wish I could believe that.’_ Cosima thought to herself, pushing the burdened words to the back of her head.

 

She hummed, sloppily moving her mouth from Delphine’s ear to her lips as her hand pushed through the waistband of the blonde’s pants, immediately stroking her through the damp fabric. Delphine’s hips bucked up erratically at the teasing touch, a loud cry echoing inside the vehicle. She hissed, taking Cosima’s bottom lip between her teeth and tugging hard. Either hands were braced on the window and Cosima’s shoulder, setting herself as steady as she could.

 

“Cosima.” She shuddered again against hungry lips. The brunette couldn’t help but smile, bumping their foreheads together as her nimble digits pushed against the fabric of Delphine’s underwear and rubbed at slick folds, her thumb brushing against her clit lightly. “ _Merde!”_ she panted, fingers digging into Cosima’s shoulder blade.

 

Cosima smiled proudly, her breaths matching Delphine’s ever-increasing ones, still not daring to give her the satisfaction of skin contact, leaving the ruined lace barrier for all intents and purposes.

 

“Cosima.” Delphine whimpered, willing to beg for Cosima to give her what she needed to forget about the thoughts running wild through her mind, eating at her good conscious. Cosima wouldn’t give it to her though, seeming to be quite content with teasing her to the point of imploding. Although, if she allowed herself to just let go, Delphine was pretty sure that she could easily come just from this.

 

Her head dropped to the middle of Cosima’s chest, only slightly concerned with how fast she was unraveling. She was worked up the moment Cosima greeted her at the door, so she knew this probably wouldn’t take long, not that they had much time anyway. With the engine off, despite the heat from their own bodies, the car was rapidly dropping in internal temperature again, the window that had Delphine’s hand pressed against it already fogging with freshly collected snow.

 

But she didn’t care, honestly. Not when she had the heat of a thousand suns radiating off Cosima’s body to keep her warm. Just looking at the woman had her heart pumping blood through her body so fast that she could warm a whole room of people. She was so lost in the craven moment, feeling Cosima reach her from a completely foreign angle, not having bare skin to run her hands across. It was exhilarating, in the least.

 

So when a loud banging on the window made both of them gasp and yelp, their heads turning together to stare out the glass, the exhilaration factor kind of came to a screeching halt.

 

Cosima winced, a bright light being shown right into her line of vision, her glasses not helping. “What the fuck?” she cried, her hand, though now stagnant and seemingly forgotten about, still buried in pulsing depths of Delphine’s

 

“Police!” a gruff voice boomed. “Window, please!”

 

Both women were frozen, bodies and heads still pressed together, too in shock to move.

 

“Police?” Delphine whispered, trying to catch her breath. She glanced into her rearview mirror, seeing the bright lights whirring above the cruiser’s roof. Cosima swallowed loudly, giving Delphine all the answer she needed.

 

The officer didn’t wait long, though, tapping his flashlight to where Delphine’s hand was braced against the window, making her jump once more. She lowered the window enough to see the man’s face, the harsh winter wind immediately blowing into the car.

“We got a call about a car swerving onto off on the side of the- _what the-“_

“Officer!” Cosima yelped. “We can totes explain.”

“Uh huh. I’m sure.” He stuttured, his face hardening as he averted his eyes to anywhere but the two women.

Cosima took the moment to pull her hand out from Delphine’s pants, making the blonde grunt in the sudden emptiness. There would be no graceful way to maneuver herself off of Delphine’s lap, so she chose to stay straddling the woman, leaning her body against the steering wheel instead.

“Listen, Officer…Bell,” the brunette squinted looking at his nameplate. The cop shot her a sideways glance. “This doesn’t constitute for a ticket or anything right? It’s the holidays, man. Just trying to stay merry…”

Delphine, flushed and increasingly freezing, watched Cosima flash her toothy grin, eyebrows high in charm that you’d almost forget that she was in the midst of getting her off. The cop stared at them, shining his flashlight irritatingly between the two.

“Just. Keep it moving.” He sighed, his cold stare never faltering. “Now.”

With that, he walked away, piling back into his patrol car. The minute Delphine was able to close the window again, Cosima had burst out into laugher, clutching her stomach and she doubled over onto Delphine’s shoulders.

“You brat!” The blonde swatted Cosima, trying her best to stifle her own giggles. “That was embarrassing, Cosima!” she scolded. “We could have gotten in a lot of trouble!”

“That- was- great!” Cosima laughed, her voice hoarse as she disentangled herself with the blonde, throwing herself back into her seat as Delphine started the engine once again. “Did you see his face?!”

“Did you see _yours?”_ Delphine smirked, pulling back onto the blanketed road. “Do not lie and tell me you were not a little scared.”

Cosima shrugged, a teasing smirk on her face as Delphine pulled onto the road again. “So. Where did _that_ come from? Totally hot, but I gotta know.”

“Your hands were on me all night.” She explained nonchalantly. “Don’t ask me when it was all you.”

Cosima rolled her eyes, lolling her head back. “Bullshit. You either have a super aggressive sexy side or something is bothering you and you wanted to be distracted.” The silence that followed was all the answer that Cosima needed, Delphine’s eyes glued to the road. “Want to talk about it?”

“Later.” Delphine sighed, pulling up to the front of Cosima’s home, parking the car and leaning back into her seat, letting her head lazily turn to face the woman beside her. “I just want to look at your for a while. That makes me feel a lot better.”

“Come upstairs, then?” Cosima asked finally, putting her hand over Delphine’s on the gear shift.

“It’s late.”

“All the more reason.” She refuted. Delphine tilted her head side to side, weighing her options. The snow, the falling slowly, was accumulating. Driving home by herself was practically asking to get into an accident.

“I have lesson plans to write.”

“There’s no school until next week.”

Delphine sighed, flipping her curly hair to the other side of her head and giving Cosima a hard stare. “I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you.” She said quite bluntly, a quiet yawn sneaking its way in at the end.

“I think I owe you, anyway.” Cosima laughed.

“I wasn’t agreeing to come upstairs.”

She rolled her eyes, childishly pouting as she slapped her open hands against her thighs. “Delphine. I’m getting antsy. Come upstairs, come on.”

Before finally deciding to turn the car off. Cosima bounced giddily in her seat her tongue poking between her teeth in victory. Delphine sighed, piling out of the vehicle and letting Cosima drag her by the hand up the stairs.  She couldn’t deny the woman a single thing.

“You should start keeping a bag here.” Cosima joked uneasily, unlocking the door to her apartment, testing to see where Delphine’s limit stood. She couldn’t let another thought pass her mind, though, suddenly feeling two strong hands push her by the shoulders into the door. “What the-“

Delphine’s lips seared off any words Cosima would try to say, her kisses fueled by nothing less than primal hunger. Teeth clashed together, uncoordinated lips with the only intention of devouring the other. Their whimpers and groans filled the room, Delphine setting forth to quickly untie the belt of Cosima’s red jacket, yanking it roughly down her body until it fell on the floor.

“You’re not leaving me unfinished.” She growled, stifling a yawn against the shorter woman’s lips, leaving her moaning at the sudden demand in the French woman’s voice.

It was late, nearly three a.m. at this point, neither women were sure how they were properly functioning right then. Delphine had been close, _so_ close, in the car until the police officer came. Her whole body ached during the rest of the drive, grateful that Cosima didn’t try any of her antics again.

“Didn’t plan to. I said I owed you one.” Cosima whispered back, getting a few words in before flipping them around and pinning Delphine to the door. Though exhausted, she pressed a thigh between her legs, immediately feeling the blonde woman grind down against them ferociously, a small whimper pulling at her throat as she raked her fingers down Cosima’s back.

The brunette immediately latched onto Delphine’s neck, hands ripping at the shirt and pants once more. Before they knew it, both women were scantily clad in barely anything, clothing hastily piled on the floor. Cosima grabbed Delphine, pulling her into the room and backing her up against the desk. She shimmied her way between her legs, her hand immediately seeking its destination.

Delphine was in no mood to be teased, her body physically aching to come. Still, Cosima’s fingers lingered far too long that she wanted. She grabbed the brunette’s face, kissing her almost painfully.

“Cosima.” She dared, eyes dark and dilated with arousal. There was no time to tease, not time to draw it out, she had waiting long enough. She stared down at the brunette under heavy lids. She leaned forward to kiss her, but instead greeted Cosima with a heavy yawn, making the brunette follow.

“Dieu.” Delphine panted, feeling exhaustion take over her. She whimpered, knowing that sleep would overcome her arousal.

Cosima sensed this, her own heavy eyes craning to look towards her bedroom. “Come on.” She whispered, kissing Delphine once more between pulling them towards the mattress. “It’s alright.”

They collapsed in a heap, burrowing under the thick comforter and holding each other close. Cosima yawned again, a small whimper sounding while she was digging her face into the crook of Delphine’s neck, running her hands up and down the length of the blonde woman’s back.

“Pauvre petit chiot.” Delphine cooed, curving her body around the small American.

“You’re the puppy.” Cosima barely whispered back, allowing the heat of the blanket and the security of Delphine to will herself to sleep. It wasn’t long until her quiet breaths filled the room, calming Delphine down as well.

She basked in the moment; their bare bodies practically one, marveling at how perfectly they conformed to one another. Her fingers lightly stroked the inches-worth of space of Cosima’s cheek that wasn’t hiding, smiling to herself at how perfect she was.

“Hm.”

Cosima rolled her eyes up towards Delphine tiredly, leaning into the touches on her face. “What?” she mumbled quietly.

“We just…fit. Really well.”

Cosima shook her head, smiling tiredly as she burrowed her face once again into Delphine’s neck, curling her body as tightly as she could around the blonde’s.

It was true, though. Not matter what way they turned or contorted, their bodies were still able to meld together questionably perfectly. Cosima hoped the comment went further than just physical. She hoped, more than anything, that they really did _fit,_ because having to recover from the heartache of a woman she never really even had as her own was reaching the pits on impossible.

“We do.” Was all she could reply, smiling as she felt Delphine’s legs twist between hers. “So do you want to talk about what’s really bothering you?”

“Not tonight. I just want to lay here.”

This she could do. Nights with Cosima, alone and uninterrupted. Phone calls until the morning hours, lunch break conversations, even move nights and lazy weekends. But titles and public knowledge that she was involved with Cosima officially? She would not have it, her friends back home would not have it, her family would go as far as to try and-

 _‘But she is not yours’_ Delphine reminded herself. She knew it was for the best, as much as it pained her. She was in no right to tie Cosima down to just her, whilst she was still trying to navigate through her own sexuality.

“Where are you?” the brunette mumbled, her tired tongue slurring the words. Delphine’s eyes slid from their glazed stare, locking with Cosima’s. The grey shadows of the room contoured the brunette’s face perfectly, framing her jaw and cheekbones just enough from Delphine to stroke her fingers across.

“Sorry.” Delphine whispered, leaning forward to bump their foreheads together, running her nose back and forth against Cosima’s. “Just thinking.”

Cosima smiled, stifling a squeak of a yawn. She couldn’t restrain herself as she tipped her head up just enough to brush her lips against Delphine’s, needing to feel her mouth, as if it would be gone by morning. “What about?”

Delphine smiled at Cosima’s tender touch, leaning forward to kiss her  against before resting on her forehead once more. “You…me…everything.” She practically whispered. “They call me your girlfriend.”

Cosima pursed her lips tightly, she knew that would bother Delphine, she knew the word was still sour on her tongue. “I’m sorry.” She offered, her arm winding around Delphine’s torso and pulling her tighter. “They don’t really know what to make of any of this.” She said again, tucking her head beneath Delphine’s chin, nuzzling against her neck. Delphine whimpered, feeling Cosima press lazy, open-mouth kisses against her throat. “Nobody has been called my girlfriend in… well, years.”

“I don’t want to give them the wrong idea, then have a band of siblings hunt me down for hurting their sister.” Delphine said quietly, snorting at her own joke. She felt Cosima shake her head, the petite woman’s body vibrating with a silent laugh.

Cosima was glad Delphine couldn’t see her face, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes as she buried herself deeper into the crook of Delphine’s shoulder. ‘ _The wrong idea’_ she thought to herself. ‘ _Because being with me is so absolutely **wrong’**_   Cosima could only hold onto Delphine tighter, threading their legs and squeezing her eyes shut, clinging for dear life to the body that both wanted and not wanted her at the same time.

“I wouldn’t worry about it.” She yawned. “You’re not mine, Delphine. You don’t belong to anybody.”

She could only nod her head, resting it back into the pillow as she pulled the blanket over their bodies, her own tears threatening to fall at the pain behind Cosima’s words. It wasn’t long before she felt Cosima’s breathing steady against her own bare chest, their heartbeats syncing as she let the night’s exhaustion pull her down, hoping the tear stains she left on Delphine’s skin would be gone by morning.

Delphine was suddenly now wide awake, though, her mind consumed with a million thoughts. She knew it wasn’t fair, to drag Cosima through the mud and pull her away from her lifestyle just for the possibility of being with her, but Delphine wanted to be selfish for once. Still, the idea of possibly loving a _woman_ was enough to keep her romantic wants at bay, the fear far too overwhelming for her to handle. ‘ _Cosima should still be free to date other people, see other people, love other people.’_

How she loved the way Cosima slept so peacefully in her arms. She loved her heavy breathing, the way her lips would part just enough to let air through. She loved how she curled into a little ball when she was cold, hogging all the bed sheets and becoming an incredulous cuddle monster. There was so much to love about Cosima; Delphine’s heart fluttering at the mere thought.

But she knew that Cosima deserved somebody who was capable of loving her fully in return, which Delphine wasn’t sure she could do. She laid there, sleep becoming a more and more distant necessity. She knew Cosima liked her, and it was obvious she liked her in return. But a relationship, a _commitment_ , was far too grand of a step- which Cosima understood completely. Delphine was free to test the waters of her sexuality while Cosima was free to do whatever she wanted. All was fair…right?

Delphine shook her head, pushing the burdening questions from her mind. There’d be time to worry about it more in the morning. For now, Cosima was hers- even if it was just for tonight. She went to close her eyes, allowing sleep to completely take her over, when a loud buzzing from the nightstand sounded.

 _‘Ignore it.’_ she thought, resting her cheek against the crown of Cosima’s head. The buzzing sounded again, making the blonde woman’s eyes jolt open. Carefully, she reached across Cosima’s sleeping body and to the nightstand, grabbing the small phone.

**‘2 new messages from Shay.’**

**“** Shay?” Delphine whispered, eyes flicking between the blindingly bright screen and Cosima.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

 

 

If Delphine was able to have gotten at least three hours of sleep last night, that would have been impressive. Instead, she yawns, continuing to watch the sound body against her in its sound state. Cosima stirs, the quietest of whimpers scratching at her throat. Delphine pulls her in closer, nudging the tiny woman’s face up from her shoulder with her nose until their faces are practically touching. Lightly, she dabbles kisses against the American’s groggy face, pressing her mouth to her cheeks, eyelids, nose, even the corners of her lips.

 

Cosima smiles groggily, eyes not even open yet but alert enough to kiss Delphine tenderly back once her lips settled on her own.

 

“Bonjour.” The blonde mumbled, bringing her hands up from Cosima’s back to cradle her jaw.

 

“Morning.” Cosima hummed, smiling as she did the same with her own hand. Delphine leaned into Cosima’s palm, seeking its warmth in contrast to the cold air around them. “Best alarm clock ever.” She joked.

 

“Brat.” Delphine cautioned lightly, kissing the top of her nose. She moved to get up off the bed, but found tired arms anchoring around her bare waist, pulling her back down. She laughed airily, letting her body fall back into the sheets around Cosima’s. “I need to do work.”

 

“W-what?” Cosima stuttered, pressing her lips soundly against Delphine’s before she had the chance to respond. Delphine relaxed under the gentle pressure, kissing back immediately.

 

“No!” she giggled against Cosima’s ever-growing hungry. “You will not persuade me this time.”

 

“Pfft. I can sure as hell try.” Cosima’s eyes narrowed stealthily, a coy grin spreading on her tired lips.

 

Delphine leaned forward, kissing the smirk right off the woman’s lips. “Cheeky girl.” She teased. Delphine’s eyes caught sight of Cosima’s phone on the night stand, remembering what she had seen last night. Her lips tightened, eyes narrowing as she tried to repress the jealous urge. Wordlessly, she leaned over Cosima, grabbing the phone and handing it to her. “Somebody text you last night. I heard it vibrate.”

 

Cosima cocked an eyebrow at her, confused in her sudden change of tone- but didn’t dwell on it. She shrugged, taking it from her.

 

“Did you see who it was?”

“I- _non._ I was too tired to check for you.” Delphine saw her window of opportunity to leave the bed and took it, her nearly-bare body quickly erupting into goosebumps from the cold air.

 

“Cold?” Cosima giggled, making Delphine crane her neck around to stick her tongue out. She quickly pulled on clothes that she’d left in the apartment from previous days, walking to the living room and plopping down on the small couch.

 

“Dating.” The brunette scoffed under her breath, rolling her eyes. Cosima didn’t _date people._ She hooked up, sure. But she didn’t date people. But oh…. How she wanted Delphine all to herself. The thought of other people holding her hand, taking her to dinner, even waking up next to her sent shivers down her spine. She had to get it out of her mind.

 

Finally deciding to look at her phone, Cosima’s eyes went wide. “Shay?” she said, a little too loud.

 

“Hmm?” Delphine called, even though she heard her just fine. The blonde woman was grateful that Cosima couldn’t see her face, as it was reddening by the minute thinking about this Shay character.

 

“N-nothing!” Cosima called, unlocking her phone to read the messages.

 

**S- Busy?**

**S-Come over xoxo**

**S- Cosima pls?!**

**S- Ugh wtf Cos. Booty calls r not a 1way street. I answer u, u shud answer me.**

**S- Whatever.**

She gulped, reading them over and over again. Cosima did kind of feel bad… in a strange sort of way. Shay was right, whenever Cosima wanted to textor callcalled or texted her, she was there in a heartbeat. But Cosima had ignored two of Shay’s notions already, and it was a pretty bitch move to make. Her eyes flicked upwards towards Delphine. She _had_ made it very clear to Cosima that they weren’t going out, and that they were free to talk and see other people.

 

Cosima cursed her predisposition for being impulsive as her fingers typed across the keyboard.

 

**C- Heyy sorry about everything. Srsly.**

**C-Call me later. I’ll answer.**

The pang of guilt didn’t go unsurpassed by Cosima, but she swallowed it. Knowing she had no reason to feel guilty with Delphine. She wasn’t doing anything wrong.

 

Yet the blonde woman in her living area was completely enrapturing. Cosima wasn’t in bed for much longer, quickly dressing into something warm and plopping down on the couch as well.

 

“Hey.” She said quietly, a silly grin on her face as she tucked herself into the farthest corner of the couch from Delphine. The Frenchwoman shot her a teasing sideways glance before continuing her work with a hum.

 

“You’re not going to disturb me this time.” Delphine warned, but the smile pressed into the corners of her mouth did not go unnoticed.

 

“Wasn’t planning on it!” she defended, reaching forward to grab her own laptop. “I’m just going to work on some bio stuff.”

 

“Really? What of it?”  Delphine hummed, her fingers never ceasing as they typed across the screen. Cosima looked at her sideways, taking the moment to admire the brilliant woman next to her.

 

“My uhm, my thesis. It’s on the epigenetic influences on clone cells.”

 

“Hm. I did not strike you for somebody interested in modification of gene expression.” Delphine mumbled, still enveloped in her work.

 

“Ah-uh, yeah.” She stumbled, feeling slightly intimidated by Delphine’s surprise knowledge of biology.  The redness in her face was deepening as she felt herself get slightly turned on by the blonde woman’s intelligence. “That’s like, hella interesting- don’t you think?”

 

“Oui. I do. I am… partial to eugenics, actually.”

 

“Wow.” Cosima couldn’t help the stupid grin plastering across her face. “Eugenics. That’s uh… that’s-“

 

“I know.” Delphine said, finally looking up from her computer. “It’s not for everybody, Cosima.” The tiniest hint of a smile turned at the corners of her lips, making Cosima fidget on the couch into a puddle.

 

“You know you’re like… really amazing, right?”

 

The smile grew then, flashing Cosima a set of pearly white teeth. Delphine leaned over, pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek. “Merci, Cosima.” She whispered into her ear, and Cosima swore it was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard. “Come on, let’s finish our work.”

 

Before she had the chance to pull away, Cosima’s phone buzzed against her thigh, making both woman glance down to see “Shay” light up on the screen. Cosima smiled, grabbing the phone and pulling away from Delphine’s close touch to read and reply to the message. Meanwhile, the blonde couldn’t help but glare at the phone, a sharp pang in her chest growing.

 

**S- Busy tonite, Cos?**

“Who’s that?” she asked curtly, clearing her throat as she resumed back to her lesson plans. Cosima’s head shot up, seeing Delphine cold stare at her laptop screen, her lips turned down into an un-amused grimace. ‘ _Is she jealous?!’_ Cosima wondered with a shrug.

 

**C- not sure tbh**

**S- Come. Over.**

“Shay?” Cosima mumbled, licking her lips as she continued to the text. “She’s… a friend.”

 

“A friend?” Delphine gulped, fingers tapping the keys so abruptly she was sure to dislodge one at some point. From the corner of her eye, she could see Cosima shift on the couch, a smile that she didn’t cause spread across the American’s face.

 

“I wouldn’t really say friend…”

 

Cosima saw no point in lying. She had nothing to hide from Delphine, and to be quite honest, the small rings of jealousy in Delphine’s face didn’t go unnoticed to Cosima. She had to admit, she liked the attention- and she was in free range to text whomever she pleased. She knew Shay would give her the attention that Delphine couldn’t.

 

Delphine was practically chewing a hole through her lip at this point, swallowing down her inhibitions loudly. “Surely you must know each other well for her to be contacting you at all hours of the night then, oui?”

 

“Um, yeah. We go way back-”

 

“How far?” Delphine butted in brusquely, shocking both women at her abruptness. Cosima shot her a sideways glance, not sure how to really handle jealous Delphine.

 

“Like… undergrad I think.” Cosima watched Delphine gulp, her lips disappearing into a thin line. She liked this game, fully enjoying how worked up Delphine got at the idea of her talking to somebody else. She had the biggest desire to see how far she could push her.

 

“Was she your… girlfriend?” Delphine managed through clenched teeth, eyes wide and daggering at her screen.  Her blood was at a full boil. How the tiny American next to her managed to give her such bad anxiety, she’d never know.

 

“Nah. More like… hook-up buddies?” Cosima meandered. She was pretty sure Delphine just bit through her bottom lip at the answer. “You know, the usual.”

 

“No, Cosima. I do not know.” Delphine replied hoarsely, her throat swelling shut as the phone buzzed once more.

 

“Okay, whatever.” She pouted. “I don’t want to talk about her anyway. I’d much rather…” Her fingers began to creep their way across the couch, stroking at the side of Delphine’s thigh with the barest of touches.

 

The blonde’s leg stiffened, pulling away immediately, eyes still never leaving her computer screen. “Please don’t ‘whatever’ me.” She bit back, her voice far too low and quiet for Cosima’s comfort. She couldn’t bare Cosima’s touch right now, not until she was able to calm herself down and clear out the jealous green monster ripping through her. Cosima sucked her teeth, rolling her eyes and mumbling an apology as she settled her laptop in across her thighs.

 

She wasn’t sure what exactly had bitten Delphine in the wrong place, but a particular bug named Shay just might have done the trick. “We should finish our work.” She heard the blonde mumble, simply nodding her head in response.

 

Delphine saw no reason for this Shay character and Cosima to still be talking. Cosima didn’t make it seem like they had a friendship, all she had said was ‘hook-up buddies.’ Delphine grimaced, her palms clamming, as she thought of Cosima touching and kissing and caressing somebody the way she did to her. Cosima making somebody scream and moan the same way she had. If this was one of her _fuck buddies_ from undergrad, there was no reason for them to still be talking all these years later. Unless- no. Cosima still couldn’t be seeing her. Sure, they weren’t together each and every single consecutive day, but…

 

Tears began to burn at Delphine’s eyes, trying her best to blink them away without looking obvious. She was far too overwhelmed to pay attention to her work now, her brain too consumed with every sounds and touch from Cosima’s body that she now came to terms to realize weren’t _just_ for her own skin and ears. Cosima probably _was_ with other people during their time together, not that it truly was Delphine’s business, but the pain was still there.

 

The sad puppy look Delphine was sporting jolted Cosima into guilt-mode. She felt terrible now. She didn’t want Delphine to think that she was interested in anybody else. She _wanted_ her. More than anybody or anything. She went to reach out and touch her arm, but decided against it, sighing heavily. “Yeah. Yeah, we should.” Cosima said quietly.

 

Which they did. For almost two hours, the women sat there in complete silence, enveloped in their work on their computers, Cosima occasionally responding to her phone. Cosima’s fingers ached by the time she finished, cracking them after she closed her laptop. She peers towards Delphine, whose practically hunched over by now, typing away lesson plans for the rest of the month.

 

“You know…” Cosima starts, head cocked to the side and shamelessly watching Delphine. “I wouldn’t mind spending my weekends just like this.”

 

“Yeah?” Delphine blurted, not paying the woman the attention that she wanted. ‘ _Apparently that Shay person thinks the same…’_ she thought hastily to herself.

 

Cosima scowled, clearly un-amused by Delphine’s lack of attention. She scooted closer, pressing soft kisses around Delphine’s shoulder, her hand resting on the woman’s knee behind the laptop.

 

“Cosima…” Delphine warned, licking her lips as she tried to remain as composed as possible. How could she be mad now, with the undivided attention that Cosima was giving her. The brunette just continued, kissing up Delphine’s shoulder to her neck, peppering the ivory flesh with feather-light brushes. Delphine’s eyes fluttered closed, licking her lips under the craven sensation. “You are such a brat.” She mumbled, trying her best to continue.

 

“Mhmm.” Cosima hummed against her jaw. She slowly slid her hand from Delphine’s knee to her thigh, grabbing the laptop where it rested on her lap and slowly pulling it away. Delphine made no protest, much to Cosima’s glee, as she went and swung her leg over, straddling the blonde woman. “No more teacher stuff.”

 

“Cosima…” Delphine started, immediately being silenced by Cosima’s mouth latching onto her neck. “ _Merde.”_

_“_ Teach me.” Cosima mumbled, her expert mouth biting and soothing the red marks across her neck, smirking as she felt the vibrations of Delphine’s scoffing. “I want to know what you say when you _moan_ in French.”

 

Delphine’s body shook at Cosima’s blunt words, her hips grinding upwards towards Cosima’s, desperate for friction as a blazing heat began to pool. She dropped her head back onto the couch., Cosima’s following, never leaving her neck.

 

“Teach me.” Cosima husked, moving her face around to tease Delphine with the lightest kiss. Their lips were barely brushing, Delphine’s own quivering with desire. Cosima couldn’t help but smile, realizing how submissive Delphine became with her. “ _Ms. Cormier.”_ She growled against her ear. “ _Tell me in French what you want.”_

“Vous.” Delphine panted, feeling Cosima groan quietly against her skin, her own hips grinding downward. “Je te veux-”

 

Delphine’s words were abruptly cut off by a loud buzzing on the couch. They both glanced down towards Cosima’s phone, the blonde’s eyes blackening with rage as “Shay” popped up onto the screen. Cosima swore she heard a growl rumble deep from Delphine’s throat, not having too much time to process it before heavy hands were gripping her face, crashing their lips together forcefully.

 

This kiss was different by far. There was no hesitation, no learning. It was as if the two women knew exactly how the other worked. Their lips moved over one another’s perfectly in sync, Delphine’s tongue protruding past Cosima’s willing lips, the brunette doing the same.

 

Her hands dipped under the hem of Delphine’s shirt, sliding upwards to scrape across her toned stomach before hiking higher to the swell of her breasts. She cupped them both in her hands, kneading them as she rolled hardening nipples between her fingers. Delphine whimpered into Cosima’s mouth, arching her back upwards into Cosima’s hands. Meanwhile, her own were reaching behind Cosima, grabbing the bottom of the American’s shirt and pulling it up over her head, tossing it to the floor.  

 

Cosima’s hands were so skilled, so well practiced, that all Delphine’s mind was now consumed of was how many times this _Shay_ woman was under identical ministrations. How well did she know the parts of Cosima’s body that she was only now discovering? How much more does she provide Cosima with that she herself could probably never. Denied jealousy was penting in her chest, leading to her biting down rather fiercely into the apex of Cosima’s neck and shoulder,

 

“Mmph. Delphine.” Cosima groaned, snapping her out of.

 

Before she could even realize what was happening, Cosima was sliding herself off of Delphine, pulling at her pants and kicking them off her ankles. Delphine began her own quickly, Cosima helping to speed the process up by given them a proper yanking.

 

In no time she resumed her position, Delphine’s hands locked around her waist, blunt nail digging into Cosima’s ass, pulling her down and as close as possible. She could feel her heat on her thighs, the bare dampness coating her hot skin. Delphine mumbled something completely incoherent in French, gulping hard at the taste of Cosima’s lips lingering on her own. Their bare skin set a blazing trail against one another as Cosima rocked herself against Delphine, arms anchored around Delphine’s neck.

 

She wanted more though, _needed it._ She needed to feel Delphine, to be overwhelmed with her. Meanwhile Delphine wanted nothing more than to ravage her entire being. She feigned to rocket Cosima off to a place far away from Shay, far away from anybody but herself.

 

With a strike of bravery and lust, Delphine gripped Cosima’s hip with one hand, her other slipping between their body’s to cup Cosima’s pulsing core. Arousal immediately coated her hands, the brunette was nearly drenched.

 

“ _Shit.”_ Cosima hissed, gyrating her hips downwards onto Delphine’s tentative fingers. “Delphine.” She groaned, feeling the blonde woman’s nimble digits stroke her slick folds slowly, the tips of her fingers brushing against her clit. “Please.”

 

Her hands stilled then, unsure of what to go. Delphine was well aware of the female anatomy, but this was different. This was Cosima, this was a woman who she wanted to give nothing less than exemplary to.

 

“Cosima. I-“ she stuttered, eyes wide in fear. The brunette glanced down at her, shaking her head quickly and grasping Delphine’s wrist.

 

“You’re fine.” She assured through labored breaths, her hips involuntarily bucking downwards, desperate for the return of Delphine’s touch. “Just, please. I need you.”

 

On the couch, her phone buzzed, a silly ringtone sounding from it. Cosima groaned, a mix of pleasure and annoyance entwined with it. “Ignore it!” she whined. “They’ll leave a voicemail if it’s important- Delphine, _please._ ”

 

Delphine didn’t need much encouragement, pushing two of her fingers up into Cosima’s warm, tight channel. The brunette gasped, groaning loudly as she began to move her hips in a steady rhythm. Her trembling bottom lip was tucked tightly between her teeth, biting down hard as she felt Delphine’s lips began to bite and suck on her chest, her quick-learning fingers curling and pulling with every steady pump into her, doing her best to remember everything Cosima’s shown her in the nights before.

 

Her hand began to ache, not used to this position, but the exasperated look on Cosima’s face was all the coaxing she needed. Delphine dipped her head down, taking one of Cosima’s breasts into her mouth and sucking lightly. The brunette hissed arching her chest further into the enticing teeth, her hands tangling into blonde curls.

 

Delphine felt Cosima’s slick walls begin to contract around her fingers, a sensation she’s grown adept to loving, the woman’s hips beginning to move and grind erratically. She lifted her mouth from Cosima’s breast, kissing her way up her neck to the underside of her jaw, feeling Cosima’s erratic breathing quicken.

 

“Don’t…stop…” she managed, her eyes squeezed tight as she buried her face in the crook of Delphine’s neck, panting and bucking her hips wildly. The blonde woman sped her hand up _more_ , her own hips grinding upwards to create more friction. ” _Fuck.”_

 She watched Cosima’s stomach muscles flex and contract, her body convulsing through tremors of the orgasm ripping through her nerves. Delphine’s mouth was slack against the side of Cosima’s face, overwhelmed with the sensation of the brunette on her lap pulsing around fingers buried knuckle-deep inside of her.

 

Cosima’s phone began to ring _again_ , the caller clearly adamant on getting ahold of an unwilling Cosima. At this point, neither women had enough willpower to focus their minds on the ringtone, barely hearing it through their clouded minds. It would have to wait.

 

She wasn’t too sure what was happening at this point; fuzzy stars had begun to cloud her vision and suddenly she wasn’t even in her own body. Echoes of a moans and yells deafened her hearing, but Cosima was sure they were coming from her own self, Delphine’s name strung out on every one. Her merciless fingers never slowing their pace, warm arousal quickly coated Delphine’s hand and lap, the small body slumping over onto the blonde woman beneath her.

 

As gently as she could, Delphine began to spread soft, slow kisses across Cosima’s face and neck, trying her best to pull her back to reality. Her body was so _soft_ , slick against Delphine’s own warm skin.

 

“Ma cherie.” Delphine husked when her lips reached the shell of Cosima’s ear. She felt the brunette shiver against her, knowing how much those words made an effect on her.

 

“That was…wow.” Cosima breathed, finally lifting her head enough to press their lips together. Delphine smiled against the panting mouth, taking the moment to carefully pull her fingers out of Cosima. The brunette shifted on her lap, now suddenly empty. “You’re…wow.”

 

“A fast learner.” Delphine mumbled, kissing her again.

 

Cosima nodded, staring at Delphine under heavy lidded eyes. “Yeah.” She laughed. “I should’ve known better. Sorry it was so fast, I didn’t think I was that easy.” She said as she winked.

 

“Being a… teacher has its perks, Cosima.” The blonde smiled, half-hazardly wiping her fingers on her leg before wrapping her arms around Cosima’s waist. “So does being a scientist.”

 

“What? Was I a theory of yours?” Cosima joked, brushing their noses together.

 

Delphine hummed, quickly pecking Cosima’s lips. “Just applying methods to test an experiment.”

 

“Mm. Okay. Results? Conclusion?”

 

“You tell me.”

 

Cosima smiled wide, exploiting her full set of teeth with a hint of her tongue poking out between them. She couldn’t help but smile when Delphine was looking at her like _that._ The light in her hazel eyes brightening up her whole face, her curls a crazy, perfect mess atop her head, her fingers drawing circles on her lower back. The untouched moment perfect between them.

 

“Well, I’d say that-“

 

An aggressive knock on the front door sounded, silencing Cosima with a scowl.

 

“Ignore it.” She mumbled. “I was saying that-“

 

- _KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK-_

 

“Holy watershed….” Cosima grumbled, her face growing redder by the moment. Delphine couldn’t help but giggle, kissing her nose.

 

“Go. Answer it.” Delphine smiled, slowly pushing the tiny American off her lap, handing off her t-shirt from the floor.

 

“But-“

 

“The faster you see who it is, the faster they leave.”

 

It was all Cosima needed, grabbing Delphine’s shirt and throwing it on. She laughed immediately, the shirt clearly being too big for her body, coming down almost mid-thigh. She shook the thought from her mind, pulling on her underwear that were pooled on the floor by the couch.

 

“Hold on!” she shouted after another series of knocks, rolling her eyes. Cosima looked back at Delphine, clad in absolutely nothing while staring back at her with hungry eyes.

 

“Don’t be long.” She warned, making Cosima gulp as she went to the door.

 

She wanted nothing more in this moment than to pounce onto the couch and completely devour the French woman splayed across it. The thought alone made her head spin, a stupid grin on her face as she waltzed towards her door, flipping a series of locks and swinging it open enough to fit her body comfortably.

 

“Cosima.”

 

The brunette’s eyes were wide, mouth dropping open to a stutter.

 

“Holy shit.”


	19. Chapter 19

“Holy shit?! Is that all you have to say?”

 

“I-uhm. I-“ Cosima was frozen, the cold glare staring reducing her to a pathetic stutter.

 

“And what the _hell_ are you wearing?!”

 

“I can like, totally explain everything.” Cosima finally said, her hands finding their rhythm in the air once more, slicing it sharply. Sarah’s eyes narrowed, folding her arms across her chest.

 

“I called you. _Twice._ You let it go to voicemail. _Twice._ Christ, Cosima. This so isn’t like you.”

 

She nodded her head slowly, licking her lips to try and form some sort of easy explanation. She opened her mouth to start some sort of feeble reason, but was quickly cut off by Sarah shoving a small frilly, pink duffle bag into her chest.

 

“ _If_ you had answered your phone, this would have been so bloody easy. You owe me an explanation later, Cos.”

 

“Wuh- what’s this?”

 

“ _Auntie Cosima!”_ a small voice erupted, growing louder as the tiny five year old bounced down the hallway and to her mother’s side. “I’ve missed you!”

 

Cosima’s eyes went wide, gulping loudly and going through every curse word she knew in her mind. ‘ _Shit shit shit’_.

 

“Sarah, I- I can’t.”

 

She was silenced quickly by Sarah’s pointed finger jabbing her in the chest. “Too late. Cal and I have to go to God-knows-where for his job. Allison is going to swing by with Felix to pick her up in hopefully less than an hour. Just keep her busy, yeah?”

 

Kira squeezed her way between Cosima’s legs and into the apartment before she could stop her, her heart racing in sheer panic of the moment.

 

 _Shit shit shit!_ Nothing could possibly make this more worse.

 

Sarah was already turning her back to leave when they both heard Kira squeal.

 

“Ms. Cormier!”

 

A loud gasp and a thump on the ground made Sarah whip back around, her hand balled into a fist and her face turning a dangerous red as she shot daggers in Cosima’s direction. Delphine was on the floor, startled by her student bursting into the room. A throw blanket from wrapped around her body as she hauled herself up and into the bathroom, one hand holding the blanket and the other clasped across her mouth.

 

 “Oh for the- I swear to _bloody Christ.”_ She hissed, knowing she had absolutely no time to stick around. “Fix this. Now.” She glared, stomping back down the hallway and hauling down the stairs.

 

Cosima closed the door quickly, turning around to find Kira in the middle of the room, stripping of her many layers of winter clothes into a wet pile in the middle of her carpet.

 

“Is Ms. Cormier staying, too?” she giggled, bringing her tiny hands up to cover her mouth.

 

Cosima took a deep breath, dropping the duffle bag to the floor and pinching the bridge of her nose. She walked over to Kira, scooping her up in her arms and sitting her coffee table in front of the couch.

 

“Uhm. Monkey. I…”

 

“I think Ms Cormier is sad. She ran into the bathroom.” Kira said quietly, bringing her hands up to either side of her aunt’s face and squishing her cheeks together.

 

“I should check up on her then, yeah?”

 

Kira nodded, letting Cosima get up to find Delphine. She grabbed her pajama bottoms from the floor in the process, breaking into a jog towards her bathroom as she meandered them on. She whipped the door open, closing and locking it quickly behind her.

 

Delphine was there, already dressed in clothes she’d left from nights before, sitting on the lip of the bathtub with her head in her hands. The sniffles sounding from her made Cosima realize she was probably crying.

 

She picked her head up after hearing the click of the clock, revealing to Cosima a very red, very distressed face. Cosima’s matched hers, of course, embarrassment running through their cheeks.

 

“I had no clue she was coming here.” She finally said, breaking the loud silence, pulling on her pajama bottoms.

 

“What are we going to do?” Delphine asked quietly, swiping away the tears welling up in her eyes. “I am her teacher, Cosima. This can greatly effect Kira’s classroom environment. The fact that she saw me nearly… _indisposed,_ just now? That is not good!” she cried quietly. “I have never been more embarrassed. ”

 

Cosima sighed heavily, shrugging her shoulders. She heard the quiet hum of the television set sounding in the living room, knowing Kira must be settled watching her cartoons. “I know, I’m sorry. Really.”

 

Delphine pursed her lips together, running her fingers through her tangled hair before pulling it back into a messy ponytail. “I could lose my job...”

 

“You’re not going to lose your job, Delphine-”

 

“Oh my God I could actually lose my job.” She laughed, palm open across her chest as overwhelming chuckles pressed passed her lips. “The amount of lines I’ve crossed… merde.” She paced the room now, head thrown back and eyes screwed shut.

 

Cosima watched her silently, the anxiety practically radiating off of the blonde. She pressed her lips together tightly, willing herself to not cry as well. They couldn’t stay in there forever, not with a 5 year old still outside in the living room.

 

“Delphine.” She reached a tentative hand out, grabbing the woman’s elbow to still her frantic walking. Delphine paused, catching Cosima’s eyes and allowing the brunette to lead her backwards to lean against the wall.

 

“Merci.” She whispered, her own arms moving to wrap around her body tightly. “W…what do we do?”

 

“I dunno. Felix and Allison will hopefully be here soon to pick her up. You know how to speak ‘Kindergartener’, how do we handle this?”

 

It was Delphine’s turn to shrug now, pushing herself up off the wall and moving to the sink to splash some cold water onto her face. It wasn’t like they could tell Kira that they were girlfriends, because they _weren’t_. But they were definitely more than friends… maybe?

 

Delphine shook her head, the thoughts becoming far more overwhelming than what could be handled. She couldn’t even decipher her relationship with Cosima, how could she expect herself to explain it to a five year old?

 

Cosima sensed the tension resting on Delphine’s shoulders, bravely taking a step forward to press her body flush against Delphine’s back. She snaked her arms around her waist, gently kissing the woman’s shoulder blades.

 

“You’re okay.” She cooed quietly, soothing Delphine with every gentle kiss until she believed it. Cosima rested her cheek in the middle of Delphine’s back, pulling her closer.

 

Delphine wanted to believe it, wanted so hard to think that this all had a quick fix, but it was getting dangerous now. She was tip-toeing on boundaries with her students that she never imagined before. If she knew Kira like she thinks she does, she knows that pointed questions will arise quickly and _blatantly._ Some of which she wouldn’t even know how to answer.  

 

Delphine softly shrugged Cosima off of her, spinning around in her arms to face the shorter woman. Cosima smiled up at her comfortingly, the cheeky grin that Delphine was falling for more and more every moment.

 

“You okay?” she asked quietly, pushing up onto her toes to reach the blonde woman. Delphine nodded, exhaling loudly. “Want to brave going outside with me?”

 

Delphine didn’t respond, instead lacing her fingers with Cosima and pulling her away from the sink. She trailed behind the taller woman, squeezing her hand assuringly.

 

“Oh- _merde!”_ Delphine gasped, her free hand clutching her chest just after she had opened the door. Kira stood squarely in the doorway, the TV remote clasped in both of her hands as she looked up at both women, a broad smile on her face.

 

“Want to watch cartoons with me?” she asked brightly, making Cosima snicker and inconspicuously rub Delphine’s back.

 

“I think you gave Del- _err_ Ms. Cormier a shock there, Monkey.” Cosima laughed, letting go of Delphine to pick her niece up and shimmy past her into the hall. Delphine stood there, amazed at how Cosima was able to go about the day as if nothing had happened.

 

“What are we watching?” she finally asked, walking into the living room space where Kira was balled into Cosima’s lap on the end of the couch. She made careful note to sit on the farthest end of the couch from the pair, hugging her knees to her chest. Cosima shot her a sideways glance, rolling her eyes at the nervous wreck across from her.

 

“The Magic School Bus!” Kira chimed in, squirming in Cosima’s lap to get comfortable.

 

“I don’t think I know it.” Delphine said quietly, her lips turning into a smile as she watched the cartoon.

 

“No? It’s great.” Cosima smiled, resting her chin atop Kira’s head. “It’s about this elementary school teacher, who’s also like a hella awesome scientist. She teaches her kids all different science concepts on…. _The Magic School Bus!”_

 

Delphine laughed aloud this time as Kira joined her aunt in chanting the title of the show. “Sounds interesting.”

 

“Sounds familiar, if you ask me…” Cosima mumbled, cocking an eyebrow up in Delphine’s way. It still amazed her how nonchalant Delphine was about her academic and career history; her intelligence wasn’t one to be challenged- but Cosima always loved to. Delphine glared playfully at the brunette across from her, mouthing the word “brat”.

 

The show cut to a commercial, followed by a long sigh from the tiny five year old. Cosima grabbed the opportunity to just lay all the cards on the table.

 

“Hey, Kira?” The tiny head shifted upwards towards her aunt, and Delphine’s heart froze. Cosima was unpredictable, there was no telling what was going to come out of her mouth. “Are you okay with Ms. Cormier being here?”

 

“Of course!” she cried gleefully, turning to smile at her teacher.

 

“Were you… surprised when you saw her?”

 

Delphine gulped, unprepared for the answer and fighting back the urge to grab Cosima’s limp hand on the couch between them. Kira shrugged, her face screwed up in thought.

 

“A little. Were you napping on the couch, Ms. C?”

 

Her eyes were wide, flicking between Kira and Cosima- who had the cheekiest grin on her face out of her niece’s view. The brunette was nodding her head vigorously, convincing Delphine to do the same.

 

“I, uhm. _Yes.”_ She stumbled, earning a sigh of relief from her counterpart.

 

“Daddy says I move a lot when I sleep, too. He squishes me in between pillows so I don’t roll of the bed. Did you roll off the couch?”

 

“Dieu.” She muttered under her breath, shaking her head.

 

She admired her student’s oblivion to the situation, clearly grateful. If only Kira had realized that Delphine was so surprised seeing Kira burst through the door that she fell off the couch trying to make a break for it. She had been bracing herself to see the infamous _Shay_ in the doorway, not Sarah. At this point, Delphine isn’t entirely sure whom she’d have preferred.

 

“I dunno, Monkey. I think Ms. Cormier has ‘guilty’ written all over her face. Think she’s a roller like you!” Cosima chimed in again, both her and her niece laughing boisterously.

 

“Yeah and you had my blanket!” Kira laughed, a broad smile stretching once more across her rosy cheeks.

 

“She means that that’s the blanket she usually snuggles up into when she stays here!” Cosima explained. Delphine was sure she was as red as an apple by now, having covered her bare, post-sex body in her five year old student’s blanket. The thought itself made her nauseous, pinching the bridge of her nose.

 

“Ms. Cormier?”

 

“Oui, Kiri?”

 

The tiny child wiggled out of her aunt’s arms, crawling across the couch and conforming herself to fit snuggly between both women. She stared up at her teacher, eyes wide wit wonder and amusement.

 

“Why are you here?”

 

Delphine gulped loudly, looking up to Cosima whose mouth was moving with no words. “I uhm. I was just visiting.”

 

“Oh.” She said, realization bright in her eyes. “Like when auntie Cosima comes to visit you at school?”

 

“Exactly, monkey.” Cosima agreed, a wave of relief washing over both women.

 

“But you’re in your pajamas…” she noted, making both women shoot each other a concerned glance. “Sleepover?”

 

“Kind of.” Cosima sneered. Delphine glared at her, fighting back the urge to smack her arm.

 

Kira, eyes narrow in thought, hoisted herself up on the couch, her bright pink socks a strong contrast against the dark pattern couch. She leaned into her teacher, cupping her tiny hands around her mouth and Delphine’s ear.

 

“I think auntie Cosima likes you.” She whispered, stifling a giggle. Delphine couldn’t help but smile suit. The child was _always_ giggling, and it was so contagious.

 

Kira hadn’t mastered the art of secrecy just yet, her whispers loud enough for her aunt to clearly hear. Delphine peaked over at Cosima, smiling proudly to herself.

 

“Oh, Kira.” Delphine cooed quietly, bringing a finger to her lips, Kira mimicking her. “We must not let Cosima know our secret. D’accord?”

 

“Yeah.” she whispered back. “But I think she wants you to be her girlfriend?”

 

Both Delphine and Cosima’s faces dropped, catching each other’s eye then quickly turning away. Delphine was well aware of how Cosima felt, and was immensely gracious for her patience, but they both knew that she was in no position to be in a relationship… despite the fact that the mere idea of anybody else’s hands on Cosima made her blood boil. But they were adults, _friends_ even. Definitely not a relationship.

 

“Kira… I….” she was at a loss for words, the wide-eyed child staring at her making her lose her train of thought. “Do you know what it means to have a girlfriend?”

 

“Mm. Yes.” She pondered, scrunching up her face in the most adorable action. “Or… no.” 

 

“Hey, I’m still here!” Cosima piped up, not enjoying being discluded from the conversation. She reached over, pulling her niece into her arms and smothering her face in kisses. It worked of course, distracting her from asking any more questions. Delphine exhaled a sigh of relief, dropping her face into the palms of her hands. “How about some food, yeah? Why don’t you play while I get something going?”

 

She nodded happily, sliding herself off of her aunt’s lap and onto the hardwood floor. She stopped when reaching her teacher, pausing for a moment before grabbing her hand and pulling her off the couch.

 

“Em, Kira-“

 

“Come play, Ms. Cormier! I want to play scientist again!”

 

“Kira I don’t think…”

 

Cosima pleading face was all the encouragement Delphine needed. She simply couldn’t say no to that face. With a sigh, they padded over to her duffle bag, sitting cross-legged across from each other and pulling out various toys.

 

Cosima watched them, smiling to herself at how perfect the moment was in her eyes. She knew that Delphine’s mind must be running amuck, breaking every boundary that she ever set up for herself and students, but Cosima was grateful that the one route she never thought of was to leave.

 

Which was true of course, Delphine couldn’t leave Cosima if she wanted to.

 

“We want waffles!” Kira rejoiced, fidgeting with a pair of toy goggles that Cal had proudly bought for her, much to Sarah’s dismay.

 

“We do?” Delphine laughed, shaking her head and beginning to build some sort of fixture with the toy blocks.

 

“Mhmm! Auntie Cosima makes the best waffles.”

 

Delphine turned towards the brunette, smirking at her as she watched her pull out a box of waffles from the freezer, popping them into a toaster. “I’m sure.” Delphine sniped teasingly.

 

“So I can’t make like, homemade waffles. I still have other, _amazing_ skills.” She defended jokingly, hands waving articulately through the air as she waited for her toaster to pop breakfast.

 

“I’m sure you have many, Cosima.” Delphine chuckled, eyeing her sideways. Her sight drifted to the curve of Cosima’s back as she braced herself against the counter, the bare skin of her hip peaking out between her shirt and pants, making Delphine want nothing more than to just reach out and-

 

“You would know…” she teased back, a toothy grin on her face. She knew exactly what Delphine was looking at, shamelessly stretching her arms above her head to expose more of her hip.

 

Delphine went to protest, but the sound of waffles popping out of the toaster distracted her. Kira clapped gleefully, jumping up and wobbling over to Cosima’s small table, hoisting herself into the chair.

 

“Alright monkey. Eat up, yeah?” Cosima set a plate of two waffles in front of her, cut up into pieces that Kira was easily able to pinch between her fingers. She chomped happily, oblivious to Cosima slinking away behind her to find Delphine leaned up against the counter of her kitchen area.

 

“You are such a brat.” She hissed at the shorter woman, crossing her arms across her chest. Cosima just smiled, squirming her legs between Delphine’s. The blonde’s eyes were wide, trying her best to ignore the pressure of Cosima’s hips against her own. “Stop it!” she whispered again, feeling Cosima brace her hands on either side of her body on the counter behind her.

 

“Shh. Be quiet.” She pressed herself onto her toes, whispering against Delphine’s lips, never giving her the satisfaction of a kiss. “You’re so amazing with kids. With Kira.”

 

“I’m a teacher, Cosima.” Delphine laughed quietly, trying to maintain composure as her throat was swelling by the minute. “It comes with the profession.”

 

“Know what else comes?”

 

“ _Cosima!”_ she was cut off with the gentle tugging of her bottom lip between the brunette’s teeth, melting into her touch immediately. She felt Cosima smile, perfectly happy with herself to a boastful extent. She kissed her again, lingering this time, familiarizing herself with the taste of Delphine’s lips.

 

A whispered moan escaped Delphine’s lips, dipping her head forward to kiss Cosima back, her hands locking snuggling around her waist. The brunette couldn’t help but giggle quietly, pure bliss running through her in that moment as she dangerously traced her tongue along the crease between Delphine’s lips.

 

“Cosima, we’ve told you about not locking your door- _shite!_ ” a awe-struck voice sounded door, slapping both women to reality. Cosima pulled her face away far too quickly for Delphine’s liking, both women whipping their reddened faces around to see none other than Felix at the door. He was clad in nothing less than a chic winter ensemble, one hand on his hip and the other on the door knob. Beside him was Alison, eyes narrow at pointed directly at Cosima, fingers tucked tightly under her chin in irritation.

 

“How appropriate!” Alison sneered, clearing her throat. Cosima rolled her eyes, sucking her teeth as she pulled her body away from Delphine’s, leaving the blonde woman feeling suddenly exposed to ridicule from Cosima’s family.

 

“Ringing in the New Year well, I see?” Felix smiled, walking his way over towards Delphine while Alison cornered Cosima across the room.

 

“I em, I suppose, oui.” Delphine mumbled, unable to read the gentlemen’s personality just yet. Having prepared herself for another snarky remark, she was caught off guard completely as she was pulled into a hug.

 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad Cosima finally found somebody who makes her happy. So… thanks.” He whispered into her ear, hugging her tightly.

 

Delphine pulled away, keeping him at arms length but still offering a nervous smile. “Felix, I do not want you to get the wrong idea. Cosima and I… we aren’t official or exclusive or anything like that.”

 

“Really?” he asked, an unimpressed look on his face that made Delphine want to hit the floor. “Figures. Cosima can’t stay tied down to anybody. Though I must say, I’m glad to have seen you against that counter instead of the other blonde-“

 

“Shay?”

 

“Yeah, you know Shay? Blimey, is Cosima throwing orgies now?”

 

“Mon Dieu!” Delphine cried, her hands flying to her cheeks. “Non, non, nothing like that! At all! Oh, _merde._ ” Delphine’s stomach tied itself into tight knots at the thought, feeling like she would pass out an any moment. Had Shay been around Kira? Had Cosima shared this exact same moment with her? The thought alone spiked Delphine’s blood pressure to the roof, her fists clamming.

 

“Whoah, alright there, Frenchie. Take a breather.” He laughed at her clearly distressed state. He craned his neck to look at Alison, her back to him as she laid into Cosima how inappropriate it was what she was doing. “Just.. just don’t like, lead her on or anything, yeah? Don’t break her heart.” Delphine couldn’t help but notice the sincere worry and love in Felix’s tone this time, reading it loud and clear. She simply nodded her head, to overwhelmed to find words. “Good. Noooow where’s my monkey?!”

 

“Right here!” Kira beamed, jumping from her seat, the last of her waffle still tucked into her palm as she took a flying jump into Felix’s arms. “Uncle Felix!”

 

Felix hugged his niece tightly, smothering her in the same kissing fashion as Cosima always did, the tiny student turning a bright red from laughing. “I’ve missed you, monkey! Have a good New Year-“

 

“Auntie Cosima and Ms. Cormier were kissing again!” she sounded, silencing the whole room with the exception of Cosima, muttering a slew of curses under her breath and earning a slap on the arm from Alison.

 

“Yeah! I saw them outside at grandma’s on New Years too, Auntie Alison.”

 

“Fiddlesticks…” she breathed, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “Alright Kira, ready to go, honey?”

 

“Is kissing fun, Uncle Felix?” Kira asked as she was handed off to Alison. He couldn’t stifle the laugh that belted out of him, Alison staring him down in the process.

 

“Ask your mum and dad, monkey.” He jeered.

 

Cosima slinked back towards Delphine, both of them side by side, shoulder to shoulder, leaning back against the counter.

 

“Cosima. We’ll be speaking later.” Alison reminded sharply from the doorway, her lips a thin line of emotion. “And De-Ms. Cormier. Always a pleasure. Say bye, Kira.”

 

“Bye Auntie Cosima! Bye Ms. Cormier! Have fun kissing!” she waved, making both women blush furiously as Felix began to laugh even harder, closing the door behind him.

 

“Well… that was a shit show.” Cosima finally muttered throwing her head backwards.

 

“A what?”

 

“A- forget it. A big mess, basically.” Delphine nodded, chewing down on her bottom lip and blinking back tears. Cosima heard the sniffles coming from her, instinctively pulling Delphine in front of her and into her arms. “Hey, hey. It’s okay.”

 

“It’s not, Cosima. It’s not!” she whimpered, falling into the woman’s embrace. “My five year old student has seen things that she cannot un-see of her _teacher._ Your family probably hates me now-“

 

“They do not hate you!” Cosima chuckled quietly, trying to soothe the mood. She knew she was failing, feeling Delphine’s heart rate not even begin to drop. “And trust me, Kira has probably seen a lot worse here.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Cosima shrugged, toying with her next words. “I just mean that like… you’re obvs not the only person who’s been here before. And Kira is always with me. So I’m just saying that this doesn’t phase her.”

 

Delphine bit back a scoff, fighting off the harsh words she so impulsively wanted to say. “Like Shay?” she said anyway, kicking herself mentally.

 

Cosima’s head shot up at the sound of the woman’s name, the distaste on every letter so profound. “I told you, Shay and I are friends. My family knows her.”

 

“Do they know what you two have done?” ‘ _Or are doing while I’m not here…’_

The brunette rolled her eyes, hands braced on her hips now. “Oh cut the bullshit already, would you? You don’t get to judge me and what I do or did with other women before I met you. You don’t get to judge me _period._ The same way that I respect your insane antics, you need to respect mine!”

 

“I-insane? Is that what you think I am?!” Delphine retorted. “That’s me! Insane! Insane for trying to work through and past my whole life understanding. Insane for contemplating losing all my friends and family for _one_ woman that I still honestly barely know. _Insane_ for risking my job because she’s related to my student! _Insane!”_ Delphine’s chest was heaving at this point, almost doubling over at the strain of her vocal chords.

 

“Please don’t yell at me.” Cosima muttered sharply, her gaze holding as Delphine finally stepped back. “I’m not your students. I’m not a child.”

 

The blonde clicked her teeth, turning her back towards the petite brunette. “I didn’t mean it that way, Cosima. I know you are not.” She mumbled quietly, her arms seeking refuge around her body once more. “I just have a lot at stake right now and I am frustrated that you cannot see that.”

 

“I just think you’re _overthinking_ things is all!” she stepped forward then, invading Delphine’s space without daring to touch her.

 

The blonde laughed angrily, spinning on her heel to face the American. Her stare was cold despite the redness blotching her cheeks and the tears glossing her eyes. It was a face that Cosima had never seen before, one that looked completely shut down and closed off. It scared her.

 

“You’ve never lived my life. You have never had to walk my in my shoes. I have everything to prove and _everything_ to lose… to fail.” Her tone was as sharp as her face, pointed and pained. Cosima gulped nodding her head and stepping away. It was true, she didn’t know Delphine’s life- but only because Delphine didn’t want to share it. She never spoke about her friends, or her family, or pretty much anything that Cosima wasn’t already there for. The secrets were already starting to build right in between the two women.

 

“It’s not like we’re going out or anything,” she noted sadly, blinking back her own frustrated tears. “It’s not like you’re my girlfriend. You have nobody to fail.”

 

The words tasted like copper on her tongue, soaking it in nothing but bad feelings. She knew Delphine needed to hear it though, to be reminded that everything was going to be just fine in the end game.

 

Delphine looked up at her, lips thin and eyes wide with a face that Cosima recognized only from their first encounters together. Absolutely unreadable.


	20. Chapter 20

 

Delphine was _exhausted._ Her weekend didn’t actually go as planned, having learned a lot more about Cosima than she wanted to. She left that day, gathering her things and storming out, Cosima’s last words to her still echoing in the back of her mind. To say that Delphine had went home and cried was quite the understatement.

 

Still, sleeping alone in her own bed was daunting. There were no hands to hold her, no body to conform to her own, no heartbeat to listen to. It had taken hours to finally convince her body to sleep that by the time she did on the second night, her alarm was blaring. With heavy eyes and a heavy heart, Delphine dragged herself up and out the door, ready to start her first day back at school.

 

Now Delphine sat at her desk, head lolled over the back of her chair and her palms neatly pressed to her face. The classroom was silent with the exception of Kira rustling about in the beanbag in the reading corner. The first day of school had dragged on tremendously slow that by the time the clock struck 2, Delphine was practically shoving her students into their parents arms. She was particularly surprised to see Kira being the last one- having assumed that Cosima’s tardy behavior was a thing of the past. She didn’t mind too much, but having left the woman’s house on a sour note, she wasn’t particularly thrilled to see her, none the less wait for her.

 

“Ms. Cormier?”

 

Her head shot forward, eyes blinking back the cobwebs as she scanned the room for her young student. Kira was slowly being swallowed by the too-big beanbag, succumbing to its strength and just allowing it to take her. Delphine curled her lips inward at the sight, suppressing the laugh that was bubbling at her lips.

 

“Yes, Kira?” she asked quietly, pushing herself up off the chair. She strode across the room with a steady gate, one that she hadn’t the slightest clue where it had came from, to pull her student out from the enveloping chair.

 

Kira plopped herself down onto the carpet in the middle of the room, a very large picture book in tow, watching her teacher move back to her desk. “Are you sad today?”

 

Delphine shook her head, lying through her skin. “Non, me petite. Just tired.”

 

Kira twisted her lips, thinking hard about her next question to the point that Delphine felt squirmish under her student’s gaze. “You kissed my auntie Cosima, Ms. Cormier.”

 

The room was silent with the exception of Delphine’s heart beating right out from behind her ribs. The child’s voice was so gentle, so matter-of-fact that Delphine didn’t know what to do except nod.

“Em. Oui.” She breathed finally. Delphine couldn’t fight this anymore, as much as she so desperately desired. If Cosima was going to become a major part of her life, so was her family. She had to accept the fact that her relationship with Kira would be different than one with her other students.  Although, she was counting on whatever she had with Cosima to probably be boiling down to its end.

 

“Oh…okay. Is my Auntie Cosima coming for me?”

 

Delphine nodded her head, forcing a smile. “Of course she is, Kira. “

 

“Okay, Ms. Cormier!” she smiled, a grin scarily identical to Cosima’s. “Guess what?”

 

“What?” Delphine entertained, leaning forward in her chair.

 

“My birthday party is coming up! I’m turning six!”

 

This was of no obvious surprise to Delphine, Cosima had been going on about the party planning for a while now. Still, she feigned surprise, clasping her hands together in joy. “Wow, Kira! Are you excited?”

 

“Mhmm, of course I am! But, is Auntie Cosima here yet?”

 

Delphine sighed, smiling softly at the young child’s anticipation. “Any minute now, okay?”

 

Kira shrugged, done with the conversation, laying belly down on the carpet with the . She opened up the large book and laid it out in front of herself, letting the pictures pull her imagination wild.

 

“Any minute, huh?”

 

Before Delphine had a chance to process the voice, strong hands were already spinning her chair in its direction, scaring the absolute shit out of her.

 

“Merde-“

 

Her hushed curses were cut off immediately, replaced by soft, familiar lips just brushing her own. She felt Cosima brace her hands on either arm wrest, towering over her as she kissed her softly again. Delphine sat there, not pulling away but also not contributing, too tired and too dumbfounded to fully process this. Cosima caught wind of it only seconds later, pulling away just far enough for them to look at each other.

 

Her mind was screaming _No! CHILD-IN-THE-ROOM!_ But Delphine couldn’t resist. She was simply wired to never, ever deny Cosima anything (except her heart, but that’s another story, kids). So Cosima’s lips pressed hard, moving over hers with such practiced skill that left the blonde’s head whirling.

 

“Hi-em, you’re late.” Delphine finally said, her breath just barely a whisper, far too exhausted to refute. Cosima’s chest dropped in relief, glad to not see a smug expression on the blonde’s face.

 

“Hi.” She soothed back, one hand coming up to gently brush her knuckled against Delphine’s check. “Sorry, I just. I really needed to do that.” She smiled, a small smile that Delphine was sure would have been unforeseeable if they weren’t in such close proximity. “I’ve missed you.”

 

Cosima’s tone changed in the last sentence, Delphine _definitely_ noted that. It was fully sincere, not lined with any cheekiness or lightheartedness. It was a raw declaration.

 

She had missed Delphine, terribly. She regretted letting her leave the apartment on a sour note. She regretted not defending Delphine or at least helping her when Alison and Felix had stormed in. She regretted leaving Delphine solo to deal with Kira’s questions and student/teacher line bending.

 

The remnants of their last conversation still rang sorely in her mind. Her final words of ‘ _You have nobody to fail’_ and Delphine storming out the door directly after _still_ felt like salt on wounds. It wasn’t so much the failure aspect of her words, but more so the fact that she really had _nobody_ in her life in general.

 

To have made matters worse, a particular tiny blonde had come barging in not two minutes later, rubbing the salt down directly…

 

Cosima hadn’t had time to register the knock on her door that day, still standing dumbstruck from Delphine slamming it only moments prior. She hadn’t made it two steps forward when Shay opened the door herself, letting herself in. Cosima, pissed and fueled with unsounded anger and guilt, had the holistic pinned to the door in a breath’s time with full intentions of erasing the day from her memory.

 

\--

 

_“So you want to tell me what that was about?” She was answered with silence, the young scientist refusing to make any sort of conversation. “Really? Silent treatment? After fucking me into the next generation? And seriously, your teeth hurt. You know I bruise like a peach.”_

_“Sorry.” Finally came the mumbled reply, barely uttered an octave above a whisper._

_“She’s really pretty, Cos.” She said, craning her head to look at the brunette laying on the bed._

_Shay was propped up on the windowsill, wrapped in Cosima’s purple robe and smoking her usual post-sex blunt out the window. Meanwhile Cosima was still as a board on the mattress, clutching the rumpled sheets around her chest with one hand and the other clasped around her eyes, pushing back tears._

_“Please stop.” She begged quietly, her voice hoarse whilst Shay just scoffed._

_“How was I supposed to know she was still here? Besides, all we did was pass each other in the stairwell as she was leaving here. I don’t even think she looked at me as I went past her up the steps. She had no clue who I was, so relax. ”_

_“It’s just something you should have_ fucking _mentioned before all this happened._ ”

 

_Shay groaned, putting out her light and plopping on the bed, placing a gentle hand on Cosima._

_“You were the one who literally threw yourself onto me the moment I stepped in the door. I forgot you had an aggressive side, babe.”_

_Cosima shot her a deathly look, eyes narrow behind the layer of tears. “Don’t call me babe. I’m not a petname to you.”_

 

_“You’re so fucking whipped, Niehaus.” She said plainly. “And I’m not going to have sex with you if you’re going to keep feeling guilty afterwards. This is the second time, kinda a low blow to the ego. Why do you even feel bad?”_

_With a sigh and a sniffle, Cosima slid herself up until her back was against the headboard, still holding the sheet to her body, trying to sustain whatever dignity she had left. “She… she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. She wants to date, but not me exclusively. Delphine doesn’t want to feel tied down and it’s like she has this big fucking secret in her head. Plus her family and friends sound homophobic as all fuck. She keeps deciding the direction of this…whatever it is, without my voice. And I’m letting her…”_

_“So she’ll hold you and fuck you but she won’t say she loves you? What a catch.” Shay scoffed, earning a light shove in the arm. “Ow! What the fuck? All I’m saying is that sounds like a certain little scientist I once knew before said blonde made her way into your life.” Cosima shrugged, her shoulders sulking._

_Shay wasn’t wrong about that. Cosima was the exact same way until meeting Delphine, running from the concept of a commitment with a furious passion. “You have to admit, you’re the same way. Or at least you were. Little Cosima, the woman who cringed at the utterance of relationship. The woman who could barely remember to call somebody back the next day. The woman who feared being tied down to one individual but still had people throwing themselves at her-“_

_“She’s different.”_

_“I’m sure.” Shay replied sarcastically, leaning forward to place a lingering kiss on Cosima’s shoulder. When Cosima didn’t pull away, Shay continued, trailing her lips on the shaft of Cosima’s neck at a painfully slow pace until getting to her lips. Cosima kissed her back before both of them pulled away chastely._

_That’s how they worked. Friends, communicators, and lovers. But Shay knew that they couldn’t continue like this, she saw the pain in Cosima’s eyes whenever she touched her, knowing that she wished it was Delphine._

_“I should go.” She whispered, pulling herself out of bed. Cosima opened her mouth to protest, but closed it quickly. It was better this way._

_“I’ll call you later?”_

_“No.”_

_Cosima’s head snapped up, seeing Shay pulling her jeans on just in time. “What?”_

_“I said no.” Shay repeated, zippering up her jacket. She walked around the other side of the bed towards Cosima, placing a hand on her shoulder and kissing her sweetly once more. “Figure out your life first, Cos.” She said, turning on her heels and walking towards the door._

_Cosima stood there, her bottom lip trembling and eyes stinging with tears. “Right, so Delphine and I get into a fight and she storms out of here. Not but ten seconds later **you** find you’re walking through the door to do as you please and you’re just going to leave too, then. Kay.” _

_“I’m not leaving. I’m giving you space to let her in.” Shay noted, her hand braced in the doorway. “And just so you know….’Delphine’ is a pretty name, but it’s still not mine.”_

_“Huh?”_

_Shay just rolled her eyes now. “You say her name in your sleep, like a lot. Probably awake too, but I wasn’t really paying attention at that point. Pull your life together, Cos, before she rips it apart.”_

_A small, warm smile, and she was out the door. Leaving Cosima still sitting on her bed, gaze pointed at the ceiling as she desperately tried blinking back her tears._

_\--_

She had no _real_ reason to feel as guilty and dirty as she did; Delphine was not her girlfriend. But Cosima knew, more than anything else, that Delphine completely, entirely, wholesomely had her heart. It was hers. She wanted Delphine’s hands roaming her body again, Delphine’s lips on hers, not Shay’s. The taste of cheap beer and weed,one that she was so accustomed to from previous lovers, was no longer a contest for Delphine’s wine and cigarette flavors. But she had been sad and angry and upset, and Shay was there and knew every single move to make.

 

“I missed you, too.” Delphine smiled finally, leaning forward to press their lips together again. She pulled Cosima out of her guilt-trip daydream, reminding her of exactly what she missed. Delphine couldn’t help herself, Cosima, in the entirety of the word, was a drug that she was completely addicted to. She craved her taste, her feel, her _touch_. “And I would, I would like to apologize.”

 

Cosima gulped, the unwelcome taste of copper licking at her throat. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I was being a bitch.”

 

“But I walked out, not resolving anything.” Delphine said quietly, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth. “So, I am sorry.”

 

“Let’s just like, forget it ever happened. Please.” Cosima shook her head, eyes pinched closed for a moment as she felt Delphine’s hand run the length of her arm. She wanted to throw up, the only thing coming to mind was Shay’s hand performing the exact same ministrations. How could she let herself get carried away like that, using Shay as an outlet for her anger, just to return back to Delphine and have her apologize. The sickening feeling in her stomach only worsened.

 

“Cosima, are you well?” Delphine soothed, coaxing Cosima’s eyes open to look at her.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Fine. Sorry about being late, Felix is here. He’s taking Kira out for the afternoon.”

 

Delphine nodded, the smallest smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Why’s that?”

 

Cosima shrugged, smirking and licking her lips. “I thought we could get coffee or something.”

 

This she could do, deter the woman from any suspicions, let her believe that there was no turmoil in sight. She forced herself to smile, winking and playing on her well-trained charm.

 

“Are you asking me on a date, Cosima?” Delphine asked. The brunette nearly hit the floor, the sound of her own name rolling so gently through Delphine’s accent sent her heart aflutter. Hesitantly, she nodded, worry trembling on her lips. Delphine’s eyes narrowed teasingly, a look on her face that made Cosima feel like hunted prey. “Well I suppose. I _am_ in the dating pool now, oui?”

 

Cosima shook her head, allowing herself to lean forward, kissing the smirk right off her face quickly, trying to give Delphine a reason to not give any other person the time of day.

 

She felt the small woman’s warm hands come up to either side of her cheeks, pulling her forward the slightest bit more, taking her bottom lip between her teeth and tugging.

 

“Cosima, Kira is here.” Delphine whispered, but made no moves to push Cosima away. Quite the contrary, instead moving forward in her seat to deepen the embrace. Two days was too long to be without the feeling of Cosima’s lips on her own, Cosima’s arms around her body as she slept, Cosima’s laughter filling the room. She craved the woman like a _drug._

 

“Auntie Cosima!” a voice shrieked, followed by a loud giggle that made both women jump apart. Cosima pushed herself off from towering over the chair, bumping the back of her knees into a child’s desk. She took the moment and went with it, sitting herself down on the desk just in time for Kira to come barreling into her legs, hugging her tightly. “I thought you forgot about me!”

 

“You? Never, monkey!” Cosima assured, leaning down to press kisses all across her niece’s face. “I was, uh, wondering how long it would take you to notice me! How was your day?”

 

“Great!”

 

“Great!” Cosima laughed, just in time for a quiet knocking to sound from the door. “Man, I’ve missed you.”

 

Kira took Cosima’s face between her tiny palms, brushing their noses together and making Delphine melt as she watched in silence. The small intimate moment between the two of them was always a precious sight, she swore she could see the love radiating clear off of Cosima’s body. When Kira finally pulled back, Cosima was all teeth and tongue as she smiled, pure bliss encompassing her, kissing her niece on the cheek.

 

“No, auntie Cosima, _no!_ ” she yelped, pulling her face away from Cosima, who stared back in confusion. All to quickly, she smushed her open palms across her aunt’s mouth, pressing firmly against pursed lips. “You have to save your kisses for Ms. Cormier!”

 

“Oh, _merde._ ” Delphine choked under her breath, slapping a hand across her eyes.

 

“I, uhm. _What?”_ Cosima stumbled, her mouth agape at the small child.

 

“Is Ms. Cormier your girlfriend?” she asked with a smile, already erupting into giggles. Cosima, obviously lacking words, looked on with pleading eyes to her counterpart.

 

With a gulp and a prayer, Delphine rose from her seat behind her desk, walking around it to sit atop a student’s desk next to Cosima. “No, Kira.” She said as sweetly as she could, channeling her teacher voice that she knew Kira’s trained her learned to pay attention to. “I am not your auntie Cosima’s girlfriend.”

 

“Oh.” She pondered, her eyes lighting up. “Are you her wife?”

 

Cosima couldn’t help herself, letting out a short cackle at the notion. Delphine, pursing her lips into a thin line to suppress her impulsive gasp, simply shook her head, forcing a smile. “No, but she is my very good friend.”

 

Kira crinkled up her nose, not understanding. “I’m confused.” She sighed, rolling her eyes and making both women gasp. “Mommy and daddy kiss, because they love each other and mommy is daddy’s girlfriend. But daddy and uncle Felix are friends, but _they_ don’t kiss each other.” She reasoned aloud.

 

All Delphine could do was nod her head at every point, unsure of where to go from here. Her student was far too smart for her own good, Cosima’s beaming smile only proving the point further. “But you and auntie Cosima are friends _and_ you kiss?”

 

“I- yes.”

 

“So can I kiss my friends?”

 

“ _Noo!”_ Cosima cut in finally, gleeful eyes turning into protective ones. “I mean not right now, Kira.”

 

“Ladies.” Felix announced himself, arms at the ready to catch his niece who was already wiggling out of Cosima’s arms and bounding in his direction. Delphine and Cosima’s exhaled a sigh together, immensely thankful for Felix’s perfect timing.

 

“Uncle Felix!” she cried, wrapping her arms around the gentlemen’s neck.

 

“Ready to go, monkey? I’ve got fun stuff for us planned this afternoon.”

 

“Are auntie Cosima and Ms. C coming with us?” she asked.

 

Felix dipped his head at the two women, a coy smile on his on his lips that turned Cosima a bright red. “Mm, no monkey. I think they have other things to do.”

 

“Like kissing?” she asked quickly, eyes darting between her bemused uncle and teacher, who was in the midst of a coughing fit. Cosima was at her side in an instant, her patting her on the back as she regained control of herself. Felix bubbled into laughter, wiping his eyes of tears.

 

“What do you know of the sorts, Kira?” Felix asked, entertaining the conversation, relishing in the fact that the blonde teacher was too caught off guard to speak.

 

The small child shrugged, leaning her hand on Felix’s shoulder. “They were kissing again when auntie Cosima came to pick me up.” She whispered into his ear, still loud enough for both women to hear her.

 

“That’s enough, Kira.” Cosima warned, her voice dry with embarrassment.

 

“Oi, hot lips. Let the little lady speak.” Felix cut in.

 

Delphine sighed, standing abruptly from her chair, running her hands down to her legs to smooth out her pants. “I think that should be the day, then.” She cut in before her student would speak, shrugging on her winter coat and gathering her various tote bags, slinging them onto her shoulders.

 

Reflexively, Cosima grabbed one or two as well, helping with the haul. Delphine went to stop her, but knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t deny Cosima anything. Delphine took a step forward, Cosima just slightly behind her, as she reached behind her back to grab Cosima’s hand inconspicuously. She accepted it quickly, lacing their fingers together in cognito. Delphine just needed to feel Cosima’s touch, needed to know she was there and that she wasn’t going to pass out alone.

 

“Ms. Cormier?” Kira asked once more as Felix moved them to leave. Her voice, gentle and sweat, finally brought a calming to Delphine. But that didn’t last for long, her voice sounding again. “ _Ms. Cormier!”_

 

Delphine spun around, seeing Kira brace the door frame between her tiny fingers as Felix was trying to pry her off. “ _Qoui?”_

“Will you come to my birthday party?”

 

“What?” both Cosima and Delphine stuttered, earning a slick grin from Felix.

 

“My birthday party. Will you come?”

 

Delphine sighed, walking up close to her student and running a gentle hand across her soft hair. “Thank you so much for inviting me, Kira. But teachers can’t go to their students parties.” She explained as simply as she could.

 

Kira’s face screwed up in confusion, cocking her head to the side. “But you came to New Years!”

 

“I-uhm. Yes, I did, but that was different, Kira-“

 

“How?”

 

“Because I went with Cosima as her…”

 

Delphine was at a loss for words, unsure how to explain this to a five (almost six!) year old. She turned to Cosima, finding her with her head down, a growing redness in her face.

 

“Her what?” Kira asked, only to be responded by silence. “Her girlfriend?”

 

“ _Dieu…”_

_“Jesus…”_

 

Both women muttered under their breath, earning a hot laugh from Felix.

 

“Alright, alright ladies. Out of your misery, you go!” he finally piped in, enjoying the little show playing out in front of him a bit too much. He gave Cosima a fleeting hug and kiss, pointing a fake smile in Delphine’s direction, and pulled Kira through the doorway.

 

“Bye Ms. Cormier, _see you at my birthday party!”_ the small child continued to holler, her voice echoing down the hallway.

 

Delphine clapped her hands to her face, running them down her cheeks and gathering her thoughts as she made quick moves to close and lock her classroom door. Cosima smiled sheepishly at her, trying (and failing) to ease the elephant out of the room. She plops herself down in Delphine’s large chair, dropping the bag to the floor and staring Delphine down through thin eyes.

 

“So… be my date?” she asked quietly, her voice far too monotone for Delphine’s liking.

 

“To coffee or the birthday party?” Delphine asked, hands on her hips as she walked over to Cosima. “And that’s my chair.”

 

“To both… and I know.” Cosima smiled, instinctively opening her arms.

 

Delphine moved dangerously closed to Cosima, leaning forward enough to be a hairs breadth away from her lips. Cosima trembled, practically being able to taste Delphine’s lipgloss. ‘ _Vanilla’_ she thought. ‘ _She knows I love this one’._

“Get out of my chair.” Delphine husked, just feathering her lips against Cosima’s before pulling away, moving herself back up against her desk.

 

Cosima heaved, unable to restrain the whimper coming from her throat. She knew this game, the give and take that they always played. “I will if you agree to get coffee and go to Kira’s party with me.”

 

Delphine clicked her teeth, shaking her head as she braced her hands on the desk, hoisting herself up and spreading her thighs the slightest bit. “I’ll think about going get coffee, but I’m not going to Kira’s party. I can’t.”

 

Cosima rolled her eyes, pushing herself up out of the chair and maneuvering her way between Delphine’s legs in an instant, making the blonde woman gasp. Delphine’s surprise didn’t last long though, loosely wrapping her legs around the petite American and pulling her closer.

 

“What can I do to convince you otherwise?” Cosima asked lowly, her fingers curled through the Delphine’s belt loops, her lips moving against her ear. Delphine shivered, but remained as composed as possible.

 

“ _Nothing.”_ She breathed, her breath nothing but a shudder. She knew this was a mistake, there was no denying Cosima anything. “You’re not helping yourself win this coffee date.”

 

The brunette couldn’t help but laugh, surging forward and capturing the blonde’s lips in her own hungrily. Her tongue made no hesitations as it pushed past her lips, raking the back of Delphine’s teeth as she moved her own with equal force, humming into her mouth. Delphine’s mind was gone, holding onto the last strands of reality that Cosima’s fingers were prying at. She felt her body now molding against Cosima’s frame, falling limper and limper to her touch.

 

Cosima’s nimble fingers were already toying with the button of Delphine’s pants, teasingly her tauntingly with light strokes through the fabric. She so desperately wanted to touch her, to feel her beneath her fingers again, to wipe clear any remnants of the way Shay felt from her memory. Delphine couldn’t help herself as she rolled her hips into the touch, cursing herself for being so easy against Cosima’s will.

 

“Nothing at all?” Cosima whispered against bruised lips. She knew the effect she had on Delphine, working off of it proudly. Delphine felt Cosima’s grin spreading against her own skin, wanting nothing more than to kiss it right off of her. “Because something is telling me…differently.” Her tongue rolled, leaving a wet trail against Delphine’s jaw.

 

Delphine whimpered, but her trained ears caught wind of echoing footsteps in the hallway, reminding her that there were still people in the building. Her colleagues had already been acting distant towards her during the day, she didn’t want to give them another reason.

 

“Cosima.” Delphine whispered. “We can’t. Classroom.”

 

Her mouth moved in silent ‘no’s, but her body responded with such distraught enthusiasm to Cosima’s meticulous touch. The brunette pulled Delphine’s lips into her own again, swallowing her whimpered cries that dripped of nothing less than ecstasy.

 

“Tell me to stop, then.” Cosima cooed, lips attaching to Delphine’s neck and sucking heartily. Delphine was silent, save the loud gulp trailing in her throat. “Poor you.” The brunette smiled, pulling back to press her lips tenderly against the purpling splotches. ‘ _Hope she has concealer…’_

 

“Somebody can come in.” Delphine managed, her hands braced on Cosima’s shoulders, not just yet pushing her away. The thought alone was enthralling. Delphine, the woman who was always so genuinely _good_ , was on a high just thinking of being _bad._

 

“You locked the door. It’s late.” She made no hesitations this time, popping the button open and just dipping her fingers _just_ beneath the waistline of the fabric. The blonde’s body stiffened at the touch, sucking in a sharp breath between her clenched teeth. Cosima couldn’t help but snicker, a coy smile spreading across her lips

 

“Not my fault that it’s late.”

 

“Didn’t say it was.” Cosima laughed quietly, a free hand coming up to caress her knuckles against Delphine’s flushed cheek. The blonde snapped her eyes open at the touch, Cosima’s fingers burning like a thousand suns on her skin.

 

“So will you go on a coffee date with me?” she asked again, pressing hot, open mouth kisses along the blonde’s jawline and up to her ear. As she drawled out the last word, Delphine stiffened, her hands finally pushing back at Cosima the slightest.  

 

“Cosima.” Delphine hissed, bucking her hips forward. The brunette all but smirked, her lips moving wordlessly across Delphine’s pulsing neck. “ _Merde.”_

“Ms. Cormier, that is not suitable language for a kindergarten classroom!” Cosima mocked, nipping lightly again.

 

“Cosima, no. Come on now.”

 

“You know, this can all work in your favor.” Cosima laughed quietly, barely registering Delphine’s words. “Just agree.”

 

Cosima could nearly beg at this point if she wanted to. She _needed_ to feel Delphine again, to be reminded of why she still felt so guilty, to rid herself of the memories of the other woman. She wanted to desperately to forget the small blonde, and was more than willing to have her way with Delphine until she did. The French woman’s body was the only she was desired, the only one she needed.

 

“ _Cosima!”_

 

A swift shove on her shoulders and Cosima was stumbling back two steps, the coy smile from her face gone in an instant as she met Delphine’s fear-filled eyes.

 

“Delphine- _shit._ ” She bumbled, clasping her palm to her forehead. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Delphine stared at her, unmoving. This wasn’t her Cosima. This wasn’t the woman she was possibly falling for. The one who catered to her body like a masterpiece their first time together, the one who listened to her every whisper and yell, who would sit and talk science for hours with her. No, this woman in front of her was an aggressor, somebody who actually instilled fear into her. Somebody who was making her _cry._

 

Cosima gulped, braving herself to step forward but not daring to touch the woman without her blatant permission. ‘ _Good fucking job, dumbass.’_ She thought to herself. ‘ _You go and fuck Shay to forget about how angry you are with Delphine. Then you’re trying to do the same to Delphine to forget about Shay.’_

 

“Why did you do that?” She finally says, her voice quiet and nervous. “You scared me for a moment, Cosima. I thought, I thought-”

 

Cosima cringes, her voice finding it’s ‘teacher-mode’ as she’s dubbed it. “Because I’m an idiot, and I have no excuse. I’m sorry.” She licks her lips, eyes wide as Delphine’s shaky hand reaches out for her pulling her back closer.

 

“Something is wrong.” She says. “Tell me.”

 

Cosima’s head dropped shamefully. Delphine shouldn’t be the one comforting her, the one coaxing her to talk. The guilt only worsens at this point, feeling Delphine’s thumb rub at the back of her hand.

 

“I can’t tell you.” She mumbles, feeling Delphine’s hand clam up in her own.

 

“Forcing yourself upon me, especially when I say no, isn’t helping you.” She said plainly. Cosima swallows, nodding her head. “Come on, let’s go.”

 

“W-where?” she stutters, backing away to allow Delphine up off her desk. The blonde woman’s body still shakes, hauling all her inner strength to her core so as not to completely break down from the waves of fear that just crashed into her.

 

“You’re buying me coffee. And we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cannot believe we're already on chapter 20! This story has simply flown by. Thank you all so very much for reading and enjoying this story, it means the absolute world to me. Also, big thank you's to all you lovely people who sent me various 'happy birthdays' on Tumblr last week. I didn't have anybody to celebrate my birthday with, so you all definitely warmed my heart and made my day absolutely wonderful. Thank you all again! <3 See you back here on Wednesday


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so overdue, I'm so sorry.
> 
> Backstories, anybody?

**Backstory, anybody?**

**\---**

 

 

Her fingers swirled around the spoon diligently, pushing it lazily through the steaming contents of the mug, her eyes studying the bespectacled face before her.

 

Cosima kept her gaze, eyes shaking behind her glasses as she tried to find the right words. Instead, for the better part of twenty minutes, they sat in silence, eyes varying in interest between each other and their drinks.

 

“Cosima.” She started at last, licking her lips in anticipation.

 

The brunette lifted her heavy eyes, finally meeting the light ones across from her. “Y-yes?”

           

            “Did I ever tell you about where I grew up in France?” she asked quietly, her tone taking no specific turn.

 

Cosima shook her head only once, choosing to keep quiet as long as she could. “It was a very small town, I suppose an equivalent to a village. I really don’t think we ever surpassed 800 people to be honest. It was pretty much run by our local church, so it was extremely religious and solidified. Nobody ever really left, nobody ventured out of its limits. If you did, you never really ever came back. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

 

            She nodded again, gripping her knees beneath the table to cease the quiver in her hands.

 

“I want to tell you a story.” Her voice was calm, far too relaxed for Cosima’s comfort. “On the conditions that you will tell me one as well. D’accord?”

 

Again, a nod of her head, watching Delphine tighten her lips, finding her breath before starting.

 

“I had a cousin back in France, who is arguably one of the best people to have walked the Earth. Kind, humble, most giving person. Had the insufferable ability to light up any room they walked into.” She smiled as she spoke, but her grin was far from happy.

 

Cosima listened, ears tuned to capture any break, any crack in her voice. “You couldn’t help but smile whenever Tomas was. Everybody, and I mean everybody loved him. He was simply _adored_ by our entire family and community.” She smiled, as if for just a moment she could still smell his cologne, still hear his hearty laugh ringing in her ears. “We did everything together, attended school and university, focused on science, got our degrees together. Tomas… I suppose you could practically call him my other half.”

 

“He- he sounds great.” Cosima hoarsed, the corner of her mouth crooked upward on one side.

 

She nodded, taking a moment before continuing. “He left my life many years ago. Do you know why, Cosima?”

 

She thought about asking why, thought about shaking her head and indicating for Delphine to continue, but she knew the question was a loaded question and chose to wade in her silence.

 

“Tomas decided one day, when practically our entire family was together for lunch to tell us that he was a homosexual. I always had an idea, but I was never really sure, you understand? I remember him crying, his hands shaking and for the first time seeing the light in his eyes totally disappear. But he explained that he felt he had a wonderful family, one that loved him as much has he loved them. He was sure that they wouldn’t treat him any different.”

 

She couldn’t help but scoff as the last of her own words, shaking her head and continuing the lazy ministrations on her coffee. “We were so young, just barely living our twenties, I remember just sitting there and suddenly hearing screaming. Tomas’ father, my uncle, had him so fast up against the far wall, I thought he was going to kill him right then and there. My maman grabbed me, ‘ _away from Satan’s touch’,_ as she put it, while the men hounded on Tomas, reminding him of his great sin and immediate abomination to the family… To say my family is extremely religious, that would be quite the understatement.”

 

“Delphine-“

 

“Please, just wait.” She said curtly, hand finding its grip on the table. “Weeks past, then months. I didn’t dare ask about Tomas, but I cried almost every night. I never saw him around university, he didn’t answer his phone, he wouldn’t open the door. I missed him _so_ much. And I was petrified about what happened to him. Maman said that there is no room in this family for homosexuals, and that that we wouldn’t have to worry about Tomas tainting the young ones anymore. I never saw him again after that day. His name was spoken, but rarely. Always in a tone of… disgust and hate.”

 

She looked up then, finding Cosima’s gaze transfixed on the table, her cheeks flushed and lip quivering. The brunette couldn’t bare herself to meet the Frenchwoman’s eye. Pieces were starting to fit, corners starting to curve as the story unfolded.

 

“What happened to him, your cousin?” she asked quietly, her voice a thick whisper.

 

She shrugged, the only thing she could do. “He couldn’t take it anymore, I suppose. Couldn’t bear the weight of being so _hated_ by everybody he loved. He… well he took matters into his own hands.” Her voice was thick, heavy and weighed down my the swell in her throat that she was so desperately trying to swallow. Cosima watched her lips tremble before she grabbed it between her canines, holding it firmly in place.

 

“Oh. Delphine-“ she tried, but Delphine stopped her, a shaky hand just held above the table.

 

“I remember going back to our small neighborhood for the holidays, my friends and coworkers, and Tomas’s…’friends’, they snickered and jeered as I passed in church and the streets. Feigning fear that I would touch them and somehow taint them with my family’s ungodliness because of Tomas. How childish it all seemed now- even for adults. I was reminded relentlessly about how much better we all were now that he was gone by the Church. I almost began to convince myself that my family was right, he was a filthy queer and an abomination. He didn’t deserve to be treated like a human because he didn’t present himself as such.”

 

“Oh, Delphine.” She tried again, her voice was completely broken now, finally _finally_ looking into the blonde woman’s eyes. They were completely glassed over, tears running down her cheek and nose, splashing onto the table. “Almost?”

 

“I left then.” She said quietly. “I couldn’t take it. My work was becoming my life to the point that I didn’t have one. But the lab, the one that we worked in together, seemed haunted to me. I never removed his things from it, so it was as if a part of him was always there that I never got to say goodbye to. I was suffocating, Cosima, don’t you see that?”

 

Cosima knew, just _knew_ that Delphine was replacing herself in the story, imagining what it would be like if she were to come out to her family. Would hands be layed on her, too? Would she be kicked out and never to be welcomed again? Probably. Surely.

 

“I realized that all this…this manifested _hate_ and resentment and intolerance, it was all concepts that were learned. No person is born to hate another. And I couldn’t… I wouldn’t let there be any more stories that ended like Tomas, not on my account.” Delphine paused then, taking the ginger moment to sip on her cooling coffee, her lips twisting in distaste of its watered down state. “I decided to teach- and I wanted the young ones. I wanted them to know that it is okay to be different, and that they are _loved_ and to love everybody else. So here I am. ”

 

Every single square inch of self-restraint she had in her body had to be gathered in order not to completely throw herself across the table and gather the woman in her arms.

 

“So… there it is, Cosima. There are my cards.”

 

How desperately she yearned to hold her, to kiss her, to protect her from the shitty world that waited for her an ocean away. The pieces were beginning to fit now. They clicked together slowly, developing a picture that resembled the depths of Delphine’s mind.

 

            “I… I don’t really know what to say.” She mumbled, head tossed to the side.

 

Delphine shrugged sadly, finishing off the last of her cup. “I didn’t really expect you to have something to say. But do you understand, Cosima? I am safe here. I am safe with my secrets here. But the people I date, the people I allow my heart to fall for, I don’t want them to be secrets. But I do not want to lose my family either.”

 

            “Well that’s just it, Delphine. We aren’t in control over who our hearts fall for.”

 

            How true that statement rang in her ears, vibrating down to her bones with a proper shake. Her gaze faltered for a moment, eyes shaking away the welling tears.

 

            “Listen, Delphine, I-“ Cosima breathed, trying to figure out the right words. “I grew up with a pretty awesome family. My siblings are like, the most accepting and loving women I’ve ever met. And I figured out my sexuality at a very, _very_ young age. So I have no clue what’s going on in that head of yours. But I just want you to give me the chance.”

She found her hands suddenly being pulled to the middle of the table, wrapped in warm, soft ones. Her heart-rate slowed immediately, her breathing leveled and her body relaxed. How odd it was, the reactions of Cosima’s touch on her. Calloused thumbs rubbing the top of her hand with ginger stroke, offering some sort of comfort proposal.

“But it wasn’t always that great, you know? I guess it’s my turn to tell a story.”

Delphine nodded pulling her hands away to wrap around her own body.

“Okay, well. My whole like, commitment thing- or lack thereof- wasn’t always my case. A couple of years ago, I was actually in a hella long-term commitment with this one woman.” Delphine could already tell by the drop in Cosima’s voice that this story was rooted far deeper than she could understand. “We were together for…pfft, almost 5 years? Just about.”

            “That’s a long time.” She noted quietly.

Cosima shrugged, the corners of her lips quirking upward. “Felt like a lifetime, to be honest.”

            “Were you in love with her?” Delphine asked quietly.

            Cosima scoffed, shaking her head. “In love with her?” she asked. Her hands , cursed with a violent tremble, were sifting through her bag beside her, retrieving a change purse from it’s depths.

She side-glanced at Delphine, whose eyes were trained on Cosima’s hands, and snapped it open, shaking its contents into her open palm. All that fell was a shiny band with a delicate gem fitted atop it. She held it carefully between two fingers, allowing it gleam whenever it caught the light.

            “…I don’t know why I’m even showing you this.”

Delphine couldn’t help but curl her lips in, her eyes trained on the breathtaking ring in front of her. “You, you were going to propose.” She stated.

Cosima smiled sadly, taking one last look at the ring before tucking back away again. “No. She did. And I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

            “What was that?”

            “Well, I said yes.” She said sadly, a small quirk on the corner of her lips. “We were so in love, I swear the world spun around us. Moved in together, had a dog together, we had _plans._ Plans for kids, for work, for travelling. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with one person and one person only. God, we were just… we fit with each other so well. You want to talk other halves? I swear I thought I found it.”

            The genuine sadness in Cosima’s voice echoed throughout Delphine’s whole body. She sat there and listened, keenly watching Cosima’s face, monitoring every little fault and rise and tremble. “What happened?”

            “Well, we decided to tell my family about our engagement over dinner. So we spent days buying shit to decorate the apartment in, preparing food, trying to think up some corny, cutesy engagement announcement. She was working late that night, so she’d be home after everybody else got there. So we waited.” She said simply, shrugging her tired shoulders.

            “You waited.”

            Cosima hummed in agreement. “And waited…and waited.” Her voice lingered, just for a moment, as if maybe even after all this time, the wait was over. “And then… then I got this hella long, fucked up voicemail on my phone. And she just kept saying ‘I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m sorry’ and ‘I don’t deserve somebody like you, I’m sorry’. She was crying and it was loud and just… just so fucked up.”

She was laughing now, a broad smile on her face that counteracted the tears streaming down her face in such a peculiar manner that left Delphine amuck in her own head. “In front of my whole family, she just… she just couldn’t do it. _She_ couldn’t handle commitment. How fucked up is that?!”

            There was no denying the choke in her voice now, slowly creeping its way out. Delphine just watched, unmoving, her arms still wrapped tightly around her own torso, allowing the welled tears in her eyes to fall as well. Cosima, her Cosima that was full of laughs and smiles, suddenly so exposed to her. She could feel the heartache radiating off, as if this all could have happened just yesterday.

“Quite, cherie.” She didn’t mean for the word to slip her lips, but it tumbled out with enough grace that she didn’t realize it until it was too late. _Cherie._ How fitting the word was, even know. Even despite everything that has boiled down to this day, she was still her darling.

“So I kind of just bottled up after that, you know? I replaced her presence in my bed with others, but nobody could fill her spot. So I kept trying, and trying, and finally just said fuck it. I didn’t want to know anybody else’s name, I didn’t want to see their face in the morning, I didn’t care about how they felt towards me because I _knew_ that I would never have feelings for another person again. Weeks turned into months, months turned into years… I kept trying to replace her with other faces. But it never worked- I still saw her, still smelled her.”

She nodded her head, subtly, braving herself to reach for her hand on the table. “And then?”

“Well, “ she laughed. “One day I was running late to bring my niece to a school function.”

Both women couldn’t help but smile now, catching each other’s gaze and holding it, letting their eyes do the talking for a while. A million apologies and embraces flowed between then silently, pupils dilating and shaking as they held fast to each other’s clammy hands.

“We all have baggage, Delphine.” She cried. “We all have fucked up lives. We just never ask for help, because we know that nobody _can_ help.”

“D’accord.” She agreed, allowing Cosima to reach over and swipe the tear stains from her cheeks. “I- I am sorry that somebody hurt you so badly. I’m sorry she broke you, Cosima.”

“I don’t want to hurt anymore, Delphine.”

            “Me neither.” She nodded her head slowly, assuringly. “Can we, can we try to just start over? I know we’ve already don’t this but can we just-“

_“Oh shit.”_

            Cosima nearly choked, plopping her elbow on the table and shielding her face with a cupped hand.

            “W-what?” Delphine asked, eyes wide and she flipped around to try and figure out what Cosima was hiding from. In the blink of an eye, a moment was ruined, one Delphine had worked so hard to speak up on.

            “Shh, shh. Just… don’t move or anything.” Cosima whispered. “There’s a, a girl that just walked in. I think she’s getting a coffee to go, just like, hide me or something. Please. _Please!”_

            Delphine rose an unimpressed eyebrow, turning around to get a better view of the woman at the counter, despite a slew of Cosima’s hushed curses. She was pretty, to say in the least. Freckled, ivory skin painted beautifully with tattoos, her clothes scarily similar to Cosima’s taste, her hair a silvery purple, pulled into a knot atop her head. She carried herself with a nonchalant grace that could kill and comfort, leaving as quickly as she came in, oblivious to the hiding woman only a few feet away.

            “That was close.” Cosima mumbled, sitting back up with a sigh. She finally looked up to see Delphine with her arms crossed over her chest, waiting for an explanation. “Totally just killed the moment, didn’t I? Shit.”

            “Well?”

            Cosima ran her tongue across her bottom lip, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “That’s uhm. That’s Elsie. I may or may not have given her the impression that I was more interested in her than she thought… then kind of never met up with her again after that night.”

“A-ha.” Delphine said, clearly unimpressed.

 

            “Yeah… she didn’t take it very well and kind of goes into ‘crazy mode’ whenever she sees my face within like…. A thirty foot radius. Like I said… commitment issues.”

 

            “Can you blame her?” Delphine asked, matched with a laugh that clearly stated nothing was funny.

 

            “I guess not, no. But apparently I have quite the reputation on campus since undergrad, it wasn’t really a surprise that I didn’t want to be in a relationship. Word got around quick of what happened in my life, so I guess people kind of expected it. There were a few who swore they could ‘fix me’, whatever that meant.”

 

“She’s pretty.” Delphine added quietly, exhaling loudly as she spoke. “Reputation…”

 

Cosima watched Delphine deliberately not make eye contact, her fingers tracing the lip of her coffee cup. “She’s no match to you, though.” The brunette assured, only to be answered with a deafening silence.

 

“Cosima, can I ask you a question?” Delphine finally broke after they sat there in silence, staring at both each other and their emptying cups.

 

“Yeah- yeah of course. Anything.”

 

Delphine inhaled a tight breath, her bottom lip clamped down tightly. “When _she_ left…how many women did you date afterwards?”

 

The simple words ignited a fire in Cosima, the flames licking right up to her throat, setting in the worst of worse heartburns. It was the question she never wanted to answer, the side of herself she never wanted to show… or at least not yet.

 

“When you say dated….”

 

“Is there another definition of the word?” Delphine asked, pulling her hand away from Cosima’s painfully slow, wrapping her palms around her warm mug instead.

 

Cosima shook her head, shrugging. “No, I suppose not.” She laughed nervously. “I’ve like… _been_ with a lot of women…physically? But like I said, I was kind of the asshole that never called really called back the next day…and was never there when they woke up.”

 

Delphine nodded her head slowly, sporting an unreadable face. “You were the asshole.”

 

“I was the asshole. But nobody apologized for making me this way.” She agreed quietly.

 

“So…” Delphine licked her lips, gripping her cup with such vigor to stop her hands from shaking. “How many? How many women like Elsie?”

 

Cosima sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and falling back into the cushions of the booth. “I couldn’t tell you.”

 

Delphine huffed, her mind reeling as she licked her lips and shook her head. “You couldn’t tell me.” she repeated quietly.

 

“ _Hey!”_ Cosima finally shot back, her eyes dark with irritation. She sat up straight, hands braced on the table, challenging Delphine’s equally hurt stare. “I know we’re both like, really raw and emotional right now. But it’s no excuse, don’t like… like slut-shame me. That’s not cool. Especially after everything that just happened.”

 

“Slut- _slut shame?!_ ” It was Delphine’s turn to raise her voice now. “Is that what you think I’m trying to do?” The words were bitter on her tongue, but more so in her ears after Cosima’s accusation. She glared at the brunette, not caring too much about the scenario that unfolded only moments before.

 

“It’s what it damn sure feels like.” Cosima spat harshly, her voice sporting the faintest rattle. “Don’t try making me feel like shit for my life choices.”

 

“Cosima.” Delphine’s voice was cold now, dripping in hurt. “I would _never_ slut-shame you, how could you think that?” she asked. “How could you think I would slander any woman for the choices they make with their own selves? All I am trying to do is figure out how long you’ll stick around with me until you find somebody else. Another name to add to your list…. Another face to hide from in coffee shops. How do I know I’m different?”

 

_Oh._

_Oh shit._

 

The way Delphine’s eyes glassed over, blinking furiously to hold her tears back. “I won’t blame you, of course. I just… I just want to prepare myself for the day that you don’t call me back.”

 

“That’s not going to happen, Delphine.” Cosima promised. “Please believe me.”

 

“Isn’t that what that woman back there led to believe?”

 

Cosima rose up from her side of the table quickly moving and sidling in next to Delphine, grabbing both her hands. “Delphine _please.”_ She nearly begged. “I, I like you. A hella lot, okay? You’re the first person I’ve been with that makes me want to stay the night, and makes me want to talk for hours on the phone, and bring to _coffee_ dates.” She explained, releasing one of her hands to come and cradle Delphine’s jaw.

 

“You bring out a part of me that I buried a long, long time ago.” She confessed quietly, making Delphine look her in the eye as she tipped her jaw up. She was met with trembling irises, shaken with the fear of betrayal. “I like you, okay? I really _really_ like you. Why else would I have worked so hard from the very beginning to even get you to look in my direction? Please believe me. Please”

 

“I suppose.” Delphine reasoned. Still, her gut told her differently. “But what will you do if I can’t give you everything you want? If I can’t be that girl you wake up to and fall asleep to and be with?”

 

“I, I don’t know what I want, Delphine, that’s the thing.” She confessed quietly. “But you are the first person that I want to stick by and find out.”

 

“Cosima, I-“

 

“No, Delphine. Listen.” Cosima tipped her head forward, kissing the blonde woman chastely. “You’re not a name, okay? You’re not.”

 

“Okay.” Delphine finally said back, licking the tears off her lips that trickled down. Cosima nodded against her forehead, brushing their noses together.

 

They stood like that for a moment, wrapped in the stiff silence before Cosima retreated back to her side of the table, Delphine biting back a whimper at the sudden loss of contact.

 

“I didn’t mean to make this evening, em, how do you say, _unconventional_ …”

 

Cosima scoffed, smiling and waving the woman down. “Delphine. We are probably the two most unconventional people. This should be as normal as it gets for us. I’m glad we got to talk.”

 

“D’accord.” The blonde woman sighed, trying her damn best to break awkward tension.

 

Cosima strummed her fingers across the table, catching eye at her watch. “Holy watershed, I gotta go.”

 

“It’s time already?” Delphine stumbled, gathering her things as quickly. She faultered for a moment, but decided to grab Cosima’s hand anyway, warming it with her leather gloves and braving it enough to tuck them both into her pocket.

 

“Yeah, and this is one thing I can’t be late to you- hey! What do you mean is it time already?” Cosima asked, burying her nose in her scarf as the cold evening hair nipped at her cheeks.

 

Delphine offered a thin lipped smiling, screaming guilty as she chuckled. “You possibly may have left a copy of your new class schedule in my room last semester.” She revealed, earning an embarrassed groan from Cosima, followed by an infectious giggle. For a moment, just for a moment, Delphine felt carefree again, as if there was really nothing wrong it the world. Funny what Cosima’s laugh could do to her.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, leading Cosima off her original path and to her car instead, opening the door and shuffling her in without question. It was far too cold for Cosima to take the bus there and back, she wouldn’t have it.

 

“I didn’t know what you’re reaction would be…” Cosima sighed, clicking her seatbelt in as Delphine started the engine, pulling out and onto the street.

 

Delphine’s hand found purchase in Cosima’s immediately, threading their fingers together atop the middle console.

 

“You were afraid to tell an immunologist that you’re taking an introduction to immunology course. I see.” Delphine teased, pretending not to notice the growing redness in Cosima’s cheeks. It definitely wasn’t from the winter air.

 

“It’s only the first class. What if I didn’t like it? I didn’t want you to think differently of me for not be interested in what _you’re_ interested in.”

 

Delphine clicked her teeth, shaking her head with a small smile as she pulled into the parking lot of closest to Cosima’s lecture hall. Killing the engine, Delphine quickly released Cosima’s hand and grabbed at her jaw, pulling her in for a soft, lingering kiss. Their lips made dangerously slow, making Cosima whimper for more contact, leaning forward and pressing her chapped lips against Delphine’s own.

 

“Cosima.” She finally breathed, bumping their foreheads and pecking her once more. “I just, I needed to do that.”

 

Cosima nodded her head subtly, barely hearing the blonde and only focused on the soft, perfect, pink lips just a hairs breadth for her own. “Okay.” She surprised, leaning forward to capture Delphine’s mouth hungrily. Cosima would say anything she needed to get Delphine’s on her end of the stick, anything at all to please her. They kissed like it was a promise.

 

“Go.” Delphine pulled away, regretting it completely. “Don’t be late.”

 

“It wouldn’t be my fault this time…” Cosima smiled.

 

“Do you have a ride back?”

 

“M-mhmm. Scott is taking the class, too.”

 

“Poor man.” Delphine grinned proudly, kissing the brunette once more and watching her silently trek out of the car and into the building. Cosima didn’t turn around once, gratified to know she had some sort of willpower against the blonde.

 

Delphine watched Cosima, her eyes never faultering until the large door closed behind her. She let out a breath, throwing her head back into the seat and spewing a slew of French curse words.

 

Her mind was torn. For the first time, science was failing Delphine.

 

“So why is Cosima different?” she cried aloud, slamming a frustrated and scared hand on the steering wheel. The feelings for Cosima could not be validated by any of her past self-experiments, any of her theories. It couldn’t be.

 

This was something else, Delphine tried to convince herself.

 

Cosima. Cosima smiling in the morning, Cosima holding her until she fell asleep. Cosima dancing to weird hippy music and Cosima _liking_ her.

 

Her mind swirled with _every single quality_ Cosima had that Delphine was falling for, knowing that the lies she was feeding herself were dissipating quicker than air.

 

Delphine was never sure of anything with her life, she never had much control over it. She was told to stay in school, so she did. She was told to major in the sciences, so she did. She was told to love that man of hers from Paris. so she did. She did what she had to do to please and gain acceptance from her superiors.

 

Cosima told her to do whatever her heart desired… but she couldn’t.

 

Her heart desired Cosima, but she knew, she _knew_ that loving Cosima would be against everything she was ever raised with.

\---

_“Let’s go!” her mother shrilled, tugging a small Delphine away by the wrist. The two young teenagers just stared on, locking eyes with Delphine as she craned her neck to look at them, their faces etched in with an unrecognizable pain._

_“Maman.” Delphine huffed. “Why did you yell at those two girls like that?”_

_The older woman sighed, refusing to make eye contact with her daughter. “Because they are accepting the Devil’s temptations, Delphine.” She tried to explain._

_“But… they looked in love.” Delphine thought allowed. The eleven year old’s mind was not fully understanding, but she knew enough to know that what her mother said was practically law._

_“Homosexuals are not in love. They do not know what love is because they deny God’s love for them.”_

_Delphine pursed her lips, not wanting to step down from this conversation just yet. “But science-“_

_“God willed it to be a man and a woman, Delphine.” Delphine’s mother snapped quietly. “I know you love science. But even that has flaws. So whatever is going on your mind up there, get rid of it.” She stopped them in her tracks, gripping Delphine’s wrist with such a strength that she winced, standing toe to toe with her daughter._

_Delphine couldn’t deny the shaking in her mother’s blown pupils as she stared the fear of God right into her. There is no room for the Devil’s temptation in this family. Do I make myself clear?”_

_Delphine gulped, nodding her head quickly._

_“Crystal, maman.”_

_\---_

“Crystal, maman.” She muttered to herself in the car, the memory trespassing its way back into her mind like a slow, dark wrath. She swiped the tears staining her cheeks with the back of her hands, chomping down on her lower lip.

 

Delphine had to make lots of decisions in her life, but choosing between one person who expects nothing from her, and hundreds who expect everything, has by far been the most arduous.

 

Her buzzing phone knocked her from her thoughts, making her yelp and fumble in her pocket. A particular brunette with a cheeky grin illuminated the screen, accompanied by a message notification.

 

**Cosima: im glad we got to do this xxxx**

 

She couldn’t help but smile, even as the welling tears continued to burn her eyes.

 

When with Cosima, all her problems melted away. Her mind did not flutter with science and family and work and opinions. Her heart completely took the reigns and its chariot driver was the _American._ It was no wonder she craved her presence so much. She stilled her spinning world. She made it okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry again for how late this is. But you know, life comes first and shit. 
> 
> Much love to you all <3


	22. Chapter 22

**4:30 a.m.**

The buzzing beneath her pillow was enough to rouse her from sleep, but not nearly enough to make her want to open her eyes. The only thought going through Delphine’s mind is why on earth she thought it’d be a good idea to keep her phone beneath her pillow as she slept.

 

She didn’t get home from dropping Cosima off at school for almost two hours, driving around aimlessly trying to calm her mind from the predatory glares of her mother. She had finally exhausted herself, kicking off her shoes as she slumped through her door, quickly stripping of her work clothes and tossing an old, oversized t-shirt on from university, falling towards her bed in a heap.

 

So now, at 4:30 in the morning, it came to no surprise that she was a little more than grumpy to be woken up.

 

“Allo?” she yawned, eyes still wound tightly shut as she fumbled around for her phone.

 

“Hey, Delphine. Were- are you sleeping? Are you busy?”

 

That voice, so smooth and light, even at _4:30 in the morning_ was enough to make the grumpiest of individuals smile.

 

“I’m awake now.” She mumbled tiredly, twisting her head to the side of the pillow and curling deeper into her blankets. “Is everything okay, Cosima? What time is it?”

 

She heard the woman curse under her breath, humming through the phone. “Shit, you were obvs sleeping. I just… I haven’t slept yet. I can’t fall asleep.” She whined. “As much of a clingy bitch this makes me sound like, my bed is too big to feel this empty.”

 

If Delphine’s eyes were open, she’d be rolling them in that way that makes Cosima cringe, giving her that thin lipped smile because pulling her close. The hypothetical thought alone begins to wake her, finding a sudden crave for the woman. “So come over.” She muttered tiringly.

 

“ _Seriously?!”_ she rejoiced, yelling into the phone speaker at a volume far louder than necessary.

 

Delphine yelped, jolting from bed with one hand clasped over her ear. If she wasn’t awake before, she surely is now.

 

It wasn’t necessarily the phone volume that roused her, but the loud voice that sounded outside her _apartment door_. She groaned, letting the phone dropped to the floor with a thud as she swung her aching legs out of bed, sucking in a tight breath as her feet padded across the freezing floor as she put two and two together.

 

“This woman.” She mumbled, swinging open her front door. A set of embarrassed, bewildered eyes dropped toward her exhausted ones, the phone still pressed against her ear.

 

“Uh, whoops?”

 

Delphine only glared a little more through heavy eyelids, un-tucking one of her hands from around her body and dragging Cosima into the apartment, silently guiding her toward the bedroom.

 

“You’re very loud.” She finally said, plopping herself back onto her mattress. “I had a funny feeling you were here, do you know that?”

 

Cosima apologized quietly, taking the moment to strip of her red coat revealing to Delphine that she was donning those Berkley sweatpants, the ones that were about two sizes too large, rolled at the waistline to rest just on her hips. Even in blue hues of the moonlight, Delphine could just barely make out the outline of her hipbones.

 

“What’re you looking at?” she teased, turning as she began to kick off her shoes.

 

 _‘My world’. “_ You.” She smiled.

 

Cosima laughed quietly, shaking her head. Delphine didn’t have long to gaze, the brunette already making moves towards her bed, climbing in and immediately folding herself in and around the Frenchwoman. Delphine sighed contently, her long limbs following suit and wrapping tightly around the smaller body, leaving nearly no space for air. How she loved the way their bodies fit so perfectly, slotting and molding around each other with practiced ease.

 

Cosima inhaled deeply, taking in the lovely smell of Delphine’s shampoo on her hair and pillow, a scent she strongly began associating with the woman in her arms. Her hands intimately reunited with Delphine’s body, mapping her bare thighs, dipping below her oversized t-shirt and gently scraping across the flat plane of her stomach. Delphine hummed at the touch, twisting her body closer, desperate for the warmth that radiated from Cosima’s palms.

 

“You’re cold.” The brunette mumbled, fingers spreading wide, trying to claim as much of Delphine’s skin as possible. “C’mere.” She pulled the woman close to her, hands running across her torso in it’s entirety.

 

“As much as I love commotion, you do know that some people knock?” she yawned, her warm breath tickling the ivory expanse of Cosima’s neck. “Were you out there long?”

 

The brunette chuckled tiredly, adjusting to let Delphine bury her nose a little deeper in the crook of her shoulder. She moved to pull the unbelievably warm comforter over them tightly, praising it’s thickness.

 

“I’m sorry, and not… too long. I dunno, I couldn’t sleep. I decided to go for a walk, but it was cold a shit, so I hopped on the bus and then I kind of just wound up here.” Her voice was quiet, barely a hoarse whisper now as she was finally settled where she wanted to be. “Which is amazing muscle memory, considering the fact that I’ve only been here once before, and never passed the door.”

 

She ran her long legs down the expanse of Cosima’s warming the American’s cold limbs beneath the blanket, tangling their tired limbs tightly. “Mm. Why couldn’t you sleep?”

 

Cosima simply tightened her grip, pressing her lips against Delphine’s head, leaving them there lazily. “A lot on my mind, I suppose.”

 

Delphine yawned again, smiling at the feeling of Cosima’s warm lips on her skin. “Is it because of what we talked about at the coffee shop?”

 

“Yeah. While I was walking I was thinking that maybe if I like, just get rid of that fucking ring, I’d feel better.”

 

Delphine hummed, finding Cosima’s hand beneath the blankets and entwining their fingers, bringing them under her chin to nuzzle. “Did you?”

 

The brunette swallowed, blinking back tears and giving Delphine the smallest of head shakes. “I tried to, I just can’t. Not yet.” She whispered. “It’s so weird. I feel like a part of me if missing whether I have it or not. Like I’m not all here.”

 

She could barely finish her own thought before soft, tired lips were gently pressing against her own. Cosima whimpered, pushing herself down towards the soft mouth, craving the taste of sleep and toothpaste.

 

“You’re here.” She promised, kissing her again, just as soft as the first time. “You know how I know that?”

 

“How?”

 

Cosima could still make out the woman’s smile in the moonlight, a set of teeth momentarily cracking the darkness in the room. Delphine sat up slightly, taking both her hands and running them up Cosima’s arms, thumbs making lazy outlines as she gently squeezed her shoulders.

 

“Because I can feel you.” She whispered. Her hands continued their journey north, weaning across her chest to feel her heartbeat. “I can hear you.” Determined fingers continued up, running across her jaw bone, her cheeks, pulling off her glasses and placing kisses across her eyelids. “I can see you.”

 

Cosima smiled, tilting her head up to capture the hovering lips. Delphine dropped back onto her slowly, their arms wrapping around each other once more, pulling up the duvet cover up over their shoulders. Cosima moved her lips slowly over Delphine’s, savoring the moment.

 

“Better?” Delphine asked, not bothering to move her mouth away. Cosima nodded, kissing her one more time, running her fingertips gingerly over Delphine’s cheeks as she guided head back down onto the brunette’s shoulder. “Good.”

 

Go to sleep, I’ll bring you home in the morning, before Sarah and Kira get there. So we must…sleep.”

 

The last word wasn’t even heard, Delphine already feeling the heavy breathing of the woman beneath her, fast asleep in her arms already.

 

\--

**1:00 p.m.**

Delphine’s trained ears followed the familiar heel clicks down the corridor of the empty lecture hall, trailing not too far behind with her silent flats.

 

She loved the days on her schedule wehn her students had lunch and then physical education directly after, giving her an entire 90 minute window of leisure to catch up on her work…or surprise a particular student on a campus across the way.

 

From the corner of her eye, she spotted the dreadlocks whipping around the corner, the sound of tapping shoes slowing down as she stealthily approached from behind. She took the moment to shamelessly watch the rocking of Cosima’s hips as they swayed with a cheeky grace that was all too much Cosima, the same way she watched in the morning as they both woke up with the sun. The blonde resisted the urge to reach out and wrap her fingers around them, fearing Cosima’s impulsive vernacular flailing of lips.

 

No, instead Delphine licked her lips, trying to conceal the unabashed smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. She sidled up directly behind Cosima, holding her breath and gingerly bringing her palms to mold against Cosima’s eyes over her glasses.

 

“Guess who.” She whispered in the best American accent she could pull off. It was perfect, but it was enough to throw off her tiny brunette.

 

Cosima stopped her gate so quickly she nearly tumbled forward, a sharp inhale echoing across the room. Her hands splayed out in front of her, chest heaving as she tried to figure out if flight or fight was better in this situation.

 

“Shit.” She cursed, her voice rattling. “Uh, Alison?”

 

Delphine stifled a snort, rolling her eyes as she leaned forward, pressing a painfully slow trail of kisses down up the shaft of Cosima’s neck. The brunette whimpered, already knowing who it was the minute Delphine leaned forward, her perfume giving her away instantly.

 

Wasting no time, Cosima spun around in Delphine’s hands, throwing her arms over her neck and pulling her down for a rough embrace, surely leaving a bruise on her lips.

 

“Hi.” Delphine laughed, her arms snaking around the woman’s petite frame and pulling her closer.

 

“You scared me.” Cosima mumbled against the blonde’s warm mouth, poking her tongue out to meticulously trace her bottom lip. Delphine complied immediately, dropping her jaw the slightest bit to feel Cosima’s warm and skilled muscle run along her teeth before dipping into her mouth. Delphine felt compelled to match Cosima’s moves, pulling her impossibly close until they were backed against the door Cosima was about to go into.

 

With complete regret, Cosima pulled away, finally giving herself the chance to look at the blonde’s face.

 

“Well you scared me last night, yelling like that in front of my door at an ungodly hour _while_ on the phone with me.” She reminded.

 

Cosima laughed this time, eyes crinkling in the corners and teeth on full view. “Don’t act like you don’t like hearing me yell at night, _Doctor_ Cormier.”

 

Delphine clicked her teeth, eyes narrow as she shut the woman up with a firm kiss. “Cheeky.”

 

“What’re you doing here?” she asked quietly, her fingers pushing down the collar of Delphine’s coat to trace the perimeter of her still-dark hickies. She couldn’t help but smirk at herself, wondering how on earth Delphine managed to hide these at work.

 

“I had time… just thought I would stop by.” She replied quietly, drawing lazy circles on Cosima’s lower back.

 

“Mmm, okay.” Cosima smiled, pushing herself up onto her toes for another lingering kiss. “I missed you.”

 

“Did you? I was just with you a few hours ago.” Delphine reasoned, forcing the mocking tone of her voice. She pretended not to hear it, knowing full well that Delphine suffered just as much as she did when they were apart.

 

“I know… but still.” She shrugged, letting Delphine kiss her forehead, then her nose, and finally her lips. “How did you- _oh._ Schedule, duh.” She caught herself, chuckling at her own silliness. “But how did you know where’d I spend my free hour block?”

 

            “Intuition?” she said, earning a raised eyebrow from Cosima. “…Or Scott. I hope you do not assume me to be a stalker, Cosima.” She laughed quietly. “I can leave right now. I just thought that I could assist in your Immunology lab.”

 

Without responding, Cosima pulls out her school ID, swiping it on the panel next to Delphine’s hip. “Come make crazy science with me?” she asked, more of statement than a question. Delphine nodded, releasing Cosima just enough to grab her hand and open the door.

 

Cosima closed the door to the vacant lab behind her. Delphine looked around, immediately being sucked back into a nostalgic whirlpool. The countless hours she spent with identical equipment, her hands automatically trained to know exactly what to do. Her eyes feasted on other student’s lab projects currently in the works around the room. Rows of tables with microscopes and test-tubes; the smile spreading across her face was that of a small child in a candy store.

 

“You’re so cute.” Cosima jeered, stripping of her sweater and bag, plopping it up against the front wall behind the professor’s desk. Delphine followed suit before joining Cosima at one of the tables. “Do you miss it?”

 

“Constantly.” she mumbled into the brunette’s ear, pressing the front of her body flush against the back of Cosima’s, planting her hands flat on either side of the table and kissing the shell of her ear. “What are you working on?”

 

Cosima gulped, twisting her neck and clearing her throat. “Uh, the effect of neonatal antibodies in mammals, seeing how it effects their antibody production in the fetal stage as opposed to the- _shit-“_ Cosima hoarsed, Delphine’s bite in the crook of her shoulder particularly pinching.

 

“Post-birth production, oui?” Delphine teased, pulling away to devote attention the other side.

 

“Oui- uh-yeah.”Cosima stumbled, bracing her hands on top of Delphine’s an impulsively rolling her hips backwards onto the blonde’s.

 

“Well…” she said, kissing Cosima’s cheek one last time before pulling away. “Lets make crazy science.”

 

Cosima whimpered at the drastic loss of contact, but watching Delphine move around the lab to grab gloves and goggles for them, returning and putting them on Cosima herself, it was worth it.

 

“We’re breaking like, a million rules with you being in here, you know?” Cosima chuckled, staring right into Delphine’s eyes as she adjusting the safety goggles over her own glasses for her. Delphine rolled her shoulders dismissively.

 

“I have a doctorate in Immunology. I’m simply your…. private tutor.” She teased, her voice becoming a low growl and she sidled up next to Cosima, flipping through the lab report so far. “Here to teach you.”

 

“To teach me?” she scoffed.

 

Delphine was still, puling on her other latex glove with a well practiced snap. “Oui.”

 

            “The tables have turned, haven’t they?” she laughed, earning herself a sultry glare from the blonde.

 

The brunette opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Delphine’s engulfment into the lab already. With a shake of her head, they set to work.

 

\--

 

**2:00 p.m.**

 

“So is that it?”

 

Delphine snapped her gloves off, nodding with a grin as she pulled off Cosima’s and her own safety goggles, learning forward to briefly kiss her nose.

 

“Oui. Unless you need help with something else?” she teased, her voice low as she pressed Cosima back up against the lab table, her long fingers seeking purchase on Cosima’s hips.

 

“Mm, _Doctor_ Cormier, are you insinuating crazy science… in a classroom? How unprofessional.” Cosima lingered, an infectious giggle bubbling off her tongue as Delphine rolled her eyes.

 

“Don’t even start.” Delphine husked, dipping her head down to just barely brush their lips together. Cosima whimpered at the touch, pushing her head upwards just as Delphine pulled away, teasing the brunette. “I just… I need you.” She breathed. _‘In so many more ways than one…’_

 

“You had me this morning. Twice..” She breathed, pushing herself onto her toes as her hands gripped the collar of the blonde woman’s shirt, pulling her down. “ _Delphine,_ shit.”

 

Caution be damned, Delphine was far too occupied with everything that was Cosima. She could, and usually did, lose herself in the brunette’s body, whether it be by her mouth or by other means at the American’s disposal.

 

The click of the door and sharp gasp made both women pull apart, their heads whipping around to identify their intruder.

 

Cosima nearly choked on her own tongue, her eyes practically popping out of her head as they locked with Shay’s.

 

“Oh hello.” She jeered, smirking as she strode to the main desk in the front of the classroom, gathering a binder of papers. By this point, Cosima and Delphine had pulled away from each other in enough time that the petite blonde across the room was able to see nothing, much to Cosima’s relief.

 

“H-hey.” The brunette yelped, her labored breathing definitely being noticed by Delphine. She rubbed the back of her neck nervously, biting down on her lower lip, a trait she subconsciously picked up from her French fatale. Delphine observed Cosima’s reaction to this woman’s presence carefully, wondering what on earth was it that she was missing…

 

Cosima wanted Shay in and out as fast as possible, but knowing Shay, she was going to drag this out as long as she could. She knew how Delphine felt about this woman, and matters would only be turned worse if she found out that it was _her_ in the room right now.

 

“Not going to introduce me, Cos?” Shay said with a smile, adjusting the large statement hat seated on the crown of her head.

 

Cosima gulped, her jaw trembling as she nodded her head. “Yeah, uh. Sorry. This is, this is Delphine.” She said, her voice shaking.

 

Delphine wanted to diffuse the tension as best as she could, so she presented her warmest smile and fluttered her fingers at the young woman. Shay grinned back, a genuine smile on her face as she leaned across the desk she stood behind.

 

“Nice to meet you! I’m-”

 

“Yeah, we were just checking up on the experiment for next class. She came to help me out.” Cosima cut in, her heart nearly going into failure. Shay caught Cosima’s notion, her eyes thin in irritation. She didn’t like to be hidden as if she was something to be embarrassed about.

 

“Yeah, well I saw a whole of… _experimenting_ going on.” She said sarcastically, earning a sharp huff from Cosima. “Remember all of our experiments in here?”

 

“ _Jesus Christ.”_ Cosima groaned as Shay let slip an exaggerated nostalgic sigh, smiling ear to ear as her eyes danced around the room.

 

Delphine’s face turned at least five shades of red, the insinuation not going over her head. Cosima’s chest heaved, her heart threatening to pound clear out from her behind her ribs.

 

Shay simply smiled at the silence she received in return, watching Cosima’s eyes darting between herself and the Frenchwoman beside her. Shay knew exactly who she was the minute she walked into the room, having passed Delphine once before in the stairwell of Cosima’s apartment complex. Luckily for her, Delphine’s head was down and engrossed in a text message, so she had full staring rights.

 

“Anything you, uh, need?” Cosima mumbled finally, her fingers toying nervously with the air gauge on the lab table.

 

Shay shrugged, a thin smile still pressed into her face. “Mm nope. Just thought I could stay for some chit-chat.” Cosima nearly bit back a strangled whimper at the response, wanting her to leave as fast as possible. “You look good, Cos. Like really good.”

 

Delphine bit her lip at the comment, red flashing across her eyes as she physically restrained herself from reaching for Cosima’s hand.

 

‘ _She’s not yours to claim._ ’ She had to remind herself, squeezing her eyes shut just to catch a breath. ‘ _She’s not property. She’s not yours._ ’

 

Still, there was something about this nameless stranger that rubbed her the completely wrong way. The anxiety that she instilled in her Cosima was infuriating, making her feel helpless in the situation. But Cosima was independent, she didn’t need saving.

 

            She had to admit, the woman was pretty. Her thin, petite frame reminding her so much of Cosima’s, yes still completely opposite. Her piercing blue eyes striking the fear of nameless gods right into Cosima’s soul. The broad-rimmed had gave her a mysterious air, one that nearly made Delphine want to delve into, to figure out.

 

Cosima gulped, watching her college friend begin making her way over to Delphine and herself, standing opposite their table.

 

“You alright?” Shay asked a tight closed-lip grin.

 

“Mhmm.” Cosima nodded, her eyes darting between Delphine, who was staring down at her with crossed arms, and the table.

 

Shay clicked her tongue against her teeth happily, taking a deviant pride in watching Cosima fall apart between her love and her hookup.

 

“You look like you need to unwind…” Gingerly, Shay ghosted the tips of her fingers across Cosima’s knuckles on the table, making the woman shake as she jerked her hand away. “Maybe you should come to Club Neolution tonight. Everybody’s going to be there.”

 

Delphine’s heart raced, teeth sinking into her lip as she fought back the urge to lay hands on the stranger for touching her Cosima. _‘She’s not yours.’_ She reminded herself, closing her eyes and exhaling loudly. Delphine tried her best to simmer down the slow boil erupting in her chest, but still, _nobody_ touched Cosima in front of her. Nobody.

 

“Everybody?” Cosima quaked, actually entertaining the idea- much to Delphine’s surprise, who had other ideas in mind now. The blonde woman was at a loss trying to put all the pieces together; these two women had an ‘everybody’, a group of friends between themselves. Why had Cosima never mentioned her?

 

 

“Mhmm. And bring yournot-lab partner.” Shay laughed, shaking her head at Cosima’s paling face as she gathered herself and headed toward the door. “Love to stay and chat, but I have to go. See you tonight, yeah?”

 

For the first time in what felt like hours, Cosima felt her heart rate almost begin get back under a million beats per minute. This might work, she might have actually avoided the train-wreck of Delphine finding out who the mystery woman was. The non-Gods might _actually_ have been on Cosima’s side.

 

“I didn’t get your name!” Delphine called, stopping the smaller blonde before the door closed behind her. She smirked, looking sideways down at Cosima who was just about ready to faint.

 

She laughed then, shaking her head and grinning. “It’s Shay.” She said, closing the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh.


	23. Chapter 23

 

With a sinful smile, the tiny blonde allowed the door to shut behind her, leaving the remaining two women to their own devices.

 

Delphine paused, her jaw clenched so tightly that a stressed vein was beginning to protrude from her temple, pulsing profusely. The grip she had on the arms across her chest intensified, her skin beginning to flush a violent red. The simple reply echoed in her mind, rattling off her brain and down to her tongue, rolling it through her lips like a bitter aftertaste, “ _Shay”._

 

Cosima cringed at the sound of the woman’s name as it broadcasted quietly from Delphine’s mouth, even her foreign accent doing nothing to beautify it. She watched the blonde woman bring her fingers to her mouth, touching her chapped lips as if trying to coax the name back in, never to be heard again.

 

They stood there for a moment, cooking in the heat of the tension surrounding them. Cosima finally opening her mouth to speak, to say anything, but was quickly silenced.

 

“She’s beautiful.” It was barely a whisper, her voice hoarse with contemplation.

 

It wasn’t a compliment, that they both knew. Nothing about the statement was offering compliments to the woman. It was a blatant realization that the woman’s broad smile has sought refuge on Cosima’s own.

 

That Cosima’s eyes have feasted upon the bare curves and skin that was hidden beneath her beautiful clothing.

 

That there is absolutely no inch of Cosima that Delphine could touch, kiss, nor feel that Shay hasn’t already.

 

This isn’t news, though. Delphine has known of Shay for a while now, and it _was_ Cosima who had told her. Her identity was never a secret. It helped though, during those restless nights, to not have a face to the name. She wasn’t entirely real, nothing but a concept, something Delphine could push aside and pretend was simply a figment of imagination.

 

But she was real. She was real and she was _beautiful._

 

“Delphine.” Cosima finally meandered, looking up at her with wide, hopeful eyes. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you two to meet-“

 

“Like this?” Her voice was sharp, snorting and rolling her eyes. “Or at all?”

 

Cosima was silent, hanging her head and bracing for when Delphine would inevitably walk out the door.

           

            She swallowed loudly instead, biting down on her tongue. She had no _true_ reason to be mad, just like Cosima had no _true_ reason to be embarrassed. But their hearts spoke far greater volumes than their heads did, both wanting only each other to the peaks of desperation.

 

            “Don’t lie, okay?” Delphine finally said, her voice far too soft and vulnerable for Cosima’s comfort. She could all but nod her head, shaky eyes locking with Delphine’s own glassy ones. “Have you… talked to her since you’ve talked to me?”

 

A singular nod of her head sent Delphine’s knuckles white, her firm fist tightening even more.

 

“Have you… have you been with her?”

 

“Delphine-“

 

“Please answer my question, Cosima.” She pleaded, angrily swiping away at the tears burning her eyes with the pad of her thumb.

 

“I… yes. Yeah.”

 

Delphine choked on her gasp, turning on her heal with her back to Cosima. She wasn’t angry at Cosima entirely. It was _Shay_.

 

            She knew the face was uncomfortably familiar, having recognized it from somewhere before. Delphine closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose in thought, wracking her brain to scan for that beautiful face but just not quite being able to put her finger on it.

 

A relentless pang of possessive stringed with wayward jealousy struck through every fiber of nerves in Delphine’s entire body, lighting her aflame like lightning as she thought about Shay’s hands on Cosima, their ability to have her make sounds that Delphine isn’t skilled enough to hear yet. Shay’s mouth on Cosima that is far skilled beyond her own years, kissing Cosima in all the right places that she has yet to discover. She may have been there in the nights and mornings, but Delphine realized that _Shay_ must have there for the hours in between…

 

All this time, Delphine was trying to give Cosima a reason to stay interested in her, when meanwhile she was still seeking pleasure from a far better source.

 

Her heart and her esteem were at a race now, seeing which could shatter faster. She squeezed her eyes shut, twisting her lips inward to suppress the sob of pure anguish pushing past her swelling throat.

 

Cosima must have sensed this, watching the scene fold out in front of her.

 

She knew she fucked up somehow. Since day one of meeting Delphine, she has never truly wanted to be with somebody more. She made her want to drop her lifestyle, she made her want to stay the night, to call back and be on the phone for _hours_. Hell, she brought her home to meet her family! Cosima wished Delphine understood how big these milestones were for her in a relationship with somebody, but all she could see were her moments of fucking up.

 

“Delphine.” Cosima whispered, extending a gentle hand to graze Delphine’s elbow. The blonde tensed under the touch, but didn’t pull away.

 

Treading carefully, Cosima wrapped her shaking fingers around the bare elbow, turning Delphine towards her once again.

 

“How many times?”

 

Cosima swallowed, lips apart as she stared towards the woman pleadingly. “Delphine, come on now.”

 

“Just, please.”

 

Cosima sighed, throwing her hands in the air and shrugging. “Once- a few. I don’t know.”

 

Delphine nodded her head, licking her bottom lip to pull it between her teeth. “D-d-do you like her?”

 

“She’s a good friend, Delphine. She’s not you. I like _you.”_

 

Delphine shook her head, channeling her hurt and protectiveness into pure jealousy. “But she makes you happy.”

 

Cosima sighed loudly, seeing this conversation going nowhere. “You make me happy!” she practically yelled, _Except for right now!_

 

“I’m not… do not think that I am patronizing you, Cosima. You are free to do as you please. I am not an anchor.” She assured weakly.

 

“Can you just talk to me?” she begged. “Please? Tell me what’s going on in your head.”

 

Delphine sighed, leaning up against one of the lab tables, allowing Cosima to trail behind her.

“Ever since that day at the coffee shop, I’ve thought- maybe this is the good part. Maybe this is when things start to get better. As if… as if all of the nonsense is behind us now.” Her tone dropped, her voice only making it a view words before it started to shake. “And I know that everything is in the past and we are moving forward but now I just- I can’t stop thinking about her _touching_ you and-“

 

Warm hands were on her cheeks, thumbs cradling her jaw. “Look at me.” Cosima dared, their faces just mere inches apart. “Look. At. Me.”

 

Her eyes flickered up, locking firmly onto equally dilated ones. “I’m looking.” She mumbled quietly, taking in a deep breath.

 

Cosima smiled the slightest bit, pulling away and letting her hands slide down to Delphine’s shoulders. “I know that tone in your voice. It means you’re going to start yelling soon, and yelling for us means fighting. I don’t want to do that, okay? I want to be passed the fighting bullshit.”

 

She nodded her head, agreeing wholesomely. “Just. What about after? Have you thought about her afterwards? Talked to her afterwards?”

 

Cosima chuckled quietly, shaking her head. “I’ve been with you practically the whole time.” She reminded. “You’re the _only_ thing that’s been on my mind. That ever will be on my mind.”

 

If it was supposed to be a promise, Delphine was far too overwhelmed to realize it. Her heart was racing, beating faster by the minute and almost to a point that she couldn’t breathe. With no preamble, Delphine shot up from her leaning position on the desk, making Cosima stagger backwards to regain her balance. A hand was pressed firmly against her chest, pressing down as if to calm her own heart as she began to pace.

 

“I think we should go to that party.” Delphine yelped, clearly still flustered. As much as Cosima’s words tried to sooth her, her mind was rapidly becoming infested with images of Cosima and _Shay_ , touching and kissing and fucking and doing everything that Delphine didn’t know how. She wanted to get away from it, _needed_ some way to forget.

 

Cosima gasped so hard that she was coughing now, sputtering over her choking breath. “W-wuh?!” she heaved, eyes bulging behind her glasses at Delphine’s sudden change of stature. She watched the poor woman, body stiff and flush and she slowly began to lessen the space between them. “At Club Neolution?” Delphine nodded her head curtly, striding over to rest shoulder to shoulder with Cosima against the lab desk. “Why?”

 

“Why not? Maybe this will be a good way to…figure things out.” Her voice was as stiff as plastic, holding zero potential to fool anybody.

 

“What’s there left to figure out?” Cosima scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Besides, this isn’t the place where you go to figure yourself out, Delphine. This is where you go to lose yourself and find it in pieces the next morning.”

 

“Same difference.” Delphine chided, both of them finally laughing.

 

“If you want to, I mean… sure.” Cosima said. “It could be fun, I guess.”

 

“Could?” Delphine whipped her head to the side, a forced, coy smile on her lips. “What, don’t think I party?”

 

“I didn’t say anything!” Cosima laughed, swiping her tongue across her teeth to a broad grin.

 

Delphine licked her lips, her willpower melting under Cosima’s laugh. She turned her body off the table, maneuvering herself to tower over Cosima, bracing her hands on either side of her on the cool metal, allowing her thumbs to brush over Cosima’s ringed fingers. “Do not act so surprised, Cosima. There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.” She whispered slowly, her mouth slowly approaching the shell of Cosima’s ear.

 

If this is what Cosima liked to do, to party and ‘make mistakes’ and forget about everything, then Delphine could do just the same. She could replace Shay with herself in Cosima’s bed, and she could surely replace her in clubs and parties… she had to.

 

The brunette shuddered, leaning her head forward to graze her nose against Delphine’s cheek. With the slightest nudge, the blonde moved her lips over Cosima’s, brushing them tenderly, praying that the desperation leaking from her pores wasn’t too noticeable. The small moan that sounded from Cosima’s throat was all the motivation Delphine needed, her fingers wrapping tightly around the American’s hips and pushing her up onto the table with a huff.

 

“Shit.” Cosima hissed, hands anchoring on the back of Delphine’s shoulders, pulling her closer. The metal table was cool beneath her skin, erupting the ivory plane in a mess of goose-bumps. The blonde’s fingertips seared a ripping flame across everything they touched, warming Cosima right back up.

 

“Language.” She breathed roughly against Cosima’s cheek before capturing her lips hungrily once more. Cosima parted her lips just enough to rattle a breath, giving Delphine the window to thrust her tongue past the smooth skin, exploring deftly whilst Cosima immediately did the same, matching her ebbs and flows.

 

A flick of her eyes caught a glimpse of the clock on wall, reminding her that she was on a _very_ tight schedule. She grumbled, pressing her lips harder against the brunette’s, her hands seeking Cosima’s hip bones, holding a firm grasp on them.

‘ _Does she hold you by your hips like this?’_ she thought sadly, furiously blinking back tears. ‘ _Does she kiss you like this?’_

 

‘ _Tell me I’m better’_

 

‘ _Tell me you don’t compare me to her the way that I do.’_

The clawing of Cosima’s blunt fingers on her shoulders was pushing her conscience further and further away, taking hold of Cosima’s bottom lip roughly and tugging.

 

“Delphine.” Cosima whimpered, her hips rolling up to meet hers. Delphine moaned, sinking her teeth into her own bottom lip, fighting an internal battle whether to stay or let herself completely ravish the American.

 

With a frustrated groan from the smaller woman, Delphine pulled her body away, her lips lingering across Cosima’s for added measure.

 

“W-wuh?” she stuttered. “The fuck?”

 

“I have to go.” The blonde whispered, letting Cosima lean forward to kiss her quickly once more. She regretted the words the moment they left her lips, but she knew she had to leave soon to make it back on time.

 

The brunette’s legs trembled, dropping from around Delphine’s hips. A pout curved her lips as she stared in complete disbelief at the equally aroused woman.

 

“Seriously?” she panted, her hands not ready to let go of their grip on Delphine’s jacket. She forced a smile, desperately trying to convince the brunette that she was fine, dipping down to peck the pout off Cosima’s lips.

 

“I have my class.” She reminded, Cosima nodding her head regretfully in understanding.

 

“Fine.” She mumbled, letting Delphine help her slide down the desk. “You can’t leave me like…this.” Cosima said, glancing down between their hips.

 

Delphine snickered, shaking her head and pulling Cosima to her for one final kiss. “I’ll make it up to you.”

 

“Sooner rather than later, yeah?” Cosima grinned. Delphine laughed, nodding her head against Cosima’s, their nose brushing.

 

“Oui. And we have this, em, party to go to, oui?”

 

Cosima nodded easily, still bracing herself up against the lab counter, catching her breath. Delphine had worked her up quite a bit, leaving her skin flushed a bright red, still questioning everything that had just happened. Absentmindedly, she ran her quaking fingers over them.

 

She watched Delphine turn her back a final time, stepping out of the lab and into the hallway.

 

“Holy watershed.” Cosima breathed, dropping her head down.

 

The silence was quickly deafening. Without Delphine there to fill it, all she could hear and see was Shay; the ghost of the woman’s presence still lingering in her wake. How close she had come to possibly losing Delphine because of the silly games Shay wanted to play.

 

The thought of Delphine losing trust in her completely because of the other woman was enough to evoke tears in her eyes. She sniffled, blinking them back with the assistance of a swiping hand. Her eyes were still glued to the door, as if Delphine would wander back in at any moment and truly tell her that everything was fine.

 

Instead, all she heard was the echo of footsteps.

 

**

 

“Merde.” Delphine ran a hand through her hair, closing her eyes and leaning up against the door as it closed behind her for a moment, gathering her thoughts.

 

She hated when she worked herself up like this, allowing Cosima to completely engulf her mind and body. She hated telling her ‘no’ even more. Still, the memories of her mother rang in her mind, only the presence of the petite brunette wielding the strength to worn them off.

 

“You alright there?” a stark laugh sounded in front of Delphine, causing her eyes to shoot open.

 

The familiar blonde smiled back at her, her grin devilish and tempting all at the same time.

 

“Shay.” Delphine breathed, clearing her throat and standing up a little straighter, hoping her height over the small woman would somehow boost her confidence. She offered a small, polite smile, feeling her blood begin to bubble as she glanced down at Shay’s wringing hands. The only thoughts in her mind being where those hands have touched Cosima…

“I’m fine, thank you.” She mumbled, brushing past her politely and beginning to walk.

 

Shay scoffed, biting the corner of her lip before skipping forward and meeting Delphine’s pace. “You sure?”

 

“Quite.”

 

“Hey.” Shay labored up to Delphine’s step, grabbing her arm to slow her down. “What’s your problem?”

 

Delphine’s eyes glanced down at the arm Shay was holding, her eyes thin in anger. “I do not know what you’re talking about… Shay.”

 

With a groan, the smaller blonde woman side stepped in front of Delphine, cutting off her walk. “ _Hey._ I’m not the problem here. So don’t be mad at me, Delphine.”

 

Her voice was sharp, but genuine. Delphine finally took the moment to stare at the smoldering face in front of her. She really was beautiful, her face youthful and authentic all in it’s own. There was nothing to _not_ be attracted to.

 

“I’m not mad at you.” She finally said, her voice a low whisper. Shay smiled softly, rubbing Delphine’s arm for a moment before letting her go.

 

“I know you are. You don’t like the fact that Cosima has been with the both of us… even though she was with me long before you.” Shay said softly. “You don’t like the fact that I’ve seen sides of Cosima that you want all to yourself. That I know what to do and say to Cosima, while you’re still trying to figure it out-“

 

“ _Stop.”_  Delphine practically hissed, her throat swelling with cries.

 

Shay scoffed, rolling her eyes. “See.” She exclaimed.  “It’s me you have the problem with!  I don’t understand what the fuck your issue is about actually dating Cosima.”

 

“It’s not that simple…” Delphine says.

 

“Oh bullshit. You’ve got something hanging over your head and you’re too much of a coward to confront it.” Delphine stared Shay down, her blood at a steady boil. Was she that readable? Or was Shay just that good? The smaller woman didn’t falter though, keeping level with Delphine’s gaze. “See. It’s true.” She laughed, swiping her tongue across her teeth. “Just remember. As long as you’re not with her, I’ll be.”

 

“Cosima is her own woman!” Delphine defended territorially. “She can make her own decisions.”

 

“Then stop making them for her.” Shay said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ve known Cosima for a _very_ long time. Believe me when I tell you that since you’ve come into her life, she’s a completely different person. _Completely._ She’s changed her whole demeanor because of you. She wants to be with you so bad that it was _your_ name she would say-

 

“What?”

 

“-And before you two finally started _talking_ , I was there to pick up the pieces, because let me tell you, girl fell for you hard. And if you break her heart, I’m going to be there again.”

 

Her head hung low, unable to meet her gaze. It was a threat, but one that she knew only a good friend would make. There was no reason for her to be upset with Shay. It was obvious they both cared for Cosima, in their own ways. Guilt was overriding her nervous system, making her fingers develop a violent stutter as she gripped her own jacket.

 

“I’m just saying… I’m not trying to take her from you. She likes you, Delphine. She _wants_ you. The ball has been in your court since day one.”

 

Delphine’s eyes narrowed, not truly believing the words. “Then why would she still be with you-“

 

“I know you two decided that it’s okay to see other people, so don’t even try.  You can’t turn around and be mad at her when she actually does! That really fucks her up.” Shay revealed, though none of it was news to the teacher. “How much do you want to bet that she’s in there right now kicking the shit out of herself for us meeting? Maybe she’s crying? Maybe she’s crying, and you’re out here with me arguing over it instead of holding her. Why? Because she’s not yours and you’re making sure that she knows that.”

 

She tucked her bottom lip in, chomping down on it heart to suppress the whimper in her throat.

 

“I really must go.” Delphine finally said, lifting her head to meet warm, blue eyes. She had no desire to continue the conversation, she refused to let herself succumb to a platonic friendship with a woman who would hold and please and caress Cosima on the nights that she couldn’t. She didn’t want to even associate herself with a person who could possibly know Cosima more than she could; who Cosima could want more than herself. “I-I will see you at the party, oui?”

 

Shay shook her head, clicking her teeth with a disappointed smile as she stepped out of Delphine’s way. “Yup.” She shrugged sourly, bitter at how Delphine could avoid confrontation so smoothly.

 

“Ciao, Shay.”

 

She stood there, watching Delphine’s long legs carry her down the abandoned hallway. Her heels clicked with an echoing ferocity, as if hoping she walked fast enough, she’d take flight.

 

“ _Delphine!”_ She called, her voice bouncing off the walls far louder than the woman’s shoes. Delphine stopped so abruptly that she wobbled, her eyes screwed shut tightly, her breathing labored with choked back sobs. “Wait.”

 

She turned slowly, trying to remain as composed as possible whilst her body was practically screaming at her to run as far away as she could from the woman.

 

“She… she says your name.” Shay sighed, staring directly into Delphine’s eyes, gathering her thoughts from before. “When she talks in her sleep, and when she just wakes up and looks at me without her glasses on. Even when she stumbles and is high and drunk off her ass trying to _forget_ all about _you,_ it’s still you that she sees. ” The resentment rang true, dripping off of Shay’s tongue rolled in nothing but honesty.

 

Delphine inhaled a strangled breath, one that rattled her chest down to her stomach. The tears flowed freely now, not having enough strength to hold them back.

 

“I don’t really want to hear about-“

 

“I know, I know. I just thought you should know that…” Shay couldn’t figure out a way to explain it any further, sighing and waving it off, turning to walk in the other direction. “She saysyour name.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that was fun


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... a lot happens in this chapter. Whether thats a good or bad thing, I'll leave up to you. Sorry it's so late!

****

 

All she could see was Shay.

 

Whether her eyes were open or closed, all Delphine could see was Shay’s arms around Cosima body, her mouth pressed against Cosima’s skin, her hands discovering unknown maps across Cosima’s body. The phantom thoughts shook Delphine to her core, even staying bitter about the tiny blonde through the rest of her work day.

 

When it came time for the studnts to be picked up, she wasn’t even disappointed when she saw Felix bounding through the door to scoop up his niece and not the particular brunette. The barest of words were exchanged before she was out the door herself, rushing home with nothing but the echoes of Shay’s words rattling through her mind.

 

‘ _Because she’s not yours and you’re making sure that she knows that.’_

_‘Just remember as long as you’re not with her, I’ll be.’_

Delphine paced her floor, covering ground in her apartment so quickly that she was surprised the floor wasn’t steaming in her trail. Her phone was clutched in her hand, probably not too far from cracking under her grip as she tried to relax herself.

 

            ‘ _You’ve got something hanging over your head and you’re too much of a coward to confront it.’_

_“_ Enough!” she cried out into her empty room, frustration penting up within her just as strongly as it did with her initial confrontation with Shay. The words, the tormenting words, rattled in her chest, making it impossible for her to breathe. How it was conceivable that this stranger could pinpoint just the right things to get under her skin, she did not know.

 

“Breathe.” She whispered aloud, her free hand splayed across her chest. “Breathe.”

 

            Delphine sought solace on the far corner of her bed, tucking her knees up under her chin, continuing to stare at her phone. It was true, she did have something hanging over her head. Something that she had explained to Cosima and Cosima only that day in the coffee shop.

 

            But it was _Cosima_ that she was willing to risk the love of her family for.

 

            She planned to make this call hours ago, the same phone call she made every single morning without fail. But now, it being far late into the night, was different. Tonight would probably be the last of her phone calls if things went as anticipated.

 

            “Merde!” she cursed, shaking her head and quickly pounding the keys on the phone, punching in the number as hastily as one could manage. It rang all but three times before tears started to roll down her cheeks, her lip trembling before she could catch it between her teeth.

 

            _“Allo?”_

 

The voice, how familiar it was, soothed and tortured her at the same time. A small gasp escaped past her tongue, making her whole body jolt in a singular violent tremble.

 

            “Maman.” She choked. “How are you?”

 

            “ _Delphine!”_ the woman cheered. “ _I had not heard from you today, I was worried. You have sounded odd these past days. Are you well?”_

She couldn’t stop the small smile that splayed on her lips, grateful to still have a mother whose first instinct was to ensure her wellbeing.

 

            “I have a lot on my mind,” she sighed, dropping her chin to her knees. “And I wanted to talk to you about it.”

 

            “ _Of course, Delphine.”_ Her voice turned quite solemn, shattering any walls Delphine meandered to build. “ _Anything.”_

 

            “Oh. Maman.” She teared.

 

Squeezing her eyes closed, all Delphine could see were the many faces of Tomas, smiling and laughing, eyes crinkling in the corners in the near-identical way of a particular American. Her own eyes still wound shut, Delphine’s mind began to sift quickly through Tomas’ giggles, eventually rolling into _Cosima’s._ Her wide-toothed smile, her cheeky face and bare body, even her books and mugs of tea everywhere all began to consume her mind. Somehow just keeping her tucked away in her subconscious was all the assurance she needed.

 

            “Maman, you know that I have not been very well, very happy in a long time, yes?”

 

            Delphine’s mother sighed on the line, the blonde not refraining from a heady eye roll. “ _Of course I do. You know, papa is still willing to take care of that boy for you!_ ” she joked, encouraging the small smile on Delphine’s mouth.

 

            “Not necessary!” she laughed. “It is just… well. Lately mama, I _have_ been happy.”

 

            “ _Delphine!_ ” her mother cooed. “ _Is there a somebody?!”_

 

She couldn’t help but smile, the corner of lip curling upward just the slightest bit. “I… possibly, maman. But it is nothing worth noting right now.” She lies hesitantly. Of course Cosima was worth noting; she was worth the world, but Delphine had no desire to get into that argument right now.

 

            “ _Fine,_ ” her mother sighs. “ _You were always full of secrets. I wont bother you about it right now. I know how you get when you’re pushed too far. But Delphine, I just want you to have your happy ending. You are always so sad and so stressed ever since you moved to America. Does he at least make you happy_?”

 

            She pauses, clenching down on her lip to the point that she could practically taste the faint iron protruding from it. Her eyes are as wound tight as her fist, trembling with the right words as she lets the pregnant pause settle.

 

“Oui, maman.” She finally breathes. “They make me very happy. But that is not why I called.”

 

            The silence on the other end of the line made Delphine realize that her mother caught the shift in her voice that she so desperately wanted to conceal. She held her breath, waiting desperately for her mother’s voice to sound from her phone, hugging her knees just a little tighter to her body.

           

            “ _What is then, Delphine_?” she finally asked.

 

            “Tomas.” She said without skipping a beat. She couldn’t help herself, the name stumbled from her tongue before she could stop it, far too excited to finally get its freedom from her clenched jaw.

 

            “Delphine.” Her mother warned, voice suddenly chilling Delphine’s bones. “This is not appropriate-“

 

            “He is family, maman. Of course it is appropriate.”

 

            “ _He is_ not _family, Delphine. He is not. You know that this family has no room for- for_ homosexuals.”

 

            For the moment, Delphine was grateful her mother was an ocean away, freely rolling her eyes at the snarky comments. “Don’t you miss him?” she asked quietly. “Don’t you miss how much a family-man he was? Do you not miss his great big hugs whenever he came over. Do you not miss his voice? Do you not miss him at all?! ”

 

            “ _That is quite enough!”_ she shrieked through the phone.

 

            “Just wait! Only because Tomas was a, a homosexual did you all decide not to care for him anymore. When in actually, he always was! He was the same Tomas he was the day before, and the day after! But because of one thing, _one_ thing, all of a sudden your love for him ceased?! Maman, how is that possible? _Is_ it possible?!”

 

            She could practically hear the thumping of her mother’s heart over the phone, but she was too far gone now. All her suppressed emotions from the past weeks were finally coming out. Everything she pushed away since the day that American waltzed into her meeting, every tingle, every butterfly, every desire, it was pouring out in flood waves. She was only met with silence still, her mother assumingly far too stunned to answer any of her questions.

 

            “ _Did you love him… do you?”_ she cried one last time, the suppressed sob breaking through all her barriers. Her mother gasped, but was silent, allowing Delphine a moment to hastily swipe the tears from her eyes.

 

She could hear chatter in the distance, the concerned voice striking her as her father’s “ _What?!”_ she gasped, shushing her daughter. “ _Delphine, are you well?_!”

 

            She jumped from her bed, pacing her floor once again with her free hand clasping her forehead, allowing the tears to flow. There was no time left for her to allow rationality in her life. Rationality had flown so far out the window the minute she picked up her phone.

           

            She was tired of the nights she spent awake wondering what her future would look like with or without Cosima. Would it be years of ‘what if’s and ‘almost’s because she gave up on Cosima, or would it be years of secrecy and constant fights that would inevitably leave her as heartbroken and alone just the same. Neither of these could Delphine deem as bearable lives to live.

 

            “Did you, maman? Did you love Tomas, even when we found out he was a homosexual?” she begged, hiccupping over her words in a violent tremor.

 

            “…The Bible says not to love homosexuals-“

 

            “ _The Bible_ says to love everybody. I’ve read the same book that you do, maman.” She snapped at the low voice, hearing a gasp through the receiver. Delphine barely acknowledged the fact that she was screaming by this point, sobs wracking her thin frame as she braced herself against the wall- ignoring her mother’s frantic questions. “He was… is our family- _despite_ what everybody wants to say! He was still our Tomas, maman, so _did you still love him?!”_

           

            She sighed, allowing her daughter a breath to calm down before finally speaking. “Yes, Delphine.” She whispered. “Of course I still loved him. Of course, of course.”

 

            She collapsed at the last words, falling back onto her bed in a huff, mumbling crazed _thank you’s_ into the receiver. There was a choke in her own mother’s voice as she began to hear her own words for the first time as well.

 

            ‘ _Of course I still loved him.’_

_‘Of course.’_

 

            “Of course.” Delphine couldn’t open her eyes, not just yet. She wanted to bask in the realization that even her mother, her _mother_ , could muster up the ability to find love in her heart for somebody she was raised to know as the grandest of sinners.

 

            For the first time since laying eyes on the brunette, Delphine’s world stopped spinning. She was at long last, _still._ The air was no longer thick, her chest was longer weighed down with the fears and anxieties of losing her life to loving Cosima. She could breathe.

 

“ _Del-phine!”_

 

The shriek from the other end made her jump, grasping at her phone that was left abandoned beside her head on the mattress and fumbling to press it to her ear.

 

“Yes, I am sorry.” She breathed, eyes still firmly wound shut.

 

“ _What is going on with you?! Talk to me!”_

 

Delphine sighed, taking in a few deep breaths to level her breathing. A small smile played on her lips, finally allowing her eyes to flutter open. “Maman, I just needed to know that you will always love me.”

 

There was a laugh this time, though still shaken with stress, as her mother cleared her throat. “ _I will always love you, Delphine. You are my daughter.”_

 

“No matter what?” she asked.

 

“ _No matter what.”_

 

Delphine repeated the words, mumbling the words like a mad woman before finally falling back onto her bed. “I miss him, maman. I know he’s been gone a while now, but I still miss him.” Tears were hurrying down her cheeks again as she quickly bid her mother fair-well with the promise of an explanation later.

 

Before she knew it, she was laughing, A smile so wide that it hurt was stretched across her lips, hearty laughs bellowing through her shaken body as tears continued to flow freely. She couldn’t help but laugh harder as she imagined the sight of herself, sprawled out on her bed convulsing in a fit on sobbing giggles. But she didn’t care, she was happy.

 

            She touched her trembling fingers to her lips, pressing down as if to try and feel the last kiss Cosima gave her, mumbling the woman’s name hoarsely into the air, her smile never faltering. A quick glance at the clock, and she realized that she best get moving if she was going to make it to this party and find Cosima, there was one last thing she needed to tell her.

 

\--0000--        

 

The club was loud and dark, to say in the least. Blue laser lights bouncing off the thick fog filling the gaps between bodies in the crowded space. Delphine’s ears started ringing immediately, the intrusive music pounding out from the speakers and making her whole body pulsate in the most unpleasant of ways. She wasn’t too sure why she agreed to come here, but she knew one thing. There wasn’t a chance in hell she was leaving without Cosima.

 

Still, despite the overpowering music, Shay’s words continued to ring louder in her ear, making her heart pound nearly clear out of her chest.

 

“Cosima…” she mumbled, eyes darting around the crowded space as she begins to weave her way through promiscuous crowd. She had text her twice already, with no response, but figured what the hell, to go anyway, that this couldn’t possibly wait any longer.

 

Bodies bumped and ground against her, the temperature rising as she hastily meandered through the crowd, a thin sheen of swear already developing on her skin. The woman was nowhere in sight, at least not in her proximity, and Delphine thinks of turning back now, allowing the woman her fun and saving this conversation for a quieter night. But no, she couldn’t wait any longer, she _had_ to find her.

 

“Oi, oi, teacher.” A thick voice teased in her ear, the smell of vodka heavy on their tongue. Delphine whipped around, meeting the familiar gentleman’s gaze.

 

“Felix.” She breathed, sighing and letting her body slack while he bubbles up in laughter, his drink sloshing around in his free hand. Delphine was in no mood for a drunk man’s hands on her body, but was grateful that it was at least Felix out of anybody. “It’s good to see you again.”

 

“You look _ravishing!”_ he bolstered, eyes scanning the French woman’s body.

 

Delphine blushed under the dark light, a small wave of self-consciousness flowing over her. It took her far longer than she anticipated to pick an outfit, settling on a pair of her favorite jeans, one’s that hung just below her hips and were skin-tight, hugging her in all the right places. A black lace bra with a simple white tank top to finish it off. It was simple, but she knew Cosima would like it, and that was reason enough.

 

“Merci” Delphine stuttered, Felix’s hand still resting on her. “Have you, em. Have you seen-?”

 

“Mmmm, I was wondering when you were going to ask!” Felix exclaimed, throwing his head back in a giggle. He pulled Delphine forward, turning her back to him and spinning her in the right direction. “See your damsel?” he cooed in her ear.

 

Delphine couldn’t miss her.

 

She watched the beautiful woman sway to the music. Her once frantic, rigid hands, now swaying and swirling to the beat thumping through the speakers, her hips matching their every stride. From where Delphine was standing, Cosima’s eyes appeared closed, completely enraptured in the music, oblivious to the group surrounding her.

 

Delphine couldn’t help but smile, a concentrated flow of arousal coursing through her body as her eyes rested on the exposed skin of Cosima’s hips, wanting nothing more than to dig her fingers into the flesh and pull her close, never letting go. Cosima was breathtakingly beautiful, making all the gears come to a complete halt in Delphine’s mind. She couldn’t think straight, didn’t want to, she just wanted Cosima.

 

“Well go on.” Felix piped in, clapping Delphine on her rear and sending her forward. She cleared her throat, walking with full determination toward the woman, a direct path in front of her.

 

It wasn’t until she was no more than five steps away did Delphine watch the blonde snake that was Shay sleuth her way through the crowd and up behind Cosima. She pulled the brunette close, grinding her hips against her back, grabbing Cosima’s arm to pull backwards and rest on the base of her neck.

 

A fire lit inside Delphine, her eyes blackening with jealousy as she realized that Cosima didn’t even bother turning around to see who was grabbing her from behind. She already knows Shay’s body, she was familiar with its feel, there was no surprise as to who it was. The brunette didn’t even flinch as Shay’s mouth trailed across her sweat-glistened neck, even craning her head back to rest of the blonde woman’s shoulder.

 

Her eyes, unlike Delphine’s, were still screw tight, pushing her hips back harder against Shay’s body, the music completely making her lose herself.

 

Delphine wasn’t sure what came over her in that moment, but the boiling anger finally bubbled over. She turned to walk back to Felix, to ask what to do, and was more than surprised when she found him directly behind her.

           

            “Oh darling, I wasn’t going to miss this.” He laughed. “Are you tired of little Miss Sunshine, too?”

 

            “Quite.” Delphine scoffed, folding her arms across her chest haughtily. “Felix, I… I realized something today. And I need to tell Cosima but she’s…”

 

            His gaze seemed to falter just as much as hers did, staring at the woman with a suddenly sober gaze. “Don’t tell me you’re here to tell Cosima you’re leaving? What, got bored of the gays already, Frenchie?” His voice was harsh, but completely full of love for his sister.

 

“Felix, no! I- I ‘made up my mind’ for lack of a better phrase…”

 

“Holy shit! Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” she shouted above the change of song. “Sarah’s going to get a kick out this one.”

 

“Maybe not.” She scoffed, tilting her head towards Cosima and Shay.

 

Felix’s eyes bulged, turning to a random dancer and shoving his drink in their hand. “Oh _no._ I’ve had to share my bed and listen to this woman blubber about you for weeks. Bombshell blondie over there is not ruining this for me!” With more determination that Delphine could have imagined, Felix was storming through the crowd, beelining to Cosima and wedging his way between the two women.

 

“’Scuse me- _excuse me!”_ he shouted, shooting a sideways look at the petite blonde who he seemed to have shouldered out of the way, forgetting about her existence almost immediately.” Cosima jumped at the intrusion, glaring at her brother who was now gripping her by the waist. “Cosima, for God’s sake what are you doing?”

 

“Uh, dancing? It’s a club, dude.”

 

“Listen, geek monkey, you can’t be dancing with _her_ when Delphine has been looking for you everywhere!”

 

“Where is she?” Cosima asked immediately, deadpanned as she whipped her head this way and that, nearly injuring Felix in the process with the strength of her dreads. “I don’t see her, where is she?”

 

“Well, she saw you!” Felix piped in. “Dancing with Shay at that. Honestly Cosima? For somebody whose working so hard to win this woman over, you’re not making a very could deal of yourself.”

 

“ _Where is she?”_

 

“She says she has to tell you something. She said that it’s important, love.”

 

For the first time since she entered the building, body stilled. Her once illuminated face seemed to have dimmed, the light in her eyes ceasing to shine. “What kind of important, Felix? She saw me with- holy fucking watershed. Did I just fuck everything up? I think.. I think just fucked everything up, man.”

 

“Go and ask her, darling.” With his hands still braced on her body, Felix swiveled Cosima around on her heels in Delphine’s direction, spotting the women looking both bewildered and scared for her own life.

 

“I can’t, Felix- no!”

 

“Well she’s coming this way, so head clear for the storm.”

 

With a proper shove from her brother, Cosima dragged her feet forward, the weight of her breaking heart weighing down her whole body. She stared at Delphine, trying to memorize the face that she had spent so long falling for, bracing herself for the storm that was coming.

 

“Cosima.” Delphine sighed, a small smile finally pulling at her lips. Cosima was oblivious to it, instead placing her shaking hands on Delphine, pulling her close. “I hope I am not interrupting. You weren’t answering your phone and then I saw you with-“

 

“Just, before you say anything… will you dance with me? Just one song?”

 

The request was uncalled for, surpising them both, but Delphine complied all the same. The lump in Cosima’s throat was only growing thicker, tears welling in her eyes as she realized the massive mistake she probably just made. Why did she let Shay come on her like that? How could she possibly had been so stupid, especially after what happened in the lab. Delphine continued to stare at her, the smile never faltering, continuing to break Cosima’s heart even more.

 

“For you? Anything.” She promised, falling in sync to Cosima’s strides, pulling the woman’s arms to drape across her shoulders and she joined their hips together.

 

They swayed in silence, reveling in each other’s contact for completely different reasons. She remembered all their dances in her apartment, blasting music into the early morning to the point that neighbors were banging on the wall. She remembers the nights of wine and story telling that ended inevitably were more drunken dances on her living room floor, sometimes even atop her bed, those of which ended far more intimately than she cared to think about.

 

Still, Delphine’s words echoed in Cosima’s head. ‘ _Anything’_ she thought. ‘ _Looks like I fucked that up, too._ ’

 

Cosima didn’t open her eyes not once, too wrapped up in the thought that Delphine was here to tell her goodbye, that it just wasn’t going to work out. She held her close to her, memorizing the smell of cigarettes and perfume that she’d become so accustomed to, the smoothness of her skin against hers, the dip and curve of her hips. She bumped their foreheads together, brushing their noses with confidence that it’d probably be

 

Already Cosima was bracing herself for the worst, mentally preparing her mind and her heart with every step that she took towards the woman. The song seamlessly phased into the next, Cosima already feeling Delphine slip out of her grip.

 

“Come on, I want to talk to you.”

 

Entwining their hands, Delphine weaved Cosima through the crowds, finding the foyer of the large building and sitting them down in the nearby seating up against the far wall.

 

She gathered Cosima’s hands in her own, finding them both to be ill with tremors. “You know, before I say anything, I just want to say that I’m sorry.” She murmured quietly. “I’m sorry for making you wait. I’m sorry for bringing my chaos into your life. I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to tip-toe around my feelings with

your words, Cosima. You have been so much more than I could ever imagine. I cannot thank you enough for that.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize for anything Delphine, God.” She sighed, looking up toward the ceiling to blink back her tears. “It’s me- I should be sorry. I feel like I always made you feel like you had to choose. Like time was running out as if it was a fucking competition. I’m sorry for fucking this up. For fucking your life up and shit.”

 

She reached forward, brushing the back of her hand along Cosima’s cheek, wiping at the tears that were beginning to flow.

 

“Cosima. I don’t want to know a life without you in it.” She whispered. “Fucked up or not.”

 

Her breath hitched in her throat pulling away quickly from Delphine, eyes wide as she stared at her. Cosima’s ears were fooling her, surely, this wasn’t possibly Delphine saying what she thinks she saying.

 

“Wait. So you’re not here telling me that you and I are…”

 

“No!” she yelped, quickly gathering Cosima into her once more. “No, no, no, no. The opposite, Cosima! The total and complete opposite. I want _you._ Only you, just you.”

 

“Are you serious right now?” She swallowed back the knot in her throat as thickly as she could, nodding her head to Delphine’s words. “Say it again.” She begged quietly. “Please.”

 

“ _Je te veux,_ Cosima.” The blonde woman laughed, shaking her head and smiling. “Only you.”

 

She kissed her sweetly, slowly, savoring the tender moment and engraining it into her memory forever before feeling Cosima push away from her once more, strong grips around her shoulders.

 

“Wait, wait.” She huffed, catching her breath. “Delphine, what about your family? You can’t give all that up for me. You can’t let them go.”

 

Delphine smiled, her heart swelling five times it size. Even now, after everything, Cosima still wanted to protect her. “I’m not letting them go, Cosima. I’m letting you in.”

 

\--0000--

 

“Did you say you wanted red or white?”

 

Delphine looked up from the couch where she had folded herself into the corner, a blanket across her lap as she watched Cosima fiddle around in her kitchen. She couldn’t help but stare, engrossed in the woman that was exclusively _hers_ and hers alone. Long gone will be the nights that she stood up wondering if Cosima was alone in her bed or not. Gone will be the dreams of her parents casting her away from her family, orphaning her without any requisition.

 

No, she hadn’t explained to them yet her relationship, but it wasn’t a secret either. She fully anticipated being far too focused on getting to know Cosima on another level. One where they could hold hands outside and not have Delphine fear anybody seeing them. One where they could talk aimlessly into the night about their future and make plans for the both of them.

 

“Surprise me.” She murmured, letting her head drop to the side as Cosima flashed her a toothy grin, bounding over to nestle herself between Delphine’s legs on the couch as she passed off a glass of red wine, pulling the blanket over both of their bodies.

 

“So, are you going to tell me what happened?” she asked quietly, allowing Delphine to maneuver her arms around her, pulling her closer against her chest.

 

“Oui. I spoke to my mother today.” She sipped at her wine leisurly, letting her mouth familiarize with the taste of it.

 

“…That’s it?” Cosima asked, eyebrows knitting together in concern. “Was it about me?”

 

“Non, cherie.” She soothed, kissing Cosima’s temple soothingly. “About Tomas. I might have gotten a slightly carried away with myself but, I needed to figure out how my mother truly felt about him. If she ever stopped loving him. I think it was my own way of asking if she would ever stop loving me when I tell her…”

 

She nodded her head, watching Delphine’s eyes focus on something off in the distant of the apartment, glazing over in bashful tears. Cosima leant her head upwards more, coaxing Delphine’s lips down to hers, moving them slowly against one another.

 

“We _we_ tell her. You’re not alone in this anymore.” Cosima whispered, not before pecking the blonde woman’s lips one more time. “I’m going to go ahead and assume that she gave you the answer you were looking for, obvs.” She laughed cheekily. “But like… what if she didn’t?”

 

Delphine was still, her bones stiffening as she wandered around in thought before finally relaxing against Cosima’s body again with a sigh. “Then I’m glad it was you who I fell for, or else I would have been pretty lonely.”

 

Cosima couldn’t help the small chuckle that slipped past her, giddy in lust for the woman who’s body surrounded her. “God, did Felix know what you were going to tell me?”

 

“Mhmm, he did.”

 

“Fucking asshole.” She laughed. “That drunk idiot totally had me believing you were about to tell me it was over- you know, before it could really start. I was going crazy, I really, truly thought that this was it.”

 

“Why did you think that?” she asked quietly.

 

Cosima shrugged, lolling her bed side to side as she melted into the lazy circles Delphine was drawing around her hip bones, rucking her shirt up enough to expose the bare skin. “I figured with all the shit with Shay in the lab, and then when we didn’t go to the club together, and _then_ when you saw me dancing with her. I thought ‘Oh shit, this is it. She can’t trust me, she’s done. I totally fucked up’. Little did I know.”

 

“I’m sorry, cherie.” Delphine hummed, setting her wine down to wrap her arms around Cosima’s middle, pulling her closer than possible, tangling their legs together as she dropped kisses across Cosima’s cheek. “I should have started differently.”

 

“Mm. I love when you call me that.” Cosima moaned, letting her eyes flutter shut, basking in the moment she never thought she’d see.

 

“ _Ma cherie.”_ came the gentle whisper, feeling a gentle nip at her earlobe soon after. “So. Is that why you were making all those apologies?” she soothed, feeling Cosima nod against her cheek. “Is that also why you asked to dance with me? Did you think that was going to be our last dance, Cosima?”

 

“I did.” She mumbled somberly, curling herself deeper into Delphine’s embrace. “I thought I was too late.”

 

Delphine laughed, yawning and snuggling up to the woman in her arms. “You do have a habit of that.”

 

“Oh ha-ha, very funny. But seriously I have like, one last question for you, if I’m not too late.” She said with a wink.

 

“Cheeky.” Delphine shook her head, rolling her eyes with the widest grin on her face as she waited for Cosima to continue.

 

She turned her head one last time, finding Delphine’s lips with her own and kissing them gingerly. This kiss felt different. It was chaste, light, as if they’d kiss like that every night forever. Cosima smiled against the woman’s mouth, nudging their noses before settling in the crook of her shoulder once more. “So, will you be my girlfriend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a whirlwind, wasn't it? Sorry if it was hard to keep up with, but I had to figure out a way to wrap things up as best I could. Feel free to drop a comment about anything that was super confusing. Just one chapter left to go!


	25. Epilogue

Delphine pursed her lips, one hand playing freely with the wisps of baby hairs along Cosima’s hairline as she stared lovingly back into the woman’s eyes.

 

“Do you even have to ask?” she murmured quietly.

 

Cosima smiled, shrugging her shoulders. “I mean, yeah.” She laughed. “I just need to hear it, just so I know I’m not jumping to any stupid conclusions, or making any assumptions. So yeah, I have to ask.”

 

“You are something else, Cosima.” She chided, kissing her cheek sweetly as she settled further into their embrace. “Of course I will be.”

 

Nothing could have prepared her for the way she felt the moment the words slipped out of her mouth, waves of warmth flowing through her whole body, sending tingles through every nerve ending. The butterflies that she had suppressed for so long had finally been given the opportunity to make their debut, fluttering about within the confines of her stomach that she was quite sure Cosima could feel them on her back. The smile, despite her growing exhaustion, never left her face, not even as Cosima turned herself within her embrace, pressing their chests together and kissing her slowly. She took her time, enjoying the taste of wine that stained Cosima’s lips and tongue as it passed her teeth.

 

“Ma copine.” She hummed with an exhausted delight, feeling Cosima smile against her mouth before erupting into a fit of quiet giggles. Delphine couldn’t help but laugh as well, shaking her head as she pried mouth her away from Cosima’s, kissing her cheek before allowing her head to loll back against the arm rest once more.

 

“Come to bed with me, I’m exhausted.” Cosima mumbled, lifting herself off the blonde woman, offering her hand as she guided them to the bedroom.

 

Delphine complied, allowing her body to fall onto the mattress in a heap, hastily ridding herself of her clothing and opting for the oversized t-shirt she kept folded at her bedside. As she bundled herself under the thick covers to shield her body of the winter cold, she watched Cosima slowly peel off her own club-stained clothing, unabashedly enjoying her view.

 

The brunette shot her a cheeky glare over her shoulder, knowing full well of the blonde woman’s gawking, before following suit and curling up under the blankets. Their bodies found each other immediately, pushing and pulling their limbs, kneading each others’ bodies until finding perfect conformity between the both of them. Soon enough, they were flushed together by every angle possible, desperate to feel the other’s skin beneath their own. Their heads rested on the same pillow, foreheads close to touch but never just quite making it.

 

Cosima’s tired index finger traced the outline of Delphine’s lips as the French title sleepily tumbled from her lips again. She wanted to feel its validity from the source, soon kissing it right off of her, claiming it with her own mouth.

 

“There’s like, so much shit I want to do right now.” The brunette yawned, dropping her hand from Delphine’s face to wind around the back of her head, digging her fingers into the curls at the base of her neck. “But I’m just too tired.”

 

Delphine nodded, her eyes  following Cosima’s as they traced her face in the moonlight. “Talk to me.” She asked quietly.

 

“Okay.” Cosima whispered, continuing to draw her fingers across the plane of Delphine’s face. “I want to make plans with you. I want to show you everything. I want to wake up with you, and go to sleep with you. I want to go on stupid long car rides and get lost with you.” Her voice was quiet, just above a raspy whisper in the silent room. She wouldn’t have ever known Delphine was crying if she hadn’t felt the warm tears as her finger stroked her cheek. “Shit, Delphine, I’m sorry. Did I push too far?”

 

            She shook her head, swallowing loudly and sniffeling as she reached to wrap her hand around Cosima’s on her cheek. “No.” she rasped. “I am just feeling a lot of things. A lot of happiness.”

 

            It was Cosima’s turn to tear up now, pulling her in for a lingering kiss goodnight. “That’s enough talking for tonight.”

 

Delphine’s fluttering closed as she fell into Cosima’s ministrations with her hair, pulling their mouths away. “Be here when I wake up?”

 

“Always.”

 

Without much exerted effort, Delphine tilted her head upward the slightest bit to kiss her girlfriend goodnight, falling into a slumber faster than she could ever imagine.

 

Cosima listened intently to Delphine’s breathing, catching it as it evened itself out into slow, deep breaths. With their chests together, she swore she could hear Delphine’s heartbeat, beating with the tune of a promise.

 

“Delphine?” she whispered to the unconscious body around her, making sure that she was indeed, asleep. After waiting a moment for a response that never came, she let her exhausted arms go limp around the blonde. “I… I think I could love you, do you know that?”

 

She smiled to herself, allowing the word ‘girlfriend’ to tumble around in her mind freely, bouncing off the interior. How long it had bee since she could use that title. How surreal the whole concept was in general.  She didn’t have to long to dwell on it, though, soon falling into a love-drunk slumber in the arms of her girlfriend…

 

 

 

 

“- _Wait, wait, wait!”_

 

Cosima rolled her eyes, biting back a smirk as she looked at the young boy across the table in front of her.

 

            “Yes?” she laughed, throwing a sideways glance at the woman next to her who only smiled back.

 

            “So like…that’s it? That’s how the story ends? It’s happily ever after after that? Lame.”

 

            Delphine couldn’t suppress the laugh any longer, eliciting an airy giggle that still made Cosima swoon, even all these years later. “Not exactly ‘happily ever after’. But things were much smoother after that in comparison, ma petit.”

 

            “Still lame.” He groaned.

 

            “Well,” she laughed, reaching for Cosima’s hand beneath the table. “I am sorry we didn’t have a turmoil-filled relationship.”

 

“Yeah!” the brunette chimed in. “Your moms are hella boring, C, deal with it.”

 

He could only sigh, the corner of his mouth pulling upward into a smirk that Delphine recognized immediately as a carbon copy of his mother’s.

 

“Whatever. I so know there’s more to the story, I’ll just ask uncle Felix!” he chided, pushing himself up from the table, a bookbag filled with biology texts from the library in tow. His dreadlocked hair, only reaching just below his ear, swung rampantly as he shook his head at his mothers, clearly unimpressed with their hours-long story.

 

“Don’t you dare!” Cosima yelled, earning a swat from the Frenchwoman beside her.

 

She ignored her wife, reaching for a ripe orange in the fruit basket on the table and chucking it at her son’s bookbag, missing terribly and making him laugh even harder as he bounded up the steps to his room. “Kids suck.” Cosima sighed, shaking her head. “There’s no appeasing them.”

 

“Non… he’s just cheeky, like his mom.” Delphine cooed, pulling outside to the back porch, settling their bones on the wooden swing. They fell into each other perfectly, as they’ve done so many times in the past years already.

 

“And curious, like his maman.”

 

She grabbed at the hand on Delphine’s arm that was slinked around her body, turning the ring on her finger languidly. Just looking at it brought her mind back to the day they exchanged them. A quiet day, raining and grey, filled with stolen kisses and tears of happiness for the future ahead of them. She pursed her lips, saving the nostalgic welling in her eyes for another day.

 

“Do you remember when Charlie was born?” she asked quietly, tilting her head up to catch the blonde woman staring off into their backyard at the pathetic little swing-set that had aged far worse than their son over the past decade and half. “How cute and little he was. All big eyes and curly hair. He was such a cute baby.”

 

She could feel Delphine’s heartbeat quicken at the memory, knowing she was smiling. “How could I forget. You fought me for three and a half hours on naming him after Charles Darwin or Alfred Wallace.”

 

“…Okay, but fifteen years later and look who won?”

 

“Sorry for the thought of having him named after people we might actually know! And you only won because I refused to argue with a pregnant woman.” Delphine rolled her eyes, scoffing at the cocky woman curled next to her. “Eighteen years with you, you’d think the cheekiness would have worn off a little.”

 

“Yeah, no. Not happening. Like, ever.”

 

“Promise?”

 

The soft crack in her voice caused Cosima to look up again, catching Delphine still staring at the swing set. She knew the question was loaded with far more emotion than blatantly stated.

 

She could almost see inside her mind, placing herself on that swing with Charlie in her lap, swinging gently in the yellow haze of a summer morning. She sniffled, doing her best to stop stinging tears that would inevitably fall. Through years of experience, Cosima was deemed quicker, straightening up and gathering Delphine in her arms this time, swiping at the tears welling in her eyes and kissing the warm cheeks repeatedly.

 

“Of course I promise.” She mumbled against flush skin, feeling Delphine hold her closer.

 

            The day had been long to say in the least. Starting with the most intimate of mornings, wrapped in nothing but the sheen of sweat and the tangles of bed sheets. At least they both got their wish to start their mornings like that every day of their lives together.

           

            Eventually they wandered down to the kitchen after a prolonged joint shower, Delphine bounding after Cosima down the stairs, hands curved around the woman’s hips from behind as she chased her down the hall and embraced her against the kitchen countertop like two lovesick teenagers. The moment had been ceased by the ‘eww’s the ‘gross!’s of their son, who still smiled just as widely as his mother all the same.

 

            His mistake of finally asking, ‘ _So like, how did you two even meet?’_   after fifteen years on earth sparked the story that started over breakfast in the kitchen and ended in the early peeks of the afternoon with a clearly unimpressed teenager….

 

“You can’t leave me either, you know?” she said quietly, testing Delphine’s conscience once more. “I’m not done loving you yet.”

 

She paused for a moment, as if truly considering the question. “Non. Never.” She said quietly.

 

“Good.” Cosima breathed, searching mentally for a way to relief the anxiety buildup. “You taught him French and taught me squat. He could totally be talking shit about me right to my face and I’d never know. I need you here to defend me.” Delphine scoffed against tender lips before eagerly responding, moving over her love’s mouth with practiced strokes. “And if I have to face all Charlie’s teenage years alone, I might rip all my hair out.” Cosima mumbled, kissing her wife squarely on the mouth.

 

“Don’t you dare.” Delphine whispered sweetly, hands coming up to run across Cosima’s shoulders, moving further north to her back.

 

“Mm, why? Worried you won’t have anything to pull?” she gasped, feeling the blonde woman’s lips press hot, wet kisses to the underside of her jaw.

 

“You are such a brat!” she jeered, giving the long hair a slight pull to expose more of the ivory plain to her disposal, running her mouth along it’s expanse like she had millions of times before. “Besides, you _like_ the pulling.”

 

Cosima moaned, pulling Delphine over her as she laid herself down across the porch swing, settling the Frenchwoman’s hips between her own. Tattooed arms, which had accumulated more ink through the years, draped around her neck and shoulders, pulling her in for an embrace as their mouths found their way back to each other.

 

“Mm, Dr. Cormier. This is how we ended up with the first kid.” She mumbled, feeling a particular nip at her bottom lip and fingers digging into her hips.

 

Delphine smirked, shaking her head. “Not exactly.”

 

“Obvs. But it was practice. Remember, remember how much we practiced?” she growled, hands coming between their bodies to dip beneath Delphine’s shirt, splaying across her tightening stomach. The blonde nodded, claiming the woman’s throat and jaw between light bites.

 

“I do. Vididly. Do you want another one, ma cherie?”

 

“Shit,” she moaned, knowing full well what that term of endearment does to her, sending the low flame straight through her boy. “I mean, nothing wrong with practicing-”

 

“ _Hey!”_ a voice called followed by a series of bounding footsteps heading in their direction. The two women didn’t have enough time to situate themselves before their son appeared in the porch doorway, “Oh- _gross!_ “

 

“Oh stop and get over here!” Cosima laughed, allowing Delphine to turn them up and readjust to a decent position on the swing once more. Charlie couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking his head and sitting himself on the floor in front of the swing, cross legged and beaming behind his glasses.

 

“Seriously, like aren’t you guys tired of each other already? Aren’t married people supposed to settle away from all the mushy lovey stuff after a few years?” His face screwed up in faux disgust, the second time in one day he caught his mothers making out like two horny teenagers.

 

“Sorry dude,” Cosima shrugged. “Your mom is like, totally hot. I can’t help myself.” She pushed further, capturing Delphine in an exaggerated heated embrace, the blonde woman far too enthusiastic to play along despite the protests of their son.

 

“Alright, _alright!!”_ he hollered, shielding his eyes as the two women erupted in a hearty laughter. “Oh and what was I hearing about ‘another one’? Do you guys wanna have another kid? Am I not enough for you?!” he feigned hurt, clasping his hands over his heart and throwing his head back in cries.

 

“Somebody has been spending _way_ too much time with their uncle Fe-“

 

“Non, Charlie!” Delphine cut in, silencing her wife before she made another crude comment of her brother. She felt around for Cosima’s hand, lacing their fingers together in her lap. “I do not think I could love another child more than you. Besides, we are too old for an infant again.”

 

“We weren’t ten years ago when I asked…” Cosima mumbled grumpily.

 

Delphine rolled her eyes, bringing their joined hands to her lips quickly. “Ten years ago, when this one here was five and full of energy, you were back in school finishing your PhD, and I was just starting to redirect back into the labs. Yes, that would have been a perfect time for a child.”

 

“ _Plus._ I think you two got pretty lucky with the first one, am I right or am I right?” Charlie jeered, flashing a toothy grin from ear to ear.

 

“Damn straight.”

 

“Pound it.”

 

Delphine groaned outwardly, rolling her eyes at the two loves of her lives as they bumped their fists together in agreement. “See, I already have two children!” she laughed, dropping her head to Cosima’s shoulder.

 

 

“It woulda been cool to be an older brother, though. But Auntie Helena’s kids kinda made up for that.

 

“That is true.” Delphine nodded. “Before I forget, did you call your grand-mére? She’s been wanting to speak to you this week.”

 

Charlie’s eyes went wide in thought, his tongue poking from the corner of his mouth for the slightest of moments. “Mm, no. I’ll get on that. Promets, maman.”

 

“Merci.” She yawned, taking the moment to gaze at her son while his eyes wandered around the porch. She was still amazed at how much he’d grown, how much she could see the both of them in him, but more-so Cosima through her eyes, though she claims his mind is all Delphine’s.

 

“You know… you guys never did tell me how you told your parents.” He sad quietly, eyes hopeful behind his glasses for a second story.

 

Cosima looked at him quizzically, nuzzling her head atop her wife’s curls. “Told them what, Charlie?”

 

“About each other and your hella gay-ness. Like, I totally love grand-mére, but a blind dude could see that she’s still got the jeebs about it. And like, who proposed to who? Where did you start living together? Details, guys, come on! Throw me a bone.”

 

Delphine sighed outwardly, lifting her head with Cosima and giving her a knowing look that it was going to be a long evening. “For the boy who claimed all but twenty minutes ago that we were boring mothers…”

 

“Okay, so I changed my mind.” He huffed, crossing his arms across his chest as he blew a dread out of his vision.

 

Delphine just shook her head in perfect unison with her wife, both catching each other’s eye and stared lovingly for a handful of moments. It was times like these when she remembered just how hard she fell for her wife, and for the simplest things she does.

 

The journey together had been _long,_ strenuous, but grateful for every bump in the road that led them to this moment, cuddling on the porch swing of their house with their child. A dopy grin churned on her lips, giving her wife one last kiss before they both turned back to their child.

 

“Well,” she started. “It all began about a month or so after where we left off…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has hands-down been an astounding handful of months. Big thank you’s to absolutely stick it out on this trip. You’re all amazing humans and I could never properly describe the love I’ve felt for you all. So yeah, thank you clone club. You all continue to leave me speechless, much love to you all.


End file.
